Does this Sh** actually work?

[cjd]

Hi Colin,

Imagine Voipfone's CRM as a high-performance sports car. Is it currently stuck in the slow lane, or is it optimized to go from 0 to 60 on the revenue speedway?

At CRM Growth, we specialize in tuning up CRMs to become insight-driven growth engines. Our pit crew of experts provide bespoke strategies to streamline your operations, unify customer data, and generate actionable insights that put you in pole position.

If you're ready to see what your CRM is truly capable of, let's schedule a quick pit stop to discuss your goals and challenges. No commitments, just an opportunity to explore how we could help Voipfone cross the finish line first.

Ready to get behind the wheel and accelerate your growth?


Colin - If you'd prefer not to hear from us again, send us a quick 'Remove' and we'll remove you from the list.


---
CRM Growth
GB

 

[DontAsk]

Did you really mean to post this here? Where the context? Who's Colin?

 

[fisicx]

I get junk like this almost daily. Had one today offering a network review and cyber analysis. At least it didn't say AI which is a good thing.

 

[GLAbusiness]

Did you really mean to post this here? Where the context? Who's Colin?

I think Colin is the OP and he is posting an example of the cr@p emails we all get. He is asking if this "marketing" approach actually works.

I guess it is like all cons/scams. They only need a small percentage of people to be taken in and they make a profit.

 

[cjd]

It's the language, does that really appeal to anyone?

 

[Byzantium]

I get idiots asking me to sponsor roundabouts. Yes, roundabouts.

 

[Mark T Jones]

Simple answer - yes it can work. In this case probably on the 'mud at a wall' principle- a stack of low quality data, response rate a fraction of 1% makes it financially viable. This is actually one of the more imaginative pieces of marketing I've seen

It's unlikely to get quality, repeat customers though.

 

[fisicx]

It's the language, does that really appeal to anyone?

Yes. Just not those with more than two brain cells.

There are people who believe this stuff, that clicking a link is going to transform their business.

 

[Mark T Jones]

Yes. Just not those with more than two brain cells.

There are people who believe this stuff, that clicking a link is going to transform their business.

I'm told that often the wording and mistakes are designed to actively deter the type of person who questions and challenges things.

 

[fisicx]

Does that mean the email I get from Microsotf is fake? Who would have guessed it.

 

[Mark T Jones]

Does that mean the email I get from Microsotf is fake? Who would have guessed it.

It is.

But on the bright side, that Nigerian prince really does have £20 million waiting for you

 

[cjd]

I can almost, but not quite believe that maybe some IQ challenged individual might respond to the kind of a message I just now received, but I can't imagine that kind of person being of any commercial value to the scammers.

“Please contact me as soon as possible regarding funds currently pending in our office. For details, please email: [email protected]
Thank you.”

That's from the IMF HQ of course.

But the one in the opening post assumes that their target is a business big enough to have a CRM and need

“insight-driven growth engines. Our pit crew of experts provide bespoke strategies to streamline your operations, unify customer data, and generate actionable insights that put you in pole position.”

I look at that and think “w@nkers”.

 

[Mark T Jones]

I can almost, but not quite believe that maybe some IQ challenged individual might respond to the kind of a message I just now received, but I can't imagine that kind of person being of any commercial value to the scammers.

“Please contact me as soon as possible regarding funds currently pending in our office. For details, please email: [email protected]
Thank you.”

That's from the IMF HQ of course.

But the one in the opening post assumes that their target is a business big enough to have a CRM and need

“insight-driven growth engines. Our pit crew of experts provide bespoke strategies to streamline your operations, unify customer data, and generate actionable insights that put you in pole position.”

I look at that and think “w@nkers”.

I do sometimes read the spam and try to work out the angle

Some blatantly just spam factories (often identical wording/escalation under different names)

Sometimes real businesses who have read a book or bought a magic-bullet course guaranteeing to generate 10x more leads

I suspect in this case, an actual business who really believes they are being smart.

 

[fisicx]

And of course you would hope the recipient understands all the Formula 1 inferences.

 

[BusterBloodvessel]

I look at that and think “w@nkers”.

This was essentially going to be my 7 word reply to this thread

It will, however, appeal to a small number of people in my view. Not serious grafters, and not the business owners. But the kinds of people in mid-size to large companies who somehow manage to engineer their way into essentially non-existent jobs and then have to justify themselves and find a way to fill their time. You know the type - "Director For Organisational Transformation", "Synergy Integration Leader", "Growth Accelleration Strategist" etc. etc.

These kinds of people are generally clueless enough about the business they work in to believe the buzzword bullshit being thrown at them in this email. They'll delve in, get full of excitement, keep themselves busy managing (term used loosely) the integration of a new CRM that simply causes nothing but headaches & unneccessary change for the people that ACTUALLY USE the CRM daily. Then they'll eventually present to upper management exactly what they've done in the often quite genuine belief that they've done something useful, and often oblivious to the fact that they've pissed off all the people that they've dragged into the process with them along the way.

 

[cjd]

I don't know why this has only just occurred to me, but of course, it's AI generated bollocks.

I was imagining some poor underpaid, jobbing writer having to produce that tortured, extended metaphor and hating himself for it but his clueless client loving it.

"This email was almost certainly written using an AI text generator. This is classic LLM boilerplate B2B language."