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Let get the jokes coming in
- Thread starter slakeman
- Start date
After having a real good giggle.
Here is my little contribution.
Mary and Ethel where in the q for the checkout.
Mary: Ethel that girl in front of you has a Tampax behind her ear!
Ethel: don't be silly that's not a Tampax!
Mary: Oh yes it is!
Ethel: You're right Mary it is! Do you think she realises it's there?
Mary: funny place to have a Tampax!
Ethel taps girl on the shoulder, excuse me miss do you know that you have a Tampax behind your ear?
**** say's the girl, what the hell have I done with my fag?
Or
Winnie goes to local gypsy worried about size of her young son's *****, as it doesn't seem to be growing as fast as he is.
Rosalee the local gypsy tell's her that the best resource to enable his manhood to grow bigger at a faster rate, is plenty of hot buttered toast.
Hot buttered toast is that all!!, I cannot believe it!! yes plenty of Hot buttered toast will work wonder's and is very fast acting.
The next morning Winnie gets up early and by the time her son and husband enter the kitchen, she has been making toast for hours and it's piled up in heaps all over the kitchen, every surface is covered in Hot buttered toast, it's everywhere there is just about enough room for her husband and son to sit down.
But mum cries little johnny I'll never be able to eat all this lot!!
Oh Johnny, shut up and eat those two slices on your plate, the rest is for your father!
Here is my little contribution.
Mary and Ethel where in the q for the checkout.
Mary: Ethel that girl in front of you has a Tampax behind her ear!
Ethel: don't be silly that's not a Tampax!
Mary: Oh yes it is!
Ethel: You're right Mary it is! Do you think she realises it's there?
Mary: funny place to have a Tampax!
Ethel taps girl on the shoulder, excuse me miss do you know that you have a Tampax behind your ear?
**** say's the girl, what the hell have I done with my fag?
Or
Winnie goes to local gypsy worried about size of her young son's *****, as it doesn't seem to be growing as fast as he is.
Rosalee the local gypsy tell's her that the best resource to enable his manhood to grow bigger at a faster rate, is plenty of hot buttered toast.
Hot buttered toast is that all!!, I cannot believe it!! yes plenty of Hot buttered toast will work wonder's and is very fast acting.
The next morning Winnie gets up early and by the time her son and husband enter the kitchen, she has been making toast for hours and it's piled up in heaps all over the kitchen, every surface is covered in Hot buttered toast, it's everywhere there is just about enough room for her husband and son to sit down.
But mum cries little johnny I'll never be able to eat all this lot!!
Oh Johnny, shut up and eat those two slices on your plate, the rest is for your father!
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- Original Poster
- #328
A banker father takes his son out on his yacht. While leaving the harbour he points various yachts. "This one belongs to a banker, that one a broker" as he sailed down the channel. After watching the parade for a few minutes, the son asks "Daddy, where are the client yachts?".
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M
mobious
Okay....let's get these jokes going:
I got some Tesco burgers out of the freezer earlier aaaaaaaaaaaannnnnnnnnnndddddddddd theyre off!,
I hear that they are putting uniQuorn in the veggie burgers too
I see the Tesco horse burger is the mane news item on Twitter.
Cant believe that woman was sent to hospital after eating a horse meat burger Her condition is said to be stable
Is eating #horsemeat really that bad? Lets put it to the vote. All those in favour say aye, all those against say neigh
I got some Tesco burgers out of the freezer earlier aaaaaaaaaaaannnnnnnnnnndddddddddd theyre off!,
I hear that they are putting uniQuorn in the veggie burgers too
I see the Tesco horse burger is the mane news item on Twitter.
Cant believe that woman was sent to hospital after eating a horse meat burger Her condition is said to be stable
Is eating #horsemeat really that bad? Lets put it to the vote. All those in favour say aye, all those against say neigh
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S
Steve Sellers
hahaha
I thought Tesco had employed a dyslexic when I went to buy my party food and read "Economy Shergars" on the box, apparently not!
So we've had Linda McCartneys sausages...Paul Newmans sauces...and now Frankie Dettori's burgers.
Tesco expecting another delivery of burgers tmorro at 10 to 1.
I thought Tesco had employed a dyslexic when I went to buy my party food and read "Economy Shergars" on the box, apparently not!
So we've had Linda McCartneys sausages...Paul Newmans sauces...and now Frankie Dettori's burgers.
Tesco expecting another delivery of burgers tmorro at 10 to 1.
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I went to the doctor because I have an uncontrollable urge to talk about other peoples' business.
I was diagnosed with being a woman.
I was diagnosed with being a woman.
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I
iArtist
Source: Facebook
Everyday Jokes
HOW TO SHOWER LIKE A WOMAN:
Take off clothing and place it in sectioned laundry hamper according to lights and darks. Walk to bathroom wearing long robe. If you see husband along the way, cover up any exposed areas. Look at your womanly physique in the mirror -- make mental note to do more sit-ups/leg-lifts, etc. Get in the shower. Use wash cloth, long loofah, wide loofah and pumice stone. Wash your hair once with cucumber and sage shampoo with 43 added vitamins. Wash your hair again to make sure it's clean. Condition your hair with grapefruit mint conditioner. Wash your face with crushed apricot facial scrub for 10 minutes until red. Wash entire rest of body with ginger nut and jaffa cake body wash. Rinse conditioner off hair. Shave armpits and legs. Rinse off. Turn off shower. Squeegee off all wet surfaces in shower. Spray mold spots with Tilex. Get out of shower. Dry with towel the size of a small country. Wrap hair in super absorbent towel. Return to bedroom wearing long robe and towel on head. If you see husband along the way, cover up any exposed areas.
HOW TO SHOWER LIKE A MAN:
Take off clothes while sitting on the edge of the bed and leave them in a pile. Walk naked to the bathroom. If you see wife along the way, shake wiener at her making the woo-woo sound. Look at your manly physique in the mirror. Admire the size of your wiener and scratch your butt. Get in the shower. Wash your face. Wash your armpits. Blow your nose in your hands and let the water rinse them off. Fart and laugh at how loud it sounds in the shower. Spend majority of time washing privates and surrounding area. Wash your butt, leaving those coarse butt hairs stuck on the soap. Wash your hair. Make a Shampoo Mohawk. Pee. Rinse off and get out of shower. Partially dry off. Fail to notice the water on floor because curtain was hanging out of tub the whole time. Admire wiener size in mirror again. Leave shower curtain open, wet mat on floor, and light and fan on. Return to bedroom with towel around waist. If you pass wife, pull off towel, shake wiener at her and make the woo-woo sound again. Throw wet towel on bed.
Everyday Jokes
HOW TO SHOWER LIKE A WOMAN:
Take off clothing and place it in sectioned laundry hamper according to lights and darks. Walk to bathroom wearing long robe. If you see husband along the way, cover up any exposed areas. Look at your womanly physique in the mirror -- make mental note to do more sit-ups/leg-lifts, etc. Get in the shower. Use wash cloth, long loofah, wide loofah and pumice stone. Wash your hair once with cucumber and sage shampoo with 43 added vitamins. Wash your hair again to make sure it's clean. Condition your hair with grapefruit mint conditioner. Wash your face with crushed apricot facial scrub for 10 minutes until red. Wash entire rest of body with ginger nut and jaffa cake body wash. Rinse conditioner off hair. Shave armpits and legs. Rinse off. Turn off shower. Squeegee off all wet surfaces in shower. Spray mold spots with Tilex. Get out of shower. Dry with towel the size of a small country. Wrap hair in super absorbent towel. Return to bedroom wearing long robe and towel on head. If you see husband along the way, cover up any exposed areas.
HOW TO SHOWER LIKE A MAN:
Take off clothes while sitting on the edge of the bed and leave them in a pile. Walk naked to the bathroom. If you see wife along the way, shake wiener at her making the woo-woo sound. Look at your manly physique in the mirror. Admire the size of your wiener and scratch your butt. Get in the shower. Wash your face. Wash your armpits. Blow your nose in your hands and let the water rinse them off. Fart and laugh at how loud it sounds in the shower. Spend majority of time washing privates and surrounding area. Wash your butt, leaving those coarse butt hairs stuck on the soap. Wash your hair. Make a Shampoo Mohawk. Pee. Rinse off and get out of shower. Partially dry off. Fail to notice the water on floor because curtain was hanging out of tub the whole time. Admire wiener size in mirror again. Leave shower curtain open, wet mat on floor, and light and fan on. Return to bedroom with towel around waist. If you pass wife, pull off towel, shake wiener at her and make the woo-woo sound again. Throw wet towel on bed.
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The Bathtub Test.
During a visit to my doctor, I asked him, "How do you
determine whether or not an older person should be put in a Nursing Home?"
"Well," he said, "we fill up a bathtub, then we offer a
... teaspoon, a teacup and a bucket to the person to empty the bathtub."
"Oh, I understand," I said. "A normal person would use the
bucket because it is bigger than the spoon or the teacup."
"No" he said. "A normal person would pull the plug. Do you
want a bed near the window?"
During a visit to my doctor, I asked him, "How do you
determine whether or not an older person should be put in a Nursing Home?"
"Well," he said, "we fill up a bathtub, then we offer a
... teaspoon, a teacup and a bucket to the person to empty the bathtub."
"Oh, I understand," I said. "A normal person would use the
bucket because it is bigger than the spoon or the teacup."
"No" he said. "A normal person would pull the plug. Do you
want a bed near the window?"
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Q: Doctor, I've heard that cardiovascular exercise can prolong life. Is this true?
A: Heart only good for so many beats, and that it... Don't waste on exercise. Everything wear out eventually. Speeding up heart not make you live longer; it like saying you extend life of car by driving faster. Want to live longer? Take nap.
Q: Should I reduce my alcohol intake?
A: Oh no. Wine made from fruit. Fruit very good. Brandy distilled wine, that mean they take water out of fruity bit so you get even more of goodness that way. Beer also made of grain. Grain good too. Bottom up!
Q: How can I calculate my body/fat ratio?
A: Well, if you have body and you have fat, your ratio one to one. If you have two body, your ratio two to one.
Q: What are some of the advantages of participating in a regular exercise program?
A: Can't think of one, sorry. My philosophy: No pain...good!
Q: Aren't fried foods bad for you?
A: YOU NOT LISTENING! Food fried in vegetable oil. How getting more vegetable be bad?
Q : Will sit-ups help prevent me from getting a little soft around the middle?
A: Oh no! When you exercise muscle, it get bigger. You should only be doing sit-up if you want bigger stomach.
Q: Is chocolate bad for me?
A: You crazy?!? HEL-LO-O!! Cocoa bean! Another vegetable! It best feel-good food around!
Q: Is swimming good for your figure?
A: If swimming good for figure, explain whale to me.
Q: Is getting in shape important for my lifestyle?
A: Hey! 'Round' is shape!
Well... I hope this has cleared up any misconceptions you may have had about food and diets.
And remember:
Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in an attractive and well-preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways - Chardonnay in one hand - chocolate in the other - body thoroughly used up, totally worn out and screaming "WOO-HOO, what a ride!!"
AND.....
For those of you who watch what you eat, here's the final word on nutrition and health. It's a relief to know the truth after all those conflicting nutritional studies.
1. The Japanese eat very little fat and suffer fewer heart attacks than Brits.
2. The Mexicans eat a lot of fat and suffer fewer heart attacks than Brits.
3. The Chinese drink very little red wine and suffer fewer heart attacks than Brits.
4. The Italians drink a lot of red wine and suffer fewer heart attacks than Brits.
5. The Germans drink a lot of beer and eat lots of sausages and fats and suffer fewer heart attacks than Brits.
CONCLUSION: Eat and drink what you like. Speaking English is apparently what kills you.
A: Heart only good for so many beats, and that it... Don't waste on exercise. Everything wear out eventually. Speeding up heart not make you live longer; it like saying you extend life of car by driving faster. Want to live longer? Take nap.
Q: Should I reduce my alcohol intake?
A: Oh no. Wine made from fruit. Fruit very good. Brandy distilled wine, that mean they take water out of fruity bit so you get even more of goodness that way. Beer also made of grain. Grain good too. Bottom up!
Q: How can I calculate my body/fat ratio?
A: Well, if you have body and you have fat, your ratio one to one. If you have two body, your ratio two to one.
Q: What are some of the advantages of participating in a regular exercise program?
A: Can't think of one, sorry. My philosophy: No pain...good!
Q: Aren't fried foods bad for you?
A: YOU NOT LISTENING! Food fried in vegetable oil. How getting more vegetable be bad?
Q : Will sit-ups help prevent me from getting a little soft around the middle?
A: Oh no! When you exercise muscle, it get bigger. You should only be doing sit-up if you want bigger stomach.
Q: Is chocolate bad for me?
A: You crazy?!? HEL-LO-O!! Cocoa bean! Another vegetable! It best feel-good food around!
Q: Is swimming good for your figure?
A: If swimming good for figure, explain whale to me.
Q: Is getting in shape important for my lifestyle?
A: Hey! 'Round' is shape!
Well... I hope this has cleared up any misconceptions you may have had about food and diets.
And remember:
Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in an attractive and well-preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways - Chardonnay in one hand - chocolate in the other - body thoroughly used up, totally worn out and screaming "WOO-HOO, what a ride!!"
AND.....
For those of you who watch what you eat, here's the final word on nutrition and health. It's a relief to know the truth after all those conflicting nutritional studies.
1. The Japanese eat very little fat and suffer fewer heart attacks than Brits.
2. The Mexicans eat a lot of fat and suffer fewer heart attacks than Brits.
3. The Chinese drink very little red wine and suffer fewer heart attacks than Brits.
4. The Italians drink a lot of red wine and suffer fewer heart attacks than Brits.
5. The Germans drink a lot of beer and eat lots of sausages and fats and suffer fewer heart attacks than Brits.
CONCLUSION: Eat and drink what you like. Speaking English is apparently what kills you.
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[FONT='Calibri','sans-serif']Ye Canna trick a Scottish Caddy
During his golfing vacation at Martha's Vineyard - President Obama
had been slicing off the tee on every hole.
He asks his Scottish caddy if he has noticed any obvious reasons for
his poor tee shots, to which the caddy replies:
"Aye, there's a piece of shyt on the end of yer driver. "
The President picks up his driver and cleans the club face, at which
point the caddy says:
"No, the other end." [/FONT][FONT='Arial','sans-serif'][/FONT]
During his golfing vacation at Martha's Vineyard - President Obama
had been slicing off the tee on every hole.
He asks his Scottish caddy if he has noticed any obvious reasons for
his poor tee shots, to which the caddy replies:
"Aye, there's a piece of shyt on the end of yer driver. "
The President picks up his driver and cleans the club face, at which
point the caddy says:
"No, the other end." [/FONT][FONT='Arial','sans-serif'][/FONT]
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A man boarded an aircraft at London 's Heathrow Airport for New York , and taking his seat as he settled in, he noticed a very beautiful woman boarding the plane.
He realised she was heading straight toward his seat she took the seat right beside him.
"Hello", he blurted out, "Business trip or vacation?"
She turned, smiled enchantingly and said, "Business. I'm going to the annual Nymphomaniac convention in the United States ."
He swallowed hard. Here was the most gorgeous woman he had ever seen sitting next to him, and she was going to a meeting for nymphomaniacs!
Struggling to maintain his composure, he calmly asked, "What's your business role at this convention?"
"Lecturer," she responded," I use my experience to disprove some of the popular myths about sexuality.."
"Really", he smiled, "what myths are those?"
"Well," she explained, "one popular myth is that African-American men are the most well-endowed when, in fact, it's the Native American Indian who is most likely to possess that trait.
Another popular myth is that French men are the best lovers, when actually it is the men of Greek descent.
We have also found that the best potential lovers in all categories are the Irish."
Suddenly the woman became uncomfortable and blushed. "I'm sorry," she said. "I really shouldn't be discussing this with you, I don't even know your name!"
"Tonto," the man said. "Tonto Papadopoulos, but my friends call me Paddy."
He realised she was heading straight toward his seat she took the seat right beside him.
"Hello", he blurted out, "Business trip or vacation?"
She turned, smiled enchantingly and said, "Business. I'm going to the annual Nymphomaniac convention in the United States ."
He swallowed hard. Here was the most gorgeous woman he had ever seen sitting next to him, and she was going to a meeting for nymphomaniacs!
Struggling to maintain his composure, he calmly asked, "What's your business role at this convention?"
"Lecturer," she responded," I use my experience to disprove some of the popular myths about sexuality.."
"Really", he smiled, "what myths are those?"
"Well," she explained, "one popular myth is that African-American men are the most well-endowed when, in fact, it's the Native American Indian who is most likely to possess that trait.
Another popular myth is that French men are the best lovers, when actually it is the men of Greek descent.
We have also found that the best potential lovers in all categories are the Irish."
Suddenly the woman became uncomfortable and blushed. "I'm sorry," she said. "I really shouldn't be discussing this with you, I don't even know your name!"
"Tonto," the man said. "Tonto Papadopoulos, but my friends call me Paddy."
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635 Of Our Employees.
Unbelievable but true, and probably worse in the USA or even Australia??
Thought you might find this interesting ......
Unbelievable!!!!!
I bet this will make you feel all warm and fuzzy inside!
Can you imagine working for a company that only has a little more than 635 employees, but has the following Employee Statistics.
29 have been accused of spouse abuse,
7 have been arrested for fraud,
9 have been accused of writing bad cheque's,
17 have directly or indirectly bankrupted at least 2 businesses,
3 have done time for assault,
71 cannot get a credit card due to bad credit,
14 have been arrested on drug-related charges,
8 have been arrested for shoplifting,
21 are currently defendants in lawsuits,
84 have been arrested for drink driving in the last year,
And collectively, this year alone, they have cost the British tax payer £92,993,748 in expenses!
Which organization is this?
It's the 635 members of the House of Commons.
The same group that cranks out hundreds of new laws each year designed to keep the rest of us in line.
What a bunch of crooks we have running our country - it says it all...
And just to top all that they probably have the best 'corporate' pension scheme in the country - whilst trying to ensure that everyone else has the worst possible!
Unbelievable but true, and probably worse in the USA or even Australia??
Thought you might find this interesting ......
Unbelievable!!!!!
I bet this will make you feel all warm and fuzzy inside!
Can you imagine working for a company that only has a little more than 635 employees, but has the following Employee Statistics.
29 have been accused of spouse abuse,
7 have been arrested for fraud,
9 have been accused of writing bad cheque's,
17 have directly or indirectly bankrupted at least 2 businesses,
3 have done time for assault,
71 cannot get a credit card due to bad credit,
14 have been arrested on drug-related charges,
8 have been arrested for shoplifting,
21 are currently defendants in lawsuits,
84 have been arrested for drink driving in the last year,
And collectively, this year alone, they have cost the British tax payer £92,993,748 in expenses!
Which organization is this?
It's the 635 members of the House of Commons.
The same group that cranks out hundreds of new laws each year designed to keep the rest of us in line.
What a bunch of crooks we have running our country - it says it all...
And just to top all that they probably have the best 'corporate' pension scheme in the country - whilst trying to ensure that everyone else has the worst possible!
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Paddy, Jock and Bob are three builders working on a multi-story car park. Every day at lunchtime they go up to the top floor for the view whilst they eat their packed lunches.
One day, upon opening his lunchbox, Bob goes really quiet and then shouts
"Cheese and pickle! AGAIN! Every BLOODY DAY!! I am SICK OF CHEESE AND BLOODY PICKLE!! If my wife puts this crap in my sarnies again I will kill myself.
The other two look at him, shocked, their jaws agape.
Bob continues "I tell you lads, I've had enough. If I've got cheese and pickle again tomorrow I'm gonna throw myself of this building and end it all."
A hush descends upon the three men as Jock opens his lunchbox.
He looks disgusted. "Ah Shite, it's haggis. Ah fuppin HATE HAGGIS!! EVERY FUPPIN DAY THE SAME SHITE" AH CANNAE TAKE NO MORE HAGGIS!!"
He puts the haggis down and says "I'm with you Bob. If ma missus packs me haggis one mooor time ahm throwin meself off right behind ya mate".
Paddy looks on, hardly daring to open his lunchbox. After a few moments he does, and looks at the others in dismay.
"Ah right", says Paddy. "Tuna Mayo. I can't stand the stuff, in fact OI FECKIN HATE TUNA MAYO!! FECKIN STUFF GETS EVERYWHERE!!" SHOITE!
He continues "Oim with you two fells so I am. If I open my lunchbox tomorra and its tuna feckin mayo, I'm comin witcha, I'll top meself too!"
The three men decide to write a solemn oath, and each signs it before putting it under the pile of pallets they use as a seat.
The rest of the day passes in silence....
Next day, one o'clock, the three men make their way up to the fifteenth floor as usual, and take their seats on the pile of pallets.
Bob opens his lunchbox. He pauses, closes it again slowly, and without saying a word he walks to the edge and dives off. There is a horrible crunch and Jock & Paddy look at each other, tears in their eyes.
"Well Paddy", says Jock. "A vow is a vow me old son." He slowly opens his lunchbox, to reveal a thick slice of haggis.
"Goodbye Paddy, it was nice knowin ya." Jock then puts down his lunchbox and runs full pelt off the edge of the building. Again there is a gruesome scream followed by a sickening thud from below.
Paddy sits there, alone and distraught. He pauses for a while, but then opens his lunchbox slowly.
"Oh bejesus. Tuna mayo. Oh no, please no!"
"Well I'll not be lettin the other fellas down now, a vow is a vow after all"
And with that he shuffles off the side of the building and falls to his death.
Two weeks later, at the joint funeral of Bob, Jock and Paddy, their wives comfort each other and weep uncontrollably.
Bob's wife says "I just don't understand it. He never told me he hated cheese and pickle. If I'd only known I would've given him something else"
Jock's wife says "Aye, my Jock never said a word about hatin' haggis, I thought he loved the stuff, so I gave it him every day, I wish he'd said somethin', I had no clue."
Paddy's wife says "Well it's really confusin' for me, cos my Paddy used to make his OWN sandwiches."
One day, upon opening his lunchbox, Bob goes really quiet and then shouts
"Cheese and pickle! AGAIN! Every BLOODY DAY!! I am SICK OF CHEESE AND BLOODY PICKLE!! If my wife puts this crap in my sarnies again I will kill myself.
The other two look at him, shocked, their jaws agape.
Bob continues "I tell you lads, I've had enough. If I've got cheese and pickle again tomorrow I'm gonna throw myself of this building and end it all."
A hush descends upon the three men as Jock opens his lunchbox.
He looks disgusted. "Ah Shite, it's haggis. Ah fuppin HATE HAGGIS!! EVERY FUPPIN DAY THE SAME SHITE" AH CANNAE TAKE NO MORE HAGGIS!!"
He puts the haggis down and says "I'm with you Bob. If ma missus packs me haggis one mooor time ahm throwin meself off right behind ya mate".
Paddy looks on, hardly daring to open his lunchbox. After a few moments he does, and looks at the others in dismay.
"Ah right", says Paddy. "Tuna Mayo. I can't stand the stuff, in fact OI FECKIN HATE TUNA MAYO!! FECKIN STUFF GETS EVERYWHERE!!" SHOITE!
He continues "Oim with you two fells so I am. If I open my lunchbox tomorra and its tuna feckin mayo, I'm comin witcha, I'll top meself too!"
The three men decide to write a solemn oath, and each signs it before putting it under the pile of pallets they use as a seat.
The rest of the day passes in silence....
Next day, one o'clock, the three men make their way up to the fifteenth floor as usual, and take their seats on the pile of pallets.
Bob opens his lunchbox. He pauses, closes it again slowly, and without saying a word he walks to the edge and dives off. There is a horrible crunch and Jock & Paddy look at each other, tears in their eyes.
"Well Paddy", says Jock. "A vow is a vow me old son." He slowly opens his lunchbox, to reveal a thick slice of haggis.
"Goodbye Paddy, it was nice knowin ya." Jock then puts down his lunchbox and runs full pelt off the edge of the building. Again there is a gruesome scream followed by a sickening thud from below.
Paddy sits there, alone and distraught. He pauses for a while, but then opens his lunchbox slowly.
"Oh bejesus. Tuna mayo. Oh no, please no!"
"Well I'll not be lettin the other fellas down now, a vow is a vow after all"
And with that he shuffles off the side of the building and falls to his death.
Two weeks later, at the joint funeral of Bob, Jock and Paddy, their wives comfort each other and weep uncontrollably.
Bob's wife says "I just don't understand it. He never told me he hated cheese and pickle. If I'd only known I would've given him something else"
Jock's wife says "Aye, my Jock never said a word about hatin' haggis, I thought he loved the stuff, so I gave it him every day, I wish he'd said somethin', I had no clue."
Paddy's wife says "Well it's really confusin' for me, cos my Paddy used to make his OWN sandwiches."
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Dear Mum,
Our Scoutmaster told us to write to our parents in case you saw the flood on TV and got worried. We are okay. Only one of our tents and 2 sleeping bags got washed away. Luckily, none of
us got drowned because we were all up on the mountain looking for Adam when it happened.
Oh yes, please call Adam's mother and tell her he is okay. He can't write because of the cast. I got to ride in one of the search and rescue Jeeps. It was great. We never would have found Adam in
the dark if it hadn't been for the lightning.
Scoutmaster Ted got mad at Adam for going on a hike alone without telling anyone. Adam said he did tell him, but it as during the fire so he probably didn't hear him. Did you know that if you put gas bottle on a fire, the gas will blow up?
The wet wood didn't burn, but one of the tents did and also some of our clothes. Matthew is going to look weird until his hair grows back.
We will be home on Saturday if Scoutmaster Ted gets the bus fixed. It wasn't his fault about the crash. The brakes worked okay when we left. Scoutmaster Ted said that with a bus that old, you have to expect something to break down; that's probably why he can't get insurance.
We think it's a super bus. He doesn't care if we get it dirty, and if it's hot, sometimes he lets us ride on the bumpers. It gets pretty hot with 45 people in a bus made for 24. He let us take turns riding in the trailer until the policeman stopped and talked to us.
Scoutmaster Ted is a neat guy. Don't worry, he is a good driver. In fact, he is teaching Horace how to drive on the mountain roads where there aren't any cops. All we ever see up there are huge logging trucks.
This morning all of the guys were diving off the rocks and swimming out to the rapids. Scoutmaster Ted wouldn't let me because I can't swim, and Adam was afraid he would sink because of his cast (it's concrete because we didn't have any plaster), so he let us take the canoe out. It was great. You can still see some of the trees under the water from the flood.
Scoutmaster Ted isn't crabby like some scoutmasters. He didn't even get mad about the life jackets. He has to spend a lot of time working on the bus so we are trying not to cause him any trouble.
Guess what? We have all passed our first aid merit badges. When Andrew dived into the lake and cut his arm, we all got to see how a Tourniquet works.
Steve and I threw up, but Scoutmaster Ted said it was probably just food poisoning from the left-over chicken. He said they got sick that way with food they ate in prison.. I'm so glad he got out and became our scoutmaster.
He said he sure figured out how to get things done better while he was doing his time. By the way, what is a pedal-file?
I have to go now. We are going to town to post our letters and buy some more beer and ammo.
Don't worry about anything. We are fine and tonight it's my turn to sleep in the Scoutmaster's tent.
Love,
Billy.
Our Scoutmaster told us to write to our parents in case you saw the flood on TV and got worried. We are okay. Only one of our tents and 2 sleeping bags got washed away. Luckily, none of
us got drowned because we were all up on the mountain looking for Adam when it happened.
Oh yes, please call Adam's mother and tell her he is okay. He can't write because of the cast. I got to ride in one of the search and rescue Jeeps. It was great. We never would have found Adam in
the dark if it hadn't been for the lightning.
Scoutmaster Ted got mad at Adam for going on a hike alone without telling anyone. Adam said he did tell him, but it as during the fire so he probably didn't hear him. Did you know that if you put gas bottle on a fire, the gas will blow up?
The wet wood didn't burn, but one of the tents did and also some of our clothes. Matthew is going to look weird until his hair grows back.
We will be home on Saturday if Scoutmaster Ted gets the bus fixed. It wasn't his fault about the crash. The brakes worked okay when we left. Scoutmaster Ted said that with a bus that old, you have to expect something to break down; that's probably why he can't get insurance.
We think it's a super bus. He doesn't care if we get it dirty, and if it's hot, sometimes he lets us ride on the bumpers. It gets pretty hot with 45 people in a bus made for 24. He let us take turns riding in the trailer until the policeman stopped and talked to us.
Scoutmaster Ted is a neat guy. Don't worry, he is a good driver. In fact, he is teaching Horace how to drive on the mountain roads where there aren't any cops. All we ever see up there are huge logging trucks.
This morning all of the guys were diving off the rocks and swimming out to the rapids. Scoutmaster Ted wouldn't let me because I can't swim, and Adam was afraid he would sink because of his cast (it's concrete because we didn't have any plaster), so he let us take the canoe out. It was great. You can still see some of the trees under the water from the flood.
Scoutmaster Ted isn't crabby like some scoutmasters. He didn't even get mad about the life jackets. He has to spend a lot of time working on the bus so we are trying not to cause him any trouble.
Guess what? We have all passed our first aid merit badges. When Andrew dived into the lake and cut his arm, we all got to see how a Tourniquet works.
Steve and I threw up, but Scoutmaster Ted said it was probably just food poisoning from the left-over chicken. He said they got sick that way with food they ate in prison.. I'm so glad he got out and became our scoutmaster.
He said he sure figured out how to get things done better while he was doing his time. By the way, what is a pedal-file?
I have to go now. We are going to town to post our letters and buy some more beer and ammo.
Don't worry about anything. We are fine and tonight it's my turn to sleep in the Scoutmaster's tent.
Love,
Billy.
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