Ideas to improve this please!

[Hayles]

Hi

Anyone got any ideas on how to improve this part of our introduction please on our catering website :


As you'll see from our menus, our prices are fantastic and as you'll see from the testimonials and recommendations, our service is fantastic too!
We know how worrying it is when organising catering for any occasion but please be assured, we'll make sure the food is plentiful, beautifully presented and scrumptious!
Please let us take the worry away from you.... you won't be
disappointed- we guarantee it.

Looking to update our website properly in late Jan, but this part has been bugging me for ages so want to get it improved asap.

Also, how do I get quotes on copywriting in general? Do I have to give the general subject and probable number of words needed or is it on a page by page basis? I'm talking separate projects eg. press releases, intro letter when replying to enquiries, web pages, etc.

Many thanks
Hayles

 

[Urban Space]

I'll have a look at it for you Hayels, just give me a minute!

Liam

 

[Coding Monkey]

Good copywriting is worth every single penny. Some charge per page, others per time. It will all depend on the people. I recall Bill Hilton (on these forums) who charges £25/h

 

[clairemackaness]

or speak to annethedom

 

[Urban Space]

My mate's Dad's on 70 quid an hour for copywriting!

I'll be with you in a minute Hayles!

Liam

 

[Hayles]

Looking forward to it Liam.... :lol:

Thanks Claire and Mac, think I'll contact them for some quotes. (This is all Matts fault Claire!! Haven't stopped thinking since I spoke to him last night - 3am I was still awake!)

 

[Urban Space]

How about

Look at our menus, our prices are fantastic! And our testimonials and recommendations all agree that our service is fantastic too!
We know how stressful catering for any occasion can be, but please be assured, we'll make sure the food is plentiful, beautifully presented and delicious!
Let us do the worrying, you won't be disappointed, we guarantee!

?

Liam

 

[Coding Monkey]

No problemo.

Bill Hilton's website is there. What's your current website, by the way? Just out of interest

 

[Hayles]

What??? You want me to lay my website open to you lot?? Not a chance....!! (I'll pm you :wink: )

Hayles

 

[Urban Space]

Oooo, PM me too!

Liam

 

[Hayles]

NO!



ps. liked your copy... but too many exclamation marks still..... :lol:

 

[Urban Space]

Lol well just get rid of them then! You need to be enthusiastic in your intro. Who'd want to read a boring intro about cakes or whatever!

lol

Liam

 

[Cornish Steve]

Anyone got any ideas on how to improve this part of our introduction please on our catering website.

Here's my attempt.

From our menus, you'll see that we deliver excellent value. From customer testimonials, you'll see that we deliver excellent service. We take the worry out of catering by delivering plentiful and beautifully presented food - on time and for any occasion.

Don't just read about us; contact us. You won't be disappointed. We guarantee it!

 

[Hayles]

Thank you, you're good at this Steve

 

[fastfences]

Hi Hayles,

Our menus offer a scrumptious range of beautifully presented delicacies. Equally enticing is our fantastic service, as evidenced by our recommendations and testimonials.

Your confidence in us will be rewarded; the food will be fresh, plentiful and fantastically priced. You’ll have no worries and no disappointments – this we guarantee!

Cheers, Nigel

 

[Jayne]

For your age Liam, that was a really good attempt..well done.

A few more years and he's be competing for forum space with Steve :lol:

Jayne

 

[JustOneUK]

What's your current website, by the way? Just out of interest

oh man, you gotta learn how to google. :wink:

 

[Richard Glynn]

Here’s a cheat that I find helpful when writing copy:

Attention
Interest
Desire
Action

(AIDA)

I’ve also concentrated on three key selling messages: quality, value and flexibility. Normally I’d find out what you did before writing anything – so think of this as a best guess. Underlined font represents link to more info.

BEGINS …

> Looking for a trusted caterer to provide sensational food for your next event?
> Seeking a caterer with the culinary flair and creativity to make a real difference?

Then look no further!

From the smallest business lunch to the largest wedding, <Name?> Outside Catering guarantees all our customers ..

> The finest quality ingredients
> Mouth-watering menus, and
> Incredible value from just <how much?> per head.

And all this is backed up by more than <number?> years logistical know-how giving you complete peace of mind over all the food we supply.

But why take our word for it? You can read our testimonials here! And then email us on <email> or call us on <telephone number> for a no-obligation chat about how <Name?> Outside Catering will transform your next event.

ENDS

 

[Cornish Steve]

> Looking for a trusted caterer to provide sensational food for your next event?
> Seeking a caterer with the culinary flair and creativity to make a real difference?

Then look no further!

From the smallest business lunch to the largest wedding, <Name?> Outside Catering guarantees all our customers ..

> The finest quality ingredients
> Mouth-watering menus, and
> Incredible value from just <how much?> per head.

And all this is backed up by more than <number?> years logistical know-how giving you complete peace of mind over all the food we supply.

But why take our word for it? You can read our testimonials here! And then email us on <email> or call us on <telephone number> for a no-obligation chat about how <Name?> Outside Catering will transform your next event.

Now here's the work of a real pro! Richard, your revised text is excellent.

 

[Hayles]

Fantastic copy Richard!

Thanks to everyone for their efforts; the website was updated with goldctrsteve's effort last night. I'll keep the other suggestions handy for when the site is redone in the New Year though

(Although I'm very glad I found this forum, does anyone else find it a pain in the a*se?? There are just so many talented people on here that deciding who to use for any job is a nightmare!)

Thanks again everyone,

Hayles