Right then ......

[steve.s.jones.1982]

Right then,

I've tried and tried and tried to sort this mess out but am having no luck whatsoever. I'm sure life shouldn't be this hard! Before I go and throw myself off a bridge - Is there anyone on here that has £5,000 to spare?

Is there anyone that can afford to give it away? Or lend it to a complete stranger to be paid back over a couple of years?

I can't handle this anymore. I am 26 yrs old, separated from my ex partner and have a young daughter. All I do is worry every minute of everyday about a £5,000 shortfall in my life. I can't declare myself bankrupt or anything like that cause my ex partner and daughter will lose their home.

I made a mess when i was younger that has spiralled over the years and is ruining my life now so much. I can't do anything drastic that wont effect anyone else close to me.

This is crazy putting this on here but I think I have cracked - and over such a small amount of money - Its ridiculous.

I have plenty of skills and talents and work full time but my brain will not work correctly with this hanging over me. I am creative, but my creativity is zapped, I am a grafter but I feel more depressed than ever.

I'm sure this will get taken down staright away and I will get no replies but i needed to try. I can prove anything and everything - I am not making this stupid situation up, I've just lost the plot I think.

Sorry for whining guys,

Steve

 

[14A]

You need to contact the samaritans.

Who is going to GIVE you 5k? Whats in it for them?

 

[14A]

Oh or try Zoopla

 

[CSBob]

A much better site / resource for your needs:

www.citizensadvice.org.uk/

Best of luck.

 

[steve.s.jones.1982]

No one will. The chances are probably 1 in 5 billion. But I've contacted Samaritans, Debt people, everyone you can think of. I can't do anything without taking down other people with me. Everyday i wake up thinking that it is better if I'm no longer around.

That I know is desperate, pathetic and stupid - that's why i posted a desperate, pathertic and stupid post on this forum.

Sorry

 

[Kernowman]

Try a bit of busking outside the cinema tonight

Failing that, print your post out and take it into the toilet with you on your next visit, because from what you have typed you need a psychic not a business forum to unravel your woes

 

[14A]

Google Zoopla - May be of help.

You need to realise what you have already, such as a daughter, and get over all these feelings as they are doing you no help at all. There is ALWAYS a silver lining to every cloud.

 

[steve.s.jones.1982]

Thanks - I just googled Zoopla but i'm definately not in the market to buy a house.

If you mean Zopa, they wont touch me, just like no one else will. I have missed a phone bill or two recently so my credit score is trashed.

Thanks though.

 

[14A]

Wow Im having a bad day, yes sorry I ment Zopa, I was downloading the Zoopla app earlier and got confused.

Your only answer is inheritence/lottery or a second/better job.

 

[steve.s.jones.1982]

Thanks for your kindness 14A. I don't see my family so inheritance is out of the window, I might buy a lottery ticket tonight but I'll have to go without food for a day.

I can look into getting a better job but we'll have lost the house by then.

A tiny, stupid part of me was daydreaming that someone somewhere on here would have that kind of money spare for a year or so and would do a crazy thing by helping out a good guy, albeit a stranger.

I think once i've lost the house and my ex wont let me see my daughter - I'll book myslef into see a shrink.

 

[Rainbow Chasers']

Sounds like you need to call a debt advice company. They may be able to help you consolodate these loans. Or even a debt management company - but make sure you research them first!

You could always make an appointment to see your bank manager and tell him you are in trouble and need help. They will actually be quite helpful if you TELL them that, and go to them for help. They have been given obligations to help in these hard times if you are in dire straits. Many have their own 'in-house' debt management. Though they are unlikely to write anything off, they will lower payments to something more affordable over a longer period.

All these will not help your credit rating - but it is mashed anyway, so what is the worry? I know 5k sounds like a vast amount when you have nothing - but in the grand scheme of debt, it really isn't alot right now. Better to talk now, that get into more whilst you are worrying about it.

IF you are a particularly good employee, and are valued - even your boss may help you, by covering your debt and taking it directly from your wages - or more likely you setting a debit into his/her account.

This will only work if you are exceptional - as it will tie you to him/her for x years, and you will probably work harder for him/her

 

[akirk]

How will your ex lose their house?
If they own it with a mortgage which you are helping pay then there is probably equity in it... if there is not then they don't own it anyway! there is council housing for these situations

sell the house and get one in a place where housing is cheap to reduce debt
if there is equity then to release 5k may be possible

sorry - I think that you are unlikely to find anyone on a forum who will write a cheque for £5k for someone they don't know...

there are plenty of charities / gov. bodies /voluntary organisations out there to help exactly this kind of situation - use them.

Alasdair

 

[steve.s.jones.1982]

Thanks Rainbow Chasers. I've already been to my boss. They are struggling too. I've also been to the bank and they said they can't help at all because of my credit score.

I'm coming very close to the end of our mortgage grace period which has helped but they will no doubt take the house very soon. If it was me that lived there i wouldnt care - Im not bothered about me. Its my little girl who i dont want to get kicked out. And i know if that happens i will be blamed and my ex partner will make things very diffcult forever.

I really can see how people lose it over this stuff. I'm almost there i think.

 

[Scott-Copywriter]

Right then,

I've tried and tried and tried to sort this mess out but am having no luck whatsoever. I'm sure life shouldn't be this hard! Before I go and throw myself off a bridge - Is there anyone on here that has £5,000 to spare?

Is there anyone that can afford to give it away? Or lend it to a complete stranger to be paid back over a couple of years?

First of all you're going to be taken more seriously if you're realistic. You can be really down and people here can do their best to give you advice - that's not a problem. However, it's another thing to ask members of the forum to give you £5,000 of their hard earned money for absolutely nothing because of mistakes you have made.

I can't handle this anymore. I am 26 yrs old, separated from my ex partner and have a young daughter. All I do is worry every minute of everyday about a £5,000 shortfall in my life. I can't declare myself bankrupt or anything like that cause my ex partner and daughter will lose their home.

Why? Is the home in your name?

I made a mess when i was younger that has spiralled over the years and is ruining my life now so much. I can't do anything drastic that wont effect anyone else close to me.

I wish some younger people I know could read a post like this. I know people in their early 20's and even teenagers who are taking out large loans and credit cards for various things.

I have plenty of skills and talents and work full time but my brain will not work correctly with this hanging over me. I am creative, but my creativity is zapped, I am a grafter but I feel more depressed than ever.

Well I'm afraid the buck stops with you on this one. People can only provide advice, but if you feel too 'zapped' to actually do anything to make money, then no one can help you, and further complaining will make no difference.

You have to dig yourself out of this hole, and you owe it to your daughter to find the ability to graft if necessary for more money to help. It must be the hardest thing in the world I know, but if you're at rock bottom, then the only way is up, and it's really worth doing before the situation gets any worse. Just imagine how nice it would feel to be debt free, and use that as inspiration to push yourself forward.

I'd echo peoples advice on here and suggest that you see some kind of debt specialist or even the Citizens Advice Bureau who may be able to help.

 

[steve.s.jones.1982]

Thanks akirk. I suppose that although i've lost any hope in life, I'm still clinging on to a bit a romanticism. I'm a daydreamer and a romantacist - which has kept me same til now.

I kind of like to think strange things could happen. Although they never do.

 

[papverpoppies]

Thanks akirk. I suppose that although i've lost any hope in life, I'm still clinging on to a bit a romanticism. I'm a daydreamer and a romantacist - which has kept me same til now.

I kind of like to think strange things could happen. Although they never do.

Your ex needs to investigate the chances of getting just the interest on the mortgage paid by SS, (does your ex work), claim tax credits etc.

Speak to SS, (I know they have just announced massive cuts in respect of how much they will pay, but at least speak to them, if it will keep a roof over your little girls head.

Good Luck

Poppy xx

 

[SFD]

You think you have all the bad luck!

I was born in 1983 and am 27, you were born in 1982, a whole year before me, and yet are only 26 - How does that work!

 

[steve.s.jones.1982]

I'm so ashamed that I've reached this poijnt and put a post on a forum asking for help that I didnt want to put my real name or age on my username details.

 

[Rainbow Chasers']

In that case, call your ex and tell her you need a family meeting. Spell out the situation - without arguments (have both your parents and hers there if need be) and discuss what can be done in the interests of YOUR DAUGHTER.

At the end of the day, you are BOTH parents FOR LIFE. You may find that she may be able to help make payments, or even her or your family all chip in to help - in order to keep your ex and child housed in comfort. Families can do this sort of thing, when times get tough, they pull together.

IF worst case happens, and they all just say 'No' - then they can at least come to an arrangement to re-house them, so you can sell the house.

You have to be mature, and adult about it and put any differences aside. You are sorting out a problem for the benefit of them and standing up to your responsibilities. At least they cannot say you tried to be honest and reach a family orientated resolution.

Also, this website may help http://www.turn2us.org.uk/ it will tell you all about benefits, hardship grants tec that may help you out. Worth looking and seeing if they can help. There are many family/religion/career based hardship charities that may be able to offer assistance.

 

[papverpoppies]

I'm so ashamed that I've reached this poijnt and put a post on a forum asking for help that I didnt want to put my real name or age on my username details.

Don't be ashamed, there is nothing to be ashamed about in a cry for help.

We all at sometime (unless you have a charmed life) need help at sometime, some more than others.

The good thing is you have recognised you have reached the bottom, and unless you want to stay there (which I am sure you do not) then the only way is up!

You need to talk to your family, and explain what is happening, after all she was your wife and you had a child TOGETHER!!

Although this does not help you, believe me, you are not the only one, nor will you be the last to go through this, the challenge is, how you handle it, and come out the other side.

You have got to start talking and confessing to people the real state of things, believe me, once that is done, then you will feel a lot better, bottling it all up and pretending is not happening is not going to make it all go away.

You are not a failure, it just went wrong this time.

Sort it out, then get back on track.

Your little girl is only 2, she will still love her Daddy in x amount of years, so work towards that goal, your Daughters and your future.

Best of Luck


Poppy xx

 

[thebigIAM]

Aw, Steve, darling. Just about the only thing I can give you is a cyber hug.

You're probably unlikely to get the £5K, but you might get some good advice. Have you tried seeking opinions on Moneysavingexpert? If you google Martin Lewis, you'll find his forums site. There are so many people on there with experiences similar to yours, you will almost certainly pick up good advice there.

Regards £6k. It's not that much in the grand scheme of things. If you're earning an income, I would have thought you would be able to negotiate your way out of difficulty. But if not, then is your ex aware of the impending difficulties? You might earn brownie points with her by being frank and making her aware.

Going bankrupt isn't the end of the world. And it won't be a total collapse of all things if your ex and child have to be emergency housed either. In fact, if she were the sort of woman who were by your side and you all lived together in a caravan, you would feel like a king. You would have all that matters.

I can't help but feel the way forward is talking to the ex and explain your fears about your separation, or possible further separation, from your little girl. That is the real issue for you, not the money.

 

[directmarketingadvice]

How will your ex lose their house?
If they own it with a mortgage which you are helping pay then there is probably equity in it... if there is not then they don't own it anyway!

Well said.

If the difference between owning a house and owning nothing is £5k, then you don't own the house.

Steve

 

[steve.s.jones.1982]

Thank you for all of your help guys. I didnt expect such positive feedback from you all from such a daft post.

Unfortunately I've already exhausted most of your suggestions. I'll just see how life is planned out for me.

Ta

 

[Rainbow Chasers']

I must admit, as a homeowner I cannot understand why the banks etc walk away from a 5k consolodation loan when he owns a property. Just seems mad to me!

Although I accept his rating is obviously low, he does still have equity in the property - unless it is in negative at the moment?

He may have to call his banks direct to HQ and ask for help there - ask to be put on debt management. He will have to keep asking - but they will do it, as if they ever have to take action against him, they will have alot of answers for why they never responded to his requests for help.

 

[papverpoppies]

Thank you for all of your help guys. I didnt expect such positive feedback from you all from such a daft post.

Unfortunately I've already exhausted most of your suggestions. I'll just see how life is planned out for me.

Ta

Steve, that is the wrong approach, don't wait to see what life has in store, go out and make it happen - you are far to negative.

If you don't fight for it, no one is going to come delivering at your door.

You have got to change your outlook.

Poppy xx

 

[steve.s.jones.1982]

We bought the house a couple of yrs ago so it was the worst time ever. We are in negative equity unfortunately

 

[akirk]

Thank you for all of your help guys. I didnt expect such positive feedback from you all from such a daft post.

Unfortunately I've already exhausted most of your suggestions. I'll just see how life is planned out for me.

Ta

you can not have exhausted our suggestions unless there are routes you just don't wish to take?

we come into this world with nothing - therefore to end up back at that place during our lives makes growing our wealth no more difficult than the first time...

I am still failing to understand how your situation affects your ex and her house unless you are paying for it - in which case the only issue there is embarrasment and her having to move into council housing - she won't be without a roof over her head and you can not be unrealistic if there is no money, then you can not live a lifestyle which requires the money you don't have...

ultimately debts can be written off and life can be starte again - the organisations highlighted above will advise you...

lack of money / debt is not like cancer / illness, it is only important as far as the lifestyle you wish to live - if you don't have the money you have to adjust your lifestyle... the answer is not additional debt.

so there will be an answer by using the organisations suggested above - you have ony exhausted those routes if you do not wish to take the options they suggest / will suggest...

there are plenty of people in far worse situations who, with help, get it sorted out - you just need to be prepared for embarassment / admitting that there is an issue to all who know you, and then getting on and dealing with it - the biggest problem is when people look for a magic solution so that they can avoid admitting to those they know that they have an issue - that way can lie ruin though - covering it up is not the correct route...

so get on down to the citizens advice bureau - debt counselling - be honest, deal with it - it wil clear up and in a few years you will wonder what all the fuss was about!

Alasdair

 

[papverpoppies]

I must admit, as a homeowner I cannot understand why the banks etc walk away from a 5k consolodation loan when he owns a property. Just seems mad to me!

Although I accept his rating is obviously low, he does still have equity in the property - unless it is in negative at the moment?

He may have to call his banks direct to HQ and ask for help there - ask to be put on debt management. He will have to keep asking - but they will do it, as if they ever have to take action against him, they will have alot of answers for why they never responded to his requests for help.

Yes it seems a very negative and backward view to me.

At the moment he has a house (whether negative equity or not) if he looses the house, and his family go into Council owned, then the state picks up the tab.......why not work with him, and find a way to keep the property.

Poppy xx

 

[ethical PR]

Hello Steve

You mention you are working. If you are on a lower income have you applied for tax credits?

If not, give the tax credit hotline a call and they will go through the sums and let you know whether you are entitled and if so how much.

Definitely speak to http://www.nationaldebtline.co.uk/ . This is a charitable organisation who can help you manage your debts and negotiate with your debtors.

Your priority should always be mortgage/rent, utilities, council tax, food, travel for work, plus any agreed maintenance for your child.

Work yourself out a budget for key essentials and minimise expenditure on anything else.

Look at your income -salary plus tax credits.

This will help you identify what surplus you may have available. Use this to negotiate repayment of any arrears you have built up.

As mentioned if your ex isn't working and is on benefits she can get benefits to help toward the interest only payments for the mortgage.

If you take control of your situation and start to manage your way out of your debt, life will not seem so bleak. And I agree sit down with your ex and decide together how best to take things forward, putting the interest of your little one first.

Good luck

Helen

 

[steve.s.jones.1982]

Hi guys,

Just wanted to explain a few things......

1. My ex already has benefits, etc;
2. We have a debt management plan which was setup by the Debt Ehlpline people;
3. We split once all this was in place;
4. My only worry is that the mistakes i've made in the past, which I've worked damn hard to try and rectify, will mean that my ex and daughter suffer. That isnt fair, hence my depressed outlook on it all.

I would go the prison, or do anything if it meant that they could be debt free and not have to suffer becuase of my actions.

I have been trying to keep a positive outlook for months but today - I've had enough.

 

[Newcott]

Its tough, really tough but your not alone - Its reasons like this that male suiside outweighs female so its good that your talking about it.

We've all made mistakes - I've got one from a few years back that haunts me but I got help about it and now its managable (not ideal but it doesnt cause me the stress it use to)

Surly you can go back to the debt helpline - its not set in stone once its been agreed and if you go back to them explaining that you have split they may be able to give you a new plan.

Likewise with the Benefits - are these based on her current situation or are they based on the fact you are still with her?

I don't know what debt of £5000 could mean her losing the house unless your wishing to disclose that?

And as others have said - lots of people have been in far worse situation & gotten out so make sure you exhaust every possability twice over.

 

[fisicx]

So what do you do for a living?
Are you also working in the evenins as pizza delivery or as a barman?
Are you working weekend as a shelf stacker?
Have you sold every single one of your possesions?
Have you moved out of your accomodation and into the cheapest bedsit you can find?

You haven't reached anywhere near the bottom yet.

Stop whinging and start to be a bit more positive. If you are able to pay back the 5K in a couple of years are you suggest then that means you aren't completely brassic.

Why don't you have contact with your family? Maybe it's time to bite the bullet and build bridges. It will also means they can see their grand-daughter.

 

[papverpoppies]

Hi guys,

Just wanted to explain a few things......

1. My ex already has benefits, etc;
2. We have a debt management plan which was setup by the Debt Ehlpline people;
3. We split once all this was in place;
4. My only worry is that the mistakes i've made in the past, which I've worked damn hard to try and rectify, will mean that my ex and daughter suffer. That isnt fair, hence my depressed outlook on it all.

I would go the prison, or do anything if it meant that they could be debt free and not have to suffer becuase of my actions.

I have been trying to keep a positive outlook for months but today - I've had enough.

Steve have you been to the doctors?

Sometimes when are are low, we loose the ability of rational thinking, and everything seems black.

Speak to your GP, they might suggest anti-depressents, to help you get the 'good' thoughts back into your life.

You will not be able to sort anything out, whilst you are in this frame of mind (which I can totally understand how you have arrived at)!

The bigger picture is, that unless you get help - then your daughter will suffer, (not financially as you perhaps think) but from a Father, who is depressed and able to think straight.

If your ex is on benefits, then everything does not sound as black as you think, surely SS, are paying the interest on the mortgage, which should get the BS/Bank off your back.

Poppy xx

 

[papverpoppies]

So what do you do for a living?
Are you also working in the evenins as pizza delivery or as a barman?
Are you working weekend as a shelf stacker?
Have you sold every single one of your possesions?
Have you moved out of your accomodation and into the cheapest bedsit you can find?

You haven't reached anywhere near the bottom yet.

Stop whinging and start to be a bit more positive. If you are able to pay back the 5K in a couple of years are you suggest then that means you aren't completely brassic.

Why don't you have contact with your family? Maybe it's time to bite the bullet and build bridges. It will also means they can see their grand-daughter.

Surely everyone has their own take on what is the bottom, and maybe Steve feels this is his!

If he is depressed, which he sounds, then he needs help, telling people to pull their socks up, does not work.

Once he can begin to see life as less 'black' then yes, he needs to get his life back on track and be more assertive, but first he needs to start to feel good about himself again, and in control of his life.

I too, thought at first he was being weak, but after reading all of his replies again, I now think different, I do not think that Steve can see the wood for the trees. I hope you do not take that comment the wrong way Steve.

Please, get yourself some help and fast.


Poppy xx

 

[Matt1959]

what do you need the 5K for exactly?

 

[steve.s.jones.1982]

Thanks Poppy.

Matt - I stupidly borrowed the 5,000 from a loan shark. I know the problems with these people. I also know that if i pay him back, i wont be asked for more.

He did it becuase a friend asked him for me so I know that'll be the end of it.

 

[Matt1959]

Thanks Poppy.

Matt - I stupidly borrowed the 5,000 from a loan shark. I know the problems with these people. I also know that if i pay him back, i wont be asked for more.

He did it becuase a friend asked him for me so I know that'll be the end of it.

hmmm, that would explain the need for the cash and also why any amount of debt councilling or going bankcrupt won't solve the problem. What will the lender do if you dont repay? ie what has happened to others that havnt repaid that you know for a fact?

 

[steve.s.jones.1982]

People just pay. Thats the issue. My friend doesnt know of anyone that hasnt paid him back. I might not need to feel sorry for myslef much longer if it gets to that point.

 

[Matt1959]

well the difference between sharks and other people (taxman,mortgage, council tax etc) who you owe money to is that the sharks break your legs and the others give you years to pay if off or write it off so you should be keeping the others at bay and using the money you're paying them to pay the shark. Only you know what the consequences are of not paying the shark and whether you are prepared to cope with what they dish out...

 

[steve.s.jones.1982]

Yup, that's where the stress is coming from. Hence the wild stab in the dark putting this post on the forum.

Maybe i'll have better luck with life next time round.