business & friends

[realbusiness1]

Hello everyone, I am 26 years old and I am starting my first business(I will open a new discussion on that). I have noticed that I am losing some friends due to the time and energy I am dedicating to my business. While I understand that prioritizing my business is important, I am wondering how you manage your friendships while pursuing your business goals or after achieving success.
Do you have friends? Would you like to have more? What is important for you on that aspect? Please be honest on that, I am deciding my future.
Please share your experiences and give me some honest advice


Thank you for your insights.

 

[pentel]

When you start to run a business it is quite usual for your friendship group to change, usually through jealousy. Being in business is partly about growing a hard skin.

 

[Socio South West]

@realbusiness1
When you start out with a business and momentum is starting to gather it's so easy to slip into an obsession with your business
One important lesson I learned early on is that it is most excellent to stand back every now again and get right away from what you are doing and take an overview of how business and, equally importantly, life is going. Time right away from the business becomes important and precious.

In my case, I took up Scuba diving..... and that was something that got my mind right away from business.... The only problem is that 37 years on that particular drug is still rampantly racing round my system! However, at the time it introduced me to a new set of like minded colleagues, and a few of those early colleagues are still friends but our work and business spheres are only occasional topics of discussion.

At 26 You are also at an age when careers are establishing, and you and your peers are finding your feet in the world: Some changeover in outlook and attitudes naturally leads to an evolution in your circle of acquaintances and friends, not just on your part.

I wouldn't worry about this unduly - as long as you aren't becoming Billy No Mates...... That would need a serious review of what you are doing and where you are headed!

 

[JamaC]

This is completely normal when starting a business. You can get lonely at times, especially at the beginning.

I had a similar experience with business and friends.

The thing is, you are on your own journey and nobody understands it because they dont see your vision.

I remember being excited about my new developments and findings along my journey and wanting to share with my friends, but they weren't interested and would often change the topic.

As you continue on your journey your mental outlook will transform and you will naturally distance from some friends. Plus you will naturally find new friends that are like minded

Best advice is to catch up with close friends by going out once a month or every other. Take one day off and go to an event or some sort of activity with friends. They may not see you in a regular basis but when they do it will be memorable.

 

[Mark T Jones]

If they are actually real friend, they will remain friends, though the nature of your interaction will change.

If they are just drinking/football/whatever buddies, they will drift off to find someone else to join them in drinking/football/whatever.

Situations between friends will always change as lives evolve, particularly when you are younger. some will go off to start families, some will move away for work, and so it rolls on.

That said, you might also want to think about the time you are putting into your business. It's a complex scenario, but often start ups mistake long hours for good business. in my first full year I took no holiday whatsoever - I really believed it was a 'goo' or 'worthy' thing to do. In reality it benefited the business hardly at all, but made me very grumpy.

 

[MBE2017]

I found it tough in the early days, for the first few years I was working 60/70hr weeks on average, sometimes a lot more, and old friends moved onto new pastures. There are also three types of people you know in general, other self employed people who understand your lifestyle, employed people who believe you only work when you want too and take unlimited holidays, and the rest who have no real interest either way.

I try not to discuss anything business related myself since I probably sound very boring, most people in a job hate their work, and find it hard to understand someone who is very committed.

 

[Onthebrightside]

I mirror the statements on here. When I opened my shop some of my really good friends pitched in and helped me, others just faded away because I didn't see them very often. A few years in though I found I was making completely different friends linked to my business, so my friends circle just changed.

I think that's true with life too. I recently moved further out of London and my friendship circle is changing again. It's all pretty natural really.

Good for you for getting the business going and I really hope it's a great success.

 

[tony84]

When you say lost what do you actually mean? If you mean they are carrying on without you because you are always too busy, well yes that happens. You cant expect everyone to stop what they are doing because you are prioritising something else.

If you mean they have gone funny with you because you are going self employed, that is very different. But if that is the case, why? Is it because it is consuming all of your time or is it because they are jealous/do not understand what is involved?

Its easy to prioritise work, but you cant do that forever. You have to also invest time into your friendships.

When I set up on my own I would be anywhere anytime, but I wasnt everywhere at all times. I still made time to speak to my mates - whether that was an hour on a Friday after work or on a sunday afternoon (nobody is expecting you to answer the phone on a sunday afternoon). I might not be doing every Saturday down the pub or every night out in town, but I would still make time to do those things at least once a month. Although to be fair, that was partly down to finances, I was earning less.

Have a think about why you are where you are. Have you played a part in it by neglecting them? If so, make a bit of an effort or you arrange a night out/day out whatever it is you do.

 

[Lucan Unlordly]

Without knowing what or who you determine as a friend it's difficult to empathise with your dilemma. Most of mine are current work or family connections that know exactly what I do. Mates from school or previous employment are few and far between.

One thing I would probably change, is to have stayed involved in the sport I loved instead of stepping away as I was 'too busy', so if you have a hobby with connections/friends make sure it's part of your business plan to maintain the social contact.

 

[BubbaWY]

Its part and parcel of life I suppose. Its like when you meet someone, and get married, you try not to forget about your mates, but priorities change and in a way it just naturally happens (who your circle of friends are).

 

[Onthebrightside]

Its part and parcel of life I suppose. Its like when you meet someone, and get married, you try not to forget about your mates, but priorities change and in a way it just naturally happens (who your circle of friends are).

Totally agree. After I had my kid as well I tried to stay in contact with my group of mates, but we all just had different lifestyles and approaches to life, so we naturally drifted apart. Even later, when they had their kids, because mine was going to secondary school by then, we just didn't cross paths that much or have focus on the same needs/circumstances etc. It just happens.

 

[Carbtec]

I neglected my family & friends during most of my career because I thought the material things that bought them were important. I bought my daughter a pony for her 8th birthday, she was 30 when she told me that I was never there to watch her ride it . . . . . & the ex-wife (spits) now has that big house with its paddock.

There’s a well-known story about a university professor that wanted to make a point about the importance of prioritizing how we spend our time.

The professor’s stood in front of his class with a display of items, he took a large empty jar and filled it with rocks approximately two inches in diameter. He then asked the class if the jar was full and they agreed yes the jar was full.

The professor then took a box of pebbles and added them to the jar and gave it a little shake to move the pebbles into the open areas around the rocks. The professor asked the class again, if the jar was full they agreed yes it is full.

This time the professor then took a box of sand and added it to the jar, filling the spaces between the rocks and the pebbles. He asked again, now is the jar full they laughed and agreed yes it’s full.

This jar is represents your life. The big rocks signify the really important things in your life, such as health family and friends. The pebbles are the other things that matter in your life, such as work or school. And the sand signifies the remaining small stuff, such as material possessions.

Now, if you were to reverse the order of filling the jar and add the sand first there would not be enough room for the rocks and the pebbles. The same principle applies to your life. If you spend too much time on the small stuff you won’t have enough space or time to focus on the things that are truly important, the big rocks.

So, prioritized the big rocks first. Practice self-care, spend quality time with the people you love and the rest is just pebbles and sand… they will always find some space.

This story was told to me at a particularly low point & it made a lot of sense. The one thing missing from the original tale is at the very end that glass is still not full, the professor opens a can of beer & pours it in, because "there is always room for a beer with your friends".

 

[Paul Kelly ICHYB]

I have noticed that I am losing some friends due to the time and energy I am dedicating to my business.

They are not friends....

 

[simon field]

They are not friends....

How do you know that?

 

[Mark T Jones]

How do you know that?

Friends are friends. They don't drop you the minute things change.

Your 'buddies' (or whatever) will do.

I have friends who I don't talk to for 2 years - they are still proper friends.

 

[simon field]

Friends are friends. They don't drop you the minute things change.

Your 'buddies' (or whatever) will do.

I have friends who I don't talk to for 2 years - they are still proper friends.

Fair dinkum. But it could be the OP who’s decided to let money come before friendship!

 

[Paul Kelly ICHYB]

How do you know that?

As Mark has said.

Real friends will support you when you need them - you sometimes realise people you never thought of as friends came out of the woodwork and become diamonds! People you thought would support you disappear!

 

[simon field]

As Mark has said.

Real friends will support you when you need them - you sometimes realise people you never thought of as friends came out of the woodwork and become diamonds! People you thought would support you disappear!

Depends on how you treat those friends.

 

[Lind]

Hi. I think it's normal that over time you will make new acquaintances and friends, and with some of them you will communicate less. In any case, the real friends will remain, regardless of your employment. I have friends with whom I communicate once a month or even less, but this does not interfere with friendship.

 

[HFE Signs]

True friends will understand and be your friend nonmatter how much time you have. I have friends I see often and friends that I see a couple of times a year, life and circumstances means you have to divide your time accordingly and of course family time too. Do what you have to do and your true friends will always be there, obviously if a friend is in need then you make time for them.

 

[lattod]

Hello everyone, I am 26 years old and I am starting my first business(I will open a new discussion on that). I have noticed that I am losing some friends due to the time and energy I am dedicating to my business. While I understand that prioritizing my business is important, I am wondering how you manage your friendships while pursuing your business goals or after achieving success.
Do you have friends? Would you like to have more? What is important for you on that aspect? Please be honest on that, I am deciding my future.
Please share your experiences and give me some honest advice


Thank you for your insights.

You'll always lose friends.

But thats not necessarily a bad thing.

One of the things I notied was that I didnt want to be around my friends discussing sports - I wanted to build a future for me and my family.

So I networked and found other people on a similar course as I was.

Don't sweat it - and dont let other people kind of push what tthey think you should be doing onto you.

Your success or failure is down to you only, and nobody else.

 

[paulears]

I'm with the others - you are NOT losing your real friends, just teh sort of facebook friends - people who in the great scheme of things don't matter.

 

[Joseph K]

I think it's natural to loose friends from time to time, especially when priorities change. However I would recommend for you to find time to socialise whenever it's possible. Regular break from work or business is rewarding. A good friend is someone who would support and understand you, in whatever circumstance you face.