THE COMPANY CHRISTMAS PARTY - Please don't force staff to go...!

[Ashley_Price]

Don't make people go or make them feel bad for declining!

When I was in my twenties I was invited to an office Christmas party even though I was only a temp. It was kind of them and I was touched that they would invite me.

However, I have never liked parties (I never had an 18th or 21st birthday party, nor when I turned 40 or even 50), therefore I was a bit worried whether I would really enjoy it. I asked my manager what the party would involve, and she said it would be a meal at a posh hotel then back to the office after a couple of hours. This seemed fine to me, so I accepted.

When the Christmas Party came, yes it was a meal in a hotel, but there were also "party games" and such, which it's not something that I like doing; I tried to join in, but simply didn't have the desire and in the end just sat while everyone else played.

The first day back after the new year, my manager took me aside and told me my attitude and behaviour at the party had upset several people. I replied with the fact that if I had known what the party had really involved rather than what she told me, I would have declined the invitation.

In my thirties I found myself temping again at a different firm and again they very kindly invited me to their Christmas party. I thanked the senior partner but said I wouldn't be going. He got angry, telling me I wasn't very grateful, that I should accept the invitation or it will spoil it for everyone. He really got into a rant going as far as to say he may cancel the party if anyone was going to decline!

So, if I can make one plea for my fellow "party haters" - if someone declines the invitation to the company Christmas party, don't berate them for it, or try and pressure them into going. Rather, be understanding and wish them well with however they want to celebrate Christmas.

 

[Lisa Thomas]

@Newchodge

 

[Ashley_Price]

@Newchodge

I'm intrigued as to why you have tagged a Moderator.

 

[WaveJumper]

Tell you boss to go do one

 

[WaveJumper]

I'm intrigued as to why you have tagged a Moderator.

She's an HR guru

 

[Ashley_Price]

She's an HR guru

Ah, I see. It's just there's no other comment other than her being tagged, so I wondered if @Lisa Thomas had a problem with my post.

 

[Newchodge]

Ashley is entirely right. No member of staff should be forced to attend any kind of social gathering.

 

[Lisa Thomas]

Ah, I see. It's just there's no other comment other than her being tagged, so I wondered if @Lisa Thomas had a problem with my post.

No, I assumed Newchodge would have a comment to add. I think most employers know nowadays that staff are not required to attend staff dos.

 

[fisicx]

Ashley is entirely right. No member of staff should be forced to attend any kind of social gathering.

What about family? Can I be forced to endure my family all arguing until Dad falls asleep and dinner is delayed until he wakes up. Which is when we discover the turkey still isn't cooked properly and the sprouts are rock hard (again).

 

[HFE Signs]

Nobody can or should be forced or pressured, on the other hand you can understand if the boss is treating staff and it is declined it could be wrongly interpreted as ungrateful.

Best be totally honest and say 'thank you for inviting me, its very generous and kind, however I'm really not a party person, I really don't wish to appear ungrateful and I hope you all have a lovely time'.

 

[Ashley_Price]

Nobody can or should be forced or pressured, on the other hand you can understand if the boss is treating staff and it is declined it could be wrongly interpreted as ungrateful.

Best be totally honest and say 'thank you for inviting me, its very generous and kind, however I'm really not a party person, I really don't wish to appear ungrateful and I hope you all have a lovely time'.

That doesn't really work though, because you get people trying to persuade you that you'll enjoy it... just like people who tell recovering alcoholics "One drink won't hurt". Sadly, some people expect others to live by their rules rather than respecting differences.

 

[WaveJumper]

If a person cant stand by their own principles or beliefs then sorry they are weak minded . Would you stick you hand into a flame if the boss told you to do so, whilst the rest of the office cheered you on

 

[Ashley_Price]

If a person cant stand by their own principles or beliefs then sorry they are weak minded . Would you stick you hand into a flame if the boss told you to do so, whilst the rest of the office cheered you on

No, of course not... but there are people who would feel pressured into going to something they don't enjoy if they felt it could affect their future employment, especially if they are struggling to make ends meet. (There was a survey earlier in the year and 49% of U.K. workers said they were living "pay cheque to pay cheque".)

 

[fisicx]

You can often include team building things to the list of activities staff shouldn’t be forced to attend. And mandatory meetings called when you are off-shift. And office sweepstakes.

Was at one place where the Christmas gift from management was a bottle of whiskey and a ham joint. My colleague was Muslim.

 

[Newchodge]

What about family? Can I be forced to endure my family all arguing until Dad falls asleep and dinner is delayed until he wakes up. Which is when we discover the turkey still isn't cooked properly and the sprouts are rock hard (again).

It would be an interesting conundrum if you worked for a family firm. You can just go out for a (long) walk. But if you faced formal disciplinary action for it???

 

[Mark T Jones]

It's an interesting & valid point - comes under the banner of 'compulsory fun'.

Admittedly, many moons ago id have been one of those promoting and cajoling (not a boast, just a fact).

These days, I go out of my way to avoid broker days, or anything similar.

If I want to go for beers, I'll go with friends, frankly. (But if you want to send a crate of beer and a ham, I will graciously accept it).

 

[WaveJumper]

The management conference days were always fun the awards dinner in the evening was great especially if you were getting an award of course. The dinner itself was interesting as they (HR) thought it was good to mix with people who you had never heard of, which was fun but was not un heard of moving the place cards around just in case you thought you might get a boring old fart.

Oh and I always checked what the menu was in advance if I didn't like what was on there I( am a fussy eater) I booked my own meal at reception and made sure i was personaly catered for

Team building sessions were quite fun, we progressed over the years from clay pigeon shooting, to binge tied together as a team of four, thrown in a taxi cab with a film crew and then rushing around London looking for clues to solve a puzzle, never had so many photographs taken of myself by tourists they thought we were on some sort of TV show.

One even funnier event was from memory at the Three Seasons in Canary Wharf again we were making videos with a film crew, one team had robbed the hotel of loads of sheets and were climbing around the flower beds dressed as god knows what (pretty sure it was something to do with Star Wars) but subsequently got pounced on by armed police.

The following year at the same hotel we had the hot coals walking, and breaking an arrow with your throat( that proved interesting) but the bongo drum session in the afternoon which saw us all making so much noise we never got invited back the following year, shame was a nice venue.

PS
No one was forced to walk the hot coals or break an arrow against ones throat ..... but it was a great laugh

I am on a roll now (you can tell the markets are a bit sluggish today) the following year we took over a cinema somewhere in London (cant remember where) this time they gave us a small float, told us we had to buy a product and sell it on a market stall which had been rented for us for the following day . The team who made the most money for charity won a prize.

One of my team members had a family acquaintance that had a warehouse full of toys so we sent her off in a taxi that afternoon and she purchased a whole load of wooden toys, we had a great time the next day trying to flog everything

We had some pretty wild conferences over the years. OK back to the screens

 

[Gecko001]

I am surprised that the employer seemed to think that it was a privilege for a temp to be asked to go to the office party. Are temps usually not expected to be invited to an office party if they have been working for a period up to Christmas?

 

[Lucan Unlordly]

I am surprised that the employer seemed to think that it was a privilege for a temp to be asked to go to the office party. Are temps usually not expected to be invited to an office party if they have been working for a period up to Christmas?

Depends if they'd done a day or a few months.....

 

[Lucan Unlordly]

Quick question.....
Now that emails have taken over and stationery cupboards are no longer the norm, where do the flirty divorcees from accounts and the ageing sales office Casanovas disappear to when the drink starts taking hold?

 

[Lucan Unlordly]

When I was in my twenties I was invited to an office Christmas party...........

So, if I can make one plea for my fellow "party haters" - if someone declines the invitation to the company Christmas party, don't berate them for it, or try and pressure them into going.

I'm sorry but Christmas parties are more often than not the bosses way of saying a personal thankyou and turning the invitation down is akin to not turning out for a wedding or family function, a snub for the organiser. You don't 'accept' you are obliged to go. It's often the only opportunity to get all the staff together from different departments, different offices, to meet those 'faceless voices' working from home.

 

[tony84]

I'm sorry but Christmas parties are more often than not the bosses way of saying a personal thankyou and turning the invitation down is akin to not turning out for a wedding or family function, a snub for the organiser. You don't 'accept' you are obliged to go. It's often the only opportunity to get all the staff together from different departments, different offices, to meet those 'faceless voices' working from home.

In my 20s I was up for any party.
In my 30s pretty much the same until 34 when my daughter was born, Then it was a case of if I am spending a night away from my daughter, then I want it to be with good friends, not faceless people from accounts or people I work with and never see/speak to out of work.

If a manager wants to get upset over that, thats a them problem.

I think it is slightly different for a wedding. In the main, people should only be getting married once (although I am sure there are people who have it annually like christmas). That is an invite to something quite personal.

 

[Lucan Unlordly]

In my 20s I was up for any party.
In my 30s pretty much the same until 34 when my daughter was born, Then it was a case of if I am spending a night away from my daughter, then I want it to be with good friends, not faceless people from accounts or people I work with and never see/speak to out of work.

If a manager wants to get upset over that, thats a them problem.

I think it is slightly different for a wedding. In the main, people should only be getting married once (although I am sure there are people who have it annually like christmas). That is an invite to something quite personal.

I'll hazard a guess that a team building day, Go Karting, Clay Pigeon Shooting, Quad Bike Day, Ferrari experience, a conference held in the MediaCity UK with a visit to the Coronation Street set might re-focus your lack of desire to form bonds with faceless people you never see or speak to out of work.

The Christmas Party may not float your boat but in a world where the most isolated and lonely age group is 16 to 29 year olds (33%) with 30-49 year olds coming a close second at 27%, a symptom of homeworking, fewer pubs etc., etc., I'd suggest again that any boss that is willing to raid the companies coffers to bring the staff together should be supported.

 

[HFE Signs]

That doesn't really work though, because you get people trying to persuade you that you'll enjoy it... just like people who tell recovering alcoholics "One drink won't hurt". Sadly, some people expect others to live by their rules rather than respecting differences.

That really comes down to you, it sounds to me that you need to be more assertive and not be controlled by others, the fact that others want you to go is a compliment.

 

[tony84]

I'll hazard a guess that a team building day, Go Karting, Clay Pigeon Shooting, Quad Bike Day, Ferrari experience, a conference held in the MediaCity UK with a visit to the Coronation Street set might re-focus your lack of desire to form bonds with faceless people you never see or speak to out of work.

The Christmas Party may not float your boat but in a world where the most isolated and lonely age group is 16 to 29 year olds (33%) with 30-49 year olds coming a close second at 27%, a symptom of homeworking, fewer pubs etc., etc., I'd suggest again that any boss that is willing to raid the companies coffers to bring the staff together should be supported.

People who do not want to spend the night with colleagues should do because there are people who are lonely and someone dipped their hand in their pocket?

As I said before in my 20s, I worked for a bank with loads of people my age. I remember landing on a flight from Ibiza at 7.30pm, by 8.30pm I was in town on the works summer party.

In my 30s the last works do I went on, there were 13 of us on the team. I was one of the youngest 2 of the older people drove in so they had an excuse to leave. 2 of the lads were off their face on Columbias finest, my manager could not handle his drink and was telling me how I never nearly got the job and he doesnt want to be there. There were 2-3 other people who I got on with in work. But we never spoke outside of work and never kept in touch after we left... I had a chat with them but ultimately I dont think any of us really wanted to be there bar the 2 lads who had been powdering their nose and being completely honest, I am sure they would have preferred to have been out with their actual mates.

People either get on well enough to want to spend time out of work or they dont. If the general consensus is that people dont want it, then that should be perfectly acceptable. If there are people who want to go, then do it for just those people.

 

[Lucan Unlordly]

People who do not want to spend the night with colleagues should do because there are people who are lonely and someone dipped their hand in their pocket?

You miss the point. The party is not about you, it's for everyone, and the company. Your part is to make up the numbers because somebody has been generous enough to do what many don't these days. Give the staff a treat.
I'm guessing because you completely ignored it that if there was a day doing something you wanted to do, you'd be there despite the failings of your colleagues?

People either get on well enough to want to spend time out of work or they dont.

It's not out of work. It's a works function designed to thank and reward the TEAM at a time that's supposed to be the season of goodwill.

For the record at one of my first proper Christmas do's a gorgeous young filly done the table plan so that our chairs backed on to each other. 39 years of marriage later I don't think she regrets it?

 

[Mark T Jones]

This whole thread has reminded me how glad I am to be out of the corporate thing. Also, how terms like 'team player' are weaponised by egomaniac employers - with no real gain other than to their egos.

I wonder how the party-lovers would feel if the 'compulsory fun' was a relaxing spa break?

For me, with insight, it's simple - give them a choice. You can either join us on a big jolly, or have a choice of alternatives - spa vouchers, Turkey etc.

 

[fisicx]

The London company my wife worked for organised a big party for all staff with coaches to bring them in from far flung destinations like Birmingham. Lots of glitz and glamour with a guest speaker snd whatever. Overnight accommodation was arranged and partners invited.

After questions were asked it transpired the accommodation wasn’t paid for nor was the meal for partners. Unsurprisingly the numbers dropped rapidly after this news. Corporate couldn’t understand why. It later transpired upper management did get free accommodation.

 

[tony84]

You miss the point. The party is not about you, it's for everyone, and the company. Your part is to make up the numbers because somebody has been generous enough to do what many don't these days. Give the staff a treat.
I'm guessing because you completely ignored it that if there was a day doing something you wanted to do, you'd be there despite the failings of your colleagues?

It's not out of work. It's a works function designed to thank and reward the TEAM at a time that's supposed to be the season of goodwill.

For the record at one of my first proper Christmas do's a gorgeous young filly done the table plan so that our chairs backed on to each other. 39 years of marriage later I don't think she regrets it?

I can take or leave them. It depends on what it is and if I want to do it. I get invited on days out from mortgage lenders, some I do, some I do not. But yes, if it was something I fancied I would go.

But this goes back to what I said, if people want to go, do it for them. If they do not, thats fine. Otherwise it changes from being a reward to an obligation.

And when you say I am there to make up the numbers... Is it a vanity project/ego boost or is it a thank you?

Clearly we are never going to agree. However, I agree a lot with Ashley. The biggest difference is that I dont have a problem saying "thanks but no thanks". You have to understand that people have lives outside of work.

 

[fisicx]

OTOH, the UKBF parties aren’t an obligation. They are however a chance for a bunch of us to get together and talk twaddle over a beer or two. Unless ladies are present are the conversation turns a little less blokish.

 

[WaveJumper]

And don't forget about the New Years Eve parties

 

[fisicx]

Not sure what they are. Usually in bed by 10.30. Sometimes stay up until 11!

 

[WaveJumper]

Sadly I can"t remember the last time I actually managed to stay awake long enough to see the New Year in

 

[HFE Signs]

If you really don't want to be invited to anything - just tell them you wouldn't be seen dead with them out of work and they all stink, that should do the trick nicely

 

[Ashley_Price]

I'm guessing because you completely ignored it that if there was a day doing something you wanted to do, you'd be there despite the failings of your colleagues?

For me when I was employed (or temping) I would either rather be in the office than at a party. Honestly, I would have been happy to be "manning the phones" while the others were at their Christmas Party/Training Day... whatever. Alternatively, I'd rather just be at home.

I am not the extrovert everyone who knows me in real life thinks I am, despite doing roles that mean I am mixing with people a lot of the time, so unless the day was "being at home with a book" I doubt it would be something I'd want to do.

 

[Ashley_Price]

I'm sorry but Christmas parties are more often than not the bosses way of saying a personal thankyou and turning the invitation down is akin to not turning out for a wedding or family function, a snub for the organiser. You don't 'accept' you are obliged to go. It's often the only opportunity to get all the staff together from different departments, different offices, to meet those 'faceless voices' working from home.

Today maybe, but I'm talking 1990s and early 2000s, very few people were "faceless voices" working from home that they are today.

And I have declined weddings and family functions - they are simply not my thing. Do you want someone at your wedding who is being moody and monosyllabic because they feel completely uncomfortable and thereby lowering the mood for others?

 

[HFE Signs]

What is so bad about these events? If you suffer from social anxiety or something, it would be better to get help with the problem rather than avoid it.

 

[Ashley_Price]

What is so bad about these events? If you suffer from social anxiety or something, it would be better to get help with the problem rather than avoid it.

It's not social anxiety, simply dislike. Like I said on the O.P., I never have done, wasn't interested in having the usual "coming of age" parties or celebrations either.

I have no friends - and I don't say that to get any sort of sympathy, I simply am not interested in mixing with people in the way that most others do.

 

[HFE Signs]

It's not social anxiety, simply dislike. Like I said on the O.P., I never have done, wasn't interested in having the usual "coming of age" parties or celebrations either.

I have no friends - and I don't say that to get any sort of sympathy, I simply am not interested in mixing with people in the way that most others do.

I do feel for you but unfortunately you can't expect the world to change for you.

 

[Ashley_Price]

I do feel for you but unfortunately you can't expect the world to change for you.

You don't need to feel for me - I am happy as I am. I am married, my wife is my best friend, that's all I need.

And where did I say I wanted the world to change for me????

I am simply saying that if someone doesn't like going to the Company Christmas Party they shouldn't be forced into doing so.