Utterly Miserable in Temporary Part Time Job - What to do?

[laurelandhardy]

My freelance business was very quiet in the last few months of 2011 so I decided to take positive action, and I accepted a full time, temporary job (with a long commute) for 9 months.

The health of my mom, dad and grandpa has been bad for a few months and much of January was spent visiting them in hospital. Additionally, lots of other stresses such as in my marriage (only speaking to my husband for 15-30 minutes per day), with friends (never being able to see themm to put it simply), with appliances around the house breaking and all kinds of other problems, contributed to me reaching breaking point, working 2 full time jobs and dealing with everything else.

The employer was reasonably understanding and accepted my resignation, appreciating that family health comes first, and understanding that my freelance work was becoming really busy again. But a few days later they offered me a part time position. I agreed, a bit relunctantly, with a positive attitude to trying to make it work.

Since then, my freelance work has become more and more busy, including lots of problems. Also, my husband's health is a bit worrying too, and things like my motorbike and the TV keep breaking, creating lots of hassle and stress. Every relationship in my life is suffering because of me having too much to deal with and too little time. I don't see my friends any more and they are becoming a bit distant, and I hardly speak to my husband as I have to work all night/weekend when I get home from the temporary job. I have suffered from panic attacks and GAD all my life and they have become much worse since I started this 2nd job. The people I work with are ok, but treat me like a small child, which makes the whole situation worse. Every day when I wake up, I spew thinking about going to work and I hate every second of it.

Maybe if I didn't have family worries and another full time freelance job, with nothing else going wrong, I could hack it. But right now, I feel like I just want to run away. I am afraid to quit the part time job (which feels like full time because of the long commute and strict policies) as I don't want to appear a quitter and I appreciate them letting me work part time as a rare exception. But I really don't think I can endure another 5 months of this temporary job without my depression getting even worse, my confidence getting even lower and more relationships becoming strained.

What are your thoughts?​

 

[Ashley_Price]

Oh my!

You have mentioned about your "depression getting even worse". I would go and see you doctor. This sounds serious. Your health must always come first.

 

[Chris Ashdown]

You know the answer you just dont want to admit it, give the job a miss and get your life back

Pull yourself out of the rut and start thinking positive, This is not ment as offensive but you sound to me the type who says "The glass is half empty" when really its half full

 

[vvaannmmaann]

http://www.samaritans.org/talk_to_someone.aspx

 

[laurelandhardy]

You're right Chris, I have a tendency towards 'glass half empty'.

If it were a full time, permanent role, I'd have no problem in knowing I should quit and focus on my freelance work.

But because it's temporary, I took it on because finances were low and worry freelance work may drop off again, and because they were generous in bending their rules and changing me from full to part time, I feel I owe it to them to stay the next few months.

It's ok on a good day, but most days, I miss tens of freelance calls, some from quite annoyed customers, so when I get home I have to work all night to make them happy again.

Ironically, there was no work for me to do at the part time temp job yesterday, so I sat there without work for most of the day, and missed freelance calls in the meantime. Shame they won't let me do a bit of my own stuff while I'm there.

Because I'm not a confident type, I worry about being treated like rubbish during my notice period, getting a reputation for being a quitter and not being able to put this temp job on my CV (which is a shame, as a bit of hardware I've been using, would be good to state on my CV).

 

[red-source]

Talk openly to your friends and family and let them know how you feel, rather than approaching a forum, where frankly nobody knows you personally so you will only get the usual and common responses. Be honest, really honest with them and yourself. If the part time job is really the main factor to your issues, then simple, leave it and spend all that hard work and energy on your freelancing, which we assume you enjoy. Work to Live, dont Live to Work! Dont let it stress you or depress you, its simply not worth it. Ive seen it happen time after time and understand these choices are often difficult, especially when finances are a concern too.

Remember your in charge of everything, make a choice and go for it! Best of luck.

 

[laurelandhardy]

Thanks red-source, you'll be pleased to know I do talk to family and friends about it regularly. 90% of them say quit the temp job. The rest say it's only a few more months and it's great that I got offered the temp job anyway so be grateful.

Re the depression side of things, it's not severe but is related to frustration, so if it's a bad day when I lose a freelance customer and neglect my husband, I feel bad and beat myself up inside.

My friends and family say they will all still be there for me if I endure the temp job until August, but from my view, I can't emotionally stand knowing I'll be neglecting them for a large chunky of a year.

I'm surprised nobody's said "You made your bed, you lie in it"

One large factor preventing me from quitting is that I'm telling myself I'll have failed the challenge if I quit, whereas if I endure (despite losing some customers and maybe some friends) for another few months, I'll have achieved something and can drive or walk past the employer with my head high, instead of in shame in the future.

 

[sla3]

Pull yourself out of the rut and start thinking positive

Bend over, grab your right ankle with your right hand, your left ankle with your left hand, and jump into the air.

That's what it feel like to be depressed or suffering from stress overload. "Pull yourself together" is the main thing the person says to themselves, it is not helpful when they do it to themselves. and it is never helpful to hear from another person.

I know you said you were not trying to be offensive, nor am I. I'm just letting you and any otehr unaware readers know, in case you ever have a friend, colleague or family member in similar circumstances that "pull yourself together" is the one thing they won't need to hear.

 

[sla3]

Quit the temp job. I quit my permanent £50k+ job for much the same reasons (although not family issues to add to them, just a boss who couldn't be trusted and a 2hr commute each day if I managed 90mph). The sense of relief was enormous. I've never worked since, but that's a function of a lifetime of depression.

You will not have "failed the challenge" if you quit - you will have taken a mature and objective view of the benefits of continuing compared with the disadvantages of continuing and the advantages of quitting and come to a rational conclusion. That's how good decisions are best made.

You'd possibly be given the "made your bed" line if you'd made a big mistake, didn't have a way out and were just whingeing, but you didn't make a big mistake, you do have a way out and you are clearly NOT whingeing.

Make the right decision, and congratulate yourself for doing so.

 

[laurelandhardy]

Hi sla3,

Thanks very much for sharing your experience and for your advice.

Do you think I would still get a reference from this temp job employer and part on reasonable terms, as I'm quitting for the right reason? I will still put it on my CV and just be honest saying I left at the time for family health reasons, if anyone asks.

Maybe I should have stuck to my guns when I handed my notice in originally? But I accepted their part time offer to see if that would make things easier, and it didn't, so I guess at least I tried.

 

[deniser]

Sorry to hear of your stresses. I really sympathise.

I don't really know what to suggest as I don't know all your circumstances but it sounds as though your business is going quite well. Am I right in thinking that this would also give you more flexibility as far as sick relatives are concerned?

Is it critical to your financial situation that you have the extra income from the temp job?

If yes, can you approach it from the other angle and lower your outgoings so that you don't need so much money coming in? The obvious one is moving to a cheaper property if you own a house and have a mortgage. See what else you can cancel which eats into your monthly outgoings. Having less income means you pay less in taxes etc so you have more disposable income despite working relatively less. But I don't know your circumstances so really hard to make suggestions.

 

[tony84]

Let them know you want to leave, tell them your happy to work any notice period they like (within reason) as you dont want to leave them in the ......

That way you will see light at the end of the tunnel and you know you have done the best you can for them.

 

[laurelandhardy]

Sorry to hear of your stresses. I really sympathise.

I don't really know what to suggest as I don't know all your circumstances but it sounds as though your business is going quite well. Am I right in thinking that this would also give you more flexibility as far as sick relatives are concerned?

You are correct with both these things, yes.

Is it critical to your financial situation that you have the extra income from the temp job?

It is no longer critical. Things were very grim before I started the job, but a bit better now.

If yes, can you approach it from the other angle and lower your outgoings so that you don't need so much money coming in? The obvious one is moving to a cheaper property if you own a house and have a mortgage. See what else you can cancel which eats into your monthly outgoings. Having less income means you pay less in taxes etc so you have more disposable income despite working relatively less. But I don't know your circumstances so really hard to make suggestions.

I could survive week-to-week no problem. The main concern would be my credit card debts, but they are on 0% now, so I guess taking longer to pay them off is worth it if I'm happier, more time for my family etc.

 

[sla3]

Do you think I would still get a reference from this temp job employer and part on reasonable terms, as I'm quitting for the right reason? I will still put it on my CV and just be honest saying I left at the time for family health reasons, if anyone asks.

Maybe I should have stuck to my guns when I handed my notice in originally? But I accepted their part time offer to see if that would make things easier, and it didn't, so I guess at least I tried.

If the employer is a decent type and given that you have done your utmost, I feel confident that you would certainly not get a BAD reference If you make up your mind you have to quit, do have a chat with them. Most folks would be compassionate and understanding.

You did indeed try: that's all anyone can ask of you.

You don't need to give your life story on your CV (despite its meaning ) just show a full-time appointment moving to a part-time one moving to none. If an interviewer asks, explain factually not emotionally : I reduced my hours for family reasons and then stopped to concentrate on my freelance career. Or somesuch.
Good luck.

 

[laurelandhardy]

Let them know you want to leave, tell them your happy to work any notice period they like (within reason) as you dont want to leave them in the ......

That way you will see light at the end of the tunnel and you know you have done the best you can for them.

The notice period is 1 month, which I would be happy to work.

I would not look forward to being treated like a disappointment for a month, though.

 

[sla3]

I would not look forward to being treated like a disappointment for a month, though.

You wont be, especially if you don't treat yourself as one

 

[laurelandhardy]

Thanks again to everyone who has replied so far. You are really helping.

Why, every time I think "This is it, I will quit tomorrow", does my mind suddenly then say "No, you can do it. Just another 4 months (of hell)!"?!

 

[Grafika]

I hope you don't mind me asking but why does your obligation to this job appear to have higher value than your husband, his health, your relationships etc? Even though it's stressing you out, you hate it, according to you, you are aren't treated well by them... But you'd rather endure that than maintain your health and relationships and actually not neglect your husband and not to mention your flourishing freelance business?

You won't be seen as a failure if you quit the part-time job, in fact some might say you're smart for shaking off something that was affecting your quality of life and actually placing more value on your time and building your business - you are clearly offering a service that people want. This suggests to me that they value your work.

I say be brave and dump the job.

I think Deniser makes some good points re organising your finances in the process if money might be stretched during the transition stage.

Good luck

 

[laurelandhardy]

Hi Grafika,

You give good advice too, thanks. And I know what you mean, asking me that opening question.

I think my 2 reasons would be that I spent several months telling close friends how bad things were financially, so now I'm in his temp job, I feel they are thinking "What was all that fuss about?!" or "How ungrateful, complaining about no money, then complaining about this job now!"

And there are people in worse situations than me who make it work, such as people whose spouses work in a different country and only see each other at weekends.

But yes, family and health firmly come first.

 

[Grafika]

I think my 2 reasons would be that I spent several months telling close friends how bad things were financially, so now I'm in his temp job, I feel they are thinking "What was all that fuss about?!" or "How ungrateful, complaining about no money, then complaining about this job now!"

I think this only matters if what other people think about you is your primary concern. Let people think what they want.

 

[number42]

My freelance business was very quiet in the last few months of 2011 so I decided to take positive action, and I accepted a full time, temporary job (with a long commute) for 9 months.

The health of my mom, dad and grandpa has been bad for a few months and much of January was spent visiting them in hospital. Additionally, lots of other stresses such as in my marriage (only speaking to my husband for 15-30 minutes per day), with friends (never being able to see themm to put it simply), with appliances around the house breaking and all kinds of other problems, contributed to me reaching breaking point, working 2 full time jobs and dealing with everything else.

The employer was reasonably understanding and accepted my resignation, appreciating that family health comes first, and understanding that my freelance work was becoming really busy again. But a few days later they offered me a part time position. I agreed, a bit relunctantly, with a positive attitude to trying to make it work.

Since then, my freelance work has become more and more busy, including lots of problems. Also, my husband's health is a bit worrying too, and things like my motorbike and the TV keep breaking, creating lots of hassle and stress. Every relationship in my life is suffering because of me having too much to deal with and too little time. I don't see my friends any more and they are becoming a bit distant, and I hardly speak to my husband as I have to work all night/weekend when I get home from the temporary job. I have suffered from panic attacks and GAD all my life and they have become much worse since I started this 2nd job. The people I work with are ok, but treat me like a small child, which makes the whole situation worse. Every day when I wake up, I spew thinking about going to work and I hate every second of it.

Maybe if I didn't have family worries and another full time freelance job, with nothing else going wrong, I could hack it. But right now, I feel like I just want to run away. I am afraid to quit the part time job (which feels like full time because of the long commute and strict policies) as I don't want to appear a quitter and I appreciate them letting me work part time as a rare exception. But I really don't think I can endure another 5 months of this temporary job without my depression getting even worse, my confidence getting even lower and more relationships becoming strained.

What are your thoughts?​

Ask yourself "Do i REALLY need to be working this much?" and im sure the answer is apparent, one of them must go! simples

 

[deniser]

Yes, Grafika is correct. Family comes first.

You sound very conscientious and have tried your best to make the temp job work so I'm sure they won't think badly of you.

Good luck with everything.

 

[laurelandhardy]

Thanks again for all your replies.

Bizarrely, despite wanting so much to quit, now I'm on the verge of doing so, something's holding me back. Probably just a confidence thing as per points previously mentioned, and a few less close mates today said "But you've only got a few months left and you may need them (the employer) in the future".

We'll see how tomorrow goes. I will try to speak to my line manager.

 

[sla3]

We can probably let this conversation rest here. I hope it has been cathartic for all concerned .... but business it ain't.

 

[megamuel]

Sorry sla3 I just wanted to comment - tried via PM but the OP doesn't seem to accept PM's.

'laurelandhardy', I can sympathise. I also suffer with panic attacks and panic disorder and also doing a job I hate!!! Try and put things in perspective though. To me you actually seem lucky - I can't get another job as I can't do interviews due to my panic attacks (I only got my current part time bar job because a friend knew the landlord), and even if I could do interviews I can't do my driving test to be able to drive anywhere for a job anyway! So things could be worse!!! Anyway, what is it that you do freelance? Would it not be possible to maybe outsource some aspects of it? Put a small mark up on it for yourself and continue with the temp job. Maybe it won't seem so bad if you can get a hand with your freelance work? You could employ me! But if you really hate the job then life is too short to stay there. Especially if it is affecting your freelance work. If you quit the temp job make sure you put that time into marketing your business so that you don't have to get get another job in the future. I'd also look at your expenses like others have suggested. See what you can realistically cut down on. You mentioned that your TV broke. Maybe you could just use your computer to watch tv on for now? You also mentioned a long commute.... How much money would you save on that if you quit?

I'd like to know more about your panic attacks and how you cope with them as it is something I have a constant struggle with. It always helps to talk with others in the same boat. Maybe you could PM me if you get time. I think you might have to make 15 posts though before Pm's can be sent. Anyway, just want to wish you the best of luck and hope the health of your family improves. All the best,

Sam.

 

[BeeDub]

Your employer originally accepted your resignation, and then came back with a Part Time work offer. They wanted you to stay even after you'd made clear your reasons for resigning.

I would not consider it quitting if I were your employer, as I would have been aware of the struggle you had previously. You've given the reduced hours a good go and it's simply not working for you. Maybe you feel obligated to not let your boss down?

Obligations don't come into it when you feel as drained as you imply - you must do what is right by YOU. Everyone else can cope and adjust, so for once, you must be selfish - especially when it affects your health, relationships and personality.

You're only a quitter if you give up completely....and you certainly aren't doing that! You sound an incredibly busy and compassionate person - it's time to put yourself first!

(only speaking to my husband for 15-30 minutes per day),

.....will you marry me?

 

[laurelandhardy]

Hi megamuel,

Thanks so much for sharing your own experiences and I'm sorry to hear you're also someone who suffers from panic attacks.

I think I can activate PMs so will do so later when I get a bit more free time, then I can tell you more about mine etc.

 

[laurelandhardy]

Maybe you feel obligated to not let your boss down?

Ha, thanks for your good advice, comments and also the bits which made me smile!

You've hit the nail on the head... I do feel obligated not to let my boss down, as they made the 'kind' offer of me going part time, which I believe is an exception for them. Having said that, since I started there, 3 people have come and gone (quit or pushed, I don't know) so maybe they're used to 'churn'...

I also don't want to let my family down, who were pleased for me at the time, when I first got the job i.e. proud of me.

But as you say, if it's still not working...

 

[BeeDub]

You won't ever let your family down if you make the right decision. They will be proud of you - self employed, growing little business and extremely compassionate about others.

Make yourself proud first, the otehrs will follow suit. Good luck with it all, but I think you know the right thing to do.......

 

[laurelandhardy]

I just wish I knew if I really do want to quit and really can't cope with effectively 3 jobs plus a family to look after. Or is it the panic attacks and anxiety making me feel this way?

A few things I've not mentioned are that:

• I earn the minimum wage from the part time temp job. And it takes me 3 hours in total to travel there and back each day.
• I am involved with local community charities and since I started this temp part time job, my charity involvement has all but been put on hold, as I have had to deline so many things and freeze so many of my responsiblities, telling everyone "I'll be back in August"

Hopefully my dilemna will help others in business who suffer from anxiety, panic attacks, depression and so on.

 

[laurelandhardy]

PS - Outsourcing the Freelancing

I did start doing this a month after I started the temp part time job, but I found that clients still contacted me just as regularly for updates and the people I outsourced to had to wait 6 hours for a response from me, stopping them from doing the work as quickly as if I'd been around for them.

PPS - Once, when I employed several staff, one of them was like me, great at here job but an emotional mess. I accepted her resignation to let her "find herself"...

...but my temp part time employer won't likely be as sympathetic, as they've never come across someone with emotional problems or other commitments. People who work there are all Alpha Males, confident, young, care-free types.

 

[laurelandhardy]

Well, after a bit more deliberation and internal wrestling, I did it. I resigned yesterday.

My line manager took it ok and said he understands, but I do think it took him off guard despite the fact he's always known I've never settled into the part time role due to my hordes of other commitments.

Being the kind of sensitive person I am, I felt guilty doing it, especially at a time when the department will be busy over the next few months.

But having said that, the last month has been so quiet there with virtually no work to do, in which time they still forbade me from taking the occasional phone call for my other businesses, which meant I arrived home every night to a few upset messages from clients.

I had to make the decision for sanity, my family, health, progression of my main career in the medium term and other sensibilities. I hope they understand and give me a reference still. I have always kept them informed and even agreed to work 2 weeks extra notice for them. I respect them so I hope they all respect me. If they let me do some of my other work whilst in the office doing their part time job, I may stick it out. It's up to them.