Working from home and domestic life problems

[asbesting]

my time borders for work and relax was obliterated by permanent existence a work place near me. i'm often under a great stress because of i can work any time. it's bad. i think. if you work home, you need to take a self-discipline and not to forget communicate with people, with real people, not online, to travel, be happy…

 

[Pish_Pash]

Working from home has all but killed my marriage....as you all probably realise getting a business up off the ground is incredibly time consuming. My wife doesn't work & is a housewife (we have kids)...at least I thought she was! Since working from home, I now realise her days are solely comprised of going for coffee mornings with other mums, coming home watching soaps on TV...and erhm having little kips throughout the day - that doesn't sit well when I'm busting a gut in the other room (& staying up until 1.00am most evening catching up with paperwork/researching/learning new stuff). So I tried the following...

1. "Get off your arse you lazy cow & do something productive." [to be said in a raised voice]

...alas, it hasn't had the required result, so inevitably, our marriage has gone south & is really in its dying embers

So yeah, working from home has some surprising outcomes.

 

[silverfirefly]

1. "Get off your arse you lazy cow & do something productive." [to be said in a raised voice]

...alas, it hasn't had the required result, so inevitably, our marriage has gone south & is really in its dying embers

I'm not surprised your marriage is all but dead if that's how you speak to the wife.

I'm lucky, I'm single so I can work from home without all the bellyaching. But I'm considering renting a desk for 15 hours a month just to get out of the house a bit.

 

[Pish_Pash]

Thanks for your compassion.

For the sake of removing all doubt, that was the (extremely) abridged version & the words were changed to make the story more dramatic, but nevertheless the underlying story remains the same...man loses job, man forced to work from home, man works very long hours, man hopes for support, wife doesn't support/help man, when working from home ...man sees how little wife actually does 'day to day' ...man & wife have creative discussion...

To give some kind of context of her mindset......imagine you've just lost your job, money's too tight to mention....your wife doesn't work - she's at home 24 x 7, but - wait for it - she expects & pretty much demands to have a cleaner...... & all this when you are trying to get a business off the ground to keep the roof above your head.

 

[The Byre]

she's at home 24 x 7, but - wait for it - she expects & pretty much demands to have a cleaner...... & all this when you are trying to get a business off the ground to keep the roof above your head.

You have to impress upon her that she is going to have to get a part-time job. Money is tight and it's all hands to the pumps! Wife included!

Tell her it's that, or lose the house and car. That should get her attention!

BTW, it's very easy to become a home-slothe, hanging around, watching soaps and wasting time. It's like a kind of depression. You just have to find the trigger that snaps her out of it.

 

[Pish_Pash]

You have to impress upon her that she is going to have to get a part-time job. Money is tight and it's all hands to the pumps! Wife included!

Clearly that's what I think (& I believe most bystanders would think) & clearly this is what I've been vocalising, but I think she's so entrenched in her 'easy ways' it's difficult to shake her out of it...I think you've hit the nail on the head, I view her lack of inertia as some form of depression (or denial).

My problem is we rent in a wealthy area (we moved into this area as the schools are very good - can't abide the thought of my kids having to go to school with rough 'uns.), what I hadn't factored on is by her rubbing shoulders with very wealthy people, that she'd want their lifestyle (2-3 holidays per annum, second homes, private tutors for the kids etc) & now feels like Cinderella! But that type of lifestyle doesn't come by having a snooze on the sofa after watching neighbours on afternoons during the working week(it might come by helping/supporting your husband build his business!)

Tell her it's that, or lose the house and car. That should get her attention!.

Tried that, but I've now worked so hard (on my own!), that my income is now fairly steady - we are no longer 'at threat' of losing our home/car etc...but I did threaten the loss of home/car at the time (she thought I was just scaremongering!)

I'm still searching for the trigger, but for now - for the sake of keeping us together - I'm just taking such slothiness (hey - new word!) on the chin & keeping my nose to the grindstone, hoping that she can somehow see a role for herself in my growing business.

 

[The Byre]

As I am an old fart, well, 63, so I have a few years experience in dealing with people, I know that you can shake a depressed and lazy person out of their stupor.

BUT

It takes a real wake-up call. Not a talking to, not showing her the books, but the real thing. Baliffs coming to the door, taking the leased car and furniture, rented telly and sound system away.

When she has put in some hours, working in a stinking chip shop or at the till of some penny-pinching convenience store, or busting tables at the local greasy spoon, THEN she might get it.

Just remember, an unintelligent person can still get results - it just takes them longer. A lazy person can never get results, no matter how clever they are. Or as Forrest Gump said, "Stupid is as stupid does!"

Being lazy is really stupid.

 

[silverfirefly]

Okay maybe you get some compassion from me, but if I was your wife I wouldn't take kindly to being called a lazy cow. Actually, I wouldn't marry a guy who thinks it's fine to think so lowly of me in the first place, but that's just me.

It's kinda hard to get a job these days unless you have good qualifications and aren't tied down, or you don't mind doing menial jobs. If I was in your shoes, I'd identify her strengths and insist she puts them to use to help out in the business, whilst of course, making sure she reaps some of the benefits. A carrot is better than a stick.

Oh... and somehow get her to realise that wealthy people usually are wealthy because they put in the work. Material wealth doesn't grow on trees. One way you could do that would be to invite the wealthy friends around for dinner and bring up the topic of creating wealth. It might be enough to open your wife's eyes...?

 

[Pish_Pash]

Thanks for the further input

(btw: I didn't call her a lazy cow....even though I do think she is lazy, I would never use that term....it was used to give my earlier prose more impact & save me on a lot of verbose typing!)

The thing is she's not qualified in anything, therefore pretty much unemployable, but she's as sharp as a tack (she's a bit like myself, in so much as I'm not the kind that wants to formally educate myself via a classroom environment & collect qualifications - all well & good if you are going to employ yourself - you'll get the job, but if wanting someone else to employ you...best go & get some qualifications!). Like I say I hope to integrate her more with what I do, but for now, I think it's best just to plod on as whenever we discuss a whole lot of bile comes up from both sides!

Anyway, this isn't a marriage guidance forum...I chimed in as the thread is discussing the impact on a relationship of working from home & I just wanted to be candid that certainly in my case, it really has dented our marriage to the point of almost there not being much of a marriage left (& I never foresaw this at all) - I'm sure a lot of people don't consider this & think it'll be all nice & cosy in the home!

Now, gotta dash...our cleaner is coming soon (I lost that battle...hopefully to win another war) & I need to make the house a bit tidier for her!

 

[silverfirefly]

Well let's hope things improve for you soon.

 

[sirearl]

Has this lady got some hidden talent that you married her.

 

[BristolRemovals]

Have a garden, the garden is important to remember that you have the ability to go outside.