The Anatomy of a Typical UKBF Thread...

[Scott@KarmaContent]

Just for a bit of fun....


Post One

Someone has had an idea. It’s worth a million pounds. They’ve got a website, a Facebook page and spent two months drawing a nice logo. That’s the marketing done. They now want to know if anyone wants to invest or build the business for them for free for a share of the billions they’ll make in a few months.

Oh, it's in an industry they know nothing about but hey, what does this matter? They've got drive, determination and an ACE logo.


Post Two

Someone nicely points out that it takes more than an idea to build a business


Post Three

@ethical PR asks what market research they have done and who their target market are.


Post Four

Original poster accuses everyone of being ‘negative’ and has a bit of a hissy fit. It’s so obvious that this is going to be a success, what do you all know????

Tells everyone to check out their website and how good it is. That will show you.


Post Five

An earthquake that registers about 7 on the Richter scale has just occurred somewhere in the south of England. @fisicx has just clicked on the link and and the website HAS A SLIDER and is also MADE WITH WIX!!!!! and is headbutting his desk in frustration.


Post Six

Original poster doesn’t see the problem with his site. Anyway, his business has 57 likes and is getting more and more everyday. Between Facebook and ‘SEOing it’ he’ll be killing it in a few weeks.


Post Seven

That earthquake from earlier? It’s just got worse and is now a 9 thanks to the ‘57 likes’ comment and ‘SEEing it’. @fisicx is chomping at the bit to give the website a full review but can’t because it is for full members only.


Post Eight

@The Byre jumps in and in a typical post recounts some genuinely good advice to the original poster. He tries to tell him his idea isn’t going anywhere as nicely as possible and recounts how he was once met a similar chap whilst he was scaling the north face of the Eiger in '63.


Post Nine

New poster alert! New member has joined. “Hey, LOVE your idea dude! I’m an SEO professional, I’d LOVE to help you. If anyone else out there wants some SEO doing (it stands for SEARCH ENGINE OPTIMIZATION by the way) I’m here to help. Send me a PM, I’ll get back to you all as soon as possible, I know you’ll all be crying out for my expertise! Let’s get to the top of Google together!!!”


Post Ten

Another new poster with an overly English name, this time with a blatantly fake photo ripped from Google images.

“Hi. I SEO professional. SEO is getting top Google. Help”


Post Eleven and Beyond….

Original poster never returns and the discussion ends up a going round and round in circles about SEO…….. hissssssss……….. etc etc.

 

[UKSBD]

Carp post.

Not once did you mention what fisicx would say when he saw the Hamburger menu.

 

[Scott@KarmaContent]

It was non-responsive. Oh....wait.....

 

[ethical PR]

You forgot ....I am a content writer/copywriter/designer/website developer/advertiser/social media expert/video maker...I don't understand who you are, who you are targetting or what you do, but I can help you promote your business.

 

[MOIC]

At least the replies from @The Byre makes the threads more colourful and interesting to read, even if the bottom line is. "Forget It Mate"

 

[Scott@KarmaContent]

Indeed, I always enjoy his posts. He's obviously got a lot of experience and seems to have led a very interesting life from the content of his posts.

 

[MOIC]

Yes. I wonder if there are any/many embellishments. He's certainly covered many fields, met many influential business people and had a more "active" business life, than most.

Thumbs up to him.

. . . . .Back to the point of the thread . . . .I presume their will be many more in the same vein as you've described.

 

[The Byre]

Yes, that reminds me of a thread on the Sound-on-Sound forum (music recording mag and forum) that was just the most brilliant thread ever written by anybody anywhere. It was seriously funny and made for compulsive reading!

It went on with daily contributions from all sides, inc. the OP for over a year!

The OP bought some cheap Chinese equipment, bodged a recording studio using hardboard and perspex on the upstairs of some industrial lock-up. This, he wrote, would rock the World with low prices and become a true competitor to Abbey Road - despite the fact that it was on the South coast where only OAPs roam free and tear-aways on wheels, burning rubber in Tesco car parks at night involved mobility scooters.

He had dumped £25k into this great project and at the end of the thread, we read how his wife had left him, the equipment was not selling on ebay and the lock-up was, well, er, locked up!

He had spent one year of his life not getting one single customer! But he fitted the above description perfectly! Great idea! ("No it isn't!") Make millions! ("No you won't!") But at least he came back to tell us all what had happened - and that he wished that he had listened to the advice given!

As for me and my life - well, I run what is really a life-style business, as I retired at the grand old age of 49 after selling up. But now I am (a) 65, (b) bored, (c) finding new opportunities, (d) just as daft and hare-brained as I was at 15 - and finally (e) know a lot more than I did at 15!

I also think that life is really just one huge joke! And the punch line of the joke is either Nicki Minaj and her new peanut and melon diet - or death. Take your pick!

As for embellishments - I once had a customer who robbed a bank in order to finance his career as a rock star. My wife always assumed that I had taken the gist of what could have been a good story and had embellished it, to the point where it had become one of those stories one can tell after a great meal, but one always wonders if any of it is really true.

Well, today! Yes! Today an old friend sent me a newspaper clipping about that very guy, who is now relaunching his rock-and-roll career as the band The Lame Idiot and the Nurses!

So trust me - life really is every bit as funny as I think it is! In fact, it is usually a whole lot funnier!

(Which reminds me of the time a doo-wop girl from a band came onto me by pulling her pants down and showing me her rectal scars!)

 

[MOIC]

Just what this thread needed!

 

[Paul Norman]

I like SEO your google Project. We make top page soon easily.

 

[fisicx]

Right.....

You forgot the post where fisicx is called a variety of names buy other members because he knows nuffin.

And you also forgot the bit where the OP says they will use crowdfunding to pay for everything.

And it's a weebly site not wix.

 

[Scott@KarmaContent]

Right.....

You forgot the post where fisicx is called a variety of names buy other members because he knows nuffin.

And you also forgot the bit where the OP says they will use crowdfunding to pay for everything.

And it's a weebly site not wix.

Haha, I stand corrected Graham!

 

[Toby Willows]

Scott, you're spot on. It's like Groundhog day round here.

 

[Paul Norman]

Right.....

You forgot the post where fisicx is called a variety of names buy other members because he knows nuffin.

And you also forgot the bit where the OP says they will use crowdfunding to pay for everything.

And it's a weebly site not wix.

Do you actually know what you are talking about? Etc.
And The Byre once used crowd funding to grow a turnip.

 

[fisicx]

Do you actually know what you are talking about?

Obviously not according to some members here. And they must be right because they keep telling me they are experts.

And this is something else that appears in the typical thread: a shouty look at me poster who makes wild and rash claims that (for example) posting on instaface will get you loads of leads and shares and ranking. They know this because they an expert any everybody else is wrong.

 

[Toby Willows]

Scott, you're spot on. It's like Groundhog day round here.

 

[Scott@KarmaContent]

Scott, you're spot on. It's like Groundhog day round here.

Haha, like it

 

[AWA Training]

Most of them are like it. Problem too is that people get too blunt and personal. This forum for instance i have seen many decent member driven away. For me 3rd time back. but not here for politics, just business.

Word of advice though "if you don't like the answers, don't ask the questions" Also consider asking in a more private environment than in a forum like this where 1000s can make you wish the ground will just swallow you up

 

[Newchodge]

Does anyone remember the days when someone would post an interesting scenario, and lots of people would get involved discussing the issue and developing interesting ideas and being kind and polite to each other, even if some of the ideas were, frankly, bonkers?

[Wanders into the sunset, hands behind back, whistling quietly.]

 

[AWA Training]

Cannot comment on the UKBF of now, but in the past the red mist would form about 10 threads in....

Hoping thats not still the case.

 

[fisicx]

There are still some great discussions, but even 5 years ago the red mist would soon come down on anything to do with SEO

 

[Newchodge]

[SHOUTING] SEO

Can't shout just by capitalising, for obvious reasons.

 

[Chris Ashdown]

Feel I must post, as nobody mentioned me in the first post and feel slighted

After all the negative thoughts I have had about people thinking of taking over existing Pubs or Restaurants with no experience but feel they know exactly what's wrong and can change it around is the shake of a lambs tail

 

[The Byre]

Feel I must post, as nobody mentioned me in the first post and feel slighted

Ah, diddums!

After all the negative thoughts I have had about people thinking of taking over existing Pubs or Restaurants with no experience but feel they know exactly what's wrong and can change it around is the shake of a lambs tail

I have it easy! I don't have to tout my daft ideas here - we have an office full of people who can tell me that I am an idiot, without having to write onto a forum at all!

Only yesterday, I came up with another of my hare-brained ideas (a local arts festival) only to be told by accounts that there is one already and somebody else pointed out that it's more than one.

My wife was somewhat more blunt "Can't you get some work done, instead of sitting there thinking!" She then started off on a list of things that urgently need my attention - orders that should have gone out last week, contracts that need to be drafted and a host of jobs around the place that I said I would do, but still have not been done!

So you see, some people need this forum, but others like myself don't. We have wives and others to tell us that we are idiots!

 

[garyk]

Post Eleven and Beyond….

Original poster never returns and the discussion ends up a going round and round in circles about SEO…….. hissssssss……….. etc etc.

Thats the bit that tees me off, seeing quite a few cases where people ask for help, get it and never see them again! At least have the courtesy to read the advice and respond!

Getting to the point where I think is it worth it respondiong...

 

[Scalloway]

My view is that if the advice has a wider value to other people looking at the forum it is worth posting. I remember a while ago I had a problem with my PC and found a couple of forum threads from people who had the same problem, but no answers, apart from one where the OP came back to say the issue was solved without saying how.

 

[Ian J]

Thats the bit that tees me off, seeing quite a few cases where people ask for help, get it and never see them again! At least have the courtesy to read the advice and respond!

I think that a lot of people omit to tick the box asking to be notified of any replies and never return thinking that no-one has responded to them

 

[Matt.WD]

Only been on the forum a few weeks, but have already got the gist of the standard thread structure . I've made a note to to mention SEO or social media advertising (which seems like a pretty sore subject)!

 

[fisicx]

There have been some great SEO and SM threads. What tends to happen though is a shouty member turns up and proceeds to tells why we are all wrong they are right. If they gave some justification then their ideas might be considered. But they don't. They just tell us that SEO is pointless as all you need to do is post to FB at 3pm on a Tuesday to generate leads.

 

[Chris Ashdown]

Post One

Someone has had an idea. It’s worth a million pounds. They’ve got a website, a Facebook page and spent two months drawing a nice logo. That’s the marketing done. They now want to know if anyone wants to invest or build the business for them for free for a share of the billions they’ll make in a few months.

Oh, it's in an industry they know nothing about but hey, what does this matter? They've got drive, determination and an ACE logo.


Post Two

Someone nicely points out that it takes more than an idea to build a business


Post Three

@ethical PR asks what market research they have done and who their target market are.


Post Four

Original poster accuses everyone of being ‘negative’ and has a bit of a hissy fit. It’s so obvious that this is going to be a success, what do you all know????

Tells everyone to check out their website and how good it is. That will show you.


Post Five

An earthquake that registers about 7 on the Richter scale has just occurred somewhere in the south of England. @fisicx has just clicked on the link and and the website HAS A SLIDERand is also MADE WITH WIX!!!!! and is headbutting his desk in frustration.


Post Six

Original poster doesn’t see the problem with his site. Anyway, his business has 57 likes and is getting more and more everyday. Between Facebook and ‘SEOing it’ he’ll be killing it in a few weeks.


Post Seven

That earthquake from earlier? It’s just got worse and is now a 9 thanks to the ‘57 likes’ comment and ‘SEEing it’. @fisicx is chomping at the bit to give the website a full review but can’t because it is for full members only.


Post Eight

@The Byre jumps in and in a typical post recounts some genuinely good advice to the original poster. He tries to tell him his idea isn’t going anywhere as nicely as possible and recounts how he was once met a similar chap whilst he was scaling the north face of the Eiger in '63.


Post Nine

New poster alert! New member has joined. “Hey, LOVE your idea dude! I’m an SEO professional, I’d LOVE to help you. If anyone else out there wants some SEO doing (it stands for SEARCH ENGINE OPTIMIZATION by the way) I’m here to help. Send me a PM, I’ll get back to you all as soon as possible, I know you’ll all be crying out for my expertise! Let’s get to the top of Google together!!!”


Post Ten

Another new poster with an overly English name, this time with a blatantly fake photo ripped from Google images.

“Hi. I SEO professional. SEO is getting top Google. Help”


Post Eleven and Beyond….

Original poster never returns and the discussion ends up a going round and round in circles about SEO…….. hissssssss……….. etc etc.

 

[Root 66 Woodshop]

Post 10,001

Someone drags up an old thread - someone else replies - someone calls the first one for replying saying it's an old thread no point in replying - third person joins in saying well they didn't know - fourth comes back with look at the date!!

Post 10,002

no one really gives a toss - it's just Friday - everyone loves a rumble on a Friday.

Post 10,003

@Chris Ashdown still feels left out because no one mentioned him.

 

[Don Smith]

Who's Chris Ashdown?

 

[The Byre]

Post Eight

@The Byre jumps in and in a typical post recounts some genuinely good advice to the original poster. He tries to tell him his idea isn’t going anywhere as nicely as possible and recounts how he was once met a similar chap whilst he was scaling the north face of the Eiger in '63.

I must point out that, in all fairness, I was just 12 or 13 in '63 and therefore not in any position to scale the North Face of the Eiger - though I was trying to scale the North Face of a Polish girl who lived in the next street, but sadly, she was having none of it!

 

[Ally Maxwell]

Yes, that reminds me of a thread on the Sound-on-Sound forum (music recording mag and forum) that was just the most brilliant thread ever written by anybody anywhere. It was seriously funny and made for compulsive reading!

It went on with daily contributions from all sides, inc. the OP for over a year!

The OP bought some cheap Chinese equipment, bodged a recording studio using hardboard and perspex on the upstairs of some industrial lock-up. This, he wrote, would rock the World with low prices and become a true competitor to Abbey Road - despite the fact that it was on the South coast where only OAPs roam free and tear-aways on wheels, burning rubber in Tesco car parks at night involved mobility scooters.

He had dumped £25k into this great project and at the end of the thread, we read how his wife had left him, the equipment was not selling on ebay and the lock-up was, well, er, locked up!

He had spent one year of his life not getting one single customer! But he fitted the above description perfectly! Great idea! ("No it isn't!") Make millions! ("No you won't!") But at least he came back to tell us all what had happened - and that he wished that he had listened to the advice given!

As for me and my life - well, I run what is really a life-style business, as I retired at the grand old age of 49 after selling up. But now I am (a) 65, (b) bored, (c) finding new opportunities, (d) just as daft and hare-brained as I was at 15 - and finally (e) know a lot more than I did at 15!

I also think that life is really just one huge joke! And the punch line of the joke is either Nicki Minaj and her new peanut and melon diet - or death. Take your pick!

As for embellishments - I once had a customer who robbed a bank in order to finance his career as a rock star. My wife always assumed that I had taken the gist of what could have been a good story and had embellished it, to the point where it had become one of those stories one can tell after a great meal, but one always wonders if any of it is really true.

Well, today! Yes! Today an old friend sent me a newspaper clipping about that very guy, who is now relaunching his rock-and-roll career as the band The Lame Idiot and the Nurses!

So trust me - life really is every bit as funny as I think it is! In fact, it is usually a whole lot funnier!

(Which reminds me of the time a doo-wop girl from a band came onto me by pulling her pants down and showing me her rectal scars!)

I remember that SoS thread. Was that Richard Steed ? (Synthman, Synthman1 and various other now banned user id's ?)

 

[Chris Ashdown]

Who worries about work when we have a forum?

 

[The Byre]

I remember that SoS thread. Was that Richard Steed ? (Synthman, Synthman1 and various other now banned user id's ?)

No, it was the Arby Studios thread. Definitely the funniest thing ever to have been written within the pages of the SoS forum!

The guy who sold him the entire recording rig even chipped in - it was brilliant! He claimed to have been a successful producer. It turned out that his one record was an LP of recordings of steam engines!

These were genuine people - it wasn't a pish-take! Sadly now lost, as it was ages ago!

Synthman was long suspected to have been a recreation of ColinS, who played dumb brilliantly. A drummer friend of mine chipped in a 'Mike-on-Guitar' who played equally dumb. It transpired that Synthman was for real and was actually that dumb.

Earlier than that, one of the most brilliantly antagonistic flame wars broke out over the emotional subject (within the SoS acoustics pages) over double- and triple-leaf sound insulation for studio walls and another broke out over sympathetic resonances in adjacent sheets of glass.

One got the impression that the main protagonists, when they were not posting reams and reams of technical arguments, combined with some of the rudest insults possible, were biting the carpet and sticking straws in their hair, claiming to be the Emperor of Abyssinia.

One of them managed to give himself a heart attack and died! Oh happy days!