Should I be happy, angry or just throttle my partner ???

[Monty Lister]

Right now, I am in the strangest position i have EVER been in, in my 13 years of business.
To keep this as short as possible I will tell the story using headlines. You have every right to think I'm a weirdo, but if you can help a weirdo, then today's the day.

2000 - Started my own business with 50k savings
2008 - After profitable 8 years, decided to expand, and offer my products to High St Supermarkets.
2008 - Signed supplier contract with major High St chain
2011 - Realised I'd taken on too much and couldn't handle it alone. Company's economy was bad. No structure etc etc
2011 - Found a "perfect" business partner with 35 years experience in retail at the highest level.
2011 - Due to my lack of experience and stupidity, the years results showed a loss of £70,000
2011-13 - My business has been totally turned on its head. Financial result from 2012 showed a profit of almost £100,000. With 2 new office employees, the office functions perfectly, employed a regional sales manager, which is going really well.
2013 - After realising what a fantastic job he has done, and preferring half a big cream cake instead of a biscuit for myself, i agreed to give him a 50/50 share in my business.

When he initially started working for me, he invoiced me £1,200 per month for his 2 day a week consultancy. The 2 days a week has now turned into SEVEN days a week, and he has TOTALLY dedicated to the cause, and still only draws £1,200(And he constantly reminds me). Because of my family commitments with wife, house and 3 children, i take £1,500 myself(My partner is single and lives in an apartment). This amount is what i need to cover my mortgage etc. My wife is employed full time, and contributes to the family's economy.

The verbal partnership agreement was made in the way that no financial investment from his side was discussed. His investment in my company is the 2 years that he has spent, working for a third of what he normally would get from consultancy customers. This is fine with me.

OK, so you're saying to yourself, "What the hell are you complaining about" ???

I am fully aware of what he has done for the business and my family's future, but i feel a total stranger in my own business.Since we verbally agreed the 50/50 partnership, he has gradually taken 90% control of the business

From the heart, here's why my "Future business partner" makes me feel right now.

1. His lives for work. Work, work, bloody work. He doesnt have ANY social life. Just work.
2. Admittedly, he's a genius in what he does, but because of my inexperience, he treats me like an idiot.
3. He wants to run the show from start to finish. His opinion is the right opinion , ALWAYS.
4. I gave him total control of the company's economy 2 years ago. He's doing a wonderful job.
5. Meetings with Bank, Accountant, etc. I'm NOT invited. He says it only needs one of us.
6. He has ZERO sense of humour. Never smiles, never laughs. Miserable sod.
7. He is a total 100% perfectionist, and will not tolerate anything less. He's always nit picking, and correcting almost EVERYTHING i do. He treats me like a naughty boy.
8. After inviting him for dinner with my family, he has made it perfectly clear, that he does NOT mix business with pleasure !!
9. Ridicules my initial start of the business, and compares the transition as League Div 3 to the Premier League.
10. He CONSTANTLY reminds me that he has "Saved my company", and likes to rub it in my face.
11.When I call him, he doesn't answer. Later, claims he "forgot to call back". Obviously consider's me as an inconvenience.
12. I have years more experience dealing with our products than he has, but always dismisses my opinions or input when product related questions arise.
13. He is "on the go" 24/7/365, and resents me being off work Sat /Sun. I have a family to care for.

Basically, he shows me no respect at all, and probably never will. He just brushes me aside like some bit of trash.

God only knows how I haven't yet throttled him. His record, experience and connections are impeccable, and i can't fault ONE SINGLE THING - business related.
I feel like a stranger in my own office. I am made to feel useless. He overrides me on many occasions, and has taken general control of EVERYTHING.
Because of my supposed "fantastic personality", he feels that i am the right person who will go out and make courtesy calls to our customers covering a 300 mile radius. Feels like he's trying to get rid of me.
I trust the guy very much, and numerous references and opinions from others in the industry back this up.
Please don't think I'm an ungrateful person, i am certainly not, but i just feel so useless, when i know I'm not.
It was me who hatched the idea, and took the business as far as i could with the experience i had.
I am quite a well known name in the industry, but since he decided he wants to run the show, MY PHONE NEVER RINGS ANY MORE !!!

Am i ungrateful ?
Do i just let him win the premier league and maybe the champions league too ?
Should i put my foot down ?

Please, please come with some constructive comments. I have NO idea who to turn to.

One final point. THIS IS STILL MY BUSINESS, OK ? Mine. It's MY house on the line, not his.

 

[Faevilangel]

It's a difficult one, on one hand he has made your business what it is and has improved your income?

On the other hand he is trying to change more things than you initially expected, slowly grinding in to change what you do in the business.

Could this be down to not having an exact role in the business, he is trying to run it all as he feels it is his job.

Basically you need to sit down with him and work out your roles within the business e.g.

he does xx, yy and zz

you do aa,bb, and cc

You can then ask him for advice on your roles but they wouldn't be his direct role so it might help him relax a little more and spend more time on his parts rather than worrying on the other bits.

 

[MOIC]

Wow, what a thread !

1 - What is the worse case scenario with your partner? What are your fears?

2 - Do you want to have something more substantial in writing and are unsure as to your partner's view on this?

3 - What does your wife say on the matter? (Sometimes a wife can see things that you don't)

4 - What do you bring to the table as far as the business is concerned?

5 - Do you feel that by being undermined is affecting your self esteem and affecting how you work as well as your home life?

6 - At some point you will need to sit down, with possibly a third person, to clarify each others position, as clearly this is affecting your view as to your worthlessness in your business and will have a knock on affect on your life.

Clearly, you are far from happy.

 

[StevensOnln1]

Maybe someone like @The Resolver could help you?

 

[Nala]

Sounds like he wants to buy you out.

Make sure it's for the right price.

And it's too late to say it should have been 51% you and 49% him in shares.

 

[Monty Lister]

Nala,
A buyout is not an option for him. He has no money to speak of. In theory, he should be a multi millionaire.
At 52 years of age, he obviously sees this as his pension

 

[Monty Lister]

@StevensOin1
Resolver ? Please enlighten me

 

[Monty Lister]

@MYOFFICEINCHINA

1 - What is the worse case scenario with your partner? What are your fears?
REALLY NOT SURE. HE JUST MAKES ME FEEL INADEQUATE AND MAKES LIKE I DON'T EVEN EXIST.
I'M NOT AFRAID OF HM SHAFTING ME, AS UNTIL NOW, AND BEFORE MY LAWYER DRAWS UP A CONTRACT, THE BUSINESS IS 100% MINE. INCIDENTALLY, I WOULD NEVER, EVER CONSIDER SHAFTING HIM. HE'S WORKED LIKE A DOG FOR THE LAST 2 YEARS.

2 - Do you want to have something more substantial in writing and are unsure as to your partner's view on this?
WHEN WE START THE NEW COMPANY, MY LAWYER WILL DRAW UP A PARTNERSHIP CONTRACT - NOT HIS

3 - What does your wife say on the matter? (Sometimes a wife can see things that you don't)
TRY NOT TO INVOLVE HER. SHE HAS A PLATEFUL ALREADY, WITH KIDS, HOUSE, WORK ETC.

4 - What do you bring to the table as far as the business is concerned?
I AM OUT ON THE ROAD 3 DAYS A WEEK VISITING CLIENTS, WHICH I ENJOY VERY MUCH. I AM ALSO INVOLVED WITH BUYING AND IT ISSUES.

5 - Do you feel that by being undermined is affecting your self esteem and affecting how you work as well as your home life?
ABSOLUTLEY. I FEEL VERY UNCOMFORTABLE AT WORK, AND IT IS EFFECTING MY HOME LIFE.

6 - At some point you will need to sit down, with possibly a third person, to clarify each others position, as clearly this is affecting your view as to your worthlessness in your business and will have a knock on affect on your life.

Clearly, you are far from happy.

AS FAR AS THE WORK TASKS ARE CONCERNED, BECAUSE OF MY INEXPERIENCE, IT'S HIM THAT DOES THE MOST. TWO REASONS FOR THIS. FIRSTLY, I'M USELESS WITH ECONOMY, AND ANYTHING TO DO WITH MONEY.
HE'S MISTER PERFECT AT EVERYTHING.
NO, I AM NOT ENVIOUS. I KNOW, IF IT WASN'T FOR HIM, MY ADDRESS WOULD BE A BUS STOP TODAY.

 

[StevensOnln1]

@StevensOin1
Resolver ? Please enlighten me

He's a member on here, click the link in my post to go to his profile. I'm sure there are other companies that offer a similar service too.

 

[Monty Lister]

Many thanks Steve. I have now mailed him

 

[sirearl]

Right now, I am in the strangest position i have EVER been in, in my 13 years of business.
To keep this as short as possible I will tell the story using headlines. You have every right to think I'm a weirdo, but if you can help a weirdo, then today's the day.

2000 - Started my own business with 50k savings
2008 - After profitable 8 years, decided to expand, and offer my products to High St Supermarkets.
2008 - Signed supplier contract with major High St chain
2011 - Realised I'd taken on too much and couldn't handle it alone. Company's economy was bad. No structure etc etc
2011 - Found a "perfect" business partner with 35 years experience in retail at the highest level.
2011 - Due to my lack of experience and stupidity, the years results showed a loss of £70,000
2011-13 - My business has been totally turned on its head. Financial result from 2012 showed a profit of almost £100,000. With 2 new office employees, the office functions perfectly, employed a regional sales manager, which is going really well.
2013 - After realising what a fantastic job he has done, and preferring half a big cream cake instead of a biscuit for myself, i agreed to give him a 50/50 share in my business.

When he initially started working for me, he invoiced me £1,200 per month for his 2 day a week consultancy. The 2 days a week has now turned into SEVEN days a week, and he has TOTALLY dedicated to the cause, and still only draws £1,200(And he constantly reminds me). Because of my family commitments with wife, house and 3 children, i take £1,500 myself(My partner is single and lives in an apartment). This amount is what i need to cover my mortgage etc. My wife is employed full time, and contributes to the family's economy.

The verbal partnership agreement was made in the way that no financial investment from his side was discussed. His investment in my company is the 2 years that he has spent, working for a third of what he normally would get from consultancy customers. This is fine with me.

OK, so you're saying to yourself, "What the hell are you complaining about" ???

I am fully aware of what he has done for the business and my family's future, but i feel a total stranger in my own business.Since we verbally agreed the 50/50 partnership, he has gradually taken 90% control of the business

From the heart, here's why my "Future business partner" makes me feel right now.

1. His lives for work. Work, work, bloody work. He doesnt have ANY social life. Just work.
2. Admittedly, he's a genius in what he does, but because of my inexperience, he treats me like an idiot.
3. He wants to run the show from start to finish. His opinion is the right opinion , ALWAYS.
4. I gave him total control of the company's economy 2 years ago. He's doing a wonderful job.
5. Meetings with Bank, Accountant, etc. I'm NOT invited. He says it only needs one of us.
6. He has ZERO sense of humour. Never smiles, never laughs. Miserable sod.
7. He is a total 100% perfectionist, and will not tolerate anything less. He's always nit picking, and correcting almost EVERYTHING i do. He treats me like a naughty boy.
8. After inviting him for dinner with my family, he has made it perfectly clear, that he does NOT mix business with pleasure !!
9. Ridicules my initial start of the business, and compares the transition as League Div 3 to the Premier League.
10. He CONSTANTLY reminds me that he has "Saved my company", and likes to rub it in my face.
11.When I call him, he doesn't answer. Later, claims he "forgot to call back". Obviously consider's me as an inconvenience.
12. I have years more experience dealing with our products than he has, but always dismisses my opinions or input when product related questions arise.
13. He is "on the go" 24/7/365, and resents me being off work Sat /Sun. I have a family to care for.

Basically, he shows me no respect at all, and probably never will. He just brushes me aside like some bit of trash.

God only knows how I haven't yet throttled him. His record, experience and connections are impeccable, and i can't fault ONE SINGLE THING - business related.
I feel like a stranger in my own office. I am made to feel useless. He overrides me on many occasions, and has taken general control of EVERYTHING.
Because of my supposed "fantastic personality", he feels that i am the right person who will go out and make courtesy calls to our customers covering a 300 mile radius. Feels like he's trying to get rid of me.
I trust the guy very much, and numerous references and opinions from others in the industry back this up.
Please don't think I'm an ungrateful person, i am certainly not, but i just feel so useless, when i know I'm not.
It was me who hatched the idea, and took the business as far as i could with the experience i had.
I am quite a well known name in the industry, but since he decided he wants to run the show, MY PHONE NEVER RINGS ANY MORE !!!

Am i ungrateful ?
Do i just let him win the premier league and maybe the champions league too ?
Should i put my foot down ?

Please, please come with some constructive comments. I have NO idea who to turn to.

One final point. THIS IS STILL MY BUSINESS, OK ? Mine. It's MY house on the line, not his.

Either take up golf or find another business to interest you.

Most of us would be happy to have a partner thats better than us at business.

 

[Monty Lister]

@sirearl
Many thanks for your priceless, and helpful advice.
I knew someone would solve my problem.

 

[MOIC]

@MYOFFICEINCHINA

1 - What is the worse case scenario with your partner? What are your fears?
REALLY NOT SURE. HE JUST MAKES ME FEEL INADEQUATE AND MAKES LIKE I DON'T EVEN EXIST.
I'M NOT AFRAID OF HM SHAFTING ME, AS UNTIL NOW, AND BEFORE MY LAWYER DRAWS UP A CONTRACT, THE BUSINESS IS 100% MINE. INCIDENTALLY, I WOULD NEVER, EVER CONSIDER SHAFTING HIM. HE'S WORKED LIKE A DOG FOR THE LAST 2 YEARS.

2 - Do you want to have something more substantial in writing and are unsure as to your partner's view on this?
WHEN WE START THE NEW COMPANY, MY LAWYER WILL DRAW UP A PARTNERSHIP CONTRACT - NOT HIS

3 - What does your wife say on the matter? (Sometimes a wife can see things that you don't)
TRY NOT TO INVOLVE HER. SHE HAS A PLATEFUL ALREADY, WITH KIDS, HOUSE, WORK ETC.

4 - What do you bring to the table as far as the business is concerned?
I AM OUT ON THE ROAD 3 DAYS A WEEK VISITING CLIENTS, WHICH I ENJOY VERY MUCH. I AM ALSO INVOLVED WITH BUYING AND IT ISSUES.

5 - Do you feel that by being undermined is affecting your self esteem and affecting how you work as well as your home life?
ABSOLUTLEY. I FEEL VERY UNCOMFORTABLE AT WORK, AND IT IS EFFECTING MY HOME LIFE.

6 - At some point you will need to sit down, with possibly a third person, to clarify each others position, as clearly this is affecting your view as to your worthlessness in your business and will have a knock on affect on your life.

Clearly, you are far from happy.

AS FAR AS THE WORK TASKS ARE CONCERNED, BECAUSE OF MY INEXPERIENCE, IT'S HIM THAT DOES THE MOST. TWO REASONS FOR THIS. FIRSTLY, I'M USELESS WITH ECONOMY, AND ANYTHING TO DO WITH MONEY.
HE'S MISTER PERFECT AT EVERYTHING.
NO, I AM NOT ENVIOUS. I KNOW, IF IT WASN'T FOR HIM, MY ADDRESS WOULD BE A BUS STOP TODAY.

Hi Monty

Strange as this may sound.............It seems you have an ideal business, as well as business relationship with your partner, in as much as:

He does what he is good at.

You are doing what you are good at.

Could this be a mental issue? (I am not being rude)

 

[10032012]

@Monty Lister Why start a new company? Wouldn't the easiest way be to increase his salary/consultancy fees? Why would you want to lose 50% shares?

You sing his praises, why is he that poor if he is so good?

You need to do some digging. He is working below national minimum wage, but why? what has he got to hide? You need to do some due diligence. Is he a bankrupt? Is this move to a new company because he got his discharge and can act as a director again?

 

[Monty Lister]

@10032012
You sing his praises, why is he that poor if he is so good?
I WOULDN'T CLASS HIM AS POOR. HE HAD 2 ACTIVE CLIENTS WHEN I MET HIM. I KNOW FOR A FACT, THAT HE CHOSE TO WORK FOR ME EXCLUSIVELY, AS HE TOTALLY FELL IN LOVE WITH MY CONCEPT, AND THE 2 OTHER CLIENTS WERE LOCATED 3 HOURS AWAY.
HE LIVES 5 MINUTES FROM OUR OFFICE, AND IS QUITE HAPPY WITH THAT. HE PREVIOUSLY WORKED FOR CADBURY AS A REGIONAL MANAGER, WHICH MEANT 50,000 miles ON THE ROAD.
You need to do some digging. He is working below national minimum wage, but why? what has he got to hide?
HE IS WORKING HIS WAY INTO A 50/50 DEAL IN A POTENTIALLY LUCRATIVE COMPANY. BELIEVE ME, THE GUY IS AN ANGEL, AND HAS NOT A SINGLE THING TO HIDE.
HE IS WORSHIPPED BY EVERYONE IN THE INDUSRY, AND I AM CONSTANTLY BEING REMINDED HOW LUCKY I AM.

You need to do some due diligence. Is he a bankrupt?
NO, HE HAS NEVER BEEN BANKRUPT, AND IS AS HONEST AS THE FLIPPIN POPE. CLEANER THAN CLEAN, WHITER THAN WHITE. TRULY
Is this move to a new company because he got his discharge and can act as a director again?
NO, NOT THE CASE AT ALL

 

[Monty Lister]

@myofficeinchina
No offence taken my friend. I come from Liverpool, and am both very sceptical, and could very easily find myself in the "nutters" category every so often
You could actually be quite right with your "mental issue" theory.
He's taken over my baby, and left me with bugger all to do.
I know he's much better at almost everything than me.
Oh, jesus, i don't know what to say. I want my mum

 

[japancool]

You say he runs 90% of the business.

And although you trust him, this division of work makes you feel uncomfortable.

Don't go into business with someone with whom you feel uncomfortable. As you point out, it is still your business, and you should not tolerate being sidelined.

List out your roles and duties in the business, and list out his. Then look at both, and decide if there are any roles you think you should be doing. If there aren't any, and your contribution to the business is purely financial, then you basically have two choices - accept that that is your role and either renegotiate your percentage holdings to 51%/49%, or withdraw completely, and find someone else who may not be as good as he is, but with whom you feel more comfortable.

If there are roles that you think you should be doing, and that you know you can do well, then sit down and have a meeting with him to clear the air. Make it plain that it is your company, and you won't put up with him criticising how you started the business etc. Maybe he would have done it differently, but he *didn't* do it - you did. Work out between the two of you what your division of duties is, and formalise it.

And don't let him take over your role by stealth. If you agree that a duty is yours, then it's your responsibility to make sure it's done, and his responsibility to support you, but not do it for you.

As for being useless with economy and money, that's really no excuse. Anyone can get better at understanding and working with figures, and as a business owner, you really should have a grasp of what's going on. It's incumbent on you to get to grips with it, not make excuses. I'm not being rude here, but that's just a fact. You don't have to understand every single figure or nuance but get an idea of what's going on. I mean, if you're losing £70,000 a year or making a profit of £100,000, you must have SOME idea of what's happening.

 

[10032012]

@Monty Lister what is your last 3 years turnover?

 

[Monty Lister]

2011 £500,000
2012 £800,000
2013 £1.4 Mill (at least)

 

[10032012]

So he runs that business for just £14,400 per year to get you £1.4m turnover?
He had only 3 clients (the lower the number the better, of course) then got rid of the other 2 to work fulltime on your company whilst currently not owning any of it (or getting any other benefits)?
He has been fully instrumental to the company's success and you haven't been part of it?

I cannot help but think something seems too good to be true here.

He has done all the work for below the minimum wage. Almost seems as if working for your company was a good guaranteed steady income for him, which still raises the question as to why, this wasn't just a stop gap for him to move on to other things?

 

[sirearl]

2011 £500,000
2012 £800,000
2013 £1.4 Mill (at least)

If you are thinking of getting rid of him .

Let me know.

P.S do they have loony bins in Liverpool.

 

[patientlady]

So he runs that business for just £14,400 per year to get you £1.4m turnover?
He had only 3 clients (the lower the number the better, of course) then got rid of the other 2 to work fulltime on your company whilst currently not owning any of it (or getting any other benefits)?
He has been fully instrumental to the company's success and you haven't been part of it?

I cannot help but think something seems too good to be true here.

He has done all the work for below the minimum wage. Almost seems as if working for your company was a good guaranteed steady income for him, which still raises the question as to why, this wasn't just a stop gap for him to move on to other things?

I just cannot understand how he thinks he can get away with this treatment towards you? Surely if he oversteps the mark, with just a verbal agreement he would be on stoney ground!
or Could it be that as he does not have a contract of employment, and with him having taken over 90% of the work load this has set a precedent!
I really do think you should get some legal advice, are you a member of the FSB? and also get back to your business. Spend more time in the office, 5 days a week for the foreseeable future and gradually take back a fair share of it. Without upsetting him, do it gently and over the next few weeks, using the excuse if you need it, that if the business is going to be 50/50 then the work load should be similar as you feel uneasy how it is.
Verbal partnership agreements just do not work, as someone will be unhappy. In fact I dont think most partnerships work but thats another story.
No matter what the outcome, can you consider going ahead with a partnership agreement with his attitude?
Could he start his own business tomorrow and take all your customers with him btw?
I hope it all works out well for you p/l

 

[KateCB]

This 50% share - is it in writing, legal etc? Is it a LTD company, does he have voting rights, or just a 50% share of any payable dividends? Is it a partnership, a legal partnership?

I would be inclined to go away and leave him to it, informing him that you will let him know when you are going to come in for an inspection visit, and arrange to do that every 6 - 8 weeks or so. Keeps him and staff on their toes, tell him you want full reports at each visit and give him a weeks notice to prepare them. He will love it as it will give him the opportunity to put in writing just how clever he is and you will love it as you will spend a couple of hours quality time in your original business.

Meanwhile, go and start another company, doing something different and learn from the success of the first - and retain 100% ownership of the 2nd one!

I would also be inclined to take a larger salary so that you can afford to travel with your family as you will need a rest from travelling along, speaking with clients, sourcing and researching new ideas and products for either company....AND your long suffering wife shouldn't HAVE to work - there is a difference between needing to work and HAVING to work you know!

Letting go of your baby is hard, the 50/50 idea in hindsight as you know was rash, but make the best of it; he is happy to run it obviously, but needs constant praise - give him what he wants and go and do something else that YOU want - win win?

Alternatively, simply say to him that he misheard you - you said a 15% share, not a 50% share, and then start increasing your 'visible time' in the office - letting staff and him know that YOU are the boss, reinforcing that YOU started the company, and that it is YOUR baby - he can't undermine your decisions unless you let him....at a 50% share the best you could hope for would be stalemate, not a 'he wins and gets HIS way'

Man up - stand up, and take back what it yours.

Good luck

 

[sirearl]

Without upsetting him, do it gently and over the next few weeks, using the excuse if you need it, that if the business is going to be 50/50 then the work load should be similar as you feel uneasy how it is.

Oh I am sure the dragons feel that way.

The OP started the company .put up the capital and owns 50% of the company.

The amount of work he puts in is irrelevant,everyone seems happy apart from the OP because he has had his baby taken away by a better mum.

Go find another baby to play with.

 

[Mitch3473]

If he's that good I'd check the books

 

[japancool]

and then start increasing your 'visible time' in the office - letting staff and him know that YOU are the boss, reinforcing that YOU started the company, and that it is YOUR baby - he can't undermine your decisions unless you let him....at a 50% share the best you could hope for would be stalemate, not a 'he wins and gets HIS way'

Man up - stand up, and take back what it yours.

Good luck

KateCB's post was very good and part is worth emphasising.

Things have only got to this point because YOU'VE let it. He runs 90% of the business. Have you, at any stage, indicated that you were going to take some of that responsibility yourself? Or have you simply gone quietly along with what he says without questioning, without doing your own research and without asserting yourself with the excuse that you're not good at some of these things.

You're the business owner. It's time you started acting like it. Otherwise you have no one to blame but yourself.

Yes, you should be angry, but guess who with?

If this sounds harsh and unsympathetic, it's because it's meant to be harsh but not unsympathetic. If you don't sort it out now, it will come back to bite you hard a few years down the line.

On the other side of the coin, for someone who might find themselves on the other side of this situation, it should be a lesson. Never pour your effort into doing something for someone else on the basis of a promise, no matter how friendly or matey you might be. Get it in writing.

 

[BelindaChong]

I think you may be undervaluing what you do. You say he leaves the sales and IT to you, as you are better. He is taking care of other areas because he is better at them. He sounds well worth hanging on to. So why aren't you paying him more, or encouraging him to take more?

 

[10032012]

If he is as good as you say he is... You sure you aren't taking advantage? perhaps he does 90% of the work over 7 days because you wont do them, he decided to help you out once, then he has just taken over because you are completely useless (reference to the way you said he treats you) and feels that is what he must do for his consultancy fee?

To be a good business executive isn't all about being greedy, but after a couple of months (at the most) you would expect him to try and renegotiate his fee (considering he is doing triple the fee was initially for).

So if he isn't hiding anything and not got skeletons in his closet, you must not be letting on as to your actual circumstances. There must be something you aren't telling us.

 

[Blood Lust]

Am i ungrateful ?
Do i just let him win the premier league and maybe the champions league too ?
Should i put my foot down ?

Please, please come with some constructive comments. I have NO idea who to turn to.

One final point. THIS IS STILL MY BUSINESS, OK ? Mine. It's MY house on the line, not his.

Narcissists perceive themselves to be and obsess over being defective. This causes them distress which they seek to avoid by engaging in maladaptive coping techniques -

Be the best at everything - By doing this they can avoid thinking about their obsession by being the best. Narcissists taking this approach are often mistaken as top performers and workaholics.

Chip away at others - By lowering you down a few levels leaving the narcissist as the best he can avoid thinking about his obsession.

You need to use a reward and punishment technique on him to control the guy. If he chips at you give him negative putdowns to make him feel inferior. However at other times build him up with praise and compliments.

The aim is to train him (by making him feel bad) to only accept narcissist supply supplied on your terms. Then he should stop doing your head in.

 

[sirearl]

Narcissists perceive themselves to be and obsess over being defective. This causes them distress which they seek to avoid by engaging in maladaptive coping techniques -

Be the best at everything - By doing this they can avoid thinking about their obsession by being the best. Narcissists taking this approach are often mistaken as top performers and workaholics.

Chip away at others - By lowering you down a few levels leaving the narcissist as the best he can avoid thinking about his obsession.

You need to use a reward and punishment technique on him to control the guy. If he chips at you give him negative putdowns to make him feel inferior. However at other times build him up with praise and compliments.

The aim is to train him (by making him feel bad) to only accept narcissist supply supplied on your terms. Then he should stop doing your head in.

Narcissism exisits in everyone and is not by definition a bad thing.

 

[MOIC]

@myofficeinchina
No offence taken my friend. I come from Liverpool, and am both very sceptical, and could very easily find myself in the "nutters" category every so often
You could actually be quite right with your "mental issue" theory.
He's taken over my baby, and left me with bugger all to do.
I know he's much better at almost everything than me.
Oh, jesus, i don't know what to say. I want my mum

You have to come to terms with several issues:

1 - You have to accept the situation for what it is, a successful business being run effectively by 2 people who, in their own right are moving the company forward.

2 - Accept the fact that he is in charge of important areas of the business, that even in your own admission, he is better than you.

3 - Understand that to be a successful business, you have to have on board people who are better than yourself in relevant positions.

4 - Not look at it as your baby, but rather a company that needs guidance and experience to move forward.

5 - Accept the fact that currently your partner is doing what he is doing, because he enjoys the buzz and does not have any negative aspirations to the future of the company.

You have taken a bold step to air your laundry in public, perhaps you have to speak to someone closer to you, to fully appreciate and understand your predicament.

Many people would like to be in your situation, allbeit with an acceptance of your role as not being "top dog" in the company.

I wish you well.

 

[Blood Lust]

Narcissism exisits in everyone and is not by definition a bad thing.

The guys narcissim has benefitted the business. The trick is managing him so he continues to get the best out of him without him doing his head in.

 

[Socio South West]

@Monty Lister Very interesting post - no surprise there is a range of opinions.

You love the company - its your baby as you say... but someone seems to have stolen it from you...

I am finding myself agreeing with those who say you should sell out of the company and move on to other things: A company with the growth you have mentioned should have no problem finding a willing buyer, and you can re-invest in a new venture, as well as getting the charge on your property removed.
As you are describing the current situation, you are finding it hard to reconcile this guy's apparently brilliant development of your company with working with him as a co-director.

There is more to life than work - Take some reward for your enterprise, and start again - if you want to.

 

[Vectis]

Why do you have to 'do' anything about this? As you say, he's doing a great job, the business is still yours until you get your solicitor to draw up an agreement on your terms. You don't have to do anything apart from, I would suggest, start taking decent dividends (if the company is that profitable) and making your home life more comfortable (pay off any debts, mortgage etc). Take advantage of the situation, get some money in the bank. It's still your company.

 

[Monty Lister]

@Vectis.
You know, that is the most simple, sensible response to my problem.
Very true, obvious, and accurate.
Thank you

 

[ThePublisher]

You say this guy is meeting with the bank and accountant without you. How does he have the authority to act on your behalf? Are you sure what's supposed to be in the bank is actually there?

 

[10032012]

You say this guy is meeting with the bank and accountant without you. How does he have the authority to act on your behalf? Are you sure what's supposed to be in the bank is actually there?

A fair comment, most accountants will probably be fine not dealing with a director, but a bank wont deal with someone who isn't a director, major shareholder, company secretary or account signatory.

 

[Monty Lister]

I have arranged with my bank manager and accountant , that he has full authority to represent the company.
I have no problem at all, and i trust him 100%.
And before anyone asks, yes i DO know whats going on, and regularly monitor my finances

 

[10032012]

The more I read and participate in this thread the more I think its pointless!!

@Monty Lister are you after advice? a moan? using the forum to publish a story?

 

[cnjim]

Monty Lister,

Take it from me… seriously… if you’re feeling this way now and have a sense of anger/animosity/whatever about the relationship, DO NOT sign over the 50%. There’s a fair chance that things won’t improve and it will be 100 times more difficult and costly to get out of (or get him out) further down the road.

Your story is quite similar to something I experienced with a “right hand man” style employee who really helped out the business (in return for a decent salary mind) for a number of years who I wanted to thank by gifting a % of the company too. I thank my lucky stars that my accountant/business advisor persuaded me out of it and instead we started up a new company focussed on a certain region that he had 50% of.

Fast forward 5 years and our “solid as a rock” (at day 1) relationship fell apart and I ended up pretty much walking away from the company to save the stress of breaking it up and so not to pass the clients around like hot potatoes. This way it “only” (for want of a better term) cost me a low five figure amount in comparison to goodness knows how much had he had a share of the “bread and butter” company.

Your story sounds like he’s been a real benefit to the business but you both NEED to be comfortable to the absolute max with each other and the whole arrangement before going into shared ownership. If not (or even if you are comfortable) it may be worth thinking about a different arrangement such as a serious salary, nice commission/bonuses on growth, etc.

At the very least, don’t do anything hasty before speaking to a business advisor, mentor, lawyer or accountant (ideally all of them!). If you do go into signing over some shares, at the very least spend all the time and money you need to at the start on a rock solid shareholders agreement outlining every last detail of each persons role, responsibilities, rights and the outcomes to every problem scenario you can think of. These things are much easier to plan when things are amicable than when you’re at each others throats, I know

Just my 2p from experience.