PLEASE HELP!!! Communication Issues!

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AntF

Free Member
Jun 28, 2012
12
1
  • #1
    Hello, I'd like some help in my family issues! Some time ago my brother smashed the car against another because he was accelerating and he didn't notice that the woman in front stopped and he smashed into her... This has been his ruffly 3-4 crash in the car and my mother is a very impatient, whiny person that doesn't really know how to see the good side of anything or how to calm herself down before talking to my brother so, naturally, she: 1. spoke down to him, 2. screamed at him, 3. blamed him in ever level of the crash up to the point that he is now angry and not wanting to talk to her. So I've been trying to get her to calm down and to try a different approach as to talking to him instead of what she does that is "win an enemy", but every time I try to talk she screams at me and says that I'm just defending my brother and if I do that, he'll never learn from his mistakes, but I really don't do that I just try to show her a way to talk to him that he will understand and not resent her for talking to him about the problem. BUT SHE WON'T LISTEN TO ME because she says that other than that I'm also trying to show her how to raise her kids and for some strange reason that makes her not wanna listen to me! You cannot imagine how it feels to have the answer to all someone else''s problems and not be able to help them!
    I've come to you because you're a business leader and in being so you must be very skilled at communicating with others and helping people grow! So please, can you help me!?
    Sincerely, your hopefully future friend and business associate,
    AntF
     
    OldWelshGuy

    OldWelshGuy

    Free Member
    • Jun 12, 2008
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    www.owgmarketing.co.uk
  • #4
    You are in a really difficult position. If your mother is shouting at you then face to face with your brother isn't possible.

    I would suggest your brother writes a genuine heartfealt apology to your mother, where he GENUINELY says what he feels and hos worry he is.

    Currently I am siding with your mother here because your brother has damaged her car on not one time but MANY times, which of course is showing complete and utter disrespect to your mothers posessions, and thus HER!

    Until such time as your brother admits he is in the wrong here, there is no hope.
     
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    Team Leith Training

    Free Member
    May 8, 2011
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  • #5
    Sounds like you need a lawyer more than a businessman

    As stated this is a business forum. For that reason people prob neither have the expertise or the time to assist. Perhaps if you had made more than three posts and had contributed more to the community you might get more feedback.

    Sorry i cannot be of more help
     
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    fisicx

    fisicx

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    Sep 12, 2006
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  • #6
    Has your brother shown any remorse for his bad driving? Has he made a financial contribution? Is he going to buy his own car? Is he taking lessons to improve his driving? Does he want to communicate?

    If the answer is no to any of these questions then there's not much you can do.
     
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    AntF

    Free Member
    Jun 28, 2012
    12
    1
  • #9
    I know that the thread is not something that is very common, but I've passed some time in business and leadership books and I've gotten to the point that I think it's easier to ask business leaders for communication help than any other type of people. Thanks for you input. So basically, you think that I should talk to my brother to try to understand her position and stop being angry? And if so, what would be a good way to talk to him in a form that he'll actually listen to me instead of just telling me to go **** myself? Or should I just butt out and let time deal with this?... :/
    Sincerely, AntF
    P.S. I know I'm new but I can assure you that now on I shall help along in the forums, just please help me out!
     
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    dgoodhans

    Free Member
    May 7, 2010
    10
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    W/A
  • #11
    AntF said:
    Hello, I'd like some help in my family issues! Some time ago my brother smashed the car against another because he was accelerating and he didn't notice that the woman in front stopped and he smashed into her... This has been his ruffly 3-4 crash in the car and my mother is a very impatient, whiny person that doesn't really know how to see the good side of anything or how to calm herself down before talking to my brother so, naturally, she: 1. spoke down to him, 2. screamed at him, 3. blamed him in ever level of the crash up to the point that he is now angry and not wanting to talk to her. So I've been trying to get her to calm down and to try a different approach as to talking to him instead of what she does that is "win an enemy", but every time I try to talk she screams at me and says that I'm just defending my brother and if I do that, he'll never learn from his mistakes, but I really don't do that I just try to show her a way to talk to him that he will understand and not resent her for talking to him about the problem. BUT SHE WON'T LISTEN TO ME because she says that other than that I'm also trying to show her how to raise her kids and for some strange reason that makes her not wanna listen to me! You cannot imagine how it feels to have the answer to all someone else''s problems and not be able to help them!
    I've come to you because you're a business leader and in being so you must be very skilled at communicating with others and helping people grow! So please, can you help me!?
    Sincerely, your hopefully future friend and business associate,
    AntF
    Click to expand...
    Hello,the emotional dynamics which tie your family together have two side negative and positive sides,
    now when the accident occurs the bad side resurface,anger lead to utterance of harsh words which eventually lead to hurting him,.....but then let him alone with time he will be heal,all you need do is not to talk to both of them about the issues,just let them be in time try something that will bring them together,example the goodness the mum did before to him and also the goodness he did to the mum in the past, can both be use to stimulate the good side of the emotion that tie your family together
     
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    C

    CherylDavis

  • #12
    After 3-4 crashes I am surprised your mother allows him to go near the car.
    Having a car taken out of action is a real inconvenience and the cost of repairs and the loss of value in the car is a massive thing. Insurance racks up higher. It is not a little thing, as you are suggesting, and one day, you will understand that.

    Your mother far from being a whiny irratating person is actually far more patient and considerate than given credit for. You and your brother need to take more responsibility and see things not just from the selfish I want so I get point of view.

    Your brother is responding with immature childish behaviour. He is careless and he could have seriously hurt the other driver or himself. A car is not a toy and you are treating like it one. You are also trying to undermine your mother by assuming she is wrong to be angry. You are also trying to tell her what to do. Hence why she is angry at you. You are her child and you do not know better than she does whatever you think.

    Put yourself in her shoes. The cost of the crash falls on her, not your brother.
    The loss of the car while it is being repaired is a major headache.
    The cost of the repairs are escalating because the damage is increasing.
    The money for this doesn't appear by the magic fairy.
    By law your brother is old enough to drive and take responsibility for his actions.
    If you tell your mother she doesn't know how to talk to him, despite raising him from a fertilised egg, you are telling her that she is stupid and she is worthless and her opinions don't matter she is just that woman who you live with. That is what you told your mother and that your brother is right to behave the way he is, without any comeback.

    Remember the disrepectful way you talk about her?

    Do that to a customer and they would not be back.
    Why would you treat your own mother worse than a customer?

    You are too busy being the little snotty nosed kid, who hit his broher, cried when he hit back and sulked when mummy didn't discipline him and told you off instead for starting it.

    Treat your mother with respect, tell her you understand why she is so upset and agree that it is understandable and quite acceptable. Talk to her as if she were a customer, like an adult and listen to what she says. She knows more than you do.

    With your brother, point out that after so many crashes, your mother has lost faith in him, and that it is up to him to put it right, not his mother. At the end of the day, he was not paying attention. He has not demonstrated a reason to be trusted.

    She knows it was an accident. It is the fact he refuses to take responsibility and does not start calming down and taking more care that riles her. He treats the car like a toy that is his to do as he pleases. What she is angry about is the next crash is the one that leaves him in a coma paralysed and three kids dead one one orpaned. Women think of those things, consequences. If your brother can't and won't show he is ready to be an adult, he really shouldn't be allowed to drive!
     
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    CherylDavis

  • #14
    AntF said:
    Thank you for your response it's a real eye opener, sorry for going at this so childishly and bothering you guys this my troubles...
    Click to expand...


    Everyone here has probably had these family squabbles and it can be very hard to deal with. Seeking outside help is a good thing. It can help you see other people's point of view which is difficult when you are the one in the middle.

    I hope that it gets resolved for you all in a good way!

    Regards
    Cheryl
     
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