Language used in a proposal

[James Lees]

I am currently re-writing our proposal, and there is a section in there where we show examples of the wasted budget within their AdWords account.
There is a poll at the top so you can cast your vote.
I am open to suggestions to anything else you think may work. It is very easy for me to sometimes miss the obvious working in this industry day after day, so any help is hugely appreciated.

 

[mattk]

Opportunities

 

[fisicx]

Opportunities to reduce your adwords spend

 

[Peter Bowen]

Hi @James Lees

"Non converting keywords" is an industry term. You and I know what it means but your future client might not. I'd scrap that.

"Current inefficiencies" is very vague.

"Wasted budget" gets my vote.

It sounds like you might be offering a similar service to what I offer. I did link a page here so you could take a look at the business-first language I use in the offer but a moderator removed the link as self-promoting. Hit me up by PM if you'd like the link.

 

[James Lees]

Hi @James Lees

"Non converting keywords" is an industry term. You and I know what it means but your future client might not. I'd scrap that.

"Current inefficiencies" is very vague.

"Wasted budget" gets my vote.

It sounds like you might be offering a similar service to what I offer. I did link a page here so you could take a look at the business-first language I use in the offer but a moderator removed the link as self-promoting. Hit me up by PM if you'd like the link.

Fantastic feedback Peter, thank you. I will drop you a message now.

 

[CarlosTorres]

Hi @James Lees

"Non converting keywords" is an industry term. You and I know what it means but your future client might not. I'd scrap that.

"Current inefficiencies" is very vague.

"Wasted budget" gets my vote.

It sounds like you might be offering a similar service to what I offer. I did link a page here so you could take a look at the business-first language I use in the offer but a moderator removed the link as self-promoting. Hit me up by PM if you'd like the link.

I want to know more about it. Can you also send me PM for this. Thanks for informative answer but want to grasp more knowledge on this topic.

 

[Petr Gogolin]

We're trying to communicaste without spreading entropy, "wasted budget" is indeed a strong option, but also triggers negative feelings.

My preference was always to go full insurance-salesman style in my communication and spread fear about what can happen if customer doesn't solve his situation. I'm happy to say that our results changed for the better when the focus shifted to what can be positively gained instead.

 

[The Alternative Board]

Out of the three, 'Wasted budget' cuts straight to the point, and gets across opinion as well as the analysis.
That being said, as others have mentioned before me, re-framing it as a positive 'opportunity' seems best placed to motivate action (and therefore change).