I'm becoming a workaholic

[Andre78]

As the title says.

I'm looking for any feedback from people who have been in a similar situation.

I have a catch 22 situation in that my business places so many demands on me that to keep up with my workload I have to work almost continuously. This morning is an example. I woke up, probably due to stress at 3am and decided that I can't waste the time so I should do some quotes and compile material lists and think about how to revolve the credit.

The issue is, if I'm honest, if, and it's a big IF, I could reduce my workload I don't think I would work less. I would just find other ways to re increase it or fine tune my business. Covid hasn't helped as taking a holiday forces me to stop working due to the environment. Yes I do respond to the occasional email and book in quotes on holiday but that is it. Obviously no holiday this last year to break my endless thinking about my business.

Has anyone found methods to get around this? I used to be into my fitness and do cross fit etc but again, covid, no gyms open, or if they have been open they have been excruciatingly difficult to schedule rendering them completely useless.

Thanks in advance.

 

[Deleted member 335660]

As the title says.

I'm looking for any feedback from people who have been in a similar situation.

I have a catch 22 situation in that my business places so many demands on me that to keep up with my workload I have to work almost continuously. This morning is an example. I woke up, probably due to stress at 3am and decided that I can't waste the time so I should do some quotes and compile material lists and think about how to revolve the credit.

The issue is, if I'm honest, if, and it's a big IF, I could reduce my workload I don't think I would work less. I would just find other ways to re increase it or fine tune my business. Covid hasn't helped as taking a holiday forces me to stop working due to the environment. Yes I do respond to the occasional email and book in quotes on holiday but that is it. Obviously no holiday this last year to break my endless thinking about my business.

Has anyone found methods to get around this? I used to be into my fitness and do cross fit etc but again, covid, no gyms open, or if they have been open they have been excruciatingly difficult to schedule rendering them completely useless.

Thanks in advance.

Hi Andres, As we often say “been there, got the teashirt ”. I am 73, well 74 next month, and my younger wife has started a gift shop. It’s hers but my money, manpower and marketing skills. I still get excited and work too much. Fortunately my wife pushes me a little to enjoy my retirement but I still get a buzz from helping.

My best solutions started when I took up meditation. It helped me rest my mind and reduced my stress. I still do it daily 15 minutes. Then I got cancer and realized what I really valued in life and it made me set some balance. Finally my youngest daughter died aged 36 and that was the stark realization that tomorrow may never come.

I wrote a book on Time Management and three things I learned through my research was:

1. that sleep is vital. You may cope with your odd 3 am wake up but your body needs 7 hours every night.

2. the mind is only working at full efficiency 4 hours a day so any longer and you will either make bad decisions or take longer.

3. Holidays and rest time is when you are more likely to have creative thoughts and is often the best time to solve problems.

So, you have to make yourself relax and make time for your mind to rest or you will end up jumping of a Bridge or similar like many did in the research I did.

Work will always be there and you need to be bodily and mentally fit to cope with it.

 

[Andy Harris]

I think that Trevor has summarised it perfectly, having been dealt really harsh blows in life that then puts things into perspective (and should be a lesson to us all).

I'm as guilty as the next person overworking but (this may sound a bit weird) I do have a method that forces breaks - a randomising app on my phone (Tiny Decisions is the one I use). I set that up with a range of 'downtime' things I could do (even for just 15-30 minutes). Things like: meditation, read part of a book, play a game, walk, etc. etc. I then commit to doing X number of tasks in a day before using that app to have a bit of downtime, and then do the same later on as well.

 

[Mark T Jones]

Usually the starting pont to addressing this stuff is to get to the bottom of 'why?'

Are you a naturally busy person? (if you didn't have a business, would you be equally consumed in something else?)

Do you really believe that as a business owner it's necessary or virtuaous to be busy?

There are all sorts of distraction techniques you can apply to take you away - if you really want to.

Usually, 'busy' business owners fall into 1 of 2 camps:

Inability to delegate / outsource - which in itself leads to management and process discussions.

Or fear of customers - taking on too much, not knowing when to say on, under-charging etc.

Or sometimes both - but if you grab either one of these it will be interesting to see where it leads.

 

[Socio South West]

If you can motivate yourself to work, you can motivate yourself to manage your work/life balance without having to rely on artificial sources of relaxation such as gyms etc.

I have been there several times, and have set off down several avenues that have captivated me for long enough to get me away from the workplace and allow my mind to relax, even if it has been occupied.

Family history research - mine and others, wood turning and carpentry, cookery and the original one, which still remains my abiding passion 35 years on, scuba diving which in turn led to boating. Those are a few of the diverse avenues I have explored to get out of the work work work and more work cycle.

Take the time to examine your mind and see what captivates it, and do it! The spin off is that you will probably be more effective and efficient in the workplace.

 

[Andre78]

Thank you all for your considered feedback.

I have just decided to cancel all of next weeks quotes and I have told the guys they are pretty much on their own until Tuesday the 6th. I'm going to get through my outstanding workload and then spend time with my family.

Briefly alluding to the gentleman above's loss. I am sorry. I can't imagine how that must have felt. I have a 5 month old baby daughter. I'm going to spend lots of time with her over this next couple of weeks.

I will reply to you all as I can over this weekend. Thanks again.

 

[Mr D]

Used do to hundred plus hour weeks. Reduced it a lot by simply switching off the websites for a day or two at a time then finishing as early as 7pm at the warehouse.
Physically getting away from the computer helped too.

We shifted more work to 3rd parties - initial more work for us prepping the goods but after that it was easier.

 

[MarkOnline]

The danger word in your post is "stress" if you are experiencing high levels of stress you need to reduce that. I was a workaholic, but I didnt believe I was stressed. I worked every day including xmas day 6 years running, just because I knew my competition wasnt. I enjoyed what I was doing but I suppose the stupid workload was just a manifestation of my comitment to making it succeed. Possible self punishment for messing it up so many times before

Fast forward to 2020 I believed I contracted covid end of March (displayed all the symtoms), had a stroke at 59 and cant walk far, work at all (physically) was fortunate (Im still here), but my life has changed dramatically in 12 months. I feel Ive aged 20 years.

Would the business have progressed without all the work, probably, would it be as liquid, I dont think so. Would I swap not having as much cash etc to regain my pre stroke level of fitness, absolutely.

I am a believer in doing the graft, but there has to be a balance. IMO smart work will out perform hard work every time, (just dont confuse smart work for lazy). Take care of yourself, good luck.

 

[Interestedobserver]

There are some great videos on YouTube from people who find ways to improve work life balance

Part of which is figuring out how much money you need and what you want to spend your money on

Nick True - his videos are great how to live life well on a budget and make good decisions with what is important in life to spend money on

Also anything on Essentialism or Minimalism can help give you ideas

Plus Robin Sharma has some great ideas on how to structure your life better. He wrote the book 5am club

These things can inspire you - just one or two ideas there could make the difference

I would take a look at some of the above and cherry pick the things you like the sound of

There's also a great app called coach.me I highly recommend

It gets you into good habits

 

[Deleted member 335660]

Thank you all for your considered feedback.

I have just decided to cancel all of next weeks quotes and I have told the guys they are pretty much on their own until Tuesday the 6th. I'm going to get through my outstanding workload and then spend time with my family.

Briefly alluding to the gentleman above's loss. I am sorry. I can't imagine how that must have felt. I have a 5 month old baby daughter. I'm going to spend lots of time with her over this next couple of weeks.

I will reply to you all as I can over this weekend. Thanks again.

No need to apologise, just learn from it, and I am pleased it has helped you.

 

[JEREMY HAWKE]

Nothing wrong with this if it makes sense
It has to make sense though

If you have things you want to achieve and places you want to get to and these objectives look achievable then go and get it

It becomes a problem when it is long term just to get by.
I have periods of 20 hour days ,day after day but equally I can often enjoy 2 to 4 hour days.

I have had to be on the ball in this pandemic but it is lucrative and goes toward my long term plans

 

[Andre78]

As stated above. Yes it's OK to be a workaholic if you enjoy what you do, which I do most of the time but lately I realised I have nothing else and due to a hard period I am working all the time to just get by.

I'm realising that I am going to have to transition entirely away from being "on the tools" to just running a business or I am going to break. I feel better already today knowing that I don't have to worry that I'm going to be decision/ task saturated 95% of my waking day over this next 2 week break. However, if I don't make a change I will be right back to where I left off as soon as I go back fully to work.

I left my previous career as I was ending up in an office more and more and the money was never going to get any better unless I went into management/ being in an office. So I started a gardening business so I could be outdoors and enjoy nature, bring my dog to work etc. Here I am with a small but ultra successful business that morphed into a fencing business and I am semi ending up back in an office again. However, it's not so bad. My office is in my home with my family and I am the boss. I had a 10 hour sleep last night after chilling out with my wife and baby and I feel better about the future.

 

[tony84]

About 6-7 years ago (I would have been 29ish), I went to the GP for my annual asthma review.
Dr took my blood pressure and thought the machine was broke so went and got another. Second came back sky high also. I told him it was just work, he put me on a blood pressure monitor for 24 hours. I was 29, didnt smoke, did drink but only at weekends if I went out, im not overweight and I went to the gym 3 times a week so no reason to have high blood pressure.

That one thing made me completely reassess how I worked. I love my job, I loved being busy but when I started out I built up about £7k worth of debt on credit cards so I felt like I needed to work to make sure I never ended up in that position again. But not at the cost of my health.

I sat down and had a think about how I could change it - ultimately it came to upping my fees and taking on less work. Funnily enough I lost no work at all (or nothing noticeable).

I dont know what your job is, but can you take on a trainee/administrator/person to do certain parts of the job? Increase your rates to pay for it, you can probably afford to lose a bit of work by the sounds of it.

 

[John Hemming]

I am now 61 and wish when I was younger I had placed more focus on ensuring I slept well. That can help dealing with stress. It is something that can arise from low levels of vitamin D and the correct levels of other things such as Magnesium can be important as well. The correct balance in diet and potentially supplements is important (more is not always better).

Hence waking up at 3am is not a good thing although doing something (even writing a list) so you can go back to sleep is good.

However, in the long term not sleeping well will do a lot of harm to your health.

On the other hand I have been "the boss" in some form or other since I was 23 and am quite happy being on duty at all times of the day and night. When I was an MP I worked 5 days and two half days each week, but I have always worked quite a bit. Now I am doing a new start up I am on duty most of the time, but I have things under control so I don't have to work all of that time.

Where I would worry therefore is losing sleep. I do put a priority into time for my children including driving them to and from school and I would always recommend making time for family. If you are unable to delegate some work you need to think carefully about that.

 

[MBE2017]

Mark T Jones post is well worth taking in, few of us get training for management so no shame in finding some areas you can improve on.

I had three major changes which finally got myself away from being a workaholic.

The first was I realised on leaving a job I was very good at but disliked, I was running around like a madman trying to keep on time. I threw my gold seiko out of the car window on the way home, and have never worn a watch in thirty five years since.

Secondly my first born daughter was diagnosed with ASD, a lifelong condition. Every plan I had went in the bin that day, my only focus became my family.

Thirdly, I took on a managerial role, too early for myself in reality. Out of 15 workers eleven were stealing, due to having to clear them out I realised I was working 20 odd hour days, and had to learn fast to delegate.

Keep your eyes on what is truly important in life, love, happiness, heat, shelter, food and attire. The rest is just stuff that anyone can do without.

 

[Lucan Unlordly]

From a slightly different angle, but with the same sentiment, something I posted on here last year.

On the first day of a sales training course I attended the tutor asked 'who likes working hard'. Hands shot up around the room. Not mine I should add.
'Your in the wrong place then'....he said 'my aim is to teach you to work smarter.'

He went on to say that in a previous management role he felt he needed to lead from the front, ( ex forces) took on all the companies problems and subsequently had a heart attack at 51 years of age. That, after a week minor things like missing filing cabinet keys were issues, after a month he was still getting calls to enable a handover, after 2 months was being referred to as John the previous manager and after 3 months.... 'you know, the tall guy with the moustache that used to ride a motorbike'.

In other words in a matter of weeks you'll not be important at all...

Unfortunately it often takes some sort of seismic change to stop people running themselves into the ground. A self employed mate of mine, although only doing a 9-5 week, started to question why? He determined that the day ended but his mind was still whirring until bedtime and only at the weekend was he able to switch off.
For several years now, he's taken two afternoons off each week, Wednesdays & Fridays. They are set in stone, on the diary and do not change for anyone or anything. He plans exactly what he's going to be doing, be it a drive to the coast, a walk in the park, shopping trip, cinema with the missus etc., and is absolutely convinced that his productivity and creativity have improved.

 

[paulears]

In my new do loads of different things, and hope that together I make a living world, I’ve discovered the reduction in stress, compared to my old business model, is really worth having. I’ll sit at home, get bored so even though it’s Sunday, I’ll pop down the office parcel a few things up and take them to the post office, even though they wont get collected till tomorrow. I now plan my days via jugs of coffee. I might have a one jug day. When it’s done, I’ll go home, but if I’m not done, it becomes a two job day. Usually the end of jug two gets put down the sink the next morning. My music sales are edging up, with steady but not mega sales, so as this part is done at home, I don’t really call it work. Work music is the more lucrative stuff done to order and always needed yesterday, but this isnt stress, it’s just focussed. I actually quite enjoy identifying stock shortages or trends for my radio sales, and then the battle with replacements. So, I can work seven days if I wish, but it’s seven less stressful days than five really busy ones, and I’ve discovered this works fine with my older lifestyle. Some days will see me home by one, then have to go back when a sales flurry happens, then home again for six, but then maybe going back to the office at nine to parcel up something for something that needs to be out by ten next day. It’s just me and my time. This would be impossible with staff, but for just me, it’s suits.

even better, when I’ve had a bad day, usually angry thanks to idiot customers, I write a piece of angry music, and add it to the catalogue. Amazing how creative anger can be, and how it vanishes so quickly. I’m working on a series of electronic versions of old classical pieces holst features, and Thursday was a day for Mars the bringer of war. Today will be Erik Satie I think. Two opposites ends off the list.

 

[Interestedobserver]

There's a good book out there called "Rich Dad Poor Dad"

True wealth and power is not necessarily money but having the choice to do what you want when you want (which requires some money at least!)

Extend a holiday that you are enjoying or go and watch your kids play sport during normal working week etc

Impossible to have true wealth and power as an employee as you are restricted by the working week etc

If you have your own business/self employed you can create that but many don't and end up being employees of their own business so to speak and restricted on the choices they make

There's also a great little story about a fisherman in the book. Will try and get a link

 

[Interestedobserver]

I love this story! It's so true what happens in life!

An American investment banker was at the pier of a small coastal Mexican village when a small boat with just one fisherman docked. Inside the small boat were several large yellowfin tuna. The American complimented the Mexican on the quality of his fish and asked how long it took to catch them.

The Mexican replied, “only a little while. The American then asked why didn’t he stay out longer and catch more fish? The Mexican said he had enough to support his family’s immediate needs. The American then asked, “but what do you do with the rest of your time?”

The Mexican fisherman said, “I sleep late, fish a little, play with my children, take siestas with my wife, Maria, stroll into the village each evening where I sip wine, and play guitar with my amigos. I have a full and busy life.” The American scoffed, “I am a Harvard MBA and could help you. You should spend more time fishing and with the proceeds, buy a bigger boat. With the proceeds from the bigger boat, you could buy several boats, eventually you would have a fleet of fishing boats. Instead of selling your catch to a middleman you would sell directly to the processor, eventually opening your own cannery. You would control the product, processing, and distribution. You would need to leave this small coastal fishing village and move to Mexico City, then LA and eventually New York City, where you will run your expanding enterprise.”

The Mexican fisherman asked, “But, how long will this all take?”

To which the American replied, “15 – 20 years.”

“But what then?” Asked the Mexican.

The American laughed and said, “That’s the best part. When the time is right you would announce an IPO and sell your company stock to the public and become very rich, you would make millions!”

“Millions – then what?”

The American said, “Then you would retire. Move to a small coastal fishing village where you would sleep late, fish a little, play with your kids, take siestas with your wife, stroll to the village in the evenings where you could sip wine and play your guitar with your amigos.”

 

[Interestedobserver]

Sometimes you just have to step back and look at your life and figure out your priorities and what you actually enjoy to do

And do more of it!

 

[SillyBill]

COVID has not helped work life balance so sympathise with the OP, I am with you. Hard enough to get away as a business owner sometimes as it is but when there is no where to go and no-one to see it lends itself to throwing more of yourself into the business.

I've always maintained if you're doing the hours then you better make sure it is for a big cheque as it does take a toll on your health, relationships and just about everything else. It is called compensation for a reason. If you find yourself slaving away for chump change then my advice to anyone pack it in and get a job and leave the stress to someone else. There is no virtuousness in running yourself into the ground for peanuts. Plenty do.

I have June pencilled in as an appropriate time to take the foot off the gas, done a year so another 2-3 months can't hurt. Only advice I can give to OP that I do is to switch my work phone on at 9am and switch it off at 5pm. I no longer care if its a £500k lead coming in, if its 6:30pm and I am having my dinner it can wait until tomorrow or not at all. You set precedents. Been there done it and had people expecting me to open a factory on a Sunday just for them, did it for years until I learned to say no.

 

[Andre78]

This thread has been even more fruitful than I anticipated. Thank you all

I particularly liked and took on board the story of the fisherman.

I have just this minute set all my answering machines to Mon- Fri 07.30 - 5pm. My mobile also which have exceptions for favourites of course and certainly not repeat callers. On that note, just this Friday evening I had an idiot phone my mobile, then office, then mobile, then office again and not leave a message. Absolutely boils my *iss! (excuse that expression, I personally hate it but it's apt)

Amended plan. I run the business admin only. My guys are great. One is ultra annoying but more than makes up for it in supportiveness, positivity and good work ethic. Our relationship is an ongoing process..

So... I'm not responding to emails or voicemails after 5pm ever under any circumstances other than an emergency. I am not viewing or calculating quotes or materials on a weekend. (I may tinker with the business in some way if I find it inspiring to do so - i.e it will alleviate stress/ increase profit)
My new hours are Mon, Tue and Thurs, Friday 7am - 7 to 9pm. Wed, Sat, Sun OFF unless the business activity is cathartic.

 

[Andre78]

On another note. Someone mentioned, "do you consider it virtuous to be slaving away" or words to that effect.

I guess I do, or did. I've concluded that it's stupid in the extreme. I did 3 jobs for years to be able to plough money into my business and get it off the ground. I didn't do 100 hour weeks for literally years and spend 90% of my income and take all the risks involved to become a prisoner of my own creation.

I'm making changes for real. I don't need the heart attack to have an epiphany. I can have one without the other thank you very much.