How do you deal with setbacks and self-doubt?

[celjuta]

I think this is going to be a bit of a ramble and I'm sorry. I'm not sure what kind of advice I need, probably just about resilience and dealing with bad days?

I'm a small-scale maker of textile homewares and I've been doing this for about a year and a half. I've been growing it very slowly which I accepted from the start as my "set" pace and I try not to be too impatient as I prefer to do this from the security of a day job (which I like.) I mean I don't make a lot of sales but I also don't really advertise my website and I'm not even on Etsy, I just try and grow via Instagram, a bit of PR and attending to markets and trying to find stockists etc... So I knew it would be slow and difficult and I'm definitely not giving it my all and I'm OK with that.

But today I've just received some of my stuff back from a stockist with bad damage on them. I was already disappointed that they didn't sell and they had to send them back, but seeing them in this state, I'm devastated and I'm starting to have doubts that my stuff is good or durable enough, and if they can't take a few months in a busy shop they they would definitely not take the general wear and tear of a home. I'll obviously contact them and ask what happened and try to get compensation, but I also don't want to ruin relationships, and I feel a bit lost to be honest, which in turn makes me feel that I'm not cut out for business if stuff like this upsets me so badly and makes me doubt myself.

So, uhm, how do you deal with thoughts like that and how do you keep going? Some of the people I know have totally skyrocketed and the slight jealousy and the fear of being the only one that failed is just about the only thing that makes me want to just suck it up and keep going. Do you have some healthier coping mechanisms?

 

[MBE2017]

You need to set out your WHY.

Why did you start, what were your hopes and dreams, your motivation, targets etc. Working for yourself is not for everyone, many on the forum could probably earn as much if not more as an employee, but most prefer steering their own course.

That doesn’t necessarily mean becoming multi millionaires, but literally everyone needs to reassess their business, often several times before finding the right way to do it well.

In my own area, simply changing the speed of sale, tone of voice etc can have an incredible difference in the outcome of sales face to face, many never change things and simply use excuses to explain poor results.

With your own business you have to accept some stores will probably damage stock, or that you have problems. Ask yourself if this is the right approach, with Etsy, Amazon and other such market places, plus your own website possibly, could you switch to a self design print on demand type model, where the goods are delivered within 1/4 weeks, manufactured etc all by others?

This will all come down to what you want out of your business, where you see it going.

 

[celjuta]

Thanks for the input! I have the Simon Sinek book (Start with WHY) but I haven't read it yet, I guess I will have to now and think about it hard haha!

I'm obviously doing the reassessing right now, I'm about to diversify the product range and the materials etc. and deep down I do have faith that at least some of it will work, but the slow pace makes me have too much time for the self-doubt to develop. And getting my stuff back from a stockist so badly damaged makes me not only doubt the quality of what I make but also suspicious of others and unmotivated to find new places even though there's bound to be some good ones out there, so it's really the stupid negativity that I need to get rid of.... but I guess, finding the WHY will be probably help me with that, won't it.

 

[Deleted member 335660]

Hi Celjuta,

Mostivational books like Sinek, Tony Robbins etc.can be very helpful but at the end of the day you need to read it and you need to act on it, reading is easy, acting more difficult.

The one statement I recall from reading them is:

“ I you think you can, you can. If you think you can’t, you can’t”.

Successful entrepreneurs succeed because they do not give up. It took Dyson 10 years to find someone to believe in his ideas.

You learn through failure. I had to close my last business because if market forces but it did not stop me wanting to help my wife start her idea of a gift shop. After 18 months we are still struggling to break even, but hoping the improvements with Covid will make this our first full trading year and at least break even.

So find out what the problem is and correct it.

 

[ctrlbrk]

I feel a bit lost to be honest, which in turn makes me feel that I'm not cut out for business if stuff like this upsets me so badly and makes me doubt myself.

So, uhm, how do you deal with thoughts like that and how do you keep going? Some of the people I know have totally skyrocketed and the slight jealousy and the fear of being the only one that failed is just about the only thing that makes me want to just suck it up and keep going. Do you have some healthier coping mechanisms?

The reality is simple: anyone who has ever attempted anything has had some sort of setback, sooner or later. You are definitely not alone.

Plenty of setback stories around, told especially by the most high-profile names worldwide you could think of.

Even the people you know that 'have totally skyrocketed' suffered setbacks. They may have not shared them as such but they surely have had them.

It's not about the setback, it's about how to put that setback in perspective and incorporate it into your feedback loop.

It is true that some people are unable to do that, and that's when they give up.

The first step in your coping mechanism should be understanding this.

 

[brucegreig]

For what it is worth, I am not a big fan of the "if you think you can, you can." school of thought. Being competent and optimistic perhaps makes it more likely someone will succeed, but lots of competent people don't succeed, because of chance events. And vice-versa is also true, although rarer: I have met a handful of very successful, but apparently incompetent, people. The difference between uber-success and moderate success seems to me to be partly (mostly?) down to chance, rather than one person actually executing their plan 100x better than the 'moderate success' person.

To provide an alternative view to the one advocated by Tony Robbins etc., I would highly recommend Derren Brown's book about Stoic philosophy, called Happy: https://www.amazon.co.uk/dp/B01HE7TG7Y/

He provides an interesting argument against the positive thinking approach advocated by Robbins and others.

Or the shorter version called 'A little happier' (https://www.amazon.co.uk/gp/product/B08DTRFC55/)

(Yes, this is *that* Derren Brown, the TV hypnotist / magician guy)

 

[Ozzy]

Some really great comments and advice already given here and I want to echo them all. Setbacks and knocks are I'm afraid part and parcel of running your own business, and I think it would be fair to say everyone reading this and who has run or still runs their own business will have a story or two to share where they took a knock and had doubts. A few of mine are published here on this site, and I've got some interviews lined up with some other members to share their stories too.

The best advice I can give is try as best you can to change the way you look at the setbacks. Accept they will happen and it's party of the journey you are on, and instead step back and look at what you can learn from it and what changes you could make to improve.
You have not failed as you put it, you actually made a decision and got started. That is a damn sight lot more than many other people do, all those "I'll do it some day" or "I'm just waiting to have that next big idea". Something has happened that wasn't what you would liked so you you need to look at what happened and fine it tune it for your next step - that is all. It's part of the journey and the learning you will do along the way.

 

[Gecko001]

See this "setback" with the stockest as a challenge. Find out as much as you can about what happened to your poducts at the stockist, without making any allegations against them. Treat the process as a learning experience about your product and about your stockist. Your product may need to be changed or you might need to change your stockist. Many small businesses get setbacks like this. Nobody starts up a business knowing everything about running a business. It is constantly a learning process.

I would keep away from the self-help business books. Sometimes many of the authors of these books inherited their start-up capital or just got lucky and now think they know everything about business. Also keep away from TV programmes which show people with start-ups making a fortune. These people are on these TV shows because they are the exception. No TV producer is interested in making a show about people who are doing fine but average in business. Yet these make up the vast majority of small business owners.

 

[celjuta]

Thank you! You've all given me something to think about, forums are much better than self-help books haha!

I'm usually sceptical about these books as well but sometimes it's worth to read the whole lot just for the one sentence that can helpful. The WHY one was already recommended to me and I guess I need to establish clearer and more concrete reasons and targets perhaps, other than that I enjoy making them and I think they're good (and to feed my designer-ego that wants to grow big...)

For what it's worth, the people I mentioned who have "skyrocketed" aren't in my sector, they usually make small, lovely things that people can impulse-buy. Whereas I certainly don't, and I don't really know anyone doing what I do who has skyrocketed haha! And I'm fully aware that I also don't struggle to rent a studio space like many, and I traded the growth pace for a good job that also made me able to get a mortgage on a place where I can do my stuff in peace. I do appreciate all of this and I don't really want to complain too much or be whiny at all!

But that doesn't mean that it doesn't make me feel awful when I'm next to these stalls at a market and I see them making dozens of sales and for me it's still zero. I do learn from it, I started to take smaller things myself, and I'm more selective about markets now. Or with this stockist, I did actually just ask them what happened, I'm not demanding just want to understand what's wrong and go from there.

But it still gets to me and annoys me and I want to be stronger and more able to shrug it off. I guess I just need some resilience and not be too sensitive about these things, or at least not let these get to me so badly. It's interesting to read about other people's experiences about these things, so thanks a lot!

 

[MBE2017]

But that doesn't mean that it doesn't make me feel awful when I'm next to these stalls at a market and I see them making dozens of sales and for me it's still zero. I do learn from it, I started to take smaller things myself, and I'm more selective about markets now. Or with this stockist, I did actually just ask them what happened, I'm not demanding just want to understand what's wrong and go from there.

As a former market trader, personally I saw most people selling very cheap, hardly making money at all. Many traders only realise that they have not even made NMW when they do their accounts.

Try to remember, one sale which makes £100 profit is better than 99 sales making 10p profit. Selling anything cheap is easy, selling the same item for top price is true sales, worth learning the difference. I have often sold the same item for up to three times the amount of other traders, even 15x at one period. People do not just buy an item on price.

 

[JEREMY HAWKE]

For what it is worth, I am not a big fan of the "if you think you can, you can." school of thought.

I agree with this You could tell yourself you can fly and end up like R kelly ??? or just break your leg jumping out of a tree . !
You have to be realistic in your expectations
Those that expect too much from themselves and their business may end up very disappointed

 

[TeaRoomLady]

I typed out a long response and then deleted it as I sounded a bit patronising.
You do need to market your work or at least raise awareness. Once you are sure you have a fantastic product, I would focus on that. Is your website optimised? Why aren’t you on Etsy? Some self criticism is good as it’s a check on being delusional, but I always find action works.

 

[cjd]

Personally I'd steer clear of the motivational books, you've proven to be competent enough by getting to where you are now. Do you have anybody in business that you can talk to? Maybe try your local Chamber of Commerce?

Growing your business

Steps to help grow your business - finding finance, mentors, increasing sales and developing products and services

www.gov.uk

Growing a business slowly is a great way of building a sustainable one, it means you limit the danger of cash flow problems which is what kills most businesses in the early days. It means that you can understand your products and markets and find out what works and what doesn't without taking big risks.

Have you done any accounts? Do you know that what you are doing is profitable? Or could be? At the moment it's a paying hobby, which is great, but it's not yet a fully-fledged business. What would you need to do to scale it up so that you can give up the day job? Is that even what you want to do?

As for the quality of your goods, only you can know that, but it seems to me that goods should not be being damaged inside a shop. Treat it as a practical problem to be solved either with the product or the shop, not an attack on your capabilities. Business is just a whole series of practical puzzles to solve, don't take them personally because there's a whole series of them in front of you too

 

[Chris Ashdown]

I think this is going to be a bit of a ramble and I'm sorry. I'm not sure what kind of advice I need, probably just about resilience and dealing with bad days?

I'm a small-scale maker of textile homewares and I've been doing this for about a year and a half. I've been growing it very slowly which I accepted from the start as my "set" pace and I try not to be too impatient as I prefer to do this from the security of a day job (which I like.) I mean I don't make a lot of sales but I also don't really advertise my website and I'm not even on Etsy, I just try and grow via Instagram, a bit of PR and attending to markets and trying to find stockists etc... So I knew it would be slow and difficult and I'm definitely not giving it my all and I'm OK with that.

But today I've just received some of my stuff back from a stockist with bad damage on them. I was already disappointed that they didn't sell and they had to send them back, but seeing them in this state, I'm devastated and I'm starting to have doubts that my stuff is good or durable enough, and if they can't take a few months in a busy shop they they would definitely not take the general wear and tear of a home. I'll obviously contact them and ask what happened and try to get compensation, but I also don't want to ruin relationships, and I feel a bit lost to be honest, which in turn makes me feel that I'm not cut out for business if stuff like this upsets me so badly and makes me doubt myself.

So, uhm, how do you deal with thoughts like that and how do you keep going? Some of the people I know have totally skyrocketed and the slight jealousy and the fear of being the only one that failed is just about the only thing that makes me want to just suck it up and keep going. Do you have some healthier coping mechanisms?

No idea of the actual product apart from Textile, but does the returns indicate not a problem with the goods but the packaging of them, maybe by using a sealed plastic bag would have protected them better, maybe it was sub standard materials in which case go further upmarket when buying them to get better quality,

Every business person has doubts all the time be it a very quite day for orders or a original pain in the arse customer, you just have to think of the good days and try and overcome any problems

As someone else mentioned maybe consider other ways of selling your goods and expect returns as customers are a fickle lot and many just try it on

 

[DavidWH]

You're going to get set backs, and take knocks no matter how many books you read.

We have them, I've friends who have them. Yes it's annoying, and frustrating. What's more frustrating and annoying (for me) is when they keep occurring. Learn from this.

You say they're damaged? Is it what you'd call wear and tear, or is it malicious damage?

What is the root cause? Is the stockist not taking care of them? Is it the packaging? Is it the materials?

How are you going to prevent it happening again?