Help with introduction letter

[fattony]

I've written a letter to potential customers who have recently applied for planning applications and to be honest I'm struggling, I'm a fitter not someone who is brilliant at writing this sort of stuff.

I would appreciate it if someone would cast an eye over this and offer some advice, I want the letter to be right and not waste my time sending something out which is completely wrong and just goes in the bin every time

Dear [Name to be added]

RE – Planning application

I have been notified of your recent planning application and wanted to take the opportunity to introduce my company and what we can offer you.

I started [Company Name] in 2009 with a view to provide my customers an affordable package of Electrical and Fire Alarm installation and maintenance, as the business has evolved our customers became accustomed to calling one company especially for emergency call outs, to continue to serve our customers we then branched out into security installation and maintenance as well.

If you have not yet appointed your Fire Alarm or Electrical Contractor for your new project I would welcome the opportunity to provide you a quotation for this.

Thank you for taking the time to read this.

 

[fattony]

Would anyone help write this for a fee? Please pm me if so

 

[ethical PR]

Fattony

At the moment your letter doesn't highlight the benefits for the customers of using your services/products.

Be useful for you to keep the advertising/marketing mantra in mind AIDA and your target audience in mind, when developing your sales letter content.

A - Attention (Awareness): attract the attention of the customer.
I - Interest: raise customer interest by focusing on and demonstrating advantages and benefits (instead of focusing on features, as in traditional advertising).
D - Desire: convince customers that they want and desire the product or service and that it will satisfy their needs.
A - Action: lead customers towards taking action and/or purchasing.

There are copywriters on this forum and elsewhere who specialise in writing sales copy. Personally, I think it would be a worthwhile investment for you to use one of them (do check out references).

 

[fattony]

I'm happy to work with someone on this, if your interested then drop me a pm?

 

[Lolleo]

Looks pretty good to me. Its about the right length as you only have a very small window to attract attention.

A couple of things worth adding is your accreditation and what Approved Document you work under. I think its Part B without looking it up.

I would replace 'We started out company....' with something along the lines of 'We are accredited XXX electrical contractors to achieve compliance with Approved Document X of the Building Regulations. We offer our customers affordable.....

 

[fattony]

I haven't had a great response from copywriters so I went back to the drawing board and would appreciate some input, even if its to say its no good:

Dear

One company to carry out your Electrical and Fire Alarm installation - saving you money on your office extension!

I have been notified of your recent planning application and wanted to take the opportunity to introduce [company name] and briefly explain what we can offer and how we believe we can save you money.

[Company name] is third party accredited by NAPIT who are UKAS accredited and provide our customers affordable Electrical and Fire Alarm installation and maintenance, as the business has evolved our customers became accustomed to calling one company especially for emergency call outs, to continue to serve our customers we then branched out into security installation and maintenance as well.

It's not uncommon for us to carry out Fire Alarm installations on behalf of Electrical Contractors as this is something they do not specialise in, however we do!

Our engineers are qualified and highly skilled in their field, we have worked in various environments from building sites to finished prestigious buildings and have many satisfied customers, if you have not yet appointed your Fire Alarm or Electrical Contractor for your new project I would welcome the opportunity to provide you a quotation for this.

Yours Sincerely

 

[ethical PR]

Perhaps try Scott Chapman on here?

 

[fattony]

lol, no good then!

Thanks I'll give him a pm

 

[Lolleo]

Dear

RE: Planning Application Address

I have been notified of your recent planning application and wanted to take the opportunity to introduce [company name]. [Company name] is NAPIT accredited and provide our clients with affordable Electrical and Fire Alarm installations to comply with Part B (Fire Safety) of the Building Regulations.All our senior engineers are fully qualified and highly skilled in their field.

We have worked in various environments from building sites to finished prestigious buildings and have many satisfied customers, if you have not yet appointed your Fire Alarm or Electrical Contractor for your new project I would welcome the opportunity to provide you with a quotation.

I look forward to hearing from you.

Regards,

Signature
email:
phone:
website:

NAPIT logo here and any other relevant logos

 

[fisicx]

Who notified you? What is a NAPIT? How do you know it's affordable? Why sahould I use you and not the bloke who already looks after the building? What qualification do your junior engineers have? What is Part B? Do I need to worry about Part A?

The whole letter has so many unanswered questions. I may consider using your services but you need to make it personal to my project. Offer advice on what I may need on my new build, refurb, extension etc. Tell me how I can SAVE MONEY on my existing fire safety contract (which for me is £60/year).

 

[fattony]

Thanks for that, I see where your coming from, I have pm'd a couple of copywriters on here for their services

 

[estwig]

Here's the letter I used with great success, some years ago now and not the same line of work as you. But it may help.

«Name»
«Address»
«Address2»
«Town»
«Town2»
Kent
«Postcode»
23 October 2013

Dear «Name»,
Having seen your details published in the planning application section of the local Council Website, may we take this opportunity to introduce ourselves.
We are building contractors specialising in larger domestic works such as yours. We offer a complete service of total project management, including if you wish, decorating, bathroom, bedroom and kitchen fitting. Whatever your needs give us a call, we are always happy to talk, offer advice and give quotes.
Please visit www.mywebsite.co.uk to find out more about us.
We offer a full portfolio of work, including recommendations from many satisfied customers, also the opportunity to view works in progress as well as completed projects. Here are some of the testimonials people have given us.

“Now we have had completion of our loft conversion and conservatory. Sarah and I would like to express our thanks for the manner in which our building work was handled by you and your team on a day to day basis.”
Mrs Janice English, Beltana Drive, Gravesend

“His employees were always polite and respected our home. The quality of the work was good.”
Mr & Mrs Oates, Woodlands Road, Gillingham

“All in all we would have no hesitation in recommending Mr Rogers and in fact have booked him for further works in the near future.”
Mr & Mrs Malane, Upper Luton Road, Chatham

If you would like to discuss receiving a free no obligation quote for the cost of your work, please do not hesitate to get in touch.


Yours Sincerely





Note the testimonials and this was all backed up with a first class webite which showed off a massive portfolio, a brand new singwritten white VW van, company uniform, etc.

The letter is an introduction to an overall package which should portray the right image.

 

[businessfunding]

Just a few pointers:

It's all about them, so talk about them

Don't sell in the letter, just make them sufficiently interested to call

make it very easy for them to call

Put something of specific relevance if you can

remember the prospect is a goldfish

KISSS - Keep it simple, short & sweet

The bones to build on:

You are have in extesion built

you need a builder

This is why you should trust me

this is what to do now

 

[fattony]

Thank you Estwig, I'm going to take bits of all 3 examples and come up with my version, seems copywriters are too busy to write me a letter

 

[Core List]

Hi Fattony,

I wouldn't be ashamed of what you have written, it is to the point, personal and honest. Something I like when people call or contact us to promote their business. I agree, that you may need to add something more outlining what you do specifically, as you know the exact works you will do, but your potential customer may not know where you fit into their operation. Be specific and succinct on this.
E.g
Security System Installation
Fire Safety Installation
(etc, whatever else you do)

Regards
John