Getting a mortgage when self-employed

[Digger]

"
Get real pal. Allowing for fees you can't buy diddly squat in Britain for £110,000 quid."

Oh I don't know,found some brand spanking new builds starting from 89K,coupled with Home Buy Direct ( buy 70% now, rest later ) 5 years no interest and minimall deposit.
even a brand new 139K 3 bed. with same 70% option.
Just not where she lives...but nice town nonetheless.

But then that depends on ones opinion of diddly squat.

 

[adventurelife]

Ignoring the OP's issue why would anyone in their right mind want to buy a house just now?

Step back and ask yourselves why the banks are wanting such large deposits?

Answer to cover themselves when the values drop.

The only reason house prices have held up is the artificial low interests rates that have been held to ensure that the banks balance sheets are kept balanced

Do the numbers it is a house of cards.

 

[QuickHomeBuyers]

Ignoring the OP's issue why would anyone in their right mind want to buy a house just now?

Step back and ask yourselves why the banks are wanting such large deposits?

Answer to cover themselves when the values drop.

The only reason house prices have held up is the artificial low interests rates that have been held to ensure that the banks balance sheets are kept balanced

Do the numbers it is a house of cards.

And when is the change likely going to happen?

 

[oldeagleeye]

Ignoring the OP's issue why would anyone in their right mind want to buy a house just now?

Step back and ask yourselves why the banks are wanting such large deposits?

Answer to cover themselves when the values drop.

The only reason house prices have held up is the artificial low interests rates that have been held to ensure that the banks balance sheets are kept balanced

Do the numbers it is a house of cards.

Your quite right mate. Most want a min of 25% deposit these days and while I wouldn't expect prices to fall more than 10% I believe that the market will stay pretty week until incomes catch up and that in turn ois not going to happen for 4 -5 years until about 6 months before the next election and then - well blow me down with a feather - hasn't the coalition worked well and all the troubles will be behind us.

By then of course Clegg will have been booted out of the Lib Dems and cross the benches to keep in power with the Tories.

What a farce. The only real saving grace in all this is that Mandy has gone. A proven crimkinal before he has just proved himself to also be the biggest hypocrite on the planet.

 

[LisaV]

Oldeagleye - we did not buy a house in France. We rented and have been renting since 2002.

House prices may or may not come down in price. If we were looking at the North then they are already dropping in price. However we are in the South and certainly around this area they are still selling - hence the house I saw for £135,000 that went for more than the asking price.

Experts are differing in their opinions about the state of the housing market. Yes banks are now asking for at least £35k for a deposit before lending first time buyers a mortgage. Bit late now since it was the banks who were lending people 10x their income that got us all into this mess in the first place.

I am sure it would be wise to wait. Waiting is what I have been doing however since 2002. Meanwhile my kids are growing up and we cannot provide them with a stable home.

Getting a better landlord - how do you propose we do that? We are renting through a letting agent, which is the safest bet for both landlord and tenant. However that does not decrease the risk of the landlord deciding to sell up or reclaim the house for himself to live in does it? We could rent social housing, but with both of us earning we would be way down the bottom of the waiting list.

I am looking into the homebuy scheme and have asked for some information. We have been accepted as eligible but there don't appear to be many houses around us that are in this scheme - largely thanks to the decline of new builds because of the recession.

For now it appears that unless we do take a risk, we are trapped in this vicious circle. And for those who asked what my husband does - he is actually in his 40s and is skilled, but again thanks to the recession his position became redundant. He negotiated a lower paid job in order avoid redundancy. He is on a wage just above minimum wage but can get more with overtime.

That is another point, our wages are boosted by tax credits, but if employers were made to pay a living wage, the taxpayer would not then have to subsidise income. My husband works for a large international company who could afford to pay workers a living wage, after all their directors pay themselves plenty, but they choose not to. Just think how much could be saved by taxpayers if employers paid fairly. A very socialist viewpoint that will never see the light of day.

Thanks for the support. I'll keep putting as much money to one side as possible to try and boost our deposit. We may have a word with our own bank to see if they would consider us for a mortgage and how much that would be. After all we've been with the bank for 25 years, they know what our credit rating is, if anyone would consider us for a mortgage, they would.

 

[papverpoppies]

At the end of the day we can all spew forth our views and say what we think is going to happen to the housing market etc etc, and that the OP will not get a loan - and that A, B or C does not have a clue about loans etc.

Non of us know, what is going to happen next week, let alone 2 or 3 years down the line.

There are some real doom mongers on here - should we all therefore sell our property and rush to rent - the cost of renting a property is also on the rise, so renting is not that cheap either.

Lisa take your figures etc to a mortgage broker and ask them what are the chances of getting a mortgage and yes speak with your bank especially as you have been with them for x amount of years - these are the only people who can tell you.

Get a grip folks...your depressing me!

Poppy xx

 

[oldeagleeye]

Sorry Poopy. I am not suggesting everyone rents or am I a doom monger as you put it. I was however a finance & master mortgage broker for 20 years I still keep up with the industry and any broker will say the same.

Today it is 3 times main income and with no reliable history of income I very much doubt that Lisa's would be takn into consideration until at very best she had at least a full years accounts and that will be in 18 months time.

I can't change the facts babe and I would be highly suspicious of any broker that comes up with a scheme around the normal criteria like 2nd charges and the like.

Now I have tried to give sound advice based on facts and experience not conjecture. It is up to any of you to take on board or leave. I would suggest however for another reality check you look at the adverts in this forum especially for new business start-ups. You would think that there were 100.s of sources out there for funding.

The fact is there ain't. End of story.

Rob

 

[vvaannmmaann]

If the OP is looking to make a nice home for her family,should she be worrying about what prices may be doing in five years time?

 

[monthlylocal]

Can you still self-cert these days? And if so what % deposit would one require?

 

[LisaV]

"babe"??? LOL!

Yes I am not investing. If house prices come crashing down in 5 years time that will be a disaster for many people, but if you have no intention of selling to make a profit, it doesn't affect you that much. The only thing that will affect us are rising interest rates.

Our rent is £600pm, if we cannot afford that we are thrown out of our home. If we cannot pay our mortgage we get our house repossessed. Mortgage payments either go up or down, most often up. Rent does the same. I wonder how much of a mortgage it would be for £600pm?

Perhaps we should squat, it might be the only way we can get a house.

 

[papverpoppies]

Sorry Poopy. I am not suggesting everyone rents or am I a doom monger as you put it. I was however a finance & master mortgage broker for 20 years I still keep up with the industry and any broker will say the same.

Today it is 3 times main income and with no reliable history of income I very much doubt that Lisa's would be takn into consideration until at very best she had at least a full years accounts and that will be in 18 months time.

I can't change the facts babe and I would be highly suspicious of any broker that comes up with a scheme around the normal criteria like 2nd charges and the like.

Now I have tried to give sound advice based on facts and experience not conjecture. It is up to any of you to take on board or leave. I would suggest however for another reality check you look at the adverts in this forum especially for new business start-ups. You would think that there were 100.s of sources out there for funding.

The fact is there ain't. End of story.

Rob

Rob the comments 'doom monger' were not aimed at you, more at the 'why would anyone want to buy posting'!

I know funding is tight, and I do read all of the posts from people looking for grants to start a business - I reply to many of them (and they are like hens teeth) so I am not blind to the current market.

When, I was looking to raise a mortgage to buy out my ex, I contacted many brokers, (no one broker - knows everything) and eventually we sorted out my mortgage with the Halifax.

The OP has two choices, to keep renting or buy if possible - but, first she needs to find out if she has the option to buy - and non of us on this board can tell her that, as we do not know her full financial details.

Financial crisis's come and go, for various reasons - money invested in mortgages is needed, and people will always want to own their own home.

Renting is fine - but it is dead money, and at the end you have nothing to show for it.

Lisa find out what £600 a month would get you, dont just sitting thinking about it, ask!

Poppy xx

 

[adventurelife]

And when is the change likely going to happen?

When interest rates rise as they must at some point. They should have gone up already. Or if a major bank in Europe goes down or a country in Europe defaults on its debt. We are all interlinked in this

 

[adventurelife]

At the end of the day we can all spew forth our views and say what we think is going to happen to the housing market etc etc, and that the OP will not get a loan - and that A, B or C does not have a clue about loans etc.

Non of us know, what is going to happen next week, let alone 2 or 3 years down the line.

There are some real doom mongers on here - should we all therefore sell our property and rush to rent - the cost of renting a property is also on the rise, so renting is not that cheap either.

Lisa take your figures etc to a mortgage broker and ask them what are the chances of getting a mortgage and yes speak with your bank especially as you have been with them for x amount of years - these are the only people who can tell you.

Get a grip folks...your depressing me!

Poppy xx

Not suggesting people sell and rent by any means although I know a few who have done just that. I was around when the last property boom came to an end and I had a 15% mortgage rate . We survived just but I seen many lose everything.

I have lived in Europe a lot, renting is the norm there. We get so hung up on owning houses in the UK. I have lived in many rented houses around the UK and in Europe. I have also lived in several that we owned. We were happy with both situations.

I would go for location and environment every time and then decide on rent or buy

 

[QuickHomeBuyers]

"babe"??? LOL!

Yes I am not investing. If house prices come crashing down in 5 years time that will be a disaster for many people, but if you have no intention of selling to make a profit, it doesn't affect you that much. The only thing that will affect us are rising interest rates.

Our rent is £600pm, if we cannot afford that we are thrown out of our home. If we cannot pay our mortgage we get our house repossessed. Mortgage payments either go up or down, most often up. Rent does the same. I wonder how much of a mortgage it would be for £600pm?

Perhaps we should squat, it might be the only way we can get a house.

For 600pcm on a 20 year at 4 over base at todays rate you are looking at a maximum borrowing of £100k.

For 25 years under same conditions you can achieve a borrowing of £110k. Now these figures are going to differ with each lender on their lending criteria based upon your income.

Now if the rates go back to 5% then your max borrowing would be assuming 3%+5%, only £80k (25y)

If you do decide to take £100k at 4 over base lifetime tracker you would be paying £780pcm.(25y) when the rates go back to 5%,

For self employed without any accounts your interest is gonna be higher than others.

Was this useful finally?

 

[QuickHomeBuyers]

error..............

 

[QuickHomeBuyers]

Not suggesting people sell and rent by any means although I know a few who have done just that. I was around when the last property boom came to an end and I had a 15% mortgage rate . We survived just but I seen many lose everything.

I have lived in Europe a lot, renting is the norm there. We get so hung up on owning houses in the UK. I have lived in many rented houses around the UK and in Europe. I have also lived in several that we owned. We were happy with both situations.

I would go for location and environment every time and then decide on rent or buy

If renting is the norm then who owns the houses that they rent?

 

[QuickHomeBuyers]

When interest rates rise as they must at some point. They should have gone up already. Or if a major bank in Europe goes down or a country in Europe defaults on its debt. We are all interlinked in this

Its not gonna make a huge difference I would have thought.

 

[papverpoppies]

Not suggesting people sell and rent by any means although I know a few who have done just that. I was around when the last property boom came to an end and I had a 15% mortgage rate . We survived just but I seen many lose everything.

I have lived in Europe a lot, renting is the norm there. We get so hung up on owning houses in the UK. I have lived in many rented houses around the UK and in Europe. I have also lived in several that we owned. We were happy with both situations.

I would go for location and environment every time and then decide on rent or buy

But we are not set up in this Country as the rest of Europe in respect of renting being the norm..

Renting is not an altogether stable environment either, unless you are lucky and can find a place that lets you stay for ever ever and a day, but you always have that fear behind you.

I accept that we have been raised to see owning as the norm and more acceptable in this Country - and maybe that is wrong, but it has always been seen as the best investment (perhaps that all will change) I for one doubt it, not for some time anyway.

Not because of any financial reasons - but because we still have generations of people who think this way.
Perhaps when todays younger people become of age to own a house, (or not as the case may be) attitudes might change then.


Poppy xx

 

[Ryan T-Mobile]

I found this very tough. The main reason that I switched from being self employed was so that I could get a mortgage. This was during the recession and the banks just didn't want to know, but hopefully things may be better now.

 

[Gillie]

Can I just interject with a comment about income ... you will find that quite a few lenders will NOT take into account your child tax credit income and other benefits etc as they do not see this as steady income, and when I say lenders, I am refering to those the size of HSBC, so anyone thinking they can stick this in as income, double check first.

Oh and yes the FSA are in talks re not allowing self certs anymore ie just getting your accountant to say you earn so much - evidence is needed and lots of it!

 

[LisaV]

For 600pcm on a 20 year at 4 over base at todays rate you are looking at a maximum borrowing of £100k.

For 25 years under same conditions you can achieve a borrowing of £110k. Now these figures are going to differ with each lender on their lending criteria based upon your income.

Now if the rates go back to 5% then your max borrowing would be assuming 3%+5%, only £80k (25y)

If you do decide to take £100k at 4 over base lifetime tracker you would be paying £780pcm.(25y) when the rates go back to 5%,

For self employed without any accounts your interest is gonna be higher than others.

Was this useful finally?

Yes thank you! We wouldn't look to borrow more than £100k and certainly no more than we could afford. We've always worked and if this self-employed lark doesn't work out, I will take a job doing anything, cleaning if needs be, so long as it pays the rent/mortgage. We are not the type to survive on benefits, never have been.

In Europe renting is very different from renting here. When we rented the landlord lived just around the corner and he was great at sorting out repairs and other issues. He would also let us paint, put up shelves, do whatever we wanted with the house. We could have lived there forever if we had wanted to. However things were changing even then and more of our neighbours were buying their own houses, certainly the new generation anyway.

We shall make an appointment with our bank and see where we stand.

In some good news - my husband has been told that he may be able to go back to his skilled job in October when one of the employees retires. This is not confirmed as they may simply make that position redundant when he does retire, but the work is there and my husband is brilliant at what he does, so fingers crossed..... If he does get it, he'll be on £20k pa.

 

[thebigIAM]

I read this thread through and wasn't going to add to it, but a thought keeps occurring to me.

Have you ever considered a career in sales, Lisa?

The reason I say this is because you have so much focus, and you are hungry for what you want. It tends to be a common denominator for very many good sales people.

Some people drift into sales almost by accident and discover that they are very good at it. The rewards can be substantial for those who are good.

Your references to tackling difficult people in your opening post suggest you are not faint hearted or a shrinking violet. So it seems you have another useful personality trait often found in good sales people.

It could be you are still waiting to discover just how talented you really are.

 

[Bri]

...its four days now and Lisa hasnt been back.

IMHO Lisa and her husband should focus back onto their lifestyle and their homelife in general. I feel moving and buying is a knee jerk reaction to a) where they are living at the moment b) the actual area they are living, obviously based around funds c) the concern for their childrens welfare.

She hasnt once mentioned her husbands point of view or agreement to it all. The fact that as a family you havent settled in one place(that does happen because of work) and the places you have arrived in cause unrest in you personally.

We all strive to be/do our best for our children and disregard ourselves.

I send a polite thought out to your husband, he's 40ish, trying to get back on the property ladder, as you will now be considered a first time buyer again, a lender will be looking to shorten the term to say twenty yrs( I have direct experience of this from wanting to get a mortgage) and if you do get 25/ 30 yr terms he'll bre thinking, I'll be 70 when my mortgage finishes.Then the house will be mine(sorry ours)-WOW!!

A few more thoughtful questions: would a mortgage improve my quality of life- maybe, I may feel a bit more secure. Would it improve my childrens quality of life- how would they know the difference.

What can I do to make my needs v wants more realistic?- take control of your life and enjoy what you have now, dont be mistreated or feel you dont belong somewhere, you have pride, you have dignity, you are proud of your husband, you are proud of your children. A house is the same as a car a box on wheels or a box with a roof, doesnt matter how it looks or how it performs its whats on the inside that makes it.

I can give you examples the same as the other posters, I can tell you where I lived, where I live now, etc etc but thats not going to help you.

Go and get that financial advice, then sit back and reflect on it, with your family, not us.Then make your descision and let us know how you get on.

 

[LisaV]

thebigIAM - thank you. I have dabbled in sales before but I'm not actually that good at it. The reason being is because I hate people trying to sell me things and therefore hate trying to sell things to others. What I enjoy doing is making a difference to peoples lives in a positive way, feeling useful I suppose. Web content writing, which is what I am doing now, is a way of selling. I justify to myself thinking that they already want to buy which is why they are searching for that website. It's not my life's ambition, I'd prefer to write about things that matter, to try and change peoples perspectives. But I guess this is a small step on that big ladder, a way of getting my name out there and noticed and who knows where it might lead to? The BBC are always looking for new writers and I do try to leave room to contribute whenever I can - NewsJack mostly.

Thank you for your kind words though, they do mean a lot.

Bri - yes my husband and I have been having some intensive talks over this weekend. We agree that we have backed ourselves into a corner. He would rather buy than rent because renting is dead money. However he isn't certain that he wants to buy here. We are newcomers (again), Northerners living down south and he's missing family and friends. He's quiet and thoughtful and doesn't make friends easily, although he has tried, he's joined a squash league and has gone fishing occasionally with a bloke from work. But he's fed up of being regarded as the outsider all the time, he wants to fit in. He wants to have a social life, to have the occasional weekend with mates etc. All his mates are in Lancashire.

However our children are settled here, they have friends here. Our daughter will be starting secondary school next year. They've moved around so much, it would be unfair to uproot them again.

I need to look at my own personal reasons for running away too and they are too emotional to go into here. But running away is what I am doing, there is no doubt about that. I got us into this mess and I guess I now have to get us out of it. I just worry that I've left it all too late.

 

[Bri]

I'd prefer to write about things that matter, to try and change peoples perspectives.

A bit like what we're doing here, yes?

But he's fed up of being regarded as the outsider all the time, he wants to fit in

No better remedy than poking fun at yourself,he can get loads of mileage from that in a social situation.

However our children are settled here, they have friends here. Our daughter will be starting secondary school next year. They've moved around so much, it would be unfair to uproot them again.

Now is the perfect time, If your daughter was starting her GCSE's I would hesitate. Kids are more resilient than we think, they may kick and scream at the idea, but in a short time they calm down. Especially with Faecesbook and mobile phones they soon find their old friends.

I need to look at my own personal reasons for running away too and they are too emotional to go into here. But running away is what I am doing, there is no doubt about that. I got us into this mess and I guess I now have to get us out of it. I just worry that I've left it all too late.

I did guess this was the case. You mention you like writing and feeling useful. Take a little time out for yourself each day. I have a little project for you,imagine youve just met someone, someone who's made you feel special, not romantically but in a close friend, youve bonded and feel safe with that person. However they live 3000 miles away and they want to get to know you, but not the family you, actually you. What makes you tick, what was your life like etc, where you'd like to be now or in the future. Nothing fanciful or fictional, the truth. Because this person is not judgmental or opinionated you can tell them what you want. Write it in the form of a letter, daily or weekly. Then read it back and you will see yourself.

 

[oldeagleeye]

GO HOME Lisa and now otherwise you be stuck down here for another 10 years.

I wouldn't worry about the children too much they are resilient and many find it an adventure making new friends and don't forget with have the Internet now. Kid chat on line with their even though they might live just around the corner.

The biggest benefit of all however if that houses up in Lancs are far more affordable so you nad your hubby could enjoy a social life and believe you me as far as kids are concerned - happy parents means happy families.

I wouldn't even hesitate if I were you. I would be looking at property in Lancs in two minutes flat.

Rob

 

[papverpoppies]

It has taken me a many many years to learn to be 'who I want to be', and not who people think or want me to be.

You will loose so called friends, and yes, even make some enemies along the way, when you begin to stand up for what you want, and not what they think you want.

But, at the end of the day its your life, and 'you' who you face in the mirror everyday - conforming does not make you happy.

Renting, or owning, what does it matter so long as you and your family are happy.

Good Luck

Poppy xx

 

[LisaV]

Rob, I don't have a home. Lancashire is where my husband's parents and friends are. It's not MY home.

I'm still looking for that place!

What would my husband do for a job if we did move to Lancashire? We'd be in a worse position because he wouldn't have a job so we might as well kiss goodbye our chances of even owning a cheap home in Preston.

We need to talk more and think more. There was a reason that I personally, moved from Preston. I was never meant to settle there anyway, I had ambitions and plans and my marriage was never meant to get in the way of that. But motherhood did. Now I'm remembering what those plans were and I'm fighting to reclaim a career. I'd like to settle down in a house that I can do up, feel secure in and have the option of living the rest of my life in. It might give me a home.

poppy, I have a website/blog that illustrates my writing. I did do a personal blog once, but felt it was too self-absorbent. The only way forward is to forget about the past, otherwise you're forever looking over your shoulder.

www.lisavalentine.co.uk

 

[Bri]

The only way forward is to forget about the past, otherwise you're forever looking over your shoulder.

The past is there to remind us what the future might be.

Lisa. only you can make it happen.



(damn I'm so philosophical this week)

 

[LisaV]

This is turning into quite the counselling session! Have you guys thought of going professional????

 

[Bri]

This is turning into quite the counselling session! Have you guys thought of going professional????

....except no one would listen

 

[S-Marketing]

With the greatest respect, and without wanting to cause offence. From an onlooker, I would think that the main reason you will struggle to get a mortgage is because both you and your husband earn very little money.

I know this thread has become much more than this, but thats the long and the short of it, as I see it.

Maybe the focus should be all about improving your incomes

 

[papverpoppies]

This is turning into quite the counselling session! Have you guys thought of going professional????

I do offer help and support in respect of relationship breakdowns.

Councelling is not always about the other person listening (or though it does help) its sometimes just about giving someone the chance to talk their feelings through, and letting them see there is 'life' after whatever sadness/loss they are going/gone through.

Looking back is not all bad, so long as you do not live in the past or let yourself get bitter about the past.

Good things can come from the past, and help shape us into what we are.
You have got to decide what to keep, what to let go, and what to learn from .

The end...........

Poppy xx

 

[LisaV]

With the greatest respect, and without wanting to cause offence. From an onlooker, I would think that the main reason you will struggle to get a mortgage is because both you and your husband earn very little money.

I know this thread has become much more than this, but thats the long and the short of it, as I see it.

Maybe the focus should be all about improving your incomes

Yes that is something I would love to do. Wouldn't everyone? My husband had to take a lower paid job or redundancy. Although he's made lots of phone calls within the industry he works in, so far there is nothing on the horizon.

My earnings I would be quite happy with were it not for the fact that being self-employed isn't all that easy. Before then I applied for hundreds of jobs, many of them never even bothered to reply to my application. I heard there are around 60 applications for one job. That's about right in my experience.

I do offer help and support in respect of relationship breakdowns.

Councelling is not always about the other person listening (or though it does help) its sometimes just about giving someone the chance to talk their feelings through, and letting them see there is 'life' after whatever sadness/loss they are going/gone through.

Looking back is not all bad, so long as you do not live in the past or let yourself get bitter about the past.

Good things can come from the past, and help shape us into what we are.
You have got to decide what to keep, what to let go, and what to learn from .

The end...........

Poppy xx

Thanks Poppy you've been very helpful. I have gone though this in the past and I'm all too aware of my reasons for being who I am today. My husband is a very patient man indeed! My biggest problem is not having a home, I feel very unsettled and out of place and perhaps that's why I am so absorbed in providing a home for my kids - to give them something I don't (and in some ways never have) had. But this realisation has come rather late in life

I seem to have muddled along from one situation into another with no real focus or direction. Now I see vaguely a way I could go with my writings and I see an opening that I need to grab. But that comes at a price, a low income and no employment stability. Do I sacrifice that for a home? Or can I find a way around it so I can have both a home and the career path I've been searching for?

Then there's my husband who has been uprooted from his family and friends and is now struggling to fit in. He can manage and is managing, but is that living?

And the kids, both of whom have moved from Preston to France to Carlisle to Wiltshire. Isn't it about time they were allowed to make and keep friends? Yes there is the internet but it's not the same. Being the new person is hard and it can affect the way people make relationships when older. I should know!

There is no easy answer.

I started this forum hoping to find answers about my status as a person who is self-employed and how that might affect any mortgage application we may make in the future. I now find myself questioning my entire life's path! Life does have a funny sense of humour at times.

 

[Gillie]

Rob, I don't have a home. Lancashire is where my husband's parents and friends are. It's not MY home.

I'm still looking for that place!

What would my husband do for a job if we did move to Lancashire? We'd be in a worse position because he wouldn't have a job so we might as well kiss goodbye our chances of even owning a cheap home in Preston.

We need to talk more and think more. There was a reason that I personally, moved from Preston. I was never meant to settle there anyway, I had ambitions and plans and my marriage was never meant to get in the way of that. But motherhood did. Now I'm remembering what those plans were and I'm fighting to reclaim a career. I'd like to settle down in a house that I can do up, feel secure in and have the option of living the rest of my life in. It might give me a home.

poppy, I have a website/blog that illustrates my writing. I did do a personal blog once, but felt it was too self-absorbent. The only way forward is to forget about the past, otherwise you're forever looking over your shoulder.

www.lisavalentine.co.uk

Lisa, dont write Preston off - its becoming a bustling city with lots of things happening over this last year and much has changed.

Yes your kids are still young enough to adapt one last time, so take time to make the decision as you will be there for quite a few years, if you are looking to give them stability.

Don't buy or move on a gut reaction, unfortunately this is one of those decisions whereby you have to sit down and make the good old list and see if the cons can be changed to pros!

 

[papverpoppies]

Lisa, dont write Preston off - its becoming a bustling city with lots of things happening over this last year and much has changed.

Yes your kids are still young enough to adapt one last time, so take time to make the decision as you will be there for quite a few years, if you are looking to give them stability.

Don't buy or move on a gut reaction, unfortunately this is one of those decisions whereby you have to sit down and make the good old list and see if the cons can be changed to pros!

Absolutely agree - throw everything into the pot, and then weigh all the negs and positives against each one.

Anywhere can be your home, if you are happy, settled and have work.

Sometimes when you get in a down mindset - it is very easy to be dismissive of all and sundry.

I have not been to Preston for a while, but I liked it, also central for the Lakes, Derbyshire not a million miles away, so lots of scope for days out.

Look at the bigger picture

Good Luck

Poppy xx

 

[LisaV]

Thank you, looks like we've got a lot of soul-searching to do yet.

 

[Bri]

I have not been to Preston for a while

Did someone say country and western.................

 

[Bri]

When I did my Open University degree, there were lots of women there,at home and at summer school, when I got to know them all their stories were similar. All with families, all struggling to juggle the same balls in the air every day( the success is not the juggling but keeping the balls in the air(profound eh!!!)). What came out of this was the lack of support from their partners, they either disagreed and made life hell for them about it. My point is they carried on, they proved they could look after the whole family and still find time to study, not one but sometimes three courses at the same time. Of course they did let their hair down at summer school, but thats a different story.

I watched the new Karate Kid movie last night, one quote ' what happens if I keep falling down, it doesnt matter its how you get back up'.

 

[LisaV]

Ah yes Bri, I've gotten up more times than I can remember. I'm still doing it. But I do have the advantage of a wonderful partner who is very supportive.

We have been having soul searching talks and what has come out of these are a few half decisions.

He doesn't want to move the family back up North. He wants to give this area a fair go first. I agree. The things that are making us unhappy are things like lack of social life, no babysitters and in an area with not much going on. So we've decided that we may fare better in a place with plenty of transport links and therefore a more varied bunch of people. We aren't far from a place called Chippenham which is right on the M6, has rail links to London, Bath, Oxford and Bristol and contains a fair few commuter families, so not everyone who lives there has been born and bred there.

We've looked into the place a few times now but houses are just a little dearer there, no doubt because of the transport links. However if our circumstances change we might be able to buy.

We are going to spend more time there, get to know the town, the good areas and the bad areas. We'll shop there and have a drink in the cafes and pubs, get talking to people who live there. I'm going to take a night course in French and my husband is thinking of doing the same to try and expand our contacts.

Because of the good transport links we can then go for more days out as a family, we wouldn't have to drive everywhere and even if we had to pay for a babysitter, we could have the occasional night out as a couple. Meeting people and making contacts might make us both feel more settled and happier. We also wouldn't feel like such outsiders as Chippenham does seem to be more changeable - people come and go.

It's a plan of action and I feel so much happier knowing there is a plan rather than bumbling along waiting for something to happen.

Now for my second plan - how do you all feel about setting up a counselling service for others?!