Do I Leave Or Not?

[Hense]

Ok, so a nice long complicated thread now I expect...

In work, we are currently going through the busiest part of the year - which is great, only that because almost all of the work passes through or is completed by me, I feel on the edge of a breakdown. I can't sleep, i'm missing meals and even at home I can't stop thinking about work. I've been working an extra 2-3 hours per day just to try and make some impact on the work I have left to do but its still building up.

I really like where I work and my boss is great - he is a nice person and he knows how stressed I am - but I just think my job involves too much responsibility. I'm easily affected by stress and have been at a low ebb for a couple of months now.

We have spoken about an assistant or extra pair of hands (only a small business, me, the boss and a part-time worker currently) but the responsibility would still be with me - the assistant could only really help with admin. I feel trapped and whats worse, because of my friendship with my boss I don't feel as though I could - dare I say it - leave. I know he has put a lot of effort into this business and I feel so bad even contemplating leaving. Having said that, I really don't see how things can get any better unless at least one other person came in FULL TIME and I know thats not feasible on current income.

We talk about implementing new systems and changing how we do things which I think will help although not completely and my heart's just not in it anymore.

This probably sounds really stupid and drawn out, but I don't know how much longer I can do this. I'm making mistakes and losing sleep and it just feels like there is no way out - any advice is greatfully received.

Thanks

 

[PI Guy]

You sound very stressed and your boss really needs to know this ASAP. Its better for him to know this now than for it to come out of the blue when you either resign or have a breakdown.

Can you take him out for a coffee and explain it to him perhaps by showing him this thread?

 

[Eleanor]

I feel for you, you are clearly taking on more than you can handle and would probably appreciate it if you boss did I little more about it.

Is your boss doing an equal amount of work? If not you could ask if he could do a small section of the work you do for a little while. Just to get you back on top of things.

Maybe you could take a day to yourself and just go somewhere to relax?

If you feel the only way you can go forward is to leave then you should tell you boss, explain that you want to stay but your hearts not in it when you get so stressed and you don't want to make mistakes.

But look at every other possible option before you leave.

 

[Jenni384]

Hi

Sorry to hear of your problems.
Stress is a health problem as important as any other. While everyone gets stressed and a small part is normal in everyday life, it sounds like it's gotten bad enough to seriously impact your health and quality of life.

You need to look at this (which I can see you are), and find ways to cut that work stress right back. That might be leaving, or it might be having 2 weeks signed off sick, or it might be having a very frank discussion with your boss, explaining that the job is making you so ill that something needs to change.

Good luck, and remember: your health comes first. You can't look after anyone be it family or work if you aren't looking after yourself.

Best of luck

Jenni

 

[Ashley_Price]

I certainly agree with PI, you need to have a discussion with your boss and ensure he knows how you are feeling. I would rather know something is up with one of my workers and get it sorted there and then, than let it drag on and become a major issue. I have an open door and frank discussion policy - and yes some people have told me exactly what they think.

 

[formerguest]

Hense,

It doesn't sound stupid or drawn out, you clearly feel stressed. I hope posting helped you offload, if only for a short time.

Your main responsibility must be to yourself and for your well-being. If you feel able, have a chat with your employer and try to convey to him / her what you feel. An employer should never want to lose a good employee, if they can help it, and if you have a good relationship with your employer it should be easier to talk things through. Going back to your opening post, does he know how stressed you are? Or do you only think he knows?

On a practical level, do take time each day to do something to relieve some of that stress and take your mind off work - if only for a short time. Go for a run, use the punch bag at the gym but find what works for you. There is another thread on here that provides some tips etc.

Hope this helps in some way.

 

[Gillie]

I was in a similar situation in that in just over two years, I had not taken a full weeks holiday just a day here and there, constantly brought work home, and it was on my mind all the time.

It got to the situation whereby I was making silly mistakes and having to work harder to put them right, so I sat my wonderful boss down, who by the way I am still very good friends with, and told him what was happening etc and that I needed to leave to save my sanity.

He was very good, and rather than loose me all together, he got two people in to take away the hassle and employed me on an adhoc basis, to do the bits he thought he couldnt trust others to handle, and for some 8 months I was then his official troubleshooter.

It meant I could supervise from a distance and make sure that I could fully leave the business and move on knowing that I had not left him in the lurch as were.

 

[arindra]

You mentioned that the income is not increasing or looking bleak . yet the workload is high ... that is not a good sign . Give him some time to get the income increase and of course do mention to him about your position . chances are - that being a business owner , he will find some way to make it worthwhile for your efforts.

 

[Gavin Harris]

You mentioned that the income is not increasing or looking bleak . yet the workload is high ... that is not a good sign .

Exactly my thoughts. It sounds like he's only managing to break even by taking on this much work - in which case his whole business plan is flawed! If it's such a small business and you're such an integral part of it, then I think it's only fair he lets you know what the current financial situation is. If it's the case that the business is only just getting by with this amount of workload, then I would suggest getting out purely because any downturn in work is going to mean the business will struggle, and clearly you can't go on indefinitely with this workload!

 

[The Chief]

Listen mate

As nice and helpful as your boss is your no good to anyone if you end up having a breakdown least of all yourself.

having known a couple of people who have had breakdowns after working 100 hours a week, they have lost everything and have not been the same people since

Action is required now as a matter of urgency!

Speak to him asap and see if you can work out a solution. Get your boss to take a bit more on board and try and look at any weaknesses you might have.

In a small company its all about teamwork and supporting each other.

Good luck

 

[Gord]

I really like where I work and my boss is great - he is a nice person and he knows how stressed I am

I've seen a few people hit major problems with stress, the last of which was a rugby league playing, "salt of the earth" manufacturing manager who would run through brick walls for the company to "make things happen".The last person I would have thought would suffer from a "stress" breakdown.
In my experience , the root of the problem was always the same.They were left to fend for themselves in a time of difficulty, without the necessary support and back-up of their boss.

So , nice or not, the responsibility for success or failure is your bosses. Your responsibility is to do your best and inform your boss where you have inadequate resources etc. and the consequences that will occur from this.
I doubt that you are paid to take your problems home with you so don't.
Just remind yourself how hard you worked, and keep the boss informed of backlogs & consequences etc.

The other common reason for overwork and stress is a failure to be able to delegate. Take a step back, chill out and ask yourself what responsibility you could pass on to your assistant. Do customers / your boss have to go through you with all queries , or are there areas where they could go direct to the assistant ? Are there some tasks that you can give as a whole to this person ?

Should you leave?
Well , my inclination would be to let my boss know that I was thinking of leaving unless something was done to help.And maybe insist on a weekly? meeting where you can offload the current state of play / problems.
And don't make a decision to leave in "the heat of battle" , take a weekend break and consider it then, your perspective will be clearer.

 

[garethparkin]

I agree with the advice you have received above - take action now in a calm and collected manner rather than letting it boil over. Take yourself and your boss out of the work environment to a neutral place and sit down and calmly go through your issues - you maybe surprised with the response. This way it means you have not broken down and shown any form of weakness rather you have intellectually looked at the situation, analysed it and presented the issues in a professional manner. Be positive, pluck some courage up and do it today!

 

[Hense]

Thanks for the replies guys, I really appreciate the opinions and advice given

I spoke to my boss in depth earlier this week - we had a quite friendly chat about it all, he could see I was upset and I think understood that it was worse than he may have thought.

We agreed that I would give it a few weeks until things get a bit quieter - which I agreed with. He would also look into moving me into marketing (which I enjoy) and getting someone new to do my role, as I told him I couldn't cope with my current role and it wasn't what I expected (I started at the company as a general assistant and it just evolved into what I do now).

HOWEVER...

A couple of days later he indicated he would take on the stressful parts of my role and I would complete the more straightforward paryts. The problem is that this is doomed to fail as he works stupendous hours with his own workload, let alone anything else. Plus I will still be doing tasks i'm not confident / competent to do. I don't want to sound like i'm whinging but I really don't think I can do the job and I know that financially there is no money (nor any need) to employ me in any other role at the company full-time (or even part time).

I'm now pretty certain that as it stands, if I feel like this at the end of june I will tell him i'm leaving and recommend he brings in someone with admin skills/ experience in my place - I can fend for myself and appreicate he can't magic a role for me out of no where.

I feel horrid for even contemplating it - I see my boss as a friend more than anything and as its a small offic,e it cna be awkward - but i'm still fairly young, with no financial ties - if i'm not happy, I feel I do need to move on else i'm just gonna be unhappy forever.

 

[Cornish Steve]

As others have said. Communicate. Let others know the problem.

A few years back, I'd worked really hard and put in very long hours for an extended period of time. One day, an envelope arrived for me. It was from the president of the group and contained a $2,000 voucher with the company's travel agent. Basically, he insisted I take off a particular week and travel somewhere just with my wife. The money he gave even covered the cost of someone looking after our children for a few days.

In other words, good bosses value their good people - but a good boss can't do anything if she is unaware of the true extent of the pressure you feel right now.

PS - Just read your latest response. That's great!

 

[Hense]

Thanks for the reply Steve. Unfortunately, I don't think thats going to happen and I wouldn't necessarily expect it to anyway. We had a detailed conversation as indicated above and the more I think about this, the more I feel that maybe its time for me to move on. I think the only reason i'm still deliberating this is feelnigs of loyalty to my boss (as I said, I do value him as a friend) but I know that carrying on solely for that reason is not beneficial to any party in the long run.

I don't even know what the hell i'm going to do after this, so isn't as scary as I thought it might be - again, this makes me think that even with the risk of a period of unemployment (however unlikely / short-term), I still feel I want to move on?

 

[KidsBeeHappy]

You can turn the tables and "manage your boss". Every time that you are asked to take something on, or do something, or reprioritise etc, then the approach i took was "yes, certainly, but it will mean that xyz won't be done before your required deadline, what you like me to do?"

It is amazing how much stuff which is totally "urgent" and "vital" and "needs doing straight away" isn't really that important. And they can usually find someone else to do it.

I used this approach when I was an audit senior, which meant that at any point in time I have 5 different managers, for each of the 5 different jobs I would be doing concurrently. It worked really well, as it gets them to keep perspective.

And remember; the golden rule when you are stressing about deadlines etc;
"We're not doctors, nobody dies!"

 

[Antonia @limeone.com]

It would be a good opportunity to also look at how you spend your time and see if any of those tasks can be delegated ie rather than just thinking about it actually use a time log.

I can send you one over if you send me via PM your email and this ideally should be used for a 14 day period. It will identify the bits you do like doing, what is beyond your control and what you need training on to perform well or to pass on to someone else.

This can be a good tool for reducing stress in the workplace and also identifying your strengths for your next role, either in this employment or in the next.

 

[borobabe]

Can he not find someone such as work experience or long term unemployed where the job centre assist with the wages (I'm sure there is such a scheme). That may help a bit with the situation.

 

[Moneyman]

Friendship is a two way street. If you are being overworked say so and threaten to resign. Make him realise how important it is to you. If it is a high stress job maybe it isnt for you and why overwork if he doesnt pay for it? If the business is expanding and making loads of money fair enough otherwise he is just being a busy idiot, doing more than he should for less than he should. Bad business.
Overwork doesnt mean better work.