Improve my Sales Pitch

[SFH0791]

Hi, My name is **** am enquiring in regards to the Luxury wedding package costs for options 1 & 2. Please can somebody respond back to me with a price list of the packages you offer. My partner and myself have a wedding date of the **of **** 2020 in mind. Kind regards

Above example just came as a quote now let me run through our response!.

"Thank you very much for your email, congratulations on setting your wedding date. Below is the breakdown of our wedding packages;

Package 1)

Vehicle: Mercedes S-class New shape with cream leather interior

Amenties that will be included will be a Bottle of champagne of your choice and a bouquet of flowers.

We'll decorate the car with ribbons of your choice

Gift Box: We'll include a giftbox wich will include Mr & Mrs Mugs, bottle of His&Her Dior perfume.

Price: £1,200 including VAT and you have the use of the vehicle for 8 hours

Package 2)

Vehicle: Rolls Royce Phantom with cream leather interior

Amenties that will be included will be a Bottle of champagne of your choice and a bouquet of flowers.

We'll decorate the car with ribbons of your choice

Gift Box: We'll include a giftbox wich will include Mr & Mrs Mugs, bottle of His&Her Dior perfume.

Price: £2,000 including VAT and you have the use of the vehicle for 8 hours

We're able to amend these packages to suit your budget and if you do have a budget in mind, please do let me know and I will be happy to amend these and fit it into your budget.

All the packages are customizable and we can add or remove items if you would not like them. In addition to this alongside our packages we do offer discount for vehicles for brides maids and guest such as Mercedes V-class which can seat upto 7 people at £35 Per hour including. Mercedes E-class at £30 per hour including VAT should it be required"



In my other topic lots of opinions are being directed towards that sales pitch above, I personally don't see nothing wrong with but I might have tunnel vision therefore I leave this post up-to you mercy on how to improve it.

 

[simon field]

To me it doesn’t read as a sales pitch, but just a list of items like a menu.

Where is the sizzle?

 

[fisicx]

That’s a business reply. It’s not a reply from someone who cares about providing something special for the wedding.

They may be teetotal, not like chocolates, prefer a different perfume, want an open top car etc.

Find out a bit more about them and what they want. Pick up the phone and talk to them.

You don’t even know the location, they may be getting wed in a tiny church with limited access 300 miles away.

 

[NickGrogan]

Two almost identical offers at similar prices, so really only one offer.

If my wife isn't excited about a cheap mug and a common perfume, what are you selling her?

Is 8 hours a selling point? Apart from the obvious arrive at the church/supermarket/petrol station what I am going to do with the car for the other 7 hours?

Out of interest how many miles can we drive? Will you drive me from Edinburgh to London in an S class for £1200? at 400 miles that's only £3 per mile.

You need more variation and ideally a 3rd, really expensive option that makes the other 2 seem "cheap"

Horse and carriage, gold leaf, silk cushions, etc etc. £6,000

Now the £2,000 Rolls looks like a bargain - we just "saved" £4000 by getting that one, what a bargain, it's basically paid for itself. Etc, etc.

 

[SFH0791]

To me it doesn’t read as a sales pitch, but just a list of items like a menu.

Where is the sizzle?

Thank you for the feedback, I will re-write a new one.

That’s a business reply. It’s not a reply from someone who cares about providing something special for the wedding.

They may be teetotal, not like chocolates, prefer a different perfume, want an open top car etc.

Find out a bit more about them and what they want. Pick up the phone and talk to them.

You don’t even know the location, they may be getting wed in a tiny church with limited access 300 miles away.

Thank you for your reply - Would suggest to emailing the client asking to schedule a call a better solution?

Two almost identical offers at similar prices, so really only one offer.

If my wife isn't excited about a cheap mug and a common perfume, what are you selling her?

Is 8 hours a selling point? Apart from the obvious arrive at the church/supermarket/petrol station what I am going to do with the car for the other 7 hours?

Out of interest how many miles can we drive? Will you drive me from Edinburgh to London in an S class for £1200? at 400 miles that's only £3 per mile.

You need more variation and ideally a 3rd, really expensive option that makes the other 2 seem "cheap"

Horse and carriage, gold leaf, silk cushions, etc etc. £6,000

Now the £2,000 Rolls looks like a bargain - we just "saved" £4000 by getting that one, what a bargain, it's basically paid for itself. Etc, etc.

Thank you for your reply - I will draft up a new template. The reason we include 8 hours because if we give out the vehicle for 2 hours it isn't really profitable for us but as per your suggestion I think If include a use of Mercedes E-class within the price for maybe the bride maids maybe that will be VFM.

 

[MBE2017]

I am assuming your reply was by email, not by telephone.

In your position, I would always ring the client and forge a relationship. About the only thing I agree with your reply was the congratulations on their setting a date. Ask how long engaged, how they met etc, forge a relationship.

Talk to them, ask what they want, any special requirements, dates, numbers etc. Photography etc, make them picture the whole day, the whole experience, build each package individually to their requirements.

As mentioned, sell the sizzle, price on a wedding day is not going to be your biggest problem, make the bride feel everything will be done exactly as she wishes, and she will buy, but she needs to believe in you, otherwise she will choose a cheaper menu option. The price should be the last thing discussed, take a budget by all means, add 25% to 50% and you will still get deals.

 

[Jeff FV]

“Your wedding day is the most important day in your life.
Allow us to transport you in style. Imagine the gasps of your guests as our beautiful Rolls Royce Phantom glides over the gravel, delivering you in style befitting your special day.
But the beauty of the car is eclipsed as your fully unformed chauffeur opens the door and you step out - the true beauty of the day, and take those steps from car to church.”

Not saying you go with that copy - I knocked it together in 5 minutes sat on the sofa in front of the telly - but perhaps it may suggest another way to sell your service?

 

[MBE2017]

As you can see from JeffFV post above, that is selling, selling the sizzle. No mention of price and half the brides would be ready to book already.

A girl I know booked a company because they allowed plenty of photos of the kids in the cars, dressed as the drivers etc, kept them out of trouble for a couple of hours, many brides want everyone to enjoy their day.

My Mrs wanted a Jag sports convertible for her wedding day, none in approx 40 miles, but one turned up on the day, a very expensive one, second most costly item of the day.

 

[fisicx]

Thank you for your reply - Would suggest to emailing the client asking to schedule a call a better solution?

On your contact form ask for their telephone number.

Don't ever send them a standard email. You want to offer a luxury service so hand craft each reply - after you have spoken on the phone.

Are you sending them a classy brochure on posh paper with a free gift? How are you making potential clients feel special?

Pay a good copywriter to do your marketing. Don't try and do it yourself.

 

[Mr D]

Thank you for the feedback, I will re-write a new one.



Thank you for your reply - Would suggest to emailing the client asking to schedule a call a better solution?



Thank you for your reply - I will draft up a new template. The reason we include 8 hours because if we give out the vehicle for 2 hours it isn't really profitable for us but as per your suggestion I think If include a use of Mercedes E-class within the price for maybe the bride maids maybe that will be VFM.

2 hours or 8 hours, how long is vehicle going to actually be used for?
Bridesmaids to church. Bride to church. Married couple to reception / photo place then reception.

To me 8 hours is a waste. However if was 2 hours or 3 hours at a certain price that makes it cost effective then fair enough.

A wedding is a fantasy. Ranging from a hundred quid to tens of thousands of pounds.
Ideally the fantasy is crafted in reality with the service provider (you) providing what the bride and groom want. Ok, let's be realistic, what the bride wants.

A good salesman can engage, find out what is wanted, find out what the budget is and craft a solution that meets both.
Just try not to be one of those who do not listen when budget is talked about.

However saying that - nothing to stop 'can offer this for £10k however for an additional £500 we can upgrade that bit to xxxxx' - and sell it.

Did a wedding fair about 8 years ago, several dozen suppliers of goods and services there. Only one of us tailored stuff and we were low down in the spending priorities. Surprising how many people can go beyond budget for an upgrade.

 

[BusterBloodvessel]

As above, there's no "pazzazz" about it and certainly doesn't feel welcoming/engaging. If I was enquiring about buying pallets of toilet rolls, perhaps what I'd expect. Not for a special part of the biggest day of my life.

I have experience of dealing with many, many wedding clients for my wedding and function band. This is a big deal for people, but also one in which they generally have no experience in. So as well as giving them all the spiel (like the ideas above, "allow us to transport you in style, imagine the gasps etc etc) - also try and give them some guidance and some experience of how you can help make their special day better. For example;

you have the use of the vehicle for 8 hours

I would easily consider changing to along the lines of;

Our price includes full use of the vehicle for 8 hours. We are completely flexible with how you use the car and on timing, but most of our clients arrange for the wedding car to arrive 1.5 hours before the departure time to the church. This allows plenty of time to get ready and take those valuable last photos in front of the car with your bridesmaids and family as you make your last car journey as an unmarried woman! We can then escort you to the church and if required take any local detours along the way, again some people take this time to have photographs taken at a scenic location as they make their way to church.

Following the ceremony the car can be available to transport you and your new husband to your reception, where the driver will happily wait for any further photos to be taken and your guests are also more than welcome to admire the car or take their seat in it - in particularly for any young children with you, it's a real treat to wear the chauffeurs cap and sit behind the wheel in the drivers seat!

I mean, I made that up off the cuff but I think you get the idea....put it in their heads that not only could they do all these lovely things that they and their guests would enjoy, but also reassure them that you know what you're doing, you have experience in this and you are the right professional company to help them out and make sure things go smoothly on their big day.

 

[namesweb]

Oh dear, this thread has reminded me exactly how much I hate the wedding industry...

Seriously - OP you are talking to the bride - the bloke will most likely be rolling his eyes going "whatever this costs will probably be too much", whereas if the bride gets her heart set on it... Well - you're quids in mate! I'd go so far as to suggest if you had a female member of staff help put together a bespoke package for the bride that might help.

EDIT - there was one lady who did exactly that for the venue, and basically ignored me and tried to cosy up too much to my other half selling her some idyllic nonsense like hand reared doves who eject golden droppings upon release over the guests for prosperity ("oh no I'm so sorry I think the droppings only come with the platinum package - let me see what my manager can do..."), up til I butted in and said "sorry can we get a rough breakdown on cost for all of this before we run away with ourselves, and also, do we need that??" and she practically scoffed in my face. My other halfs face was priceless too! Don't let that happen!

I must come across rather bitter, but in our culture the social norms are to spend in excess of £50k+, and it's honesty ridiculous the pressure you're put under to conform - so yeah, bitter! To the point where it's unaffordable but people will take out £70k loans (know of one example very recently), or raise equity from their property. The guests still end up complaining either way!

If I had £50k knocking about, I'd still spend as little as possible and spend the rest on a deposit on a property. Not as romantic I realise though

 

[The Byre]

There are 12 basic rules for any and every sales pitch and I think the OP has broken all 12 - starting with number one. Talk about the customer and what you can do for the customer. Don't talk about yourself! Were I a customer, I would not give a hang about your cars, your ribbons, your perfumes or any of your rules about how long I can use of car and driver.

The customer should be able to tell you what they want.

And I'm with @namesweb on the wedding industry. Spending thousands on a wedding celebration is obscene.

 

[Mr D]

Oh dear, this thread has reminded me exactly how much I hate the wedding industry...

Seriously - OP you are talking to the bride - the bloke will most likely be rolling his eyes going "whatever this costs will probably be too much", whereas if the bride gets her heart set on it... Well - you're quids in mate! I'd go so far as to suggest if you had a female member of staff help put together a bespoke package for the bride that might help.

EDIT - there was one lady who did exactly that for the venue, and basically ignored me and tried to cosy up too much to my other half selling her some idyllic nonsense like hand reared doves who eject golden droppings upon release over the guests for prosperity ("oh no I'm so sorry I think the droppings only come with the platinum package - let me see what my manager can do..."), up til I butted in and said "sorry can we get a rough breakdown on cost for all of this before we run away with ourselves, and also, do we need that??" and she practically scoffed in my face. My other halfs face was priceless too! Don't let that happen!

I must come across rather bitter, but in our culture the social norms are to spend in excess of £50k+, and it's honesty ridiculous the pressure you're put under to conform - so yeah, bitter! To the point where it's unaffordable but people will take out £70k loans (know of one example very recently), or raise equity from their property. The guests still end up complaining either way!

If I had £50k knocking about, I'd still spend as little as possible and spend the rest on a deposit on a property. Not as romantic I realise though

Agreed the spending gets out of hand.
Two student friends of mine got married about 20 years ago. Cost them a hundred quid - lots of stuff donated by friends and a dress borrowed from someone.
They had their dream wedding - they had each other. Everything else was window dressing.

Have been to wedding shows where the dress alone is in excess of 10k - sometimes feel like saying get the 500 pound dress and put the rest towards a house...

 

[billybob99]

If I had £50k knocking about, I'd still spend as little as possible and spend the rest on a deposit on a property. Not as romantic I realise though

Last one I went to spent that on just the tipple.

 

[BusterBloodvessel]

I've seen all sorts over the last few years being involved with weddings. You can see why the costs spiral out of control - you want ribbons on the back of the seat? That's £5 each please x 120 seats....over £600 gone in the blink of an eye.

One of the worst ones I had was at our advance meeting at the venue to plan the night out and, as always, we asked if the band would be able to have some of the evening buffet or if not we would prepare our own food. Usually the answer is "yes of course" but there were some slightly awkward looks from the bride and groom on this one. "Bit of a bone of contention that, actually" they said...

As it turned out they had wanted their friend to bring a fish and chips van to the venue for the evening guests food rather than a traditional buffet but the hotel had veto-ed it. So they were going for the cheapest option which was a bacon butty per person - at £12.50 per head They ended up shelling out over £1500 just on bacon sandwiches. I wouldn't have minded if they were some sort of gourmet take on a bacon butty - but when they came they were the on your standard cash & carry burger buns with 2 pieces of fatty undercooked catering bacon!

 

[fisicx]

Ever heard the phrase: sell the sizzle not the sausage?

The bride doesn't care about the car or the tat you put in the back. It's quite likely they just want to be whisked from the house to church and on to the hotel.

You are selling and experience not a car. Don't even need to mention the driver, if all goes well the customer won't even remember what they were wearing.

 

[NickGrogan]

The reason we include 8 hours because if we give out the vehicle for 2 hours it isn't really profitable for us but as per your suggestion I think If include a use of Mercedes E-class within the price for maybe the bride maids maybe that will be VFM.

So the 8 hours is for your benefit, not mine, so why are you telling me about? As others have said make it "up to 8 hours" and sell me the benefits of having that long and flexibility.

Why are you adding an E-class (taxi) to the package?

I didn't mention value for money, just the opposite.

If you're really selling luxury, then VFM has nothing to do with it.

 

[SFH0791]

Thank you for all your replies, I have taken it all onboard. This is the new template we have created.

Thank you for your email, First here at ******* we want to congratulate you on setting your wedding date. We know how important the day is and it would be our pleasure to make sure you arrive at the venue in style. Below is our wedding packages which are fully customizable should you want to change any aspects of the product.

Package 1)

Our first features our gorgeous Mercedes S-class with cream-leather interior and Panoramic sun-roof. The vehicle will arrive freshly valet, the chauffeur will be dressed professional and open the door for you, You can take pictures with the vehicle should you require it. The chauffeur will drive with patience and the temperature within the vehicle will be set a appropriate setting

Your vehicle will be dedcorate with ribbons, the door handles will also be dedcorate in a flower shape. We can include amenities such as Champagne in the vehicle for you to enjoy.

A choice of a Gift box wrapped in red button inside a black box is also available, items inside the gift include Perfume of your choice, Cards and flowers.


Package 2)

Our second package features our stunning top of the range Rolls Royce Phantom. The Rolls Royce speaks for it self with elegance and your presences will be know in the day when the guest notice the spirit of ecstacy shining as your chauffeur pulls outside your venue.

Your vehicle will be decorate with ribbons, the door handles will also be decorate in a flower shape. We can include amenities such as Champagne in the vehicle for you to enjoy.

A choice of a Gift box wrapped in red button inside a black box is also available, items inside the gift include Perfume of your choice, Cards and flowers.


Please do let us know which package you'll be interested in and one of our team will be contact to discuss the pricing and ensuring we stay within your budget.

 

[SFH0791]

So the 8 hours is for your benefit, not mine, so why are you telling me about? As others have said make it "up to 8 hours" and sell me the benefits of having that long and flexibility.

Why are you adding an E-class (taxi) to the package?

I didn't mention value for money, just the opposite.

If you're really selling luxury, then VFM has nothing to do with it.

I was using that as up-selling technique but as per to your suggestion I have removed it.

 

[fisicx]

Thank you for all your replies, I have taken it all onboard. This is the new template we have created.

Nooooooooo!

Do NOT send a template. Don't offer a package. Do ask them what they want and then give them that.

In any case, the template is littered with grammatical errors.

 

[Mark T Jones]

As someone experienced in providing a premium service, surely you must have worked out that in this environment price is something arrived at by meeting a customer’s needs, not just a number dropped on the table?

Your benefits aren’t really benefits at all, just pimped up features. ‘Our driver will drive with patience’ now there’s a thing, I’d be expecting Nicholas Cage in Gone in 60 Seconds mode (actually, that could be an avenue to explore)

Mugs? Who told you that would be a clincher? Have you met anyone in your executive business whose decision hinges on mugs?

Take a look at what the competition are doing and think from there

 

[NickGrogan]

I was using that as up-selling technique but as per to your suggestion I have removed it.

Adding an e class isn't upselling.

 

[NickGrogan]

Thank you for all your replies, I have taken it all onboard. This is the new template we have created.

Thank you for your email, First here at ******* we want to congratulate you on setting your wedding date. We know how important the day is and it would be our pleasure to make sure you arrive at the venue in style. Below is our wedding packages which are fully customizable should you want to change any aspects of the product.

Package 1)

Our first features our gorgeous Mercedes S-class with cream-leather interior and Panoramic sun-roof. The vehicle will arrive freshly valet, the chauffeur will be dressed professional and open the door for you, You can take pictures with the vehicle should you require it. The chauffeur will drive with patience and the temperature within the vehicle will be set a appropriate setting

Your vehicle will be dedcorate with ribbons, the door handles will also be dedcorate in a flower shape. We can include amenities such as Champagne in the vehicle for you to enjoy.

A choice of a Gift box wrapped in red button inside a black box is also available, items inside the gift include Perfume of your choice, Cards and flowers.


Package 2)

Our second package features our stunning top of the range Rolls Royce Phantom. The Rolls Royce speaks for it self with elegance and your presences will be know in the day when the guest notice the spirit of ecstacy shining as your chauffeur pulls outside your venue.

Your vehicle will be decorate with ribbons, the door handles will also be decorate in a flower shape. We can include amenities such as Champagne in the vehicle for you to enjoy.

A choice of a Gift box wrapped in red button inside a black box is also available, items inside the gift include Perfume of your choice, Cards and flowers.


Please do let us know which package you'll be interested in and one of our team will be contact to discuss the pricing and ensuring we stay within your budget.

If you really want to use a template, then speak to someone who understands luxury marketing first, and then hire a really good copywriter.

Nothing that you've described suggests luxury to me, apart for the choice of car and even that is a bit generic.

 

[AllUpHere]

You are going round in circles. The best advice is to get a professional (not me) to help you. Your threads on here have proved you don't have the necessary skills to do this yourself. You are going to have to tell someone who you are, and what you do, or nobody is going to be able to help you.

If this isn't just a wind up, and you actually send this sort of stuff out to potential clients you are leaving massive amounts of money on the table. A decent strategist / copywriter will transform your business.

 

[The Byre]

Getting good copy is the CHEAPEST way to improve your marketing.

Your copy is nothing short of dreadful - sorry to have to be blunt, but that's the way it is! Just look at the first sentence -

First here at ******* we want to congratulate you on setting your wedding date. We know how important the day is and it would be our pleasure to make sure you arrive at the venue in style. Below is our wedding packages which are fully customizable should you want to change any aspects of the product.

YOU are not the one who is getting married - the customer is! But you talk about what you want FIVE TIMES and you mention the poor old customer just three times.

After that, your two packages are a blow-by-blow account of what YOU do. The customer hardly gets a mention. In your closing statement, the customer gets mentioned twice, but you talk about yourself three times.

Talking about the customer and not yourself is RULE ONE. There are another 11 things for you to think about when writing copy.

 

[SFH0791]

Nooooooooo!

Do NOT send a template. Don't offer a package. Do ask them what they want and then give them that.

In any case, the template is littered with grammatical errors.

Can you recommend a firm that can help me? You have been very helpful

Adding an e class isn't upselling.

If you really want to use a template, then speak to someone who understands luxury marketing first, and then hire a really good copywriter.

Nothing that you've described suggests luxury to me, apart for the choice of car and even that is a bit generic.

Any recommendations for a firm?

You are going round in circles. The best advice is to get a professional (not me) to help you. Your threads on here have proved you don't have the necessary skills to do this yourself. You are going to have to tell someone who you are, and what you do, or nobody is going to be able to help you.

If this isn't just a wind up, and you actually send this sort of stuff out to potential clients you are leaving massive amounts of money on the table. A decent strategist / copywriter will transform your business.

I don't know why people keep saying that? why would I do that.. I'm trying to improve my business. What should i search on Google? I keep getting SEO copywriters as a result but I don't need that

Getting good copy is the CHEAPEST way to improve your marketing.

Your copy is nothing short of dreadful - sorry to have to be blunt, but that's the way it is! Just look at the first sentence -

First here at ******* we want to congratulate you on setting your wedding date. We know how important the day is and it would be our pleasure to make sure you arrive at the venue in style. Below is our wedding packages which are fully customizable should you want to change any aspects of the product.

YOU are not the one who is getting married - the customer is! But you talk about what you want FIVE TIMES and you mention the poor old customer just three times.

After that, your two packages are a blow-by-blow account of what YOU do. The customer hardly gets a mention. In your closing statement, the customer gets mentioned twice, but you talk about yourself three times.

Talking about the customer and not yourself is RULE ONE. There are another 11 things for you to think about when writing copy.

Thank you, Yes your totally correct. Can you recommend any firm to help me?

 

[NickGrogan]

Any recommendations for a firm?

I know a few if you've got a decent budget. DM me your details and we can discuss.

 

[LanceUk]

@SFH0791 - I am going ot be blunt - After reading what has been a shed load of free, GOOD advice, I don't think you have got it (and I am not meaning to be offensive or a keyboard warrior)..

Please do let us know which package you'll be interested in and one of our team will be contact to discuss the pricing and ensuring we stay within your budget.

That very first phrase, "Please do let us know which package you'll be interested in..." That goes against everything everyone has been telling you - which although free, made sense. You are offering a [presumably] luxury product, many of which will be provided on the most improtant day of your potential clients' lives.

Can you imagine, Ms. Engaged read the packages in your template and thought to herself, "hmmm.. sounds OK... but not quite what I am looking for.", of which most if not all your clients would think, and then she reads the equivalent of.. "This is really all we offer, so select one of these or go somewhere else." You have taken the personal service completely out of the equation and offered and off the self solution that doesn't meet their specific needs, for which they are prepared to pay a handsome price for.

You can get a copywriter, but if you have this mentality when you speak to them (if you get to), you will lose it there and your money spent on your copywriting will have been wasted. You may want to partner with a sales/marketing type.

Also - do you want to really market to people who are that worried about the budget but want all the luxury on that day? They will be a source of never ending headaches until you get paid and their day is over.

[edit - after a couple of typo corrections of which there are still some, no doubt] Also, it sends a message that you are inflexible. The big day is often fraught with complications and they will want to make sure you and your team will be happy to handle whatever comes up with aplomb to make their day great. It doesn't matter what you say in your blurb - that last paragraph says, we actually are not flexible because what we offer is what we offer... nothing more (and hopefully nothing less).

[Edit - final one as I have poked poo from your post, so I should offer an alternative].. If you want to keep the pakcages thing, I would word that last para along the lines of:

"These are typical of the sort of services our previous happy newly wed clients chose to ensure their day was the best of their lives. We obviously will tailor our offering to meet your specific requirements and the above should be taken only as a guide.. "

OK - there's a reason I am B2B and not B2C... shmultz is not my forte (shmoozing is) - but you get the idea.

 

[The Byre]

Can you recommend any firm to help me?

I am doing a video on this very subject tomorrow - together with one on company structure and another on market research and one on marketing strategy.

There's a bit more to the whole issue than you may imagine because the copywriter has to sit down with you and understand what it is that you do and what your strengths and weaknesses are. And some of those strengths may indeed be hidden strengths that even you are unaware of.

The copy itself should reflect and be a part of a whole marketing strategy. You have obviously gone to a great deal of effort to put together an attractive set of packages for your customers and you are justifiably proud of those packages. But it may be a good idea to keep the package structure in the background as an aid for you to be able to price-up a set of options and choices more easily.

All that means taking a fresh look at how you present yourself to your customers and how you structure a sale.

 

[Mr D]

And from all that - your business should grow.

May well be small changes get made at any one time but together they can add up to much higher turnover. And profit.

 

[Mitch3473]

It's all about ' needs' and 'wants'....you need to contact them about their needs and wants, only then you will know who and what you are dealing with and can then organise and offer several packages to suit. Once you get a conversation flowing and you're asking questions they'll be putty in your hand. So to speak...

 

[MBE2017]

I would recommend taking your time and working very hard on getting this right SFH0791, because if you have been “selling” along the lines you have already posted, I would guess you are missing 80% of the business.

Part of what you need to work out apart from your sales pitch, is who your target customers are, what level of spend you want per booking etc, since this will effect everything else.

I was in a different market for a decade or so, small removals. I targetted single people who were looking for real service, utmost reliability and were prepared to pay for it. I had no reference to cost on my website, just loads of testimonials and the message I would be where they wanted at the time they wanted, and wouldn’t stop until they were happily moved in. That included removals at 1am on Sunday mornings.

The testimonials sold my service, all genuine, loads on view. When others were being paid £15 hr I was making £60/80 per hour as standard, and up to £500 hr for specials. It’s worth getting it right. What I always ensured though was understanding what the client wanted, when, where, how, and priced accordingly.
There is no rocket science behind it, but gaining their trust is the key issue.

 

[Mark T Jones]

@SFH0791 whether you are serious or not, you have been given LOADS of good advice

but Still don’t sen to have grasped the basics. If you want to get good information you have to give good information

there are loads of good companies who can help, but on the mixture of fact and fantasy given it’s impossible to say who. More concerning is that you will be a magnet for crooks.

 

[SFH0791]

@SFH0791 - I am going ot be blunt - After reading what has been a shed load of free, GOOD advice, I don't think you have got it (and I am not meaning to be offensive or a keyboard warrior)..



That very first phrase, "Please do let us know which package you'll be interested in..." That goes against everything everyone has been telling you - which although free, made sense. You are offering a [presumably] luxury product, many of which will be provided on the most improtant day of your potential clients' lives.

Can you imagine, Ms. Engaged read the packages in your template and thought to herself, "hmmm.. sounds OK... but not quite what I am looking for.", of which most if not all your clients would think, and then she reads the equivalent of.. "This is really all we offer, so select one of these or go somewhere else." You have taken the personal service completely out of the equation and offered and off the self solution that doesn't meet their specific needs, for which they are prepared to pay a handsome price for.

You can get a copywriter, but if you have this mentality when you speak to them (if you get to), you will lose it there and your money spent on your copywriting will have been wasted. You may want to partner with a sales/marketing type.

Also - do you want to really market to people who are that worried about the budget but want all the luxury on that day? They will be a source of never ending headaches until you get paid and their day is over.

[edit - after a couple of typo corrections of which there are still some, no doubt] Also, it sends a message that you are inflexible. The big day is often fraught with complications and they will want to make sure you and your team will be happy to handle whatever comes up with aplomb to make their day great. It doesn't matter what you say in your blurb - that last paragraph says, we actually are not flexible because what we offer is what we offer... nothing more (and hopefully nothing less).

[Edit - final one as I have poked poo from your post, so I should offer an alternative].. If you want to keep the pakcages thing, I would word that last para along the lines of:

"These are typical of the sort of services our previous happy newly wed clients chose to ensure their day was the best of their lives. We obviously will tailor our offering to meet your specific requirements and the above should be taken only as a guide.. "

OK - there's a reason I am B2B and not B2C... shmultz is not my forte (shmoozing is) - but you get the idea.

Thank you for your input & I like the ending much better than mine. These posts have opened my eyes that if I want to push the company forward we need to bring serious changes in terms of our communication with clients.

I would recommend taking your time and working very hard on getting this right SFH0791, because if you have been “selling” along the lines you have already posted, I would guess you are missing 80% of the business.

Part of what you need to work out apart from your sales pitch, is who your target customers are, what level of spend you want per booking etc, since this will effect everything else.

I was in a different market for a decade or so, small removals. I targetted single people who were looking for real service, utmost reliability and were prepared to pay for it. I had no reference to cost on my website, just loads of testimonials and the message I would be where they wanted at the time they wanted, and wouldn’t stop until they were happily moved in. That included removals at 1am on Sunday mornings.

The testimonials sold my service, all genuine, loads on view. When others were being paid £15 hr I was making £60/80 per hour as standard, and up to £500 hr for specials. It’s worth getting it right. What I always ensured though was understanding what the client wanted, when, where, how, and priced accordingly.
There is no rocket science behind it, but gaining their trust is the key issue.

You're completely right, however I can't post testimonials on my website due to NDA's that we signed with our clients

One thing I'm struggling with is when to call the client, a lead comes through and we sent off by sending an email to the client asking when would they like to schedule a call. Now, instead of sending an email as per @fisicx advise I will call the client straight away find out what they need exactly then generate unqiue emails for each client.

@SFH0791 whether you are serious or not, you have been given LOADS of good advice

but Still don’t sen to have grasped the basics. If you want to get good information you have to give good information

there are loads of good companies who can help, but on the mixture of fact and fantasy given it’s impossible to say who. More concerning is that you will be a magnet for crooks.

Yes I know I have been given good advice that is why I'm acting on it, there is nothing on fantasy here you can see I have posted real customer enquires and real replies so that I can good replies & understanding from others more experienced in this forum.

That is why I have asked for recommendations as I would hate to pay £ then I see no results and end up not pursuing improving our communications which now I can see needs strong work.

 

[fisicx]

One thing I'm struggling with is when to call the client, a lead comes through and we sent off by sending an email to the client asking when would they like to schedule a call. Now, instead of sending an email as per @fisicx advise I will call the client straight away find out what they need exactly then generate unqiue emails for each client.

How are you getting these leads?

If you have a contact form then you can ask for a number and time to call back.

Change your marketing strategy. Go right back to the beginning and start over.

 

[SFH0791]

How are you getting these leads?

If you have a contact form then you can ask for a number and time to call back.

Change your marketing strategy. Go right back to the beginning and start over.

example of our request form as you can we ask for contact number but now I will ask the developer to code time as well.

Most of our leads is generated from Google, Instagram, Linkedin Ads

Small minority of our customers come from Magazine advertising. I also have bill boards in influential areas.


We do cold email marketing to luxury lifestyle managers and travel agents too.

 

[namesweb]

You're completely right, however I can't post testimonials on my website due to NDA's that we signed with our clients

I'm guessing this is for highly "special" celebrities or incredibly high net worth individuals, and not your average wedding punter? To which I'd argue that if they're that high net worth why wouldn't they have their own driver on payroll, and if they think your service is worth it, why wouldn't they then just pay? In which case, it's a no big deal.

A bride is not going to ask for an NDA, and if you're imposing an NDA on them then I'd suggest you're on another planet...

 

[namesweb]

https://imgur.com/Y5Nv1E0

example of our request form as you can we ask for contact number but now I will ask the developer to code time as well.

Most of our leads is generated from Google, Instagram, Linkedin Ads

Small minority of our customers come from Magazine advertising. I also have bill boards in influential areas.


We do cold email marketing to luxury lifestyle managers and travel agents too.

Also - I've literally found your website within about 2 seconds of googling.

EDIT: to your credit, as someone who is simply a possible punter of your services for a wedding car - I like your website, and if I was in the market for a private driver it wouldn't put me off enquiring (well the price would... sorry!) - but yeah I think it's pretty clear that English isn't native

 

[SFH0791]

I'm guessing this is for highly "special" celebrities or incredibly high net worth individuals, and not your average wedding punter? To which I'd argue that if they're that high net worth why wouldn't they have their own driver on payroll, and if they think your service is worth it, why wouldn't they then just pay? In which case, it's a no big deal.

A bride is not going to ask for an NDA, and if you're imposing an NDA on them then I'd suggest you're on another planet...

Oh no, we don;t do that many weddings. Majority of our clients are corporate, Arabs and HNI.

Weddings is small % of our turnover but I want to increase it as there is a big demand for it

Also - I've literally found your website within about 2 seconds of googling.

EDIT: to your credit, as someone who is simply a possible punter of your services for a wedding car - I like your website, and if I was in the market for a private driver it wouldn't put me off enquiring (well the price would... sorry!) - but yeah I think it's pretty clear that English isn't native

Thanks, most of the SEO work was done by companies in Czech Republic.

As a professional courtesy may I request please not to disclose our website please.