Being Gay in business

[computerfaq]

Ok, so this is really going to get some really strong opinions going...but hey!

I've personally experienced quite a bit of negativity after a organisation I'm working with or have worked with "discovers" my sexuality. I don't hide it, but it's not remarkably obvious either. Is this a common thing or is it just me?

There seems to be a sterotype that if you're gay and involved in IT you're either someone who surfs the internet for illegal material, or are trying take advantage of people in unspeakable ways. I know that this isn't true, some of the best IT engineers I know are gay and I wouldn't ever dream of using it against them. Obviously in the wider community the gay culture does seem to have become very sterotyped and has seriously effected a lgbtq person's individual to be taken seriously anymore. It's worrying me that i'll have to go back "into the closest" so to speak in order to be able to survive in business.

I dunno, what do you people think?

 

[Cornish Steve]

I'm surprised that anyone would express negativity in the context of business. Also, from my limited experience, many gay people are particularly sensitive and creative, which is a plus in some jobs. You shouldn't have to hide anything, so good on you for being open.

If there are negative opinions in general, they probably surface in response to unduly aggressive pressure groups that promote gay issues to an extreme. That's true of many political movements, though. Unfortunately, some people always have to carry their agenda too far.

 

[computerfaq]

I don't see it as a case of being open about it, its just a part of me. I don't hide it, but then again I don't shout about it either....(Discounting this thread of course!)

 

[RayB]

I would be amazed/shocked at anyone in business being biased in this regard. Just be yourself (and burn the closet)

 

[Alice3537]

What do I think? I couldn't care less. But that's me - and there is discrimination out there whether or not people choose to admit it.

I'm surprised you find this kind of discrimination in your field of work, though. I wouldn't 'go back into the closet' if I were you - I'd just keep it how it should be...professional and not personal.

 

[Cornish Steve]

I don't see it as a case of being open about it, its just a part of me. I don't hide it, but then again I don't shout about it either.

Maybe I put it the wrong way. What I meant was that you shouldn't have to pretend you're someone you're not because of social pressure.

 

[computerfaq]

What do I think? I couldn't care less. But that's me - and there is discrimination out there whether or not people choose to admit it.

I'm surprised you find this kind of discrimination in your field of work, though. I wouldn't 'go back into the closet' if I were you - I'd just keep it how it should be...professional and not personal.

I do keep it professional. I'll give an example....

I went out for a drink with a potential client last week, and he asked me if I was with anyone, when I responded that I'd just broken up with my boyfriend he made excuses and left, I haven't heard from him since, I've sent him an email to enquire as to whether or not he wanted to continue with the contract but got no response.

I wasn't that stunned as I've had experiences of dealing with this sort of thing before, but at the same time, I've worked with this guy before without a problem on a few other contracts, hense the drink, so I really wasn't expecting it!

 

[AdamW]

I've never had any problem with it (yes I'm gay too ) running my business or dealing with anyone on a professional level. We are probably quite similar as I don't scream it from the rooftops and it isn't obvious to most (as I'm not camp) but I don't hide it either.

Obviously in the wider community the gay culture does seem to have become very sterotyped and has seriously effected a lgbtq person's individual to be taken seriously anymore.

Can you give examples? I've never experienced a gay stereotype causing this kind of problem and I think is a hugely sweeping statement.

Adam (waving do it all rainbow flag in support... that was a joke btw!)

 

[AdamW]

I do keep it professional. I'll give an example....

I went out for a drink with a potential client last week, and he asked me if I was with anyone, when I responded that I'd just broken up with my boyfriend he made excuses and left, I haven't heard from him since, I've sent him an email to enquire as to whether or not he wanted to continue with the contract but got no response.

I wasn't that stunned as I've had experiences of dealing with this sort of thing before, but at the same time, I've worked with this guy before without a problem on a few other contracts, hense the drink, so I really wasn't expecting it!

Ah you see I would have said partner. Called them "they" instead of "he" etc. I don't consider myself closeted but people don't like to hear boyfriend - especially when it is least expected. Often it is the surprise of it rather than the fact. I also think it is more professional to say partner (whatever your sexuality) rather than gf, bf, wife, fiancee, etc. But that's just my opinion.

 

[cjd]

I live in Brighton so I suppose I've been inoculated.

Your telephone number (occupational hazard) tells me you're in Hemel Hempstead which I assume is reactionary, right wing, Tory land?

'nuff said?

 

[AdamW]

I live in Brighton so I suppose I've been inoculated.

Your telephone number (occupational hazard) tells me you're in Hemel Hempstead which I assume is reactionary, right wing, Tory land?

'nuff said?

Can't always blame location. I used to live in Cornwall in a village with my partner (boyfriend ) and had no problem and then Plymouth which isn't a gay mecca by any stretch. Although your point is somewhat valid now I think about it!

 

[computerfaq]

Hemle isn't as bad as people make it out to be... Theres actually a thriving gay community in the area once you can get into it...I'm actually outside Hemel Hempstead in a tiny little conservate village, in which very few people know, but considering 99% of the work I do is in Hemel this isn't a problem.

I do tend to say partner, but sometimes I don't remember to be as PC as I should.

 

[TheseWordsAreMyOwN]

Your telephone number (occupational hazard) tells me you're in Hemel Hempstead which I assume is reactionary, right wing, Tory land?

'nuff said?

Why do you need to stereotype the right wing? Just as bad as stereotyping all gay men to be camp - which happens to be one of the most annoying things ever.
__________________
Darren
Internet Ent...
www.politicalhearsay.com

 

[lockie]

The gay community doesn't bother me one bit but i think it needs to sort itself out as most high profile gay people on tv send out the wrong message.Why does everything have to be focussed around sex ? Sure you like blokes,l like girls, but i don't feel the need to go on about it or make jokes of a sexual nature all of the time.
This isn't meant as a dig or pop in any way but more as an observation and from my own experiences of working alongside several gay people.

I think a lot of it is that for many years it was seen as obscene etc but now the pendulum has swung too far the other way and it needs to settle somewhere in the middle.
It shouldn't affect your business unless you're really throwing the "campometer" to full as this doesn't always have the desired effect in these situations.

I really hope this comes across right and without offence.

 

[computerfaq]

Can you give examples? I've never experienced a gay stereotype causing this kind of problem and I think is a hugely sweeping statement.

Adam (waving do it all rainbow flag in support... that was a joke btw!)

I used to work with an extremely camp guy who couldn't get any of the business contacts to work with him, after speaking to one of them who I knew quite well it turned out that it wasn't actually the individual who didn't want to work with him, but the staff team he was working ment to be working with in that organisation as it was felt he would offend some of them.

I was not impressed to say the least.

 

[AdamW]

I used to work with an extremely camp guy who couldn't get any of the business contacts to work with him, after speaking to one of them who I knew quite well it turned out that it wasn't actually the individual who didn't want to work with him, but the staff team he was working ment to be working with in that organisation as it was felt he would offend some of them.

I was not impressed to say the least.

I'm still missing something. Maybe its late and I'm missing the point you are making ...

 

[computerfaq]

Yeah, thats another thing that annoys me about the sterotypes that seem to have appeared about the lgbtq community these days....everyone seems to think it's all about sex, when in fact it seems to be about almost anything but from my experience. There is a lot of media hype around the few individuals in tv who most people base their whole opinion of any individual who happens to be gay on which has made the rest of the gay community so weary about even discussing sex slightly frowned upon.

There's a new documentary style programme on TV this week about how the law has changed for the gay community, on BBC4 (other stations are available! ) which I don't think is actually doing anyone any favors.

@adamW = They had said the offence was possible because of his perceived sexuality. I probably didn't make that clear enough to begin with!

 

[Alice3537]

I do keep it professional. I'll give an example....

I went out for a drink with a potential client last week, and he asked me if I was with anyone, when I responded that I'd just broken up with my boyfriend he made excuses and left, I haven't heard from him since, I've sent him an email to enquire as to whether or not he wanted to continue with the contract but got no response.

I wasn't that stunned as I've had experiences of dealing with this sort of thing before, but at the same time, I've worked with this guy before without a problem on a few other contracts, hense the drink, so I really wasn't expecting it!

Sorry, I didn't mean that you HADN'T been professional. or that you should hide anything about your private life.

From a personal point of view, I couldn't care less what anyone does when on contract as long as they get the job done.

However, people can be (and are) biggoted. I have no real answer for you other than do what you do, take the knock backs and prove those who have a 'problem' with you wrong!

 

[computerfaq]

I know you didn't mean I hadn't been professional Alice, I just wanted to make sure I hadn't really been so unpc that it was actually my fault.

 

[AdamW]

@adamW = They had said the offence was possible because of his perceived sexuality. I probably didn't make that clear enough to begin with!

Well that's just blatant homophobia then and should have been dealt with appropriately.

I know everyone goes on about tv stars and sex and the bad impression. Two examples.. Graham Norton - outrageously camp and full of sex jokes and innuendo. Jonathan Ross - outrageously camp and full of sex jokes and innuendo. Not much difference between them tbh

 

[estwig]

I do keep it professional. I'll give an example....

I went out for a drink with a potential client last week, and he asked me if I was with anyone, when I responded that I'd just broken up with my boyfriend he made excuses and left, I haven't heard from him since, I've sent him an email to enquire as to whether or not he wanted to continue with the contract but got no response.

I wasn't that stunned as I've had experiences of dealing with this sort of thing before, but at the same time, I've worked with this guy before without a problem on a few other contracts, hense the drink, so I really wasn't expecting it!

You dropped a clanger mate, I have never knowingly meat a gay person in my life, I am your typical stereotype builder. If you where to say that to me it would make me feel very uncomfortable, which I would consider inconsiderate of you and I too would leave very quickly.

I have no objection to your sexuality and believe very strongly that everyone without exception, has the right to be who they wanna be, without prejudice.

My liberal views does not mean I want to know too much personal information about anyone.

 

[computerfaq]

As for proving them wrong, I do that whenever I get out of bed!

 

[AdamW]

I know you didn't mean I hadn't been professional Alice, I just wanted to make sure I hadn't really been so unpc that it was actually my fault.

Don't blame yourself.. lets be honest you should be able to say boyfriend.. I just tend to err on the side of caution as I don't want people to think I'm forcing my sexuality down their throats! Often we (as in gays) can be as bad as people who are bigoted and homophobic. Does that make sense? I know what I mean

 

[AdamW]

You dropped a clanger mate, I have never knowingly meat a gay person in my life, I am your typical stereotype builder. If you where to say that to me it would make me feel very uncomfortable, which I would consider inconsiderate of you and I too would leave very quickly.

I have no objection to your sexuality and believe very strongly that everyone without exception, has the right to be who they wanna be, without prejudice.

My liberal views does not mean I want to know too much personal information about anyone.

Not sure how you can say that. If I met you for a meeting and you told me that you had split up with your girlfriend I wouldn't be feeling uncomfortable. However if I walked out I'm sure you would be offended that I left!

 

[computerfaq]

I look at it this way tbh, if I had asked (not that I would tbh, because I don't have an interest in that sort of thing) if you were currently with someone, I'm sure most of the straight'ies' in this forum would say I've got a gf, or wife, etc... Why shouldn't I be allowed to say I've just broken up with my bf surely it's just the same as you saying you've just split up with your gf?

 

[computerfaq]

Don't blame yourself.. lets be honest you should be able to say boyfriend.. I just tend to err on the side of caution as I don't want people to think I'm forcing my sexuality down their throats! Often we (as in gays) can be as bad as people who are bigoted and homophobic. Does that make sense? I know what I mean

Yeah it does! but as we've just agreed I'll leave it at that!

 

[estwig]

Don't blame yourself.. lets be honest you should be able to say boyfriend.. I just tend to err on the side of caution as I don't want people to think I'm forcing my sexuality down their throats! Often we (as in gays) can be as bad as people who are bigoted and homophobic. Does that make sense? I know what I mean

Yes that makes perfect sense Adam thank you, I don't care if you like shagging sheep, what I don't like is when someone feels the need to tell me, I don't care.

 

[Tobes]

The gay community doesn't bother me one bit but i think it needs to sort itself out as most high profile gay people on tv send out the wrong message.Why does everything have to be focussed around sex ? Sure you like blokes,l like girls, but i don't feel the need to go on about it or make jokes of a sexual nature all of the time.
This isn't meant as a dig or pop in any way but more as an observation and from my own experiences of working alongside several gay people.

I think a lot of it is that for many years it was seen as obscene etc but now the pendulum has swung too far the other way and it needs to settle somewhere in the middle.
It shouldn't affect your business unless you're really throwing the "campometer" to full as this doesn't always have the desired effect in these situations.

I really hope this comes across right and without offence.

You of course would have to presuppose that the 'campness' is in some way put on or affected, rather than being a natural personality trait. As to pendulums, I'm not sure how there can ever be too much acceptance, but I think I get what you mean

 

[estwig]

Not sure how you can say that. If I met you for a meeting and you told me that you had split up with your girlfriend I wouldn't be feeling uncomfortable. However if I walked out I'm sure you would be offended that I left!

Why can't I say that Adam???

If homosexuals feel they have the right to tell me they are homosexual, why do I not have the right to say I am uncomfortable with that??

 

[Subbynet]

I know this may offend... But the idea of one guy "doing things" with another guy, to some other straight guys is sickening!

Thats the way it is... I hate the idea everyone should accept others for what they do... How about - NO... Lets just all be honest about it.

I mean if your a hetrosexual male, that thing REALLY IS the most horrible thing in the world - ie. If you were in prison, you wouldn't dare pick up the soap!

I'm a firm believer in Adam and Eve, not Adam and Adam. (Sorry to the Adam above I'm not refering to you in any way - you just share a name.)

You make your own path in life - you know how the world works, and the consequences of your choices.

SHOULD this effect people on a personal level - hell no. But no one knows your gay until you open your mouth about it.

I personally don't have a problem with most, only those who seem to wear being gay as a badge of honour... Just keep it too yourself. I don't want to know your sexuality, your religious beliefs, or really the football team you support - I just don't care.

I never knew you were gay until I read this thread - so how do other people you deal with during business find out? Maybe you should ask yourself that and what you can do yourself, to make life easier.

Again, if I've offended I'm sorry, but I believe you can't beat an honest opinion.

 

[lockie]

The problem is if people haven't had much contact with the gay community, they assume every male wants to get it on with another male.
One guy i worked with had us in stitches, we all went out for a beer after work and he just came out with this line "ok guys im gay but that doesnt mean i want to **** any of you up the **** ". well we couldnt stop laughing, but what an ice breaker and also a good way of putting thing into reality.

Graeme norton doesn't help matters but unfortunately there are also people like him in the workplace.

 

[computerfaq]

Keith, its exactly the same as if I were to say that I'm not comfortable with you being straight....it's laughable.

 

[AdamW]

Why can't I say that Adam???

If homosexuals feel they have the right to tell me they are homosexual, why do I not have the right to say I am uncomfortable with that??

You are missing my point but I'm not sure how to put it so it is clearer. I was trying to put it into some kind of context that it would be perfectly acceptable for you to tell me something about your girlfriend without me being uncomfortable or offended and you certainly wouldn't expect me to leave a meeting. How can you then say that it would be ok for you to do it.

The point the OP made wasn't about having the right to tell someone if you are homosexual or not, but that a colleague and potential client shouldn't just walk out and refuse contact because he said boyfriend.

I don't think I'm making my point well so apologies for that but the old brain doesn't function well at 1AM

 

[estwig]

Keith, its exactly the same as if I were to say that I'm not comfortable with you being straight....it's laughable.

I agree with you mate, it is a contradiction but I can't help the way I feel, no more than I assume you can.

 

[TheseWordsAreMyOwN]

I know this may offend... But the idea of one guy "doing things" with another guy, to some other straight guys is sickening!

Thats the way it is... I hate the idea everyone should except others for what they do... How about - NO... Lets just all be honest about it.

I mean if you a hetrosexual male, it REALLY IS the most horrible thing in the world - ie. If you were in prison, you wouldn't dare pick up the soap!

^Couldn't agree more

 

[Deleted member 9840]

Why shouldn't I be allowed to say I've just broken up with my bf surely it's just the same as you saying you've just split up with your gf?

You should!!!! but obiously having started this thread you have found you can't.... so best be a good business man and refer to your BF, exBf or whatever as your Partner insted??? is that so hard???
Forget your ego and self evaluation and think of your shareholders man!!

cheers

steve

 

[computerfaq]

SubbyNet its exactly the same in the gay community. Some gay people are physically sick at the thought of a straight couple doing anything with each other.

 

[AdamW]

I'm a firm believer in Adam and Eve, not Adam and Adam. (Sorry to the Adam above I'm not refering to you in any way - you just share a name.)

I was getting confused

 

[Deleted member 9840]

come on chaps, lets not scrape the gutter, let's keep it business

 

[asonda]

SubbyNet its exactly the same in the gay community. Some gay people are physically sick at the thought of a straight couple doing anything with each other.

I'm not going to get in an argument, but We evolved or got put here, as MEN and WOMEN...A Stick and a Hole (purposefully for that reason, for kids)..

It's not long since been, really acceptable to be Gay, so you can't expect a middle aged chap to be too impressed..

The younger people in this world, have grown up with Homosexuals, Men and Women... you'll probably find ALOT of the younger people think it's more acceptable.

I'm not a Homophobic person, The only gay people I've known, have been those "Camp" ones, didn't really do any favours for my outlook on Gay people to be honest, however, I understand there are 'Normal' gay people out there too