business/life advice

[messiah]

Hello everyone

I have something on my mind thats been bothering me for the past few weeks that im hoping to get others thoughts on.

I've recently begun a start up eCommerce business which i run from home. Starting my own business is something i've always wanted to do since i was 13 years old. I've spent the past 3 years working crappy jobs and building up savings so i can invest into my business ideas. I have no academic qualifications or specialist skills to land a high paying job, or much prospect of working my way up to a financially successful career and i believe becoming a businessman is my best chance of becoming financially successful. I also genuinely have so much confidence in my own ability to achieve such success.

My problem is, i am beginning to feel really low. I am spending the majority of my time isolated in my bedroom (im 25, living with my mother). I keep thinking about my old jobs, with fond memories of colleagues. I am questioning myself and find myself thinking about going back into minimum wage jobs just so im not feeling so lonely.

I dont have much social life as it is, and i dont have many people to help me in the aspect.

I dont want to give up on my dreams or ambitions but i also dont want to continue this lifestyle.

Can anyone share their thoughts or give me some kind of advice?

Thanks!

 

[threenine]

First of all, let me say welcome and well done for starting this journey in your life.

I think we all can relate this. Certainly I went through this type of low period a few times in my lifetime.

All I can suggest, is get out there and network with other business people. Join a business networking group. I have never joined any of these organisations with the view point of selling, but rather to solve exactly the same situation as you.

What I did find by mixing with other like minded individuals is that, it broadened my outlook, and also a number of new ideas for my business. It also enabled me to build a network of individuals and resources that are helpful for my business.

I eventually increased my sales in time via referals etc., but honestly that was never the objective.

The other key thing for me, was finding out that I could use my business for more than just making money (obviously profit and growth are important), but making a difference in other areas are essential.

I also have a number of contacts and skype and other channels that I frequently talk too. Some I regard as mentors and others who regard me as a mentor.

I have been working from home for the last 5 years, and previously had a business which I ran from home for 8 years.

It's all to easy to lose yourself in the technical aspects of your business, but it's vitally important to work on the human aspect.

 

[Mr A P Davies]

It's not difficult to let a business overwhelm you.
Keep times of day, or the week, strictly for other activities, don't compromise.
Do something that takes you mind away from the business totally.

Two things that helped me was doing as little business as possible in the rooms that I actually live. I can't fully relax in a work space, I take my paperwork somewhere else, so it isn't sitting there looking at me when I'm trying to "be at home"

Getting my diet down tight also helped. Instead of being exhausted after work, now I have the energy to do something else besides collapsing in a heap.
And no, I've never been even mildly over weight, it's not about that.

 

[Christine Hough]

I m using a 'hotdesk; which is a useful way to get out and meet people. The community there is very supportive.

Where are you based?

 

[marble_pars]

You are already addressing an issue you have which is more than a lot of people will even do, most will ignore it.

What has been said above is spot on. Maybe you should have a look locally see if there are any shared offices available for let or maybe your local council has a business development centre that have hot desks. Go and work out of your home 3 days a week, I guess you are dispatching a lot during the day so maybe a coffee shop isn't the best place to work.

Do not work on your weekends unless you absolutely have to! I stopped doing this years ago and at the time I didn't think I could sacrifice two extra days, who are you kidding if you think that, take the weekend and do thing you want to do that have nothing to do with work. Go to the pub, drinking may not be your thing, don't drink just talk to people if thats the case.

 

[marble_pars]

Also you say you are living with your mother, get her involved! Get in the same room, I'm sure she will be pleased to help and see what you are up to.

 

[Mr A P Davies]

The single thing I have found most effective for completely getting my mind off business issues, or any issues, is a new air rifle.
I really wasn't expecting that to happen, just goes to show, you should always try different things.

I'd been hankering after one for a while, finally got it together and bought one a few weeks ago.
I can shoot away for hours on end on a sunny afternoon, without another thought entering my head.
Totally different to reading, watching movies, music, walking, or even talking to other folk.
Just effortlessly detaches me.
Obviously, it helps that I have the space to do something like that.

 

[Christine Hough]

There are also networking events which can help. I joined the FSB which is a good move anyway, but they also have a monthly networking evening in this area. It's good to meet up with other people in a similar situation.

 

[MaureenP]

Forget about the past job. Just concentrate on your new business. And it's good that you do not have much social life, because it will help you to concentrate on your new business. Believe in yourself and always remain confident. You should improve your knowledge of expanding your business day by day, by taking help of reading great blogs.

 

[FutureM]

I can totally relate to how you feel. I am the same age and have just gone in to the 3rd year of my eCommerce business. Working alone on such a difficult project can really take its tole. Since starting i have actually done 3 different part time jobs, and as you said, it wasn't really for the money (although it helped a lot) but more for the social aspect.

I did make some great new friends at these jobs, but i found i was too tired to do anything social as i was working so many hours on the business as well as a part time job. It didn't work, i feel a business needs full commitment, especially eCommerce, there will always be something that needs to be done!

One thing that has really helped me recently has nothing to do with business. I started crossfit, instead of going to the gym. Because of the way crossfit is, the people you meet at the "box" (what they call a gym) become great friends. I have always seen my friends on nights out with work colleagues and making new Friends. Now through crossfit i have a whole new bunch of people to hang out with... we go out for meals, nights out, and even just days out together.

As somebody who is single, runs a business alone, lives alone and with most of my friends busy getting on with their relationships and "work meals". I was missing something, for me, crossfit has filled that gap.

 

[John Crowder]

I was exactly the same boat.

You need to find a few social things for yourself.

And not beat yourself up too much about spending time away from the business.

Which is hard when your not earning.

The Gyms a great one. I also starting playing Darts. But anything works.

And connect and see with other business owners.

Google for local business events and expos - lots of FREE and low cost ones out there.

Im a member of my local BNI group - you can visit your local one free.

Once you get going you'll look back on some of the quiet days with envy.

 

[Mitch3473]

There's this thing, it's like a chatroom come forum come dating agency,I think it's called a pub and I think people network in them.There are alsorts of characters in these places apparantly.

 

[myfairworld]

I think this is a problem which can occur for many self-employed people and not just those working away on their computer alone in their room. When I switched from a professional career to running a bricks and mortar shop I gradually lost a lot of my friends, we didn't fall out, they didn't reject me, I didn't reject them, but my working hours/days/patterns were so different to theirs (and, of course in the early years I was very cash strapped while my 'old' friends and acquaintances had reached a stage in their life when they could finally afford a variety of activities which were because of nurturing a start-up business out of my range). Only my closest friend hung on in there but her first husband had been self-employed and she understood how it went particularly in the early years.

Running a bricks and mortar shop obviously you get a lot of social contact with your customers and eventually your staff as you become able to employ them but it is not quite the same sort of relationship. So don't feel you are alone in this it can be one of the penalties of self-employment. You've had some good suggestions. I think the mention of the FSB (and other business organisations) is a good one and not just for the sort of networking meetings mentioned, just belonging to the organisation not only gives you a variety of benefits but you can communicate online with other members both online and at meetings if you want to attend them and the feeling of belonging to a business community and sharing successes and problems is helpful.

If you've got a laptop or even a tablet then make a resolution that at least once per week, especially if it makes you feel anxious to stop working, then simply go and work somewhere else, in a coffee shop, in a library, whatever is available locally. Just getting 'out' will make you feel better even if the only social interaction is with the barista or the librarian. Also as a business person think about inspiring those younger (or older) than yourself. I belong to this organisation http://www.inspiringthefuture.org/ which asks business people to give up as little as an hour of their time per year (but you can respond to as many invitations as you want) to go into schools to inspire young people about careers and also about self-employment. Please don't immediately say, I don't know how to talk to young people! Those who are 'good' with the young are always talking in a certain way with them and preaching at them and are often despised by the young as a result especially as they move into their teens. Young people actually respond best to those who just talk to them as if they were adults. Nor do you need to be able to explain things particularly well. It isn't your job to teach them how to earn their living via ecommerce, it would be your role to inspire them with the thought that such things are possible (even, maybe especially possible) for those without particularly exciting academic results or qualifications.

I went (with my apprentice) to a big event in a primary school in a very deprived area where the headteacher wanted to get the kids to think big and realise all the options which were out there. Seated beside us was a young man running his own business in the IT sector. He clearly knew nothing about kids and unlike many other participants had brought no prizes or dumbed down activities to appeal to 10 and 11 year olds, he just had his laptop and whenever a child or parent came near him he launched into his 'pitch' just as if they were potential clients. He was surrounded all day by children and parents, probably only 1 in 10 of the kids had the faintest idea what he was talking about and probably 1 in 30 of the parents. Yet you could see in many of the pupil's faces the dawning thought that they too could do something like this.

 

[Scott Saunders]

Hey,

I am really happy I cam across this as I had the same feeling not too long ago in nearly the same circumstances. I was recently on The Apprentice and when it had finished I decided to go it alone and pursue my dream of starting my own business. But, soon comes the gremlins trying to tell you to go back to work and quit!
I would like to say that this is actually a vital period in your life as once you overcome this (and you will) you will be so happy that you have decided to stick at it as your mind begins to search for new ways to grow and expand your current business.
If you ever want to talk give me a shout - info@ payroll-supermarket.com

 

[boring-friday]

Hey,

I am really happy I cam across this as I had the same feeling not too long ago in nearly the same circumstances. I was recently on The Apprentice and when it had finished I decided to go it alone and pursue my dream of starting my own business. But, soon comes the gremlins trying to tell you to go back to work and quit!
I would like to say that this is actually a vital period in your life as once you overcome this (and you will) you will be so happy that you have decided to stick at it as your mind begins to search for new ways to grow and expand your current business.
If you ever want to talk give me a shout - info@ payroll-supermarket.com

Has anyone ever told you you look like Callum Wilson?

Well done by the way, remember watching the episode when you quit haha

 

[HighProxies]

I also agree you need to forget about the past so you can move forward. Just make it a point to get out and meet new people. Once you do this, then you will be able to put one foot in front of the other and get moving.

 

[Christine Hough]

You also may need to meet a different sort of person to before.Many people do not understand those who plough their own furrow and tend to pull them down because they do not understand.

 

[The Byre]

My problem is, i am beginning to feel really low. I am spending the majority of my time isolated in my bedroom (im 25, living with my mother).

Oh for pity's sake - get out and meet girls!

At the age of 25, your number one priority should be to be out and about and exchanging body fluids, not holed up in your bedroom, wondering why you are feeling down!

Get a bloody grip of yourself! You are not going to conquer the World from your bedroom, so don't even bother to try!

Step One Stop moping about! Leave home - now! Today!

Step Two Leave the UK! Some idiot voted to have the UK go back to some Nirvana of splendid isolation. You've got two years (maybe less!) to get the Duck out of Fodge and go to a funky European city and start a new life that has nothing to do with mothers and bedrooms.

Step Three Bum around Europe until you find the place to settle for a while. This won't be your end-target, but a place where you can earn a crust and learn the language.

Step Four Get a girlfriend and use that relationship to learn the local language properly.

Step Five You have now started to actually live! Stop and take stock of your life. Think hard - now what do I do with the rest of my life? Study philosophy? Learn a trade? Start a business? Maybe your new-found bilingualism will open doors for you in import and export, or maybe you see new opportunities in other ways of doing things!

Good luck! You'll need it!

 

[Christine Hough]

Not everyone would agree with the above advice.
Getting a life can and should be fun, escapism isn't all it is cracked up to be.

There is no reason why the OP cannot find fulfilment in what he is doing, he just needs a social scene too. Nor is travel wrong for someone else. It just might not be his thing.

Cannot help feeling the 'girlfriend' in the above post is used as a toy.

 

[The Byre]

Cannot help feeling the 'girlfriend' in the above post is used as a toy.

We all go through many 'toys' in life! As a young and single foreigner in Germany, I was the 'toy' of many a young and pretty girl.

 

[messiah]

Oh for pity's sake - get out and meet girls!

At the age of 25, your number one priority should be to be out and about and exchanging body fluids, not holed up in your bedroom, wondering why you are feeling down!

Get a bloody grip of yourself! You are not going to conquer the World from your bedroom, so don't even bother to try!

Step One Stop moping about! Leave home - now! Today!

Step Two Leave the UK! Some idiot voted to have the UK go back to some Nirvana of splendid isolation. You've got two years (maybe less!) to get the Duck out of Fodge and go to a funky European city and start a new life that has nothing to do with mothers and bedrooms.

Step Three Bum around Europe until you find the place to settle for a while. This won't be your end-target, but a place where you can earn a crust and learn the language.

Step Four Get a girlfriend and use that relationship to learn the local language properly.

Step Five You have now started to actually live! Stop and take stock of your life. Think hard - now what do I do with the rest of my life? Study philosophy? Learn a trade? Start a business? Maybe your new-found bilingualism will open doors for you in import and export, or maybe you see new opportunities in other ways of doing things!

Good luck! You'll need it!

What you suggested is one of the things i have been fantasizing for a long time. I'd love to experience this and i dont think i'll be able to with the responsibilities of running a business.

But im torn, not only does this contradict the advice to persevere like most other people suggested & wanting to start my ventures asap.. I dont think things are as simple as you make it seem.

 

[tony84]

The social aspect is the biggest downfall when you are self employed on your own.
Wait till the works christmas do and its just you

Join the gym, when I was quiet, I used to go in the morning.
I also go to coffee shops and do some admin in there now and again. I have an office that I pay for but I rarely use it.

Could you get a unit and sublet some of it maybe?

 

[ethical PR]

What you suggested is one of the things i have been fantasizing for a long time. I'd love to experience this and i dont think i'll be able to with the responsibilities of running a business.

But im torn, not only does this contradict the advice to persevere like most other people suggested & wanting to start my ventures asap.. I dont think things are as simple as you make it seem.

Depends what you want to get out of life. My son worked for a year, saved up a reasonable sum and got a year visa for Australia.

He loves windsurfing and travelling so got to do that, while learning new skills including building, landscaping and cutting down trees.

Staying in youth hostels, he got to meet a stream of interesting people and have a ready made social life.

I'm reliably told the English accent goes down well

If you decide to stick with your business, join Meet Up Groups - they cater for most interests from sports to book clubs, theatre, food, languages, business etc. See as suggested above you can get a desk somewhere for a day or so a week and join some of the young business groups.

This will stop you feeling so isolated and help you make friends.

Best of luck

Helen

 

[messiah]

Depends what you want to get out of life. My son worked for a year, saved up a reasonable sum and got a year visa for Australia.

Best of luck

Helen

I had some friends who did this, and regretfully turned down the opportunity... They had the time of their lives.

I wish i had never read the comment suggesting i pack up and travel & 'find myself' as it has cast so much doubt in my mind...

 

[The Byre]

For pity's sake, give your poor mother a break and LEAVE HOME!