what age

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J

josor

  • #1
    What age would you think about not having kids?

    I will be hitting the dizzy heights of being 39 this year, with no children. The missus is younger and me would like to have kids, but we need to be in a more stable financial position.

    The thing is I'm at the point of feeling to old to have children, also by the time we are financial stable I think it will be even more to late.

    So just putting it out there what age would you consider to stop having kids.
     
    D

    dagr

  • #2
    Medically, for the father, there is a cliff-type drop off age of late fifties where the quality of the sperm degrades a lot. For females, it's more of a constant slide with age in terms of medical "efficacy" (fertility, risk of genetic abnormalities, etc.).

    I think there are pros and cons to each age at parenthood.
     
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    R

    Root 66 Woodshop

  • #3
    It's never to late to start Josor.

    As long as you can bring them up in a loving home, without ridicule because one of their legs is shorter than the other, she's got a beard or her balls are bigger than yours... then as long as you can live with that... Go for it!

    :D

    Joking apart though, if you're both ready for that next step in life, i.e. the screaming and crying at night, changing nappies every hour on the hour in your sleep, puking, being pee'd on while changing the fore-mentioned nappy, the food costs going up, alcohol list being diminished, constant cleaning up after him/her or shim (hey you never know! :D)
    then why shouldn't you be able to enjoy all of the above.

    ;)

    My mam fostered over 500 kids in 40 years, my Dad just left her to it, going out to work at 6am home for 6pm and ignoring every single one of us... it was brilliant! :D hope you've got a woman like that ;)
     
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    B

    Banned

  • #5
    Had ours in our early twenties. Bloody hard work then and wouldn't do it now I'm in my forties for all beer in Belgium.

    Grief thinking about it gives me the shivers.

    But then again there is nothing quite like having your children who look up to you as though you are an all wise god like being. Then they turn twelve.....
     
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    B

    Beachcomber

  • #7
    So long as you have a home, a stable income (doesn't need to be massive) and a loving relationship then go for it.

    One thign I know for sure is that you will never feel ready for kids - you just have to go for it.

    A relative of mine had their forst kid just over a year ago and he's 40.
    Age is all in the mind, so long as your not ill you will be fine, having the added benifit of more years to you and being a more rounded, mature person.

    There is never a 'right' time where all the stars are in alignment and conditions are perfect, you will always be able to come up with reasons why you shouldn't - if you want to.

    If it's what you both want, go for it.




    vvaannmmaann said:
    There is this to consider.
    http://www.guardian.co.uk/money/2012/jan/26/cost-raising-child-rises-218000?newsfeed=true
    Click to expand...

    Might cost that for a Guardianista baby, but back in the real world............:rolleyes:
     
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    Doodle-Noodle

    Doodle-Noodle

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  • #8
    You should have children when you are both ready, willing and able to give them the time and love they need in order to grow into the sorts of adults that everyone would refer to as a decent guy or girl.
    I personally don't think money really comes into it - if we all waited until we could "afford" a child, few of us would ever have had them
    I was 21 when I had my first son (he's nearly 30 now - at the time 21 wasn't considered particularly young); we had very little money, lived in a rented house (£14 per week) filled with 2nd hand furniture, didn't have a car, the OH worked full time, I took a few part time jobs to make ends meet and it wasn't easy from a money point of view, but it was wonderful. We battled together for everything we ever achieved and by the time our youngest son was born we'd managed to buy our first home.
    I honestly believe our boys are better people for understanding that things in life don't always come easily, they also know without question that they always were and always will be loved absolutely. We are lucky to have had our sons - they have grown into wonderful adults. Wouldn't change any of it for the world!
     
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    D

    Deleted member 3454

  • #11
    You and your other half have to work out when (or if) is right for you. My hubby and I always thought we wouldn't have children but a few years after we got married we completely changed our minds. By then we were in our late 20's but found it very hard to get pregnant - eventually after the best part of three years our son was born. In our early 30s by then, it was hard work becoming first-time parents - nothing can prepare you for the emotions you experience and the sleep deprivation you go through, but we wouldn't be without our son, who is now nearly 9 and has developed a great personality and sense of humour.
     
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    Hedgie

    Hedgie

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  • #12
    I am 46 and 7 months ago my wife gave birth to our 7th child. Granted she is only 33 and still in her prime :D

    In terms of when to stop having children, well for me I want to be still energetic enough to run round with the teenagers so I think now is the time for me to stop. I will be 61 when my new born is 16.

    As for the woman, well as a previous post pointed out, once you hit the late 30's onwards you run into increased risks.

    All I can say is go for it, my eldest is going to uni in September and my youngest boy has just started the school nursery..... different phases in life but all rewarding.
     
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    Hedgie

    Hedgie

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  • #13
    coxadmin said:
    You and your other half have to work out when (or if) is right for you. My hubby and I always thought we wouldn't have children but a few years after we got married we completely changed our minds. By then we were in our late 20's but found it very hard to get pregnant - eventually after the best part of three years our son was born. In our early 30s by then, it was hard work becoming first-time parents - nothing can prepare you for the emotions you experience and the sleep deprivation you go through, but we wouldn't be without our son, who is now nearly 9 and has developed a great personality and sense of humour.
    Click to expand...

    I was determined when I was a teenager that there was no way I was ever going to get married or have kids.......hmmmmm
     
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    T

    Team Leith Training

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  • #15
    I'm 38 the wife is 37, we have a 2 year old son, second child is due in May.
    We would like to plan for one more before we hit 40. For me 40 is cut off, i want to be reasonably young and fit to enjoy being a father and a grandad.

    It is hard work, but i would not have it any other way. For what its worth to, number 2 is a boy, i am kind of looking forward to having two sons now.
    Makes life worthwhile, gives you reason to do things. Someone to pass things over too.
    This is the excuse i use when i want to spend 10k more over 10 years on astro kit, i have someone to pass it down to now, so its an investment!
     
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    owas

    owas

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  • #16
    From the other side of things, me and the wife are 25 with our third kid on the way. As selfish as it sounds I didn't feel I was ready for a third, I have little boy and a little girl, and things were perfect. It kind of hit me hard to be honest, as i was/am worried how this will effect my two children as they are so close. Financially we are screwed, we got the car payments, the house rent (private) no savings and the wife who brings in the bigger wage, is going to have take a few months off work with no maternity.
    I am sure we will get by as we always do, and granted its hard work, but you know what I wouldn't change being dad for anything in the world, just the way they look at you, look up to you, the cuddles and smiles. Even if it means no social life a a missed honeymoon (we can do Paris when they can fend for themselves)
    My point is, you'll find there's never a right time to have a child, but once you have one, you'll want to cherish every moment!
     
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    internetspaceships

    internetspaceships

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  • #18
    I think it more depends upon what you want to do with your life.

    What kind of lifestyle you want to have. There's a lot of pressure on people to have kids just because it's the norm to do so. Why follow the herd, there's no rule that says you need to.

    The thought of having a 16 year old kid when I'm 60 sends shudders down my spine. As much for the child whose dad is 60 as much for me who wants to be out there living the life of riley.

    I nearly had a kid at 32, but it came out the wrong colour so effectively I didnt.
     
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    Furrtiv

    Furrtiv

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  • #19
    It will never be the right time for me - don't ever want kids, not particularly keen on em, and there's no way I'm going through pregnancy and labour! Thankfully other half feels the same way.
    I'm with Sir Earl, decide what's right for you and don't feel that you should have kids just because it's the societal norm. I can't count the number of times other women (funnily enough, not men) have called me weird, a freak, and other unpleasant names just because I don't want kids. I just shrug it off these days and enjoy myself. :)
     
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  • #20
    Furrtiv said:
    It will never be the right time for me - don't ever want kids, not particularly keen on em, and there's no way I'm going through pregnancy and labour! Thankfully other half feels the same way.
    I'm with Sir Earl, decide what's right for you and don't feel that you should have kids just because it's the societal norm. I can't count the number of times other women (funnily enough, not men) have called me weird, a freak, and other unpleasant names just because I don't want kids. I just shrug it off these days and enjoy myself. :)
    Click to expand...

    I suspect you are quoting the wrong person.:|

    My opinion is that no one should have kids before they are 40 to give a child half a chance.

    Earl
     
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