In a normal business environment, key questions would be
- Have you identified the right person?
- Does you letter heading give a compelling reason to move on?
- Is there a clear call to action.
- Also, without knowing what you are offering the word 'pharmacist' leads to the question have you addressed any potential concerns they may have?
As it's schools, I'd add to the list
Have you identified a budget or edict that your product fits in to?
However, whatever they say to the contrary, schools aren't run as businesses. A few have commerially astute teams at the top, most are run by Headmasters who care deeply about education & student wellbeing, but know less than my Terrier about business or the real world.
It's been 10 years since I dealt with schools, and I've no plans to do so again - some of the terms & structures will have changed, but the principles won't have. Back then it went something like this.
LEAs were the Governing Bodies who schools were supposed to refer to - the specific levels at which they would refer varied from school to school. Some slavishly followed this, refering every single decision, others completely ignored it.
One one occassion we received a lease deal printed on A3 paper & signed by the music teacher - who had absolutely no authority to do so.
Broadly, the Head is the ultimate decision-maker but will generally take on a pastoral role, leaving the Bursar to deal with tedious business stuff. The Bursar - in 90% of cases - is an administrator, who will cover their backs by collecting as many quotes as possible.
Can you quote HP & lease over 1, 2 , 3, 4, 5, 6, 7 years please? They call it due diligence. Having covered their back with multiple quotes, they will put them in a drawer. Or pass them on to the head - who will put them in a drawer. It might raise it's head at PTA meeting, everyone will look with blind confusion at the miriad of quotes unless, by a stroke of luck, one of the members actually knows what they are talking about. Then they will either cut through the cr@p, or bring in one of their mates.
On the plus side, if you can clearly show that you are meeting a specific edict or budget, you can sell any old rubbish at any price. A few years back, whiteboard vendors had a field day. Longer ago,
about 30, the Central Authorities - in their infinite wisdom decided to cap lease rates. A whole raft of dodgy leasing companies emerged to enjoy the totally un-thought-through regulation. They made millions until somebody in Government actually took responsibility and sorted it out 10 years later.