Thanks for nothing brains of UKBF, I took a dump with more useful content than what's been posted on here. Web professionals, what a joke you have proved yourselves to be.
In your opening statement, your website refers to you and your company some 18 times. It refers to the customer twice.
We do this, we do that, we do the other. That's known as MBA - Manufacturer Belly-Aching.
The ratios should be the other way about - When YOU do this, when YOU do that, when YOU do the other.
So rule number one -
Talk about the customer and not about yourself!
Where's the headline? Where's that one statement that sums up and catches the eye?
Number three - Why? Why should I call you now?
Why you and why now?
To sum up - instead of writing MBA statements about yourselves, tell the customer how wonderful and easy it is to get new doors and windows fitted.
Example of bad copy -
We can fit brand new, maintenance-free, composite doors to your home anywhere in Barnsley along with a brand new made to measure door frame that is designed along with the door to keep you safe and secure inside. You can choose your new composite front door from hundreds of designs on our composite door designer page.
Better copy -
You can have brand new, maintenance-free, composite doors fitted to your home anywhere in Barnsley along with your new, made-to-measure door frame that will keep you, your family and your valuables safe and secure. Choose your new door from hundreds of designs [here].
And that was one of the better paragraphs!
So here's a constructive suggestion from me to you - Buy a copy of
'Making Ads Pay' by John Caples. Do that NOW! It's all about writing copy for mail-order - but that equates directly to the online world and Caples up-dated the book ten years ago.
You might also do well to get a copy of
'Ogilvy on Advertising' by David Ogilvy.
I'm sorry that you feel hard-done-by here, but perhaps you will come away from this experience, albeit with feathers somewhat ruffled, but at least you now know which direction to take!
