Lighten the mood?

[vvaannmmaann]

A biker goes to the Doctor with hearing problems.
"Can you describe the symptoms to me?"
"Yes, Homer is a fat yellow lazy ******* and Marge is a skinny bird with big blue hair."

 

[stockdam]

A young girl goes to the doctor with a chest infection.

The doctor asks her to lift her top so her can listen to her chest.


"Big breaths" says the doctor.


"Yeasth and I'm only thixteen".

 

[Drill Masters]

David Beckham climbs on stage in front of a packed audience and says

'they are small, white, minty and Victoria loves them!'

From the side of the stage comes a
'Pssst... tactics. David you are here to talk about tactics.'

 

[Beachcomber]

A woman had lunch with 2 of her unmarried friends. One is engaged, one is a mistress, and she herself had been married for 20+years.
They were chatting about their relationships and decided to amaze their men by wearing a black leather bra, stiletto heels and a mask over their eyes.

They agreed to meet in a few days to see how it went................


The engaged friend:
"The other night my Boyfriend came over and found me with a black leather bodice, tall stilettos and a mask. He saw me and said, 'You are the woman of my dreams. I love you.' Then we made love all night long."

The mistress:
"Me too! The other night I met my lover at his office and I was wearing the leather bodice, heels and mask over my eyes and a raincoat. When I opened the raincoat he didn't say a word, but we had a wild time all night."


Then the married woman shared her story:
"When my husband came home I was wearing the leather bodice, black stockings, stilettos and a mask over my eyes. As soon as he came in the door and saw me he said.......................................













......................'What's for dinner, Batman?'

 

[GaryMc]

I'm having that last one

 

[Zeno]

Two midgets are staying in a hotel in Vegas and pick up a couple of girls. They take them back to their rooms and get down to business.

Unfortunately, one of the dwarves has an attack of "stage fright" and can't perform. He feels terrible and this isn't helped by the sound on the strenuous activity from his pal's room next door where he hears "One...Two...hurrgghhh" over and over again, well into the night.

Next morning the two meet a breakfast. "How did you get on last night?" asks the first one.

"Terrible" says the second. "I couldn't get it up".

"That's nothing" says the first "I couldn't get up on the bed".