epiphany said:
Doctor-Webby welcomes you! We are a new web solutions agency with the following mission statement: Smart, Affordable, Effective.
Our Web Solutions include: Web Design, E-Commerce, Logos/Banners and Email Creative (what is email creative?)
Smart: If your website isn't smart then people will leave. Appearance is an eye catcher so get it right first time.
Affordable: If it's too cheap, where's the catch? If it's too expensive then you go elsewhere. We pride ourselves on being honest, so the cost will be made clear from day one and it will not change unless you do!
Effective: What use is a broken light bulb? The same principle applies here: what use is a website with no visitors or a website that cannot be found? We design and optimise your solution so that it can be found by all major search engines. Not doing this is the main reason for websites failing!
Now you're going to learn just how much of a stickler I am for grammar and about good writing!
First, I shall provide specific comments on each section. Second, I shall offer my own version of your text.
I hope you don't mind if I'm specific in my comments; they
are meant to be constructive.
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"Doctor-Webby welcomes you! We are a new web solutions agency with the following mission statement: Smart, Affordable, Effective."
Three adjectives do not a mission statement make; you don't need the colon; you don't need the capital letters.
This may not be the best example of creativity, but what about adding a fourth adjective to form an acronym (or is it an acrostic)?
"Doctor-Webby welcomes you! We can solve your problems with EASE". In other words, Effective, Affordable, Smart, Efficient.
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"Our Web Solutions include: Web Design, E-Commerce, Logos/Banners and Email Creative."
An action statement would be sharper. You don't need the colon since the sentence reads correctly without it. You need fewer capital letters. The slash between 'logos' and 'banners' is too informal. The phrasing of the four options should be consistent. You should make it clear that
Email Creative is an application because many visitors may not know this.
*************
"Smart: If your website isn't smart then people will leave. Appearance is an eye catcher so get it right first time."
This doesn't read well, although I understand what you are trying to say.
*************
"Affordable: If it's too cheap, where's the catch? If it's too expensive then you go elsewhere. We pride ourselves on being honest, so the cost will be made clear from day one and it will not change unless you do!"
You need to be more concise. Also, the customer is not going to change (a Star Trek shape-shifter?), the requirements are.
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"Effective: What use is a broken light bulb? The same principle applies here: what use is a website with no visitors or a website that cannot be found? We design and optimise your solution so that it can be found by all major search engines. Not doing this is the main reason for websites failing!"
Again, you need to be more concise.
*************
So, putting it all together, applying the suggested changes, shifting the order a little, making statements more concise, and restating some of your points, here's what I suggest:
Doctor-Webby welcomes you! We offer web design services, e-commerce solutions, logos and banners, and support for Email Creative. We can solve your problems with E-A-S-E!
Effective: Of what use is a website with no visitors? We design web pages that will be found by the major search engines.
Affordable: Our solutions are cost-effective. We will not change our price unless you change your mind.
Smart: If your website isn't smart, visitors will leave. First impressions are lasting impressions - we get it right the first time.
Efficient: Your time is money. We work quickly so you aren't kept waiting.
OK - that's it. I hope you find these comments useful.
Steve
www.goldctr.com
