A joke for Friday

[Cornish Steve]

A rather dishy-looking nun orders a taxi. When it arrives, the nun notices the driver is a rather handsome young man. As they begin the journey, the nun can't help but notice that the driver keeps staring at her.

"Is anything the matter, young man?" she asks.

"I'm a little embarrassed to tell you," the driver replies, "and I most certainly don't want to offend you."

"You won't offend me," laughs the nun. "I've been a nun for some time, and I've heard all kinds of stories. Nothing you could say would offend me. So what is it?"

"Well," the driver admits. "I've had this lifelong fantasy about being kissed by a nun."

After a short moment of silence, the nun half-whispers back, "There are just two conditions. You must be single, and you must be a Catholic."

The young taxi driver begins to get excited. "Yes, yes. I'm single, and I'm a Catholic."

So, at the next lay-by, he stops the taxi, and the nun gives him the most passionate, toe-curling wet kiss witnessed in those parts in a very long time. After taking a few minutes to recover, the taxi driver starts up the car and continues their journey.

After a few minutes, he starts to cry. "What is it?" asks the nun. "Forgive me," cries the driver. "I lied to you. I'm married, and I'm an atheist."

"Oh, that's alright," smiles the nun. "My name's Keith, and I'm on my way to a Hallowe'en party."

 

[Karielle]

hahahahahaha. A friday evening, the nun story puts a smile on my face

 

HAHA good one!

 

[saracen]

A NorthernTerritory Farm Hand ( Aboriginal ) radios back to the farm manager.



'Boss, I gotta helluva problem here. I hit a pig with the ute.
The pig's OK, but he's stuck in the bullbars at the front of my ute and is wriggling and squealing so much I can't get him out.'

The manager says,'Ok, there's a ..303 Rifle behind the seat.
Take it, shoot the pig in the head and you'll be able to remove him.'

Five minutes later the farm hand calls back, 'I did what you said boss. Took the 303, shot the pig in the head and removed him from the bull-bars.
No problem there, but I still can't go on'.

'Now what's the problem?' raged the Manager.

'Well boss, it's his motor-bike. The flashing blue light is stuck under the right-front wheel arch.'

'...............You there Boss?

 

[saracen]

I keep having my profile on a dating website rejected.
One of the questions is, 'What do you want in a woman?'.
Apparently 'my c*ck' is not an acceptable answer.
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A suicide bomber runs into a pet shop and yells, 'you've all got one minute to get out!'
The tortoise at the back of the shop shouts, 'you c-nt!'
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why are women like clouds? eventually they f--- off and its a really nice day
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Whats the difference between light and hard?
You can sleep with a light on.
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A man walks into a petrol station and says, 'can I please have a KitKat Chunky?'
The lady behind the till gets him a KitKat Chunky and brings it back to him.
'No,' says the man, 'I wanted a normal KitKat, you fat *****.'
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My wife, being unhappy with my mood swings, bought me one of these mood rings so she could monitor my mood.
We discovered that, when I am in a good mood, it turns green and, when I am in a bad mood, it leaves a big fu--ing red mark on her forehead.
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I was at a cash machine when an old lady came up to me and asked to check her balance.
So I pushed her over.
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Zebo, a half blind five year old south african orphan, has to ride 7 miles a day to school with only one leg on a bicycle with buckled wheels and no brakes. Give just small donation of 2 dollars and we'll send you the video, it's fu cking hilarious....
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Two men are in a pub. One says to his mate 'My mother-in-law is an angel'. His dude replies 'You're so fu--ing lucky. Mine is still alive...'
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A man goes into a library and asks for a book on suicide.
The librarian says; 'F--- off, you won't bring it back.'
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2 Men in a pub and one is riding a Bucking Bronco Machine. He lasts over 10 minutes.
'Crikey mate, that was impressive!'
'I get lots of practice' Replied the other guy. 'My Wifes epileptic' [FONT=&quot]
[/FONT]

 

[Karielle]

My wife and I were sitting at a table at my high
school reunion, and I kept staring at a drunken lady
swigging her drink as she sat alone at a nearby table.

My wife asked,'Do you know her?'
'Yes,' I sighed, 'She's my old girlfriend. I understand she
took to drinking right after we split up those many years ago,
and I hear she hasn't been sober since.'

My God!' says my wife, 'Who would think a
person could go on celebrating that long?'

 

[PackBacker]

Great jokes everyone, and it's a Monday! Happy days...

 

[youbetcha1018]

Lol... Funny jokes!!! They all made me laugh...

 

[Meier]

hahah. nice one

 

[Karielle]

Little April was not the best student in Sunday school.
Usually she slept through the class.

One day the teacher called on her while she was napping, "Tell me, April, who created the universe?"

When April didn't stir, little Johnny, a boy seated in the chair behind her, took a pin and jabbed her in the rear. "GOD ALMIGHTY!" shouted April and the teacher said, "Very good" and April fell back asleep.

A while later the teacher asked April, "Who is our Lord and Saviour," But, April didn't even stir from her slumber. Once again, Johnny came to the rescue and stuck her again. 'JESUS CHRIST!" shouted April and the teacher said, "very good," and April fell back to sleep.

Then the teacher asked April a third question. "What did Eve say to Adam after she had her twenty-third child?" And again, Johnny jabbed her with the pin. This time April jumped up and shouted, "IF YOU STICK THAT F*****G THING IN ME ONE MORE TIME, I'LL BREAK IT IN HALF AND STICK IT UP YOUR ARSE!"

The Teacher fainted.

 

[Meier]

heheh. tell me Karielle do you work or are you posting jokes for a living

 

[Karielle]

Haha.uhmm...Actually, im posting jokes i really find me rofl

 

[Meier]

Okay maybe I'm a dane and poster newbie but does rofl mean?

 

[Karielle]

Rolling... on... floor... laughing... dear

 

[Meier]

damn it I actually knew that one

 

[Karielle]

hahahahaa.got ya

 

[Brunox12]

lol nice keep up the good work!