Being Gay in business

[estwig]

You are missing my point but I'm not sure how to put it so it is clearer. I was trying to put it into some kind of context that it would be perfectly acceptable for you to tell me something about your girlfriend without me being uncomfortable or offended and you certainly wouldn't expect me to leave a meeting. How can you then say that it would be ok for you to do it.

The point the OP made wasn't about having the right to tell someone if you are homosexual or not, but that a colleague and potential client shouldn't just walk out and refuse contact because he said boyfriend.

I don't think I'm making my point well so apologies for that but the old brain doesn't function well at 1AM

Please don't apologise, I would hope to be considerate and not mention something about my girlfirend, that others may find uncomfortable.

Mentioning that computerfag had just slip from his bf, would make me in the circumstances described feel uncomfortable, that is inconsiderate of him. He made a mistake, we all make 'em, Ho...Hum!!

 

[computerfaq]

Steve, it was a slip of the tounge thats actually brought this all up, but having said that, I don't see as to why I should have to hide anything, I don't act overly camp, no one finds out until things are brought up concerning personal relationships, which is not through choice but just the way things happen.

I don't intend to hide or accept that I have to accept that because someone is straight they have the right to be able to talk about their girlfriends until the cows come home and I'm not allowed to talk about my partner at all as it may cause offense. Its remarkable how bad things can be when you refuse to cover up anything. I don't have shareholders, and doubt I will in the future, but again if they cared soo much about that sort of thing I'm not too sure they're the sort of shareholders I want.

 

[Tobes]

This thread is getting interesting

And if you're going to be all unaccepting, the phrase is 'blah blah Adam and Steve'

 

[computerfaq]

hehe thanks Tobes....and for the record almost all of my clients have found out through one thing and another, and most of them are 60+ and they don't have a problem with it, so why shouldn't I expect someone who is 10-20 years younger than them to be able to deal with it.

 

[estwig]

Steve, it was a slip of the tounge thats actually brought this all up, but having said that, I don't see as to why I should have to hide anything, I don't act overly camp, no one finds out until things are brought up concerning personal relationships, which is not through choice but just the way things happen.

I don't intend to hide or accept that I have to accept that because someone is straight they have the right to be able to talk about their girlfriends until the cows come home and I'm not allowed to talk about my partner at all as it may cause offense. Its remarkable how bad things can be when you refuse to cover up anything. I don't have shareholders, and doubt I will in the future, but again if they cared soo much about that sort of thing I'm not too sure they're the sort of shareholders I want.

Now you are almost stereotyping heterosexual men as monsters who go on about their gf all the time, what you are talking about is a lack of consideration for others.

I find homosexuality offensive.

 

[Deleted member 9840]

Steve, it was a slip of the tounge thats actually brought this all up, but having said that, I don't see as to why I should have to hide anything, I don't act overly camp, no one finds out until things are brought up concerning personal relationships, which is not through choice but just the way things happen.

I don't intend to hide or accept that I have to accept that because someone is straight they have the right to be able to talk about their girlfriends until the cows come home and I'm not allowed to talk about my partner at all as it may cause offense. Its remarkable how bad things can be when you refuse to cover up anything. I don't have shareholders, and doubt I will in the future, but again if they cared soo much about that sort of thing I'm not too sure they're the sort of shareholders I want.

In that case, just accept you were dealing with a redneck hillbilly and move on to your next client. It's 2007 man F~}K 'em.
I've just got my Almond tickets for Liverpool. I don't care........

cheers

steve

 

[Cornish Steve]

Not sure how you can say that. If I met you for a meeting and you told me that you had split up with your girlfriend I wouldn't be feeling uncomfortable. However if I walked out I'm sure you would be offended that I left!

I assume you started this thread because you want honest opinions, so let me back up Estwig. It's a fact of life that many people view gay behaviour is immoral and wrong. That doesn't mean they have the right to discriminate against anyone, but you must respect their right to feel uncomfortable. A change in government policy and in recent cultural norms can't change our moral sense.

To my mind, this is an important point. The gay community is quite justified to expect tolerance from everyone in society. Discrimination of any sort is completely unacceptable. What it shouldn't expect, and will never get, is everyone's acceptance. Tolerance and acceptance are two different things. The government can't mandate morality.

 

[asonda]

Look, You don't have to hide anything, but don't expect people to jump out with joy when you tell 'em!

Being Gay IS different, and abnormal if you like....I think you need to accept that the majority of people don't understand/or accept your sexuality and you just need to know that you ARE going to have set backs because of it...

It's only been over the past few years that Homosexuality has become 'acceptable' - use that term loosely because people don't widely really accept it..

It makes no bones with me, whether your gay or straight...like I said before, don't expect everyone to jump for joy.

 

[computerfaq]

Mentioning that computerfag had just slip from his bf,

I hope that that was just a typo!

 

[AdamW]

I assume you started this thread because you want honest opinions, so let me back up Estwig. It's a fact of life that many people view gay behaviour is immoral and wrong. That doesn't mean they have the right to discriminate against anyone, but you must respect their right to feel uncomfortable. A change in government policy and in recent cultural norms can't change our moral sense.

To my mind, this is an important point. The gay community is quite justified to expect tolerance from everyone in society. Discrimination of any sort is completely unacceptable. What it shouldn't expect, and will never get, is everyone's acceptance. Tolerance and acceptance are two different things. The government can't mandate morality.

I didn't start the thread

 

[computerfaq]

Look, You don't have to hide anything, but don't expect people to jump out with joy when you tell 'em!

Being Gay IS different, and abnormal if you like....I think you need to accept that the majority of people don't understand/or accept your sexuality and you just need to know that you ARE going to have set backs because of it...

It's only been over the past few years that Homosexuality has become 'acceptable' - use that term loosely because people don't widely really accept it..

It makes no bones with me, whether your gay or straight...like I said before, don't expect everyone to jump for joy.

I don't expect people to jump out for joy, but at the same time I don't expect them to walk out of meetings because of it. I expect to be treated exactly the same as any one else, which just doesn't happen.

 

[estwig]

I don't expect people to jump out for joy, but at the same time I don't expect them to walk out of meetings because of it. I expect to be treated exactly the same as any one else, which just doesn't happen.

But you can't be treated the same as everyone else, because you are not the same as everyone else you are in a minority.

 

[computerfaq]

GoldCTRSteve, I started the thread, and yes I wanted honest opinions, which is providing me with a clear picture as to how homophobia the business industery still is.
I've never asked for anyones acceptance, only that they are willing to listen to what is being said and even if they don't agree with it, not to be so rude as to walk out of a meeting because of it.

Lets face it my sexuality doesn't effect the quality of work I do, and definately doesn't effect my businesses reputation (well, that may change after tonight...)

Estwig, it doesn't justify treating me differently because I'm in a minority. There are laws against that sort of thing, which I'm sure everyone would be fully behind if a coloured person had the same thing happen to them.

 

[Cornish Steve]

I don't expect people to jump out for joy, but at the same time I don't expect them to walk out of meetings because of it. I expect to be treated exactly the same as any one else, which just doesn't happen.

Walking out of a business meeting is one thing. Choosing not to spend free time with someone whose behaviour you disagree with is something else. Maybe it's not a very nice thing to do, but that's human nature for you. You can't force everyone to agree with your stance on this topic, and it can be quite emotive.

 

[Deleted member 9840]

But you can't be treated the same as everyone else, because you are not the same as everyone else you are in a minority.

Your damn right there Keith.

There are minorities in my area treated a damn site better that us Brits, straight or gay. They are the ones we .......................another thread lol.

big spoon land in the friday night discussion

cheers

steve

 

[Subbynet]

I don't expect people to jump out for joy, but at the same time I don't expect them to walk out of meetings because of it. I expect to be treated exactly the same as any one else, which just doesn't happen.

No, because your differnet from "the norm"... The sooner you realise this, and learn to keep home and business seperate.. The easier it would be.

If everyone REALLY knew everyone else on this forum, you'll find a lot more points where we secretly hate eachother. Thats life. I bet some here do right weird things at the weekend - buts its a country of nearly 60m people.. Its got to be expected.

I bet you were being treated just the same before you mentioned being gay - so the utopia your hoping to find is right in front of you... You just need to realise this utopia is full of many different opinions but it can still be found if you keep them as a personal thing.


(Again this is my opinion, on a strong subject, so if you don't agree just ignore this post because my viewpoint won't change anyway)

 

[Cornish Steve]

GoldCTRSteve, I started the thread, and yes I wanted honest opinions, which is providing me with a clear picture as to how homophobia the business industery still is.

There is a clear difference between how we must act in business and how we can act as private individuals. Of course we shouldn't discriminate in business or in many other areas of life. Nonetheless, if someone feels uncomfortable in a social setting, they have every right to act differently with gays than with others. I don't think any comments so far relate to homophobia in business; they do point out, though, that many view the practice as wrong at the personal level. That's going to take a long time to change and may never do so.

even if they don't agree with it, not to be so rude as to walk out of a meeting because of it.

I agree that it was rude, but I suspect the person felt awkward and didn't know what to say. Maybe it was social ineptitude as much as anything else.

Lets face it my sexuality doesn't effect the quality of work I do, and definately doesn't effect my businesses reputation

Agreed. And it won't affect your business reputation either. You've simply proved that you are an honest person, and that counts for a lot in business.

 

[computerfaq]

Walking out of a business meeting is one thing. Choosing not to spend free time with someone whose behaviour you disagree with is something else. Maybe it's not a very nice thing to do, but that's human nature for you. You can't force everyone to agree with your stance on this topic, and it can be quite emotive.

I didn't ask anyone to agree with me, and I didn't expect anyone to either.. I never asked the guy to spend any of his free time with me either, I just asked him to attend a meeting, which yes was conducted in a pub at lunchtime as it was a more social. I've worked with the guy for the past few months without a problem, and no he didn't know before, because it hadn't come up in conversation.



Keith...I work in a youth centre most weekends, that sort of thing doesn't make me uncomfortable at all.

 

[AdamW]

There is a clear difference between how we must act in business and how we can act as private individuals. Of course we shouldn't discriminate in business or in many other areas of life. Nonetheless, if someone feels uncomfortable in a social setting, they have every right to act differently with gays than with others. I don't think any comments so far relate to homophobia in business; they do point out, though, that many view the practice as wrong at the personal level. That's going to take a long time to change and may never do so.


I agree that it was rude, but I suspect the person felt awkward and didn't know what to say. Maybe it was social ineptitude as much as anything else.


Agreed. And it won't affect your business reputation either. You've simply proved that you are an honest person, and that counts for a lot in business.

I'm trying not to post as I don't want to unintentionally inflame the situation but just wanted to say that all of the points made by Steve are well done.

 

[computerfaq]

There is a clear difference between how we must act in business and how we can act as private individuals. Of course we shouldn't discriminate in business or in many other areas of life. Nonetheless, if someone feels uncomfortable in a social setting, they have every right to act differently with gays than with others. I don't think any comments so far relate to homophobia in business; they do point out, though, that many view the practice as wrong at the personal level. That's going to take a long time to change and may never do so.


I agree that it was rude, but I suspect the person felt awkward and didn't know what to say. Maybe it was social ineptitude as much as anything else.


Agreed. And it won't affect your business reputation either. You've simply proved that you are an honest person, and that counts for a lot in business.

I agree Steve, people shouldn't let it effect their actions within business, but they did, as lets face it almost everyone lets their personal opinions effect the business decisions they take at one time or another.

 

[Matt Quinn]

Ok, so this is really going to get some really strong opinions going...but hey!

I've personally experienced quite a bit of negativity after a organisation I'm working with or have worked with "discovers" my sexuality. I don't hide it, but it's not remarkably obvious either. Is this a common thing or is it just me?

There seems to be a sterotype that if you're gay and involved in IT you're either someone who surfs the internet for illegal material, or are trying take advantage of people in unspeakable ways. I know that this isn't true, some of the best IT engineers I know are gay and I wouldn't ever dream of using it against them. Obviously in the wider community the gay culture does seem to have become very sterotyped and has seriously effected a lgbtq person's individual to be taken seriously anymore. It's worrying me that i'll have to go back "into the closest" so to speak in order to be able to survive in business.

I dunno, what do you people think?

Statistically 9 out of 10 people aren't gay. They don't really understand it and only actually see the somewhat perverse and highly vocal 'militant' gays who not only want to be accepted into mainstream society but want a hat, a baloon and special parking privileges..... You know; the 'only gay in the village' types....

There will also be a section of the 'straight' population who have, or have at some point 'doubts' about themselves. And are scared of what they see when they look in the mirror.

Others are just ignorant...

Others are genuinely revolted at the thought of becoming intimate with a member of the same sex. And express that revulsion by discriminating against those who don't share that revulsion.

Personally I probably fall into the last category somewhat (but not completely I hope) . It baffles me for instance why the majority of the male population want to spend their Saturday afternoons watching 22 big 'thweaty' boys mincing around on a football pitch.. It's a revolting sight..In my opinion that is.....

There's a distinct lack of decorum in public changing rooms, public lavatories are largely no-go areas and there's every chance of me throwing up were I to venture in to see "Brokeback Mountain"; I actually WAS physically sick the first time I watched Stephen Fry's portrayal of Oscar Wylde... (brilliant though it is) I've no more desire to go into a gay bar than I have the ladies lavvy.... No, I'm not even slightly curious, I don't actually CARE what it's like in there...

There is a certain Irony in that my finding ballet more entertaining than football (i.e loads of skinny birds wearing next-to-nothing as opposed to big thweaty boys mincing around after a ball). My preference for privacy when I'm changing, showering or taking a P*ss (no; I'm NOT remotely interested in looking at your big hairy a*se Or your willy mate, and if you look at me like that I WILL smash your kneecaps) The fact I prefer to not slob around smelling as if I'd cacked my keks and try to avoid dripping saliva down my female acquaintance's cleavage marks me out, apparently, as 'camp'... 'suspect' even...

This is compounded by my open admiration for the work of the likes of Steven Fry, Oscar Wylde and indeed Quentin Crisp. I was lucky enough to meet and film Quentin just before he left for the States (and got an award for my trouble!) . Lovely bloke! And I treasure the signed copy of "The Naked Civil Servant" he gave me.... And of course the very fact I work in TV (queer-city don't ya know ducky)

Your post has Chris inspired me to step out of my own particular closet. Yes it's true. I too am a filthy pervert who should be allowed the use of a computer only under strict police supervision. You see Chris, some of the women I'm attracted to are, actually... I almost dare not speak it... FOREIGN!

I'm probably risking arrest here by confessing in public that my oldest daughter is actually half Chinese. And that I've EVEN had a relationship with a woman from... (dare I say it?) Thailand!! ... (and for the benefit of the footie crown yes; she IS genetically female)...

Yup! heard it all! I'm apparently as queer as Christmas despite having fathered three kids, my girlfriend was purchased out of Kays catalogue and used to be called George; her two kids being a miracle of modern surgery..

You see THATS the thing with bigots! They are, almost by definition, ignoramuses! Take it from a dyed-in-the wool homophobe Anyone who takes issue with your sexuality has an issue with themselves! It's of no more consequence (to the world at large that is) than whether you're left or right handed or have a preference for brown brogues over trainers....

It's absolutely hellish being the only straight in the village you know!

 

[Rhyl Lightworks]

I have found this thread a little late, but I can empathise with a lot of the sentiments expressed. I too am openly gay, do not either try to hide it or go on about it (in fact many people express surprise when they find out). Both in business and in personal life I have found that for many people it is not an issue. However there are some who will have nothing to do with gay people, and others who while professing to be liberal in attitude, obviously feel awkward in gay company. I would say that if you come across such people in business, just ignore them and move on.

If you feel a duty (is that the right word?), as I sometimes do, of trying to counter prejudice, I feel the best way is by example, as the opinions expressed by the gay contributors to this thread seem to underline. Being open and showing you can be relatively successful, without trying to hide your sexuality, promotes a positive role model for others to come out and feel they can do the same.

I agree, TV often depicts a stereotypical image of gay people (the recent series on Channel 4 - particularly 'Clapham Junction' - was typical of this), but then it also does the same with straight people. I am constantly bombarded with ads that use sex to try and sell products, programmes that depict people as being obsessed with sex, etc. This seems to be accepable if it is straight sex, but confirming stereotypes if it is gay sex.

Certain sectors of industry seem to be more homophobic than others. I have two friends who feel unable to 'come out' because of where they work - one in the building trade, and one in middle management in a big multinational. Those people who say they have never met a gay person are being incredibly naive. Statistically, if you work with 10 people, the chances are at least one of them is gay.
Barrie

 

[Cornish Steve]

I agree Steve, people shouldn't let it effect their actions within business, but they did, as lets face it almost everyone lets their personal opinions effect the business decisions they take at one time or another.

It's a really important point. I've been guilty in the past of letting my personal views carry over too much into work. It's an easy thing to do, but it's not right. It's especially awkward if an influential manager espouses strong views on a topic.

Let me give an example. I happen to work for a company during the day that is very strongly tied to one particular political party. I happen not to agree with that party, so it's rather embarrassing for me to hear constant barbs and jibes against the other party. People just don't think about what they're saying sometimes and the impact it can have.

Perhaps the worst area, and I'm guilty here too, is in the area of humour. Sadly, almost anything can be said these days if it's said as a joke. If you object, the usual response is "don't you have a sense of humour?" Yes, I do, but I'm offended if someone uses that medium to avoid the criticism that would come from the same words being spoken seriously.

This is a good point for me to apologise to anyone who takes offense at my occasional bad jokes if they imply intolerance of any type.

 

[YMW]

I can't speak for the man who walked out on the meeting but I do know men who would have acted similarily. TBH I think it was an odd question to have asked you in the first place! I would never ask someon in a business meeting if they were seeing anyone. Or is that something men usually ask?? (I suppose us women ask where did you get those shoes )

 

[Jayne]

I don't have a problem with any Gay people, life's too short. What I have noticed from the straight men I know they do have problems with Gay men, but quite like Gay ladies? I don't know hardly any women who have a problem with Gay people, so I guess the discrimination is mainly men on men (Please excuse the pun..lol).

My dear friend who sadly died was Gay, he was the sweetest person you would ever meet. He was beaten up often, his family turned against him and people would cross over the street to avoid him. He ended up an alcoholic which killed him. All because people couldn't find it in their heart to be nice to him, how Christian is that I ask?

I would ask the business man who hasn't replied, if it was because you were Gay? If he says no, ask where your work is? If he says Yes! Sue the pants of him for being homophobic!

Jayne

 

[Matt Quinn]

I know this may offend... But the idea of one guy "doing things" with another guy, to some other straight guys is sickening!

Thats the way it is... I hate the idea everyone should accept others for what they do... How about - NO... Lets just all be honest about it.

I mean if your a hetrosexual male, that thing REALLY IS the most horrible thing in the world - ie. If you were in prison, you wouldn't dare pick up the soap!

I'm a firm believer in Adam and Eve, not Adam and Adam. (Sorry to the Adam above I'm not refering to you in any way - you just share a name.)

You make your own path in life - you know how the world works, and the consequences of your choices.

SHOULD this effect people on a personal level - hell no. But no one knows your gay until you open your mouth about it.

I personally don't have a problem with most, only those who seem to wear being gay as a badge of honour... Just keep it too yourself. I don't want to know your sexuality, your religious beliefs, or really the football team you support - I just don't care.

I never knew you were gay until I read this thread - so how do other people you deal with during business find out? Maybe you should ask yourself that and what you can do yourself, to make life easier.

Again, if I've offended I'm sorry, but I believe you can't beat an honest opinion.

Actually, surely this is a load of old bollards? Chris doesn't HAVE any more choice over his attraction to men than you or I do our revulsion? And therefore shouldn't have to be censured or apologise for it! Comparing someone's sexuality to something as vapid as what football team they support is just.... Oh I better not say it!

 

[computerfaq]

No, because your differnet from "the norm"... The sooner you realise this, and learn to keep home and business seperate.. The easier it would be.

If everyone REALLY knew everyone else on this forum, you'll find a lot more points where we secretly hate eachother. Thats life. I bet some here do right weird things at the weekend - buts its a country of nearly 60m people.. Its got to be expected.

I bet you were being treated just the same before you mentioned being gay - so the utopia your hoping to find is right in front of you... You just need to realise this utopia is full of many different opinions but it can still be found if you keep them as a personal thing.


(Again this is my opinion, on a strong subject, so if you don't agree just ignore this post because my viewpoint won't change anyway)

I don't think i'm actually different from the norm...yes I'm gay, but until it comes out in conversation, which 9/10 times it doesn't, you wouldn't know. Therefore when everyone starts going on about how they're going home to their girlfriends, why shouldn't I be in a position to talk about my boyfriend in the same way?

@matt I don't enjoy watching football either...22 guys mincing around a pitch then going into communal showers...seriously theres more interesting things to do in life.

@matt I don't think I've been in more than 1 gay bar in my whole life, and I don't think I'd ever go again, too many camp idiots mincing around the place.

@steve I agree entirely with the humor comment, its something that has been used a lot by the gay community to cover up for the nasty and quite frankly dispicable coments that have been thrown in its direction.

 

[computerfaq]

I can't speak for the man who walked out on the meeting but I do know men who would have acted similarily. TBH I think it was an odd question to have asked you in the first place! I would never ask someon in a business meeting if they were seeing anyone. Or is that something men usually ask?? (I suppose us women ask where did you get those shoes )

It does seem to come up in business meetings quite a bit. It must be a guy thing.

 

[asonda]

Can I just say something, this seems to be the fastest thread ever, the most number of replies and views in the shortest amount of time!

 

[Jayne]

My personal opinion. Football is the Gayest thing on TV! All that kissing and crying? Do I need to go on? lol

Jayne

 

[computerfaq]

Jamie considering the time of morning I'm very suprised!

Jayne I couldn't agree more, but I still can't stand it! that or Rugby much like football, just with tighter clothing.

 

[Jayne]

My kind of bloke Chris...lol

My hubby doesn't like Football either, he finds it boring.

 

[Matt Quinn]

@matt I don't enjoy watching football either...22 guys mincing around a pitch then going into communal showers...seriously theres more interesting things to do in life.

...Seems to hold a strange fascination for many who insist on pointing out how perverse others are....

 

[computerfaq]

Yep that it does

 

[Arcadian]

I spend most of my business life - the accountant one - dealing with gay men. My practice specialises in broadcasters. It sounds like the stereotype remarked on by Matt Quinn but it's a fact in my client practice. Gay broadcasters like having a female accountant and that suits me just fine. My best-friend-in-all-the-world is a gay man.

My 80 year old mother will make anyone cringe with the way she talks about black people. "He was black as the ace of spades but really nice," "You wouldn't think he'd have that good job, being black" "I'm not prejudiced, I quite like black people really" etc etc That last one being a real non sequitur.

You'd think at her age she would have the same prejudices about homosexuals. Not so. Because she loves my gay friends. She sees the real people behind the gay label. She knows that if I avoided gay men I'd never get to go out.

You can't change how people think. Some people will be very homophobic and it will be difficult for them in the workplace even when they know they shouldn't let it make a difference. Hopefully when they really get to know you they will be like my mother, who is not just suspending her horror, she actually understands that I have gay friends who are a couple.

I still don't really understand why anyone's sexuality has to be brought up at all in the workplace.

 

[Cornish Steve]

I still don't really understand why anyone's sexuality has to be brought up at all in the workplace.

...which is the source of all the problems mentioned by the original poster. In that pub, both the question and the answer were probably inappropriate if the meeting was about business.

 

[Jayne]

If the chap asked him a question in the pub (business or not), he should be able to tell the truth. As my Grans says, 'Don't ask if you don't want to know!

Jayne

 

[computerfaq]

Steve, I'm sure that after 4 months of working with an individual you build up a rappor with them to the point that you would probably know if they were with someone or not. I'm sure that that type of conversation happens when you deal with the same person a few times a week over 4 months.

 

[Subbynet]

Actually, surely this is a load of old bollards? Chris doesn't HAVE any more choice over his attraction to men than you or I do our revulsion? And therefore shouldn't have to be censured or apologise for it! Comparing someone's sexuality to something as vapid as what football team they support is just.... Oh I better not say it!

What the hell are you talking about?

Did I ever say he did!!! DID I EVER COMPARE IT TO A FOOTBALL TEAM!!! No!.. I said it might be a good idea not to advertise the fact, the same way other people don't tell everyone else about their taboo's. THIS GAY PEOPLE DO HAVE FULL CONTROL OVER.

Its very well known some of those who work in the city earning mega money are hooked on Cocaine... Do they tell anyone at work? ... Doubt it. But why should the censor it? hmmm I wonder... Maybe because we don't all think its a good idea!

Anyways, try reading it again.. Grab your glasses if that's what your missing.

I don't think i'm actually different from the norm...yes I'm gay, but until it comes out in conversation, which 9/10 times it doesn't, you wouldn't know. Therefore when everyone starts going on about how they're going home to their girlfriends, why shouldn't I be in a position to talk about my boyfriend in the same way?

I think you just don't see it - but its different, very different to what most blokes do or feel is right... On a personal level like I said no one knows until you mention it so wouldn't treat you any different... But your the problem.. You want to mention it, you want to shout it from the rooftops I'M GAY I'M GAY... That's why you started this thread to talk about being gay... And then you complain people treat you differently afterwards.

Guess what, I don't want to know... And any reaction you find is your fault for letting people know - because you know what the reaction will be.

Honesty is not always the best policy... Ignorance is bliss!

 

[Matt Quinn]

...which is the source of all the problems mentioned by the original poster. In that pub, both the question and the answer were probably inappropriate if the meeting was about business.

Well, actually.... I think the only questionable thing was the question...

Why the heck would any straight guy care if the bloke he was drinking with had a partner? The only time I've ever felt the need to make such enquiries is when I've met a woman to whom I'm attracted....

Sounds more like a case of cold feet to me!