Writing an intoductory letter?

I am looking to write an introductory letter to nurseries / schools for my toy business but i'm unsure how to do it in a correct manner. Can anyone assist me with a sample letter or bullet points that I should include etc.

Thanks

 

[YEM]

I take it this is a sales letter? In which case you need to think about what message you want to get accross. You then need to make it attractive to your potential customers. Why not buy a couple of books on sales letter techniques. I'm sure someone will point you in the right direction, but don't expect anyone to tell you what to write, you need to do this yourself.

 

[Arhiann]

Can I recommend the following book:

"How to write sales letters that sell" by Drayton Bird ISBN 0749438762

Drayton is almost a deity in the direct mail industry. Some of the book is a little dated, but it's still very relevant; there are some things in there that will surprise you. Well worth the read.

 

OK....how does this read ???




A.N.Other,
Nursery Nursery,
Nursery Road,
Nursery,
Nursery,
NUR1 5RY

1/01/01

REF: MS01

Dear Mrs Nursery,

NEW RANGES OF TRADITIONAL NURSERY TOYS

In today's world of computers and high tech equipment, it is easy to forget the 'play value' of today's toys. Hedgehog Toys would like to introduce you to our range of traditional toys designed to captivate children once again and introduce the art of play back into childhood.

From the simple sit'n'ride toys to the floor puzzles and games, we can bring a whole new perspective to children's play and unlike many plastic toys of today, we are confident you will be pleased with the robustness of our wooden toy ranges.

Our range of toys have been carefully selected from manufacturers around the world and are all designed to CE certification.

We will contact you over the next few weeks to speak to you personally and get to know you and your business better. We are based locally and will guarantee you a service second to none.

In the meantime, we wish you well and look forward to speaking with you further.


Yours faithfully,




Mr C Dalton,
Hedgehog toys

 

[Mike by the Sea]

Hi C & Y

The letter has potential, but it doesn't get me waiting by the phone for a call. What are you offering the Nursery that will make them sit up and listen. The first letter is the "first impression" and needs to be something that won't end up in the round filing cabinet.

Perhaps an offer of "toys for a week" for them to see for themselves what a wonderful opportunity this is?

Maybe a reference to the website where they can see for themselves the range of toys on offer?

Perhaps the

We will contact you over the next few weeks to speak to you personally and get to know you and your business better.

could be that we will contact you (sooner than over the next few weeks) and arrange a time when we can get together and get to know you and your Nursery better?

Perhaps a bit of history about yourselves and the business?

This sales stuff is not really my field of expertise, but I have done a few lead letters and, looking back, could have done better in hindsight.

Hope this goes well for you.

All the best

Mike

 

[directmarketingadvice]

If I got that letter, I'd just get the sinking feeling that I was soon to get yet another sales call where someone who doesn't really understand my wants and needs is going to try to get me to buy something.

Maybe it's because I don't know the industry, but I can't see what's in it for the reader.

For example, you say you've got a "new perspective", but you don't explain what that means.

Lots of businesses claim to have a new perspective, approach or paradigm ... and we all know that what they usually have is, at best, a slight variation on an old idea.

If you've got something new, tell them what it is. If you've got a selling point, feature it.

And, if you're not bringing anything new or advantageous to them, should you really be asking them for their time?

Steve

 

[garyk]

1. No headline THE single most important aspect of a sales letter, it has to provide a compelling benefit oriented offer to the reader and draw them into the copy of the letter.

2. Follow-up on your offer made in your headline in the first paragraph.

3. Too many 'we' and not enough 'you'. I dont care who you are and what you do (hypothetically speaking ) Sell me on how *I* will appreciate the quality and simplicity of your beautifully crafted toys.

4. No P.S. Often used to re-state the main benefit or offer, studies have shown most people read the headline, the P.S and then the body.

5. No call to action! What if I wanted to buy now, how do I do it??? Make it very easy for me to fax/email/phone whatever, the point is you have to lead your prospects by the hand to the point of sale.

Err and thats all I can think of at the moment!

Gary

 

[GreatSEO]

I think you have a good aim at your market place and would say that it just needs a little tweaking and something unusual done to it that will make it stand out from the rest. There is too much direct mail that goes out and it is something that you can receive 2 and by the 3rd you are throwing it in the bin. With this in mind i have a couple of ideas and would say if you could contact me 01344 707356 i will go through some with you FOC

Look forward to hearing from you

Kindest Regards

Dave