Do You Want To Access Funding For Your Business?

[YEM]

If you saw this on a page, would you continue reading to find out more?????

 

[GreatSEO]

This i think could be very effective

Regards

Dave

 

[YEM]

Thanks Dave,

just sonething we're working on!

 

[directmarketingadvice]

Well, I've clicked on this, so the answer might be "yes".

If you saw this on a page, would you continue reading to find out more?????

I think the key words are "you" and "page".

If it was one of a number of headlines/links, I don't know if I'd click on it. It would depend on how it compared to the other choices.

And, it would depend on who I was. If I was someone who had been looking for access to funding, I'd probably click on it. If not, probably not.

Also, I don't like the sentence:

"Do You Want To Access Funding For Your Business?"

I don't like the word "access" for a start. And the "do you want" is a little anemic.

I don't know what the ad/article is about, but something like:

"How to get your hands on business funding" would be better IMO.

Or "The Insider's guide to obtaining business funding"

Though, in the second example, the double use of "ing" isn't quite right. But it might give you an idea and I'm not going to knock my head in re-writing it.

Steve

 

[YEM]

Hi Steve,

The plan is to target start-up businesses and generate subscriptions to YEM. The 'page' is actually an advert within the magazine and the sentance is to grab the readers attention.

I have used a question, rather than a 'how to' or a 'guide to' because it makes people answer either Yes or No - its a 'thats me' question, hoping to keep people reading on if the answer to that question is Yes.

The majority of the start-up market do want to access funding, and I use 'access' because YEM shows readers where the funding opportunites are and its 'short and sweet' - I do like the word 'obtain' though, and can see how this can work equally well!