Dismiss Notice
Hey Guest, make sure to follow us on Twitter! Say hi and we'll be sure to follow back!

Eight years of Bullying within the same employment.

Discussion in 'Employment & HR' started by Nikki1307, Dec 24, 2016.

  1. Nikki1307

    Nikki1307 UKBF Newcomer Free Member

    Posts: 1 Likes: 0
    Where to start! Here I am, in the early hours of Christmas Eve, trying to yet again make some sense of what I am going to do.
    My story dates back to 2009/2010, & it's a long story. Almost immediately after becoming employed in my current job role, the bullying, seclusion, silent treatment, false accusations started. Which was when my line manager at the time changed towards me - I have logged Day/date/time, everything from this starting. My probation period was extended - after numerous "anonymous" complaints were made about me - my word against there's! But if your telling the truth, you stand your ground, which I did. I went to hell and back to get my full contract in place, my line manager stalled as much as possible, she blamed the matter entirely on HR. And generally speaking I was the elephant in the room at any team breifing, which I tolerated, silently for some years.
    I am one of 7 members of staff employed under this line manager/department. The other 6 members of staff, disliked me for whatever reason, 3 of which being considerably worse then others. Until I went on maternity leave in April 2011 things were like this from date of employment. Thankfully during my MAT leave, the mechanics of the team didn't improve, which proved in my absence, the team still behaved in the same manner. When I returned to work, things were great to say the least, it was like a weight lifted off my shoulders. In March 2014 I got married, for personal reasons the marriage unfortunately ended 4 months afterwards. At which point my entire life was in turmoil, to mask my personal life at work, I continued to wear my wedding rings, acted like all was ok & tried my best to hold things together.
    Once all came to light. I was judged, talked about, & generally made to feel completely secluded. The marriage breakdown was entirely my own fault, which I lock stock paid the price for, in my personal life & my work life. I lost my family and some friends, thankfully bridges have been built with family and I have them back in my life, however things only worsened at work - in Oct 2014 I saw my GP, where I told him only about my marriage breakdown, nothing to do with work was mentioned. The marriage separation was enough at the time to be in the god awful place I was in. My GP was fantastic, he signed me off work & said things to me I will never forget - he saved me initially. Work were on the surface understanding, followed correct procedure, I saw Ocupational Heath, and was referred for counselling, the councillor was the second person to save me - she was outstanding, & I remain grateful that my employer granted me 6 sessions with her.
    I started back at work in Jan 2015, which was when this second episode of bullying, seclusion, silent treatment, slander, victimisation etc started. We are 2 years on from my 12 weeks off sick, and things remain the same. I have had several opportunities to meet with management regarding the structure of the team, & how I am treated. One manager said to me "it's a good job it's you and not someone more timid" I was made to feel I couldn't escalate the matter - when I asked how I make a formal complaint the same manager said to me "you don't want to do that"
    My colleagues told me they would speak to me about work and nothing more. I'd sit in the staff room/communal room where no one, not one person would acknowledge me, if I spoke I'd be ignored. And that's exactly how it is today! I was told no one would swap shifts with me, or ever cover a night shift should I need them to. I've spent 5 hours a day sharing a car with another member of staff & they haven't spoken once unless work related.
    All the more recent bullying was due to our shift pattern around the time I went off sick - I was rotered for Christmas 2014, meaning the rest of the team had to cover my shifts. My timing was awful, never would I intentionally go off sick at Christmas time - I was fighting for my life, I didn't recognise my own reflection, my world was in absolute pieces and I was nothing other then sorry that I'd put on my colleagues - however, they were and still are determined that I'll never be treated like a human being should be at work - I've received text messages from members of staff saying "I'm taking the piss" which apparently is tolerated as no disaplinary action was taken.
    Things unfortunately remain the same here and now - I am at breaking point, my hands are tied, I have two children both under the age of ten who need me to go to work - moaning does not pay the bills, so here I am, 2 years on, still suffering. I'm a single parent, I have a friend in my life, but no second wage coming into the household. It's easier for me to suffer in silence. On Monday 19th Dec this year I returned to work after my rotered week off, to find out they went on their works Christmas do the previous Friday, pre arranged with management & I was the only member of staff who didn't get an invite. Due to the nature of the job we do get chocolate gifts from our clients at Christmas time - which are then shared between the team. On the same Monday, (19th) again I was told the chocolates had been decided & mine were in the office, (may I add, my point is actualky nothing to do with the chocplates) when I went to collect them, I had to laugh, out of Quality Street, Roses etc, id been allocated a co-op own brand box of assorted choc's. This in itself shows my worth within the team - to so blatantly leave the least desired item for the least desired member of staff says it all. I said nothing. During that week I allocated my remainding annual leave over the Christmas period, communicated it over to my boss, and broke up for Christmas on the Thursday. Friday morning (my first day of A/L) head of department rang me to say I could have any annual leave that week (baring in mind I'd put 1 day in). As it left us understaffed, which I wouldn't know as they don't talk to me. However, 2 other members of staff who had that week scheduled as A/L had both got 5 full days off each, have no night shifts to work over the Christmas & NY period, & neither have small children. The third member of staff who would have covered my shift, as it's his rotered week off, has been sanctioned 5 weeks unpaid leave & is currently in Barbados. I go on call on Friday 30th December, for 7 nights in total, 3 of which are 24 hour standby full days including NYE, New Years Day and the extra day due NYD falling on a Sunday. And I'm told I can't have one days leave prior to my on call, while I have 2 children off school.
    Today has been absolutely rock bottom for me, the entire team have paraded their Christmas cards in front of me, exchanged gifts and even had a buffet at one of our communal complexes - which again I wasn't invited to! I can't take anymore - my working life is horrible. I'm humiliated, treated differently, and generally made to feel undervalued and unappreciated. It's common knowledge, some of our clients even know. There is no confidentiality, whistle blowing is a waste of time - for an organisation who have an "on paper" shiny bullying policy - I am forever unheard. What on earth do I do? They win again, I have spent the entire morning of my half days leave saucing childcare for next Wednesday as I can't now be off. Not one member of staff has offered me any support around the kids and my on call shifts. Its a waste of time mentioning childcare at work - as I have previously & not a single person cares.... yet we have a policy in place for that also. I rely on friends, family and child care to take my youngest to school at 08.45am, the same time I start work - in the event that one of the three options I have for getting my youngest to school, can't take him on any particular day, I requested an "as and when" flexibility to start work at 09.00am. Was asked to put it in writing, and received a resounding no. In writing. So should my family be on holiday, my friends unavailable &a my childminder sick, I have no alternative solution to get my child to school.
    What should I do - I feel ready to escalate things, mentally throughout the last two years I have improved & finally got over the marriage separation, but I'm worried that if I take such an organisation on, they will without a doubt get me out! And that's a risk for the kids sake & our livelihood - I can't take! Leaving and finding abother is an option, but I don't want to, I love my job and I'm damn good at it as well.
    If anyone has any pointers - I'd be very grateful.
    Posted: Dec 24, 2016 By: Nikki1307 Member since: Dec 23, 2016
  2. fisicx

    fisicx It's Major Clanger! Staff Member

    Posts: 26,127 Likes: 7,727
    Nothing is going to change at work so you have two options: leave or stay.

    I'm sorry to hear your story and it can't be pleasant working there but their actions show their complete contempt for you. I'm sure one of the employment experts will be along to offer some advice on how best to extricate yourself from this horrible position. But if it were me I go find another job and then go get some legal advice on how to get some sort of compensation.
    Posted: Dec 24, 2016 By: fisicx Member since: Sep 12, 2006
  3. Ian J

    Ian J Factoring Specialist Full Member - Verified Business

    Posts: 4,058 Likes: 1,116
    That looks like the most practical option in the circumstances and if you enjoy your job and are good at it there shouldn't be too much difficulty in finding another one would hope
    Posted: Dec 24, 2016 By: Ian J Member since: Nov 6, 2004
  4. Plumb Spares Direct

    Plumb Spares Direct UKBF Contributor Full Member - Verified Business

    Posts: 38 Likes: 4
    Is there a short version?
    Posted: Dec 24, 2016 By: Plumb Spares Direct Member since: Dec 19, 2016
  5. Newchodge

    Newchodge UKBF Big Shot Free Member

    Posts: 6,966 Likes: 1,746
    What you need to do is make a formal complaint and keep at it until management deals with the issue. Unfortunately the time to do that was at least 7.5 years ago.

    There are very few options, but they all start with two things. make your complaint formal - dealing with it informally has achieved nothing. At the same time look for another job. Your formal complain will achieve nothing but may be useful if you decide to risk taking a constructive dismissal claim.
    Posted: Dec 24, 2016 By: Newchodge Member since: Nov 8, 2012
  6. Jeff FV

    Jeff FV UKBF Big Shot Staff Member

    Posts: 3,363 Likes: 1,574
    (my bold) Do you really (love your job)?

    I don't see how you can be treated as you say and still love your job.

    I know staying is "the easy thing to do", and getting justice for the way you have been treated feels like what should happen, but if its as bad as you say, move on.

    You only live once. You spend a lot of time at work, you owe it to yourself to make it the best experience possible.

    I'll say it again - move on. In a couple of years time your only regret will be that you didn't do it sooner. (I speak from experience.)

    You cannot write what you have and still love your job. You are trying to justify to yourself why you should stay (& I fully understand that, and don't blame you for it, I did it for too long) but for your own health, happiness and well being, find a new job.

    Best of luck

    Posted: Dec 24, 2016 By: Jeff FV Member since: Jan 10, 2009
  7. patientlady

    patientlady UKBF Ace Free Member

    Posts: 1,391 Likes: 268
    Hi Nikki
    What a strong person you are! How on earth have you put up with all that in your life these last few years, and why?
    Get yourself another job. It would seem to me that no matter what you did, nothing will change in this company, and whatever you do will only make things worse. Its incredible how hurtful people can be in the workplace and it happens in more companies than would be admitted.
    Good luck for 2018 p/l
    Posted: Dec 24, 2016 By: patientlady Member since: Aug 25, 2009
  8. Chris Ashdown

    Chris Ashdown UKBF Legend Free Member

    Posts: 7,765 Likes: 1,605
    First write down as much of the facts as possible, keep it just to facts as you see it,
    Things like not willing to change or swop shifts would I imagine have to be both ways like you do their shift and they do yours, if you do them and they don't return the favour the simple thing is to stop helping them.

    Try to keep emotion out of it but mention what you consider unfairness

    If you have a HR department write to them a letter pointing out your previous complaints and latest complaints given to who and approximate dates and ask HR to get it stopped . demand a written reply to your letter

    Talking is normally a waste of time as many managers will just sit on the problem, where as written complaints need action taken and if a written reply is not given then write to the next highest person requesting them to investigate as you are not happy your complaint has been fully actioned by the line manager

    What you are getting as proof to be able to claim constructive dismissal
    Posted: Dec 24, 2016 By: Chris Ashdown Member since: Dec 7, 2003
  9. Haunted Worlds

    Haunted Worlds UKBF Big Shot Free Member

    Posts: 4,071 Likes: 1,130
    I'll be blunt...

    Carry on "taking the piss" - No seriously, get back to the Doctors let them give you another sick note - go for the maximum... sod the inbreds that you've been working for and with.

    While enjoying the break - look for another job... no job is worth that much hassle... if you're good at what you do - and you enjoy the work you're doing then you'll find another job in a better place.

    My wife was on sick for 5 months - we managed - it wasn't great but hell there's no need to go through life wondering whether people like you or respect you or not... that's their choice, leave them be and get on with your life... you've got to move on.
    Posted: Jan 10, 2017 By: Haunted Worlds Member since: Nov 22, 2011
  10. Scott-Copywriter

    Scott-Copywriter UKBF Legend Full Member - Verified Business

    Posts: 9,026 Likes: 2,420



    I can tell you now that there's absolutely no way on earth the situation is going to improve. It doesn't matter how much you try to escalate the matter. What can the organisation do? Force your colleagues to like you?

    You may feel too proud to quit, but at some point you'll end up being stubborn at your own expense. When you stay and tolerate it, you're only damaging yourself through stress and worry which may turn into serious health problems later on.

    If you like your job, find another job in a similar role. You owe it to yourself.
    Posted: Jan 10, 2017 By: Scott-Copywriter Member since: May 10, 2006
  11. STDFR33

    STDFR33 UKBF Ace Free Member

    Posts: 2,119 Likes: 506
    You’ve already had to see your GP partly down to the issues at work. At what point of sacrificing your health do you intend to say enough is enough?

    You not only have your own wellbeing to look after, but that of your children. You owe it to yourself and your children to find another job.
    Posted: Jan 11, 2017 By: STDFR33 Member since: Aug 7, 2016