Phrases We Hate

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Steve2507

  • #1
    Just had to ring our telephone provider over a c*** up with the bill.

    Thing is they can't look at the bill because "the computer has made a mistake and their computer hasn't been updated".

    Thought I would start a thread with phrases we hate and why:

    "Theres a problem with the computer (or one of its many alternatives)" - Computers are thick, they are just lumps of metal and plastic, they cannot make a mistake. It is the thick twat using the computer or who programmed the computer that has made the mistake.

    "The cheques in the post" - If it's in the post give me a tracking number, or at least be honest and tell me you forgot or you don't want to pay.

    What are your hated phrases?
     
    O

    Officebird

  • #2
    A few years ago I was a PA for a guy who always moaned at the things younger members of his team would say to him in meetings in order to impress him. Things like 'think outside the box' etc etc. I made him a meeting bingo card with all of his most hated phrases and put it in his folder when he went off for a meeting. About 45mins later, rather than the usual couple of hours, he was back. He crossed them off one by one shouted Bingo and walked out!

    Maybe you should make one for dealing with call centres. you could sell it as a download and the country could have fun whilst they are dealing with these annoying little people:)
     
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    An Oasis

    An Oasis

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  • #3
    Morons who ring us and start with the phrase

    "We haven't got a budget..." - that one really winds me up, if we were a charity we'd say so.

    Or

    "...oh we've changed our mind again, we now want..." - once is fine, more than that starts to irk and can cause problems.

    Or

    "...how much is delivery? ******* ****, how much? Where are you based?" - there is a link to our contact details at the bottom of every page.

    However, the biggy is call centres with people who speak in strange tongues, what is that about apart from saying that you company can't afford or does not want to pay professionals?
     
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    D

    Dawg

  • #12
    goldctrsteve said:
    I don't know why, and there's no good reason for it, but I dislike the term 'bespoke'. For me, it's unnecessarily pretentious and conjures up false sophistication. What's wrong with a straightforward term like 'customised' instead?
    Click to expand...

    Is this not a difference between American English and British English? In British English I'd think that "customized" meant altered to fit from an existing article, and "bespoke" meant made to fit from scratch. I would say that "custom made" is a synonym for "bespoke", and customized is not, as it is in America.

    Back on thread: any sentence or phrase containing the words "health and safety", "we value your custom", "now this is true" and a veritable grumpzillion more.
     
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    D

    Delboy

  • #14
    i hate

    To be honest : normally means this is a compleate lie

    By the End of play : so this is a game?

    the one that really annoyed me was,

    We dont doubt you but...... but that means you are doubting me!

    or of course when working at a retail enviroment,

    Can i talk to someone more experianced... why not just give me a slap and tell me i am useless?
     
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    vvaannmmaann

    vvaannmmaann

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  • #16
    At this moment in time,at the end of the day,going forward,human resources,do you want fries with that ?,and my all time best..... "The under and over growth in the financial management and administration sectors".(The last one was from a very well know MD)
     
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    D

    DotNetWebs

  • #18
    Dawg said:
    ...I'd think that "customized" meant altered to fit from an existing article, and "bespoke" meant made to fit from scratch. I would say that "custom made" is a synonym for "bespoke", and customized is not, as it is in America...
    Click to expand...

    I agree customised and bespoke means two different things. I don't think "bespoke" is pretentious, Here is the Oxford English dictionary definition.

    http://www.askoxford.com/concise_oed/bespoke?view=uk

    I cant think of another word that means the same thing

    Regards

    Dotty
     
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    DotNetWebs

  • #21
    And...

    Product descriptions that are anything but what they say they are:

    "Tastefully decorated throughout" [estate agent marketing speak for psychedelic purple with lime green polka dots]

    "Flat packed for EASY home assembly" [usually includes very poor English instruction manual with meaningless diagrams and missing parts]

    Regards

    Dotty
     
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    Cornish Steve

    Cornish Steve

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  • #23
    Dawg said:
    Is this not a difference between American English and British English? In British English I'd think that "customized" meant altered to fit from an existing article, and "bespoke" meant made to fit from scratch. I would say that "custom made" is a synonym for "bespoke", and customized is not, as it is in America.
    Click to expand...
    The truth is, I should have said "custom made" because that's what I meant.

    Another phrase is "to be honest". Does that mean everything else the person said was a bunch of porkies?

    Also, when I call my boys to dinner for the umpteenth time (for example, "get in here right now"), their answer is "I know", which really means "No".
     
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    Cornish Steve

    Cornish Steve

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  • #24
    atlascs said:
    I hate the Americanism that has hit the UK over the last year. When people order something over the phone or in the shop and they say "can I get a XYZ product". What happened to please may I have? Grr.
    Click to expand...
    That's not an Americanism. Someone told me years ago it's an Anglo-Saxon construction. "I have" sounds more correct, but "I've got" is more Anglo-Saxon. Mind you, I don't have a clue what they meant. ;)
     
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    Dawg

  • #26
    'Can I have' is a British prevarication: the mention of a commercial transaction is slightly seen as slightly rude and therefore avoided. Can I just have it.. ' Can I get' assumes that a transaction will occur, Can I get it for £xy.., and is more accurate, if a little indelicate to British, and especially English ears.

    Innit?
     
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    E

    Estimator

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  • #29
    Misuse of the word 'passion' is happening a lot in business.
    Used in every presentation, I cringe, as it's mostly used by people who are not.
    You can have passion for your religion, the person you love, or your football team, in short it's something that is more important to you than life itself........but a salesman telling me he is passionate about the new range of retracting pencils or this year's training shoe, for example...........:|!
     
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    S

    SK Virtual Assistant

  • #30
    What has me cringing is when I answer the phone and the caller confirms who I am then asks, "And how are you today?" It never ever sounds convincing and I really, really, really don't want to tell them how I am today anyway.

    The only plus being that I then know the caller is about to sell me something - forewarned is forearmed and all that.
     
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    S

    Steve2507

  • #31
    SK Virtual Assistant said:
    What has me cringing is when I answer the phone and the caller confirms who I am then asks, "And how are you today?" It never ever sounds convincing and I really, really, really don't want to tell them how I am today anyway.

    The only plus being that I then know the caller is about to sell me something - forewarned is forearmed and all that.
    Click to expand...
    What you should do is start telling them about every ache and pain you've got, then start going on about how your kids are worrying you, how you are not as bad as your parents (which nicely goes into their aches and pains). After all they did ask how you were, so they must want to know. Normally by the time you've started on your parents they've hung up.
     
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    Cybamart

  • #33
    I loathe, loathe, LOATHE being called "Love". I absolutely hate it when people say it to me, someone did today when I was on the phone to the bank actually! It irks me so much, not because it is a pet name as there are some like Honey I really like, I just hate that particular one.

    "Turned around" as in "...and he turned around and said...." is another pet hate along with "it's not rocket science" which a telesales kitchen rep tried to use on me recently (!).

    "Two choices" is one that my Mum disliked as you only have ONE choice (either..., or...).

    Another one I had this morning on the same call to the bank in the form of a recorded message when on hold -

    (Slow, very pronounced words) "All of our customer representatives are busy right now. They are busy taking calls from other cust-o-mers. Your call is subsequently held in a queue"

    I was alone but kept myself amused by continuing out loud what I would have thought was the rest of the condescending sentence

    "A "queue" is a number of people waiting to be served, it begins with the letter that is pronounced the same as the word - "Q". People in this case are the customers to which we are referring and are members of our bank, an institution that lends money if you have enough of it in the first place..."

    They answered the phone at this point..... :D
     
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    Cornish Steve

    Cornish Steve

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  • #35
    When I visit Britain, or watch British news in the US, I cringe when I hear all the time "Thank you very much indeed" for the most trivial thing, like a roving reporter finishing his segment.

    1) At the first level, it would be fine to say, "And next..."
    2) A little more polite is, "Thanks for that. And next..."
    3) If the segment was the best that week, then "Thank you very much."
    4) If the performance was worth an Oscar and the reporter promised to buy you a new car, then "Thank you very much indeed."

    Please, please, don't use the phrase every few minutes! It's so OTT.
     
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    stugster

    stugster

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  • #39
    goldctrsteve said:
    When I visit Britain, or watch British news in the US, I cringe when I hear all the time "Thank you very much indeed" for the most trivial thing, like a roving reporter finishing his segment.

    1) At the first level, it would be fine to say, "And next..."
    2) A little more polite is, "Thanks for that. And next..."
    3) If the segment was the best that week, then "Thank you very much."
    4) If the performance was worth an Oscar and the reporter promised to buy you a new car, then "Thank you very much indeed."

    Please, please, don't use the phrase every few minutes! It's so OTT.
    Click to expand...

    Steve, I commend you ever so much for that post! From the bottom of my heart and on behalf of every UKBFer, we thank you! Thanks Thanks Thanks!!! :D
     
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    Dawg

  • #40
    goldctrsteve said:
    When I visit Britain, or watch British news in the US, I cringe when I hear all the time "Thank you very much indeed" for the most trivial thing, like a roving reporter finishing his segment.

    1) At the first level, it would be fine to say, "And next..."
    2) A little more polite is, "Thanks for that. And next..."
    3) If the segment was the best that week, then "Thank you very much."
    4) If the performance was worth an Oscar and the reporter promised to buy you a new car, then "Thank you very much indeed."

    Please, please, don't use the phrase every few minutes! It's so OTT.
    Click to expand...

    "Please, please" don't use thank you. It's a phatic Steve, an instrument of speech to make life easier without actually imparting meaning. You have them in the States, you know: "Freeze", "Make my day", and something to do with maternity and procreation, used as a universal greeting by some groups there.

    ..Thank God we are in Britain ,huh?
     
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