mustang
22nd February 2006, 13:09
Finding a Home Business thats right for you (http://www.marketinginfo.co.uk/newsletters/small-business-marketing-22feb2006.html)- 22 February 2006
wellnessdirect
22nd February 2006, 13:48
Hello Mustang,
I am a network marketer, always looking for new ways to present the same information.
Is this your publication? If it is, I have to commend you on the layout and format of the newsletter. However, I wonder, who does the proofreading? I am not a professional proofreader, but I feel that the delivery of the material crashes because the content is poorly proofread.
Before one takes the leap off the couch, become passionate about the products and services being offered, and further endorse them with personal experience. That is the best way to build a solid foundation for new network marketing relationships.
I might add that the company one represents should be transparent with their intentions, adequately staffed and inventoried to support the flood of orders, well recognized in their field, and financially sound.
If the author realizes that details matter, it's never too late, Mustang!
Donna
SteveGibson
24th February 2006, 12:59
I found it really hard to read.
This is going to sound strange, but you've got too many unnecessary words and too many sentences where the words are in a "clunky" order.
For example:
"This most commonly is caused by a failure to establish a solid foundation with which to build upon in your efforts."
would be far easier to follow when written as:
"This is most commonly caused by the failure to establish a solid foundation to build your efforts on."
(i.e. knocking out a few unnecessary words and moving the others around)
And thre are a lot of other sentences that would benefit from the same treatment.
Hope this helps.
Steve