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desk2web
20th February 2006, 00:26
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MorethanWords
20th February 2006, 13:35
Hiya,

I would say this is more of an advert than a press release. When you write a press release, you need to capture the USP, make it newsworthy and worthy of printing in a paper. No journalist would read this and think 'wow, I want all my readers to know about this'.

You should tell of the benefits, use quotes from happy customers, and make it exciting!!!

Drop me a PM if you need any more advice.

Lu x

SteveGibson
21st February 2006, 16:04
There's no "news" in this and there's no story.

As Lu said, it reads like ad advert (and not a very good one, IMO).

Back to the drawing board, I'm afraid.

Steve

WakingDragon
23rd February 2006, 18:32
The clue is in the title: PRESS release ;)

Have you ever seen a decent publication print something like this without being paid? Start thinking like an editor and you might get closer.

If it doesn't work you can always use a PR company/advisor to help you.