My initial PR - comments welcome

[desk2web]

OFFSITE DATA BACKUP are the BUZZ WORDS for SMALL BUSINESSES IN 2006!

You have read & heard the stories and know what can happen to your business if left unprotected against this all too common disaster.

NegMag is looking at it and currently evaluating our automated offsite backup software for 2006.

80211NEWS.com (wifi news) has even commented about our secure backup software.

Shouldn't you be looking at it too ... free 14 day trial offer. You won't like it, you'll love it!

Get your business computers protected at www.desk2web.net today.

[MorethanWords]

Hiya,

I would say this is more of an advert than a press release. When you write a press release, you need to capture the USP, make it newsworthy and worthy of printing in a paper. No journalist would read this and think 'wow, I want all my readers to know about this'.

You should tell of the benefits, use quotes from happy customers, and make it exciting!!!

Drop me a PM if you need any more advice.

Lu x

[SteveGibson]

There's no "news" in this and there's no story.

As Lu said, it reads like ad advert (and not a very good one, IMO).

Back to the drawing board, I'm afraid.

Steve

[WakingDragon]

The clue is in the title: PRESS release ;)

Have you ever seen a decent publication print something like this without being paid? Start thinking like an editor and you might get closer.

If it doesn't work you can always use a PR company/advisor to help you.