Good Press Release?

[Fivez]

Hi there

I am trying to write a press release for new football leagues we are starting in Glasgow. Our leagues help to improve the health of young adults and indeed cut anti-social behaviour. Sadly as we are a commerical firm no councils really understand the social benefits that the company brings.

I would be very gratefull if anyone had any comments on the press release below? I am not too great with this sort of thing.

As the labour party recently launched the 'Give respect Get respect' campaign last week, Fivez, who specialise in organising community football leagues across Scotland have received excellent reviews from Councils across Scotland for tackling many social issues head on.

Fivez was set up by young entrepreneur Stuart Mitchell last year and the leagues have cut anti-social behaviour as well as improving health of young adults in the areas where they run. Fivez hard efforts have resulted in them teaming up with Glasgow City Council to bring two new 5-a-side leagues to Glasgow early this year. It is hoped that the leagues will help to encourage more local people into weekly exercise, something which is massively important given Glasgow’s alarmingly high rates of heart disease. Teams taking part in the leagues, which will be based at Tollcross Park Leisure Centre and Castlemilk Sports Centre will compete for cash prizes and trophies.

Figures revealed in October showed that the areas of Baillieston and Shettleston, both close to Tollcross Park Leisure Centre, had the highest rates of Coronary Heart Disease in Scotland with people living in these deprived areas being twice as likely to suffer from CHD.

Fivez operate leagues all over Scotland and each weekly match cots only £18. Teams entering will have the chance to win a huge array of awards including: trophies or cash for winners, individual trophies for runners-up, top goalscorer awards, player of the season awards and a fair play award. Teams will also have the opportunity of playing against other teams from leagues across Scotland in Fivez’ national cup.

Fivez Director Stuart Mitchell said, ”We have been delighted with the success of the leagues to date. It is amazing to think that a simple idea of running community football leagues could have so many social benefits. Not only do the leagues help to take anti-social behaviour but they improve the health and well-being of everyone who takes part. I am looking forward to working with Glasgow City Council to provide communities with exciting, well organised weekly leagues at a cost which makes them accessible to all. Our small-sided leagues in Central & West Scotland are extremely popular and we have no doubt that the new leagues in Glasgow will become just as popular. Given that the leagues kick off in early in the New Year it is ideal opportunity for people to shed those extra pounds we all put on over Christmas!”

All matches are officiated by qualified referees while Fivez staff will attend the league each week to ensure the smooth running of fixtures and to deal with any queries or problems. There is no need for matching kit as Fivez provide bibs for those teams without kits. Anyone over the age of 16 can enter and you do not need to be an organised or established team, you may simply be a group of friends, work colleagues or mates from the pub. The league will be fully affiliated to the SAFA.

Fivez plans to open an indoor football arena early next year and is already looking for funding in order to make this dream a reality. Although Fivez is a commercial firm they hope that councils and private sponsors will invest in the leagues so that they can be open to more individuals. Fivez Director Stuart Mitchell added ‘It is a plan of ours to get backing from all councils in Scotland. These leagues are working and we hope to operate some sort of league in every town and city across Scotland. In order to do this we need some sponsorship backing as well as support from local councils.
Fivez has been supported by the PSYBT and recently won an Innovation Award from the University of Stirling.

If any teams are interested in joining a Fivez league then teams are advised to register online at www.fivez.net

[directmarketingadvice]

If I was you, I'd take a differnt slant.

I'd get in touch with the Rangers & Celtic press offices and ask for them to give their support to your venture as part of the social regeneration/health drive of the area.

Then I'd have a press event together with, say, Strachan and McCleish (or a player from each side) and talk about the benefit of people having a place to play football and get regula exercise.

And the players can be photgraphed/filmed kicking a ball around on the pitch etc.

If you can't get the clubs involved, I'd go to the local MP, MSP. councillor, provost (or a TV presenter such as Archie McPherson), whichever high profile local figure you can get and do it with them instead.

You'd obviously need a press release before the event, but I'd start by getting high profile support first so you can use a famous name to open doors for you and get it read.

I hope this helps.

Steve

[Cornish Steve]

Well, you asked for constructive criticism.... :)

1) It's way too long.

2) It lacks focus.

3) The writing style could be improved.

A press release should focus on one principal message. That message should be so clear that it hits you in the face. All sentences, in one way or another, should explain or build on that main message. In your current release, you could cut out over half of the text.

You need to build credibility. Usually, companies like to include quotes from third parties: customers, analysts, etc. Generally what happens is that the PR author puts words in the other person's mouth and then asks that person for permission to use them.

Most press releases include a final paragraph that provides a summary of the company. While I find most of these very boring, they don't have to be. It helps to explain the context of the release.

By the way, I found your text much more akin to a news article than a press release. Maybe this is the route you want to take: Find one or two publications that are willing to add your piece to a future issue.

I recommend you contact some of the writers at this forum; I'm sure they'd be willing to help.

[Fivez]

Thanks for your advise so far.

I am very badly dyslexic so writing is not my best quality. I will take your comments on board and let you know the outcome.

If anyone experienced in writing PR releases would mind getting in touch then that would be appreciated.

Cheers Everyone

[Fivez]

FAO Steve

We are hoping to start some leagues in the Edinburgh area in the next few months. Hopefully we can identify some astroturf parks that could be used.

[Jayne]

Linda la Plant is a bad dyslexic too, she is an excellent writer, don't let a little thing like dyslexia stop you from being a great writer :D

Jayne

[publicityheaven]

Hi Stuart

If that's your first time writing a press release, give yourself a big slap on the back! I've seen a lot worse from people who've been writing them for years

I think the big thing it's missing is a really good hook to draw journalists in to the story. Can you summarise the story in one line that will get journos excited about something you're doing?

For example, could you say you're going to write to Tony Blair to show him how Scotland is already leading the way. Or you could make a public challenge to other companies to do stuff like this, and not just because they're worried about CSR (corporate social responsibility) for shareholders. Or maybe, if you have specific solid stats about how you've helped cut anti-social behaviour, lead on that.

One other thing, when you've picked a good hook, make sure the rest of the press release backs that hook. For example, if you're leading on Blair, don't worry too much about the health benefits of your programme. Publicity is just like marketing; pick the strongest single message and focus on that.

Finally, don't forget all your contact details, then get that emailed out to as many media outlets as possible! The best way to learn what stories they're looking for is to regularly write press releases and send them out

Good luck!

[Fivez]

Fivez challenges councils and large firms to back its efforts to improve health in Scotland.

Fivez Director Stuart Mitchell has today urged local councils to take a stance and take immediate action to tackle obesity among young adults in Scotland. He described the current situation as a ‘ticking time bomb’ and said that those in disadvantaged areas were being ignored.

Fivez, who run community 5-a-side football leagues in disadvantaged areas all over Scotland was set up by young entrepreneur Stuart Mitchell last year. The leagues have proved to be a vital tool in improving the health of young adults in the areas where they run. Fivez hard efforts have resulted in them teaming up with Glasgow City Council to bring two new 5-a-side leagues to Glasgow early this year however not all councils have been supportive towards the scheme. The leagues will help to encourage more local people into weekly exercise, something which is massively important given Glasgow’s alarmingly high rates of youth obesity and heart disease rates in older generations.

Figures revealed in October showed that the areas of Baillieston and Shettleston, both close to Tollcross Park Leisure Centre, where one of the new leagues is being launched, had the highest rates of Coronary Heart Disease in Scotland with people living in these deprived areas being twice as likely to suffer from CHD.

Fivez Director Stuart Mitchell said, ”We have been delighted with the success of the leagues to date but more has to be done in other areas where these leagues do not run. It is shocking to think that a simple idea of running community football leagues could have so many social benefits. Not only do the leagues help to takle anti-social behaviour but most importantly they improve the health and well-being of everyone who takes part. I am delighted Glasgow City Council have given us the support to make the leagues at Tollcross and Castlemilk a great success.

Fivez provides communities with exciting, well organised weekly leagues at a cost which makes them accessible to all. Mr Mitchell added ‘Our small-sided leagues in Central & West Scotland are extremely popular and we have no doubt that the new leagues in Glasgow will become just as popular. Given that the leagues kick off in early in the New Year it is ideal opportunity for people to shed those extra pounds we all put on over Christmas!’

Fivez plans to open an indoor football arena early next year and is already looking for funding in order to make this dream a reality. Although Fivez is a commercial firm they hope that councils and private sponsors will invest in the ‘Fivez Arena’ so that they can be open to more individuals. Fivez Director Stuart Mitchell added ‘In the first instance we hope to get backing from all councils as at the moment we are paying high rates to hire council facilities in disadvantaged areas. On the other hand we charge teams a low price to be part of the leagues. In order to make the Fivez Arena a reality we need financial backing. I would hope that the football facility could be used by school and community groups during the day and leagues could be run in the evening. Our long term goal is to operate a league in every town and city across Scotland in the near future. It is vital that in order to do this we need some sponsorship backing as well as maximum support from local councils.’

Fivez has been supported by the PSYBT and recently won an Innovation Award from the University of Stirling.

If any teams are interested in joining a Fivez league then teams are advised to register online at www.fivez.net

[publicityheaven]

Much better focus, it's easier to instantly understand the story

Just be wary of criticising councils if they are your future customers!!!!

[Cornish Steve]

Much better focus, it's easier to instantly understand the story

Just be wary of criticising councils if they are your future customers!!!!
Here, here! Never criticise someone in a press release. It will come back to bite you.

[Pebble Communications]

Much better.

Do you know how to format a press release? There are quite a few rules on layout that you need to follow to be taken seriously (I know that sounds silly but that is the way it is) and following the standard format also helps journalists to quickly judge whether or not they are interested.

Let me know if you want some guidelines PM'd over.

Fiona Bailey
Pebble Communications