what sales text is better out of these two?

[Entrepreneur]

Hi All

Trying to set up a marketing email and I need some advice. The email is going to be selling some image enhancement services. So far there are two options that we are looking into using they are

Dear Sir/Madam

I am contacting you as we offer professional and affordable image enhancement services that could be of great benefit to your business.

Images are an essential part of any website and having the right quality product images can be the difference between your customer clicking through to the checkout or seeking better view of the product on a rivals site.


Dear Sir/Madam
We are contacting you as we believe our service could be of great benefit to your business in helping you bring in more sales.

Our website is ********** and we offer a proffessional and affordable image enhancement service with a quick turnaround.

This is obviously just the start of the email but as there is a disagreement as to what is the better option I wanted to get a broader professional opinion.

Both go onto mention the services we provide and the first one mentiones at the end of the message to visit the site for more info.

If any one has any suggestions to the subject of the email that would also be helpful as I am aware the subject is probably the most important part. If people don't like the subject they wont read the email.

Thanks

James

[MH1]

Neither grab me I'm afraid.

[directmarketingadvice]

Both have pretty big flaws:

Dear Sir/Madam

I am contacting you as we offer professional and affordable image enhancement services that could be of great benefit to your business.

Images are an essential part of any website and having the right quality product images can be the difference between your customer clicking through to the checkout or seeking better view of the product on a rivals site.

I suspect that, if you need to explain what images do on the site, the prospect doesn't know what "image enhancement services" are.

So, you shouldn't be using that jargon at the start of your letter.

Dear Sir/Madam

We are contacting you as we believe our service could be of great benefit to your business in helping you bring in more sales.

Our website is ********** and we offer a proffessional and affordable image enhancement service with a quick turnaround.

This is probably the lesser of two evils.

However, if you say "we believe our service could be of great benefit to your business in helping you bring in more sales" and, at the same time, "Dear Sir/Madam" and, at the same time, make no specific reference to their business, it seems a bit phoney.

Also, why are you telling them what your website is before you mention what you do?

I think you need to think again and, in particular, try to step into the shoes of your prospects.

Steve

[telemax]

Yep, I don't understand what Image enhancement is either. I think you need to make it simpler, also what will you put in your subject line? If that isn't right no one will even open the email.

I think you'd be better off researching who you send the email to ie by looking at their site, ring them up and speak to someone, so you at least have a contact name you can put in the subject line

eg conversation With Julie.

I find this hugely increase the chance of a response. Then at the beginning of the text you could say.

"I called earlier and spoke to Julie who recommended that I contact you by email"

I notice that your site uses XYZ, our system might be able to benefit you, Here's how" and so on

It's that little bit of personalisation that makes an email much more effective

Jonathan

[Entrepreneur]

Hi Steve

Thanks for the descriptive response.

This is going to be an email targeted to specific companies who use poor images on their website. At this stage we have only just started to look at the email contents so appreciate any criticism.

All of the sites we contact will be using images to sell products, a lot of these companies could do with improving their images making the sites overall appearance better as well as improving the actual product image.

If you look at Amazon most of if not all the products are shown with a white background.

This one is not

http://www.amazon.co.uk/gp/product/B002ULFQ8I/ref=s9_simi_gw_s6_p200_i3?pf_rd_m=A3P5ROKL5A1OLE&pf_rd_s=center-2&pf_rd_r=1D0QBDQ4J5HRTK644RVD&pf_rd_t=101&pf_rd_p=467128533&pf_rd_i=468294

This one is

http://www.amazon.co.uk/Get-Grip-before-Traction-Shoes/dp/B002LWBLDU/ref=pd_sim_sg_1

This is one of the services that we will be offering.

I think I'm going to find it tricky explaining what Image Enhancement is then. I would have thought every one knew what those words as individual words meant, we do go onto explain after the examples posted here what some of the services we offer are.

I dont really see any other ways of explaining in a few words what it is we do. I would have thought if we open up with a list of our services the email is going to be long with a lot of the services on offer not being important to everyone we contact.

I guess then we would need an email tailourd more to each company we contact which has been suggested. I like Jonathan's advice about calling first then sending an email. Although this wont always be possible if we are contacting people in other countries. The profits on what we offer is very small so adding over seas phone costs into the mix wont be possible.

I will have a play around with what we have and post another attempt.

Thanks again

James

[directmarketingadvice]

If you look at Amazon most of if not all the products are shown with a white background.

This one is not

http://www.amazon.co.uk/gp/product/B002ULFQ8I/ref=s9_simi_gw_s6_p200_i3?pf_rd_m=A3P5ROKL5A1OLE&pf_rd_s=center-2&pf_rd_r=1D0QBDQ4J5HRTK644RVD&pf_rd_t=101&pf_rd_p=467128533&pf_rd_i=468294

This one is

http://www.amazon.co.uk/Get-Grip-before-Traction-Shoes/dp/B002LWBLDU/ref=pd_sim_sg_1

This is one of the services that we will be offering.

What would you do in a situation like that?

e.g. which of those products would need your help and what would you do for them?

Steve

[SusanP]

Avoid wordy cliches such as "I am contacting you because ..." and "could be of great benefit". They take time to read and add nothing to the message. Moreover, "could be" is very vague and promises nothing.

Begin your email with the main point that offers something of benefit to the receiver eg Better images mean more sales - fact! (if it is a fact, that is, and if you have data to prove it).

[deniser]

It would be interesting to know what you would do in the case of those 2 photos other than retaking the pictures?

[Entrepreneur]

My post only says one of the images needs to be improved and that is this one

http://www.amazon.co.uk/gp/product/B...pf_rd_i=468294 (http://www.amazon.co.uk/gp/product/B002ULFQ8I/ref=s9_simi_gw_s6_p200_i3?pf_rd_m=A3P5ROKL5A1OLE&pf_rd_s=center-2&pf_rd_r=1D0QBDQ4J5HRTK644RVD&pf_rd_t=101&pf_rd_p=467128533&pf_rd_i=468294)

Its not really a good example but what I would do is clip the image so that the background is taken away, all that would be left is the left shoe wearing the product. It a poor example as the right shoe is slightly cut off on the right hand side, clipping around this one would not work at the trouser leg is covering part of the product. Leaving only the left shoe may make the image unbalanced and strange looking I would need to see what it looks like first.

In all honesty I would either recommend the picture be taken again or simply use one of the other images of the same product as the main item. I have chosen a bad example there. I dont really want to post sites on here that belong to other people and criticise the images and the way they look. I am just asking for some advice on the emails that I will be sending out not the services that I want to offer.

Thanks

James

[patientlady]

Will your emails be random or will you have researched each site ?
If random with this style you will have to hit thousands for any response!
If researched then you will have a name! Could you send a before and after photo as a sample. The subject line must say something so that the email will be opened. it must be eyecatching but not look like spam! Hard that one I reckon...

'We have a solution...
'We have the answer...
'Great website photo's guarantee more sales...

[david9108]

Well I (like most people here I'm sure) get literally loads of marketing emails a week so I would take some time to make the email seem personal to the business you are writing to. I would also aim to make it as short as possible, generally the decision makers time is very tight and as a result I would only look at a marketing email for a minute or two (if at all) before I would make a decision to read on or ignore.

[directmarketingadvice]

My post only says one of the images needs to be improved and that is this one

http://www.amazon.co.uk/gp/product/B...pf_rd_i=468294 (http://www.amazon.co.uk/gp/product/B002ULFQ8I/ref=s9_simi_gw_s6_p200_i3?pf_rd_m=A3P5ROKL5A1OLE&pf_rd_s=center-2&pf_rd_r=1D0QBDQ4J5HRTK644RVD&pf_rd_t=101&pf_rd_p=467128533&pf_rd_i=468294)

One can never know without testing, but if I had to bet on which of those photos produced the higher conversion rate, I'd bet on that one.

Steve

[MH1]

As he said /\.

Surely an email with a before and after image example will put your point across?

A picture says a thousand words after all, or so they say.

[deniser]

I only ask because I run a busy online store which contains thousands of images so was putting myself in the shoes of a potential customer and trying to understand what you could offer me. Only when I understand what you can offer can I begin to address your mailshot.

It seems as though you may possibly be offering a consultancy service whereby you look through the images on a website and recommend which be enhanced or re-shot?

Apart from cutting the images out, I don't see what you can otherwise do to them bearing in mind that manufacturers quite often only give retailers the low res images.

But if one were going to the expense of having images cut out, one may as well rephotograph the products.

[david poole]

This should help you.
IMO you need professional help... I dont mean a doctor lol


check out this course - its right up your street. www.web-writers.com (http://www.web-writers.com)

my initial thoughts are ....

a) what is your objective - and focus on one

b) write how they will benefit from your feature

c) include a testimonial

d) tell them how to reply

e) give them an offer to reply now

f) Use their first name

g) make it as personal as you can

h) try and make it look as if it is the only letter/email that has been written

i) keep your lines short (12 words max)

j) Keep your block of text shallow - max 4 lines per paragraph

k) Use a title at the top, and a PS at the bottom - many people read just this - both ideally should be benefits. The PS must certainly be a reason to reply.

l) Re-read your work and slim down your sentences, take out words we dont need.

m) remember they dont want to read your letter/email, they'll only read if they see something that is of value to them

n) If you are to follow up with a phone call - tell them


check out this course - its right up your street. www.web-writers.com (http://www.web-writers.com/)


I wish you all the best
regards
David

[cmcp]

watch your spelling too.

[lucy*tenable]

watch your spelling too.

.....and grammar.

Make it short and to the point, give them a reason to reply. Make them aware that you have researched their website etc and make it personal. Be careful how you describe your company, make sure they understand what you do and don't use jargon that Joe Public won't understand. Make sure you clearly define your USP.

[kevfoley1973]

obviously your new to this...

Always use the persons name when sending an email campaign, and decent company will have this included, it increases open rates by %400

and dont send an email campaign out like a letter, think of email campaigns companies send out to you, theyre like adverts and very picture and graphic orientated, cause if its just plain text then it will look like spam

Also, make sure the list your using has been opted in otherwise your breaking the law, which btw, your also doing by not including a link to let them unsubscribe from your mailing list... otherwise i guarnatee you you'll always get at least one upity a**e hole who'll start quoting legal jargon and threaten to report you... because they have nothing more interesting to fill their day :)


cheers, kev :)

[admagic]

Hi All

Trying to set up a marketing email and I need some advice. The email is going to be selling some image enhancement services. So far there are two options that we are looking into using they are

Dear Sir/Madam

I am contacting you as we offer professional and affordable image enhancement services that could be of great benefit to your business.

Images are an essential part of any website and having the right quality product images can be the difference between your customer clicking through to the checkout or seeking better view of the product on a rivals site.


Dear Sir/Madam
We are contacting you as we believe our service could be of great benefit to your business in helping you bring in more sales.

Our website is ********** and we offer a proffessional and affordable image enhancement service with a quick turnaround.

This is obviously just the start of the email but as there is a disagreement as to what is the better option I wanted to get a broader professional opinion.

Both go onto mention the services we provide and the first one mentiones at the end of the message to visit the site for more info.

If any one has any suggestions to the subject of the email that would also be helpful as I am aware the subject is probably the most important part. If people don't like the subject they wont read the email.

Thanks

James


Neither.
Talk to them not at them!!
Tell a story to get them reading...
Make a promise.
Establish empathy by proving you understand what they are thinking.

First ofall decide who your audience is ..
Now i have no real idea what you sell so...

1/somebody who knows image enhancement, and wants to select a vendor...

or

2/Someone who has no idea that it will make a big difference...

You need a promise, specifiic benefits - an offer, and a reason to respond...so

If the second, run a split test on a high traffic site that shows the differnce in click thru, and base your copy on that.


eg clip the pictures before and after to the top of the letter..



I promise this will surprise you!! - it did me...

Dear Sir

What is the difference is between the pictures I clipped to the top
of this letter?

The answer was ... £432/day which is a massive 4.3% more sales.

It is true! - we ran a scientific test to compare what customers
did on our clients website, and that was the result of just that one picture!

Now just think.
Thats only one picture...how many do you use on your website?

Now we can't promise results - only your customer can decide them.

But with an introductory deal , of the first 10 pictures converted for..£££
and if you arent delighted we are happy to refund you..

What have you got to lose by calling us..

Better still

Sign up on our website, load up a picture and your email address,
and we will send an enhanced one back same day if we can!!!

We can only process 10 free pictures a day, so the longer you leave it..

so go to the website here....

We Turn your pictures into more £££
etc
etc


Hence you build a list of prospective customers. asking a couple of qualifying questions when they send a picture...