What is the most evil thing you have done?

[SillyJokes]

Today I was being sent rather rude and extremely poorly spelt email messages via the website. It was obviously a child at lunch time computer club at school showing off.

Unfortunately for little Johnny the email address revealed his school which I idly Googled up and found the headteacher's name.

Then I sent a single email back to him saying, "Report to Mr Somes' office immediately,"

:twisted: :twisted: Bwah hahahahahha. I hope the little squirt has at least a few moments of terrified confusion.

I'm sure some of you can do better. Agri? Goldsteve?

[MarkPearson]

I like it!

I bet he sh1t himself.

Did the emails stop?

[freecybermag]

Nice one Silly Jokes (mumbles to self "cruel B*****d ha ha ha :lol: )

The most cruel thing I have done was when I was 8, 9 or 10 years old and my friend Robert and I had hampsters. We love to have animals and so we took our hampsters with us in the mountain. Then there was all stones and small rocks (no bigger than a 10p peice) and we decided to have a throwing competition with our hampsters. So we threw them up the mountain and ran to collect them. Robert beat me the first time and so I demanded a rematch. We threw again and I beat him but then he demanded a rematch. We must have done this a good 10 times then we got bored. The following day Robert was upset as his hamster died, but mine lived.

To this day I snigger about it but feel really sorry for the poor hampsters.

Berty if you can hear me "I'm sorry, I'm sorry whaaa I'M SORRY :cry:


Chris

[Jayne]

Hi,

One of the worse things I have done and did get in trouble for with my boss when I was 19, was to cover a lad in concentrated yellow food colouring. That is the only time in my life, I got a verbal warning from a boss :lol:

It was his 18th Birthday and at the time, me and a friend thought it was funny, he was a cocky little bugger. We thought it would wash off and it didn't. We saw him out that night and he looked like a lemon, it took over a week for him to wash it off. I felt really bad later. (well a bit) :lol:

Jayne

[SillyJokes]

Fleecy - I'm stunned. And you called ME evil?

Jayne - that's just plain wicked, you must have known, even at 19, that that dye would dye!

[Jayne]

Thought of another one,

When my niece was 5 yrs old, she was at out house and Mark was cutting down a big conifer outside our house. It was cold outside and she nagged to go help him.

I the end I gave her a pair of childrens paper scisors and told her to go on then (I thought this was funny). About an hour later, we could hear her crying outside, Mark was laughing (Evil Uncle), she'd been tring to cut through a branch and didn't want Aunty Jayne to know she couldn't do it.

I felt really low then, she was freezing and her hands were sore. I was a bad Aunty that day :lol:

Jayne


Loved what you did Silly Jokes :lol:

[mumper]

When my sister was about 5 months old I sometimes had to keep an eye on her whilst my mum got on with the housework. One day my mum was upstairs doing the hoovering and my sister started crying and screaming - for what reason I don't know.

After about 10 minutes her crying got on my nerves so I took her dummy out of her mouth, went to the kitchen and dipped it in English mustard - I then gave it back to her. It's amazing the amount of faces a baby can pull when it tries!

Didn't stop her crying though - just made it worse :cry:

[Jayne]

Oh John, that was worse than my food colouring stunt :lol:

Has she forgiven you now?

Jayne

[Admiral Collections]

Hi

Well, I haven't killed any animals or dyed anyone, but when I split up with my ex hubby he went out with a girl up the street just to spite me. Anyways, he invited me round for a drink and we were chatting and he was confiding all kinds of stuff to me about her (sexual stuff) anyway, with the drink one thing led to another etc. The next morning I got up, got her number from his mobile and rang her and told her what had gone on and she said she didnt believe me and I was a spiteful cow, so I divulged all the private info he had told me about her and said, NOW you can call me a spiteful cow.

Nic :wink:

[SillyJokes]

I just KNEW you would have a good one Nic!

When I left my short lived cleaning job at Living Well Health Club I changed a couple of letters around on the welcome board to say

"Living Hell Wealth Club"

[Jayne]

That was a good one Silly Jokes :lol:

Jayne

[Admiral Collections]

:lol: Silly Jokes that's ace.


I've just thought of another thing I did which was evil. At school there were a few of us who started smoking, we used to put 50p in each for a pack of fags. Anyways, there was a corner shop near the school ran by this little old dear. We went in one day and decided to order sandwiches (someone told us they were very good) so we ordered them and off she trotted into the back. It took her ages to make these sandwiches. We went back to school and being evil swines we commented on how slow she was and how she had no camera's , no bells or sod all. So we concoted a plan. The next day we went in, ordered our sandwiches and off she trotted. Then we leaned over and nicked 20 fags each with a look out outside. We did that everyday for about 2 years until she shut up shop, she was so sweet she told us the day before and said 'Im shutting because I just can't make it pay anymore. :oops:

Nic :twisted:

[mumper]

Jayne wroteHas she forgiven you now?

Yes she has - luckily she was too young to remember.

[mumper]

Nic wroteWe did that everyday for about 2 years until she shut up shop, she was so sweet she told us the day before and said 'Im shutting because I just can't make it pay anymore.

Aww that's bad - poor old thing - do you feel guilty?

[mumper]

When I was a teenager me and my mates used to sometimes hang out in a disused hospital - namely the autopsy lab. We had a younger lad of about 14 years old that used to follow us about all the time and decided to get rid of him.

We told him there was a dead body in the lab and to be part of the gang he had to go and pull the white sheet off it. One of my mates went on ahead, climbed onto a table in the lab and covered himself with the sheet.

We watched as this lad went into the room and up to the table - he was cr*pping it. The look on his face when our mate leapt up and grabbed him had us rolling on the floor unable to move with laughter - he screamed like a baby and ran out - We hadn't had so much fun since the time we were chased out of a convent by its contingent of nuns.

[fastfences]

Hi all,

A few years ago I had a bit of a hankering for experimenting with a blow-up doll. There was quite a variety in the local shop with blackened windows and the usual screened treatment. So I purchased a stunner, about 40 quid too, and went home for a bit of action! :wink:

Well, it wasn't bad, nothin' like the real thing though, and finished with my new pal in a very short time.

You all know the 'let down' after a bout of action, the release of energy accompanied by that 'down to earth' feeling?

Guess I felt a trite embarrassed about my foray into latex leisure and decided to take my 'mate' back for a refund. I guess many of you don't know how hard it is to SUCK the air out of a blow up doll. Sure, it's easy to blow 'em up, but to deflate them to re-package into a small bag? Very hard, but I did it.

Got back to the shop and asked for my refund. 'Why do you want a refund.' I replied, 'I bought it for my dad for an anniversary gift, but changed my mind 'cause I think it might be in bad taste.'

Got my 40 back and went and bought a pizza!

Cheers, Nigel

[mumper]

Oh no! - please tell me you didn't try to have sex with the pizza as well :lol:

[fastfences]

Uhh, you're off, that'd be a horrible thing to do :lol: :lol: :lol:
Cheers, Nigel

[Hayles]

I'm sure you're really going to regret posting that sometime in the future!!

Yuk

[cjd]

Dunno whether this counts but I sent a newsletter out today to all my customers. Here's a an email thread from customer support as a result. I'm afraid I provided the response. (I've had to censor it somewhat).

Subject: RE: Information regarding your Voipfone service
>f*ck you, my phone was stolen. no need for you ******** newsletter,
>*******.
>
>Thanks for taking the time to contact Voipfone.
>
>Sorry to hear that dickweed, suggest you click on our unregister text.
>
>
Subject: Re: RE: Information regarding your Voipfone service
hahahahahahahahahahahahahhahahahahahahahaha

good to see customer service has humour too.

*******.

[MinuWeb]

I rigged up an electric fence unit to a mate's sleeping bag zip. Then woke him up, as he moved he touched the zip, got shocked, jumped, which made him touch the zip again etc etc etc etc.....

About 15 mins later I turned it off and ran :D

We also had a cocky little git at work, one night we stripped him naked then chased him around the town center with 2 of us brandishing pitchforks sat on the front of a landrover.

Another lad we buried up to his neck in the muckheap, in middle of the night the screaming woke the guvnor up, he leaned out of his bedroom window and just told the lad to shutup.

Chained the back axle of a lads Cortina to a huge tree and watched him drive off :D

Those were the days.......

[MinuWeb]

I nearly forgot my simple but favourite of all time, it still works.....

Go to a pub and ask for a pint of Guinness shandy, then sit back, relax and watch them try to pour it :D :D

[Rob Holmes]

Around 15 years ago I was a volunteer on a kibbutz in Israel. We had a volunteer bombshelter just in case of emergency (we were right on the Israel, Syria & Jordon border)

We had a group of 30 Swedish people turn up to volunteer for 6 months and the day after they turned up an Israeli fighter plane sonic boomed over the kibbutz where we were living and shook the walls.

Without wasting a moment a mate and I collected all the new volunteers up, told them the war had started and got them into the bombshelter. We took a bucket and toilet rolls down for their loo and then told them to stay in there until they were called out.

3 hours later we called them out, at least 50% were crying, the rest were an emotional wreck and a couple of people had actually gone to number twos in the bucket.

Great days :)

Rob

[Jayne]

Nigel, what can I say to that post? :lol:

Tony, you are just like Mark.

He used to find it fun when he was young, to stand on top of a railway bridge and pee on trains. He got it in the end, his aim wasn't so good and he slipped in it and fell off the bridge. Broke both legs and ended up in a wheel chair for a while :lol:

Jayne

[Coding Monkey]

Being a programmer, it would probably involve something computer related. But I think even after Nigel's story it's too bad to talk about.

[Jayne]

Hi Rob,

Must have missed your post...that doesn't sound like you, I thought you were a fluffy, nice sort of person. Just shows how wrong you can be :lol:

Jayne

[Cornish Steve]

Today I was being sent rather rude and extremely poorly spelt email messages via the website. It was obviously a child at lunch time computer club at school showing off.

Unfortunately for little Johnny the email address revealed his school which I idly Googled up and found the headteacher's name.

Then I sent a single email back to him saying, "Report to Mr Somes' office immediately,"

:twisted: :twisted: Bwah hahahahahha. I hope the little squirt has at least a few moments of terrified confusion.

I'm sure some of you can do better. Agri? Goldsteve?

Caroline,

Sorry for the delay in responding. I was in Boston yesterday. A blizzard delayed my flight by several hours, and I had limited access to the Internet.

You are far more creative than I am in this area. I wish I'd thought of a quick response as clever as yours. Your dynamic linking example from a couple of months ago, likewise, was very funny.

Maybe the best example I can give of my own sense of humour comes from my late teens. I need to explain the context first though.

My aunt lived in a very old house that shared a wall with an 11th century church. In that wall were a number of holes. A natural historian had once visited my aunt's house to photograph these holes. Apparently, they were very ancient bee boles, from the days before bee hives.

In a small Cornish village, it's not often that something unusual like this happens. Everyone soon knew about my aunt's bee boles. Whenever she got to know someone well, she would tell them about her bee boles. She was very proud of them.

Each year, my brother and I would plan something extravagant for the morning of April 1. On this particular occasion, we decided to play a joke on our aunt. My brother found an old typewriter and hit keys at random a few feet from the phone (creating the sound of an office environment). While he did this, I called my aunt, claiming to be a TV producer working with David Attenborough. His new show was going to be called "The Living Past". Sir David had heard about my aunt's bee boles and wanted to film an episode in her back yard. Would she mind being interviewed on the show?

As you can imagine, the moment that phone call ended, my aunt called everyone in the village who had a phone and went to tell the neighbours who didn't have phones. She was going to be on TV with Sir David Attenborough! By noon, most people in the village were engaged in excited conversation about the impending visit of a TV crew.

Of course, April Fool pranks must end by noon, so I called again, this time pretending to be Sir David himself - calling personally to thank my aunt for agreeing to be on his new show. In that guise, I explained to my aunt that bee boles have a Latin Name. Over the phone, I spelled it out: Aprilus Foolatum. Many seconds passed before I heard the words "you bugger!".

My brother and I were the talk of the village after that. My aunt is a wonderful lady (now in her late 80s) and harboured no ill will at all. Once over the initial shock (and a lot of explaining to the villagers), she laughed about it. In fact, I visited her in Cornwall a few weeks ago, and she reminisced about it even after almost 30 years.

[steve atkinson]

the most evil thing ive done was when somebody smashed my windows on my bmw but was seen by some one doing it. So i went to the pub where he drank hid a lump hammer in car park. got him pissed as a fart othered him a lift home to get him to car park.
put him on floor grabbed lump hammer and smashed his fingers on both hands with it until they bleed. hes never touched another car since
i had last laugh though

[Jayne]

Glad I was nice to you earlier :lol:

Jayne

[mumper]

Bet it stopped him picking his nose for a while :D

[Coding Monkey]

Wow, business really is a cruel world. I don't feel so bad about anything I've ever done now

[Admiral Collections]

Steve

Not a dodgy debt collector are you?

Nic :wink:

[DotNetWebs]

Nigel I can't believe you owned up to that.

You gotta feel sorry for the bloke that bought it after you returned it (soiled) :shock:

[Admiral Collections]

I think Nigel was very brave owning up to that. Maybe a tad silly, but brave all the same!

And yes I was kinda wondering about the sucking out of the air! Anyone else agree? Use your imaginations here!
Can't type it or the message won't show on the forum :lol:

Nic :wink:

[Coding Monkey]

Haha, that thought hadn't crossed my mind. I'm gonna need some Nytol tonight.

[Admiral Collections]

Maybe I'm more creative than I think!

Mac you're funny :lol:

Young lad like you on Nytol?

Nic :wink:

[Coding Monkey]

Maybe you have experience on these subjects!

Nytol helps the world spin. Bored? Nytol! Long day? Nytol! Clients talking to you for hours? N....o need for Nytol.

[Admiral Collections]

Addicted Nytol? New one on me, then again people get addicted to pain killers, now that just evades me.

Nic :wink:

[Coding Monkey]

Just for those 'why am I awake at 3am' moments

[fastfences]

Nigel I can't believe you owned up to that.

You gotta feel sorry for the bloke that bought it after you returned it (soiled) :shock:

Feel sorry? Does that mean one would expect ALL blow-up dolls to be virgins? Surely not?
Cheers, Nigel

[emubill]

decades ago when a teenager my friend had a really fit sister (not like an athlete). We all lusted after her as you do. He threw a party which had flourescent blue lights - like clubs etc.. He also had a powder (can't remember the name) but it lit up under these lights.
He then dusted a pair of his sisters skimpies with this and left them startegically located hanging out of the wash basket in the bathroom. You can imagine the fun we had waiting for the victims to come into the room with the lights. One after another a trail of young horny teenage boys came into the room hands all aglow from this powder. The highlight was when one lad came in hands soiled and the his nose and mouth lit up like Blackpool.


Nige

[fastfences]

Oh, that's what I should have done - used the 'friend' tag to take the emphasis of me! Well, your little diversion won't work with me, Nige.

cheers, Nigel (the good looking one)

[emubill]

Banged to rights.

Thing is I don't have a fit sister - how can I when I am the Ugly one, oh master.

Nige

[VeryMark]

I think in the spirit of this thread the following seems somehow quite apposite:

Barry returned from a doctor's visit one day and told his wife Doreen that the doctor said he only had 24 hours to live. Wiping away her tears, he asked her to make love with him.

Of course she agreed and they made passionate love. Six hours later, Barry went to her again, and said, "Honey, now I only have 18 hours left to live. Maybe we could make love again?"

Doreen agreed and again they made love.

Later, Barry was getting into bed when he realized he now had only eight hours of life left. He touched Doreen's shoulder and said, "Honey? Please? Just one more time before I die."

She agreed, then afterward she rolled over and fell asleep.

Barry, however, heard the clock ticking in his head, and he tossed and
turned until he was down to only four more hours. He tapped his wife on the shoulder to wake her up. "Honey, I only have four hours left! Could we...?"

His wife sat up abruptly, turned to him and said, "Listen Barry, I have to
get up in the morning! You don't."

[Mortime Business Software]

One of my favourite tricks was to paste fresh dog shite into the earpieces of public telephones in Blackpool town centre. Nearly every one of the victims would eventually start to pick at their ears and smell their fingers!

:)

Dave
(Founder member of the Blackpool Dog **** Kids - modelled on the Bash Street Kids).

[easyasit]

i remeber wen as young tearaway at school.

a mate and i would often go to the library to study, like good little boys, but that is where that ended.

Once day as we got to the libray, we noticed a little girl who pulled up on her bike and chained it butifully to the fence.
Nothing worng with that.
We then noticed this girl had been collecting kelloggs corn flake reflectors and had these on he wheels.
Like little tyrants, we helped ourselves to these, the girl appeared and rode off. Did not even notice.

Ok it was not that bad, but 15 years or so on, i still think of it. Must have taken the poor girls weeks to collect all them

Al

[directmarketingadvice]

Jeez... I've done some things that I shouldn't have, but some of you guys are in a totally different league altogether.

My own worst? Nothing too bad, but here goes.

When I was around 10yo, my mates and I were playing football (not a match, just a kick around). My mate Glen was in goal and was hit on the arm by a pretty porweful shot (not mine).

He complained that his arm hurt, but we told him to shut up. He said he thought it was broken, but we forced him to go back into goal.

Finally, he decided to quit and go home. So we called him a "poof".

That evening, I got a call from him mum to ask me to tell the teacher he'd be off for the next couple of days as his arm was broken.

Now, that's not too bad, you might be thinking, but this is just the set up to the thing I'm embarrased about.

A couple of weeks later, with his arm in a cast, we're playing football again.

We were playing "3 and in". With Glen against me and some other kid in goals. Glen nutmegged me and was running in on goal, about to have a shot. I caught up with him and deliberately and cynically tripped him.

(for those old enough, think Willie Young in the 1980 English cup final)

Tripping up a friend with a cast (BTW it was on grass, so he wasn't hurt) just because you're stroppy about him beating you all ends up, is a pretty cheap shot, and not something I look back on with pride.

Steve