Slogan ideas?

[Lunesdale]

Hi,

I'm looking to send an email campaign introducing my business and it's services. I'm aware most emails of this sort will generally be ignored- therefore I'm looking for a punchy headline/slogan.

If you write a problem statement or pose a problem question, the reader identifies with the problem and are keen to solve it. Ultimately, us humans love solving problems.

Therefore i am looking to present it in the form of a question.

Lunesdale provides specialist businesses services to family owned or owner managed businesses. We offer support and advice to those businesses which for many reasons may be struggling to drive the business forward or maximise the opportunities that are available... Therefore it needs to be along the lines of
Is your business struggling?
Are you worried about current trading conditions?
Is there somthing holding your business back?

Any ideas would be much appreciated!

Thanks in advance..

[Loppy42]

Hi,

Whilst I haven't got a slogan for you, because I don't know enough about your business, I think rather than posing questions you are better to provide answers - more positive approach.

Rather than saying for example, Is your business struggling? Say "Relieve the burden of managing your own accounts" or whatever it is you're offering in the way of business support services. Be direct and specific and then those that need your service will see that they need them.

Karen

[Lunesdale]

I was thinking more along the lines of create a question which the customer can identify with i.e a problem , therefore enticing them to read on for the solution....The solution being what we can do, which will be written below.

[OldWelshGuy]

Do you want a better return on your advertising spend? Read on

Are you throwing away your hard earned money on your advertising spend? read on

We can get you a better return on your advertising spend! read on

There is no debate that the first and second will get you a better click through than the third.

In both cases, you are opening with a question, but the answer is a positive, so that leads them into the action of 'reading on' :)

[Lunesdale]

Exactly as I thought. I just need a punchy question now....I understand the concepts.. Just lack the creativity!!

Any ideas??

[SusanP]

Your three questions are the sort of questions to which many people can quite legitimately answer "No". They're also vague. What one person defines as struggle, another will define as being realistic in today's climate.

I would suggest that you reword your questions, if you want to use a question, to ensure that the answer has to be "Yes" eg Do you want all your unpaid invoices to be settled? Do you want to make more money? Do you want to cut costs? Would you like more clients? etc. Those questions are off the top of my head; I don't know what business services you offer, so obviously you will be realistic when formulating questions.

[SusanP]

While writing my last post, about three other people had replied, including Old Welsh Guy. I am saying exactly the same thing as he said - the answer has to be a positive.

[CPLTD]

I think the whole question striking a chord with potential customers is slightly played out- you only need to turn on the TV to be hit with innumerable "have you...?" "do you...?" etc. as such I think people have become slightly immune to it as a device.

The key to good direct mail is to make it stand out in an inbox of spam as such I find a shorter snappier headline (generally one or two words) has a lot more power as it provokes curiosity plus from a display point of you it clearly differentiates yourself from the rest of the herd due to the fair shorter subject bar.

[OldWelshGuy]

I read the services offered spiel and thought, that all it said was 'we offer business services' :(

I agree about the questions, ideally you want a positive, but you also need to qualify the prospect. E.G. do you want more business? some businesses don't want more business, they just need to get paid for their cuirrent business.

You are going to have to be specific in your apporach and saying 'we offer a range of business services' simply won't cut it.

I am not a copywriter though, but I fully understand sales copy and the mechanics of it.

[Lunesdale]

The information on our services will be beneath the question....

An example of layout will be as follows..

Are you worried about the current economic climate? (This is where I need help- it's simply not punchy enough)

Most businesses at the moment could probably answer yes to this question..

Never has it been truer to say "Cash is King!"

As a local firm of specialist Business Advisors with vital knowledge and experience of the local economy, we are able to provide a wide range of services to help manage finances, including:

· Help Raising Finance
· Cash flow Management
· Improvement to financial systems.. Ie Credit Controls
· Dealing with the consequences of bad debt

We offer a FREE consultation and Financial Health Check to help identify any areas where improvements or assistance may be needed. Just straight forward and practical suggestions without obligation.
For more information, please visit (website) or call us on 0845 094 9450.

[CPLTD]

I think you might have nailed it there:

"cash is king"

slightly quirky and grabs attention...

[Lunesdale]

Yeah.. Maybe I have.. I do feel I need a question though also... :|:|:|

[OldWelshGuy]

cash is king might well get sucked up by spam filters though. your title needs to be spam filter friendly. so open up a gmail, yahoo mail, hotmail account etc, and send it to yourself. If you have friends with the big ISPS, also send it to them to see if it gets filtered.

[Lunesdale]

Good thinking! I will check that for the email campaign, thanks. ....I was thinking of sending this by post too .. which is why i wanted a big bold question at the top of the page ..

[Lunesdale]

I'm also thinking of putting something at the end like... GOOD ADVICE.. JUST WHEN IT IS NEEDED THE MOST ???

Any thoughts??

[Cartoon Logos]

Hi,

I'm looking to send an email campaign introducing my business and it's services. ]

I could help you with this

Meanwhile

Have these people given you permission to send them emails?

If not, you would be guilty of SPAM

You can't send people emails promoting your services uninvited.

[Cartoon Logos]

Ok, I'm gonna help you anyways ;)

Meanwhile tips on writing headlines


Don't try to be clever
Highlight a benefit
Post a question that they are already asking themselves
Offers some NEWS
Offer something :
NEW








Improved

Play on their fear
Don't tell them what it is
They have to read the email/letter to find out

Example:




Is your business at risk ?


Every year 33% of
small businesses go bust


With Painfree marketing advice you can beat those statistics..

Learn more here


Then go into spiel about these figures and how to avoid them

After which you detail your services, with a time dependant offer to ensure they sign up now or risk losing more time and money!

(ps. you need to check these statistics, this is fig off top of my head)

Note, with my headline


You ask them a question pertinent to them
You give them some relevant news
You play on their fear
You offer a solution
All without telling them anything about your product so they have to read on

Leah

[Lunesdale]

Thanks for the advice Leah- It was very constructive and helped a lot!:redface:

So just to confirm.. You feel I should avoid the "trying to be clever" headline questions such as "Has your Business lost it's Boom?" ... "Dodging your financial Demons?" etc...

I just thought this sort of question was a bit more punchy and may attract the readers attention.

Thanks in advance...

[Cartoon Logos]

Thanks for the advice Leah- It was very constructive and helped a lot!:redface:

So just to confirm.. You feel I should avoid the "trying to be clever" headline questions such as "Has your Business lost it's Boom?" ... "Dodging your financial Demons?" etc...

I just thought this sort of question was a bit more punchy and may attract the readers attention.

Thanks in advance...

My opinion is

'avoid those slogan's'

Others might disagree,

Headlines that grab attention are the ones that strike a chord with the reader

Let's look at yours

'Has you business lost it's boom?'

boom, what does that mean?
Boom to me is the noise of an explosion
I'm having to think about what this could mean as clearly it doesn't mean

'Has your business lost the noise of an explosion?'

It means (I am guessing)

'has your business lost it's impact?'

Again, what does this really mean, it's vague, it's ambiguous, it's too non specific.

If boom means impact...say impact.

The reader must know what you mean instantly, not have to think about it. They won't think about, they're busy, they'll just move on assuming you're selling office furniture or just about anything else relating to business of which there are plenty of things.

Meanwhile what if they answer no to your question? No need for them to read on.

It sounds pretty but it's not telling me anything I need or want to know.

'Dodging your financial demon's'

Is this meant to ask if I'm dodging paying my bills, dodging debt, dodging doing business at a loss...what?

Again it sounds clever but what is it really saying?

Are you selling me debt management services?
Financial management services?

Again what if they answer no to your question? No need for them to read on.


What you have to remember is that most businesses receive anything up to 50+ flyers, sales letter, emails, leaflets daily.

To get them to read the content the headline needs to do more than sound clever it has to communicate very clearly.

You can grab attention by being funny, but still it has to be clear.
Clear can sometimes translate into dull

But dull copy that sells is far better than clever copy that doesn't generate any sales.

This is the error many businesses make when getting business cards and flyers and leaflets etc. They're consumed with how it looks, how memorable, how clever it is.

What they should be consumed with is whether the darn thing works in terms of generating sales and all that other stuff is secondary when it comes to persuading people to buy.

More headlines:


Did you know you can generate more sales through a letter than you can a flyer?

Find out why here....

------------------------------------------------------------

Is your time is worth more than £15 an hour?
If so, I can help make your business turn a greater profit while saving you time and money

For just £15 an hour I can:


Craft all your sales copy,
Build profit pulling marketing campaigns
Attract more readers to your site with powerful SEO content
Train your staff in effective sales techniques
Cut your costs with effective time management advice
It's like employing your own marketing manager without the hassle and costs


etc etc

[david poole]

You have some really good answers there.
I'd like to take a step in a slightly different direction.
Is there anyway you can personalise the email?

If you can personalise it, you'll receive a higher response....let me give you 2 eaxamples...

1) this is to a company who you already know.

"Hi Jane, about those....."

2) a company who you dont know, you can still personalise and i would strongly encourage you to do so and this can be done by putting them into a niche..

step one - you have 10,000 email addresses

step two - narrow that down to perhaps lets say location, leaving you with 5000 in the UK.

Step 3 - you know 2500 are sole traders

"7 tips on how to avoid cash flow problems as a UK sole trader"



Oh by the way, these are proven techniques. I'm sure you have a lot more question on this subject, just sen me a private message

best wishes

david

[david poole]

Just seen the posts by Leah
thats very very true.

if you can combine leahs salescopy technique with the personalisation you'll be onto a good thing.

david

[Lunesdale]

You are good Leah! Your help is greatly appreciated!

I have pasted my mock copy below - do you feel this is adequate??


Is your Business at Risk


Every year 33% of

small businesses go bust


With specialist advice you can beat those statistics...


About 120 small firms are going bust every day and thousands more are teetering on the brink of bankruptcy.

Never has it been truer to say “Cash is King!"

As a local firm of specialist Business Advisors with vital knowledge and experience of the local economy, we are able to provide a wide range of services to help manage finances.

These services include:

· Help Raising Finance
· Cash flow Management
· Improvement to financial systems.. Ie Credit Controls
Dealing with the consequences of bad debt
We offer a FREE consultation and Financial Health Check to help identify any areas where improvements or assistance may be needed. Just straight forward and practical suggestions without obligation.




For more information, please visit lunesdaleforbusiness


or call us on 0845 094 9450.



GOOD ADVICE.... JUST WHEN IT IS NEEDED THE MOST!

[Lunesdale]

Thanks for the advice David- I have PM'd you!

[Cartoon Logos]

You are good Leah! Your help is greatly appreciated!

I have pasted my mock copy below - do you feel this is adequate??


Is your Business at Risk


Every year 33% of

small businesses go bust


With specialist advice you can beat those statistics...


About 120 small firms are going bust every day and thousands more are teetering on the brink of bankruptcy.

Never has it been truer to say “Cash is King!"

As a local firm of specialist Business Advisors with vital knowledge and experience of the local economy, we are able to provide a wide range of services to help manage finances.




These services include:

· Help Raising Finance
· Cash flow Management
· Improvement to financial systems.. Ie Credit Controls
Dealing with the consequences of bad debt
We offer a FREE consultation and Financial Health Check to help identify any areas where improvements or assistance may be needed. Just straight forward and practical suggestions without obligation.




For more information, please visit lunesdaleforbusiness


or call us on 0845 094 9450.




GOOD ADVICE.... JUST WHEN IT IS NEEDED THE MOST!


Hi, I've made a couple of ammendments - see red italics


Is your Business at Risk ?

Every year 33% of

small businesses go bust


With our specialist small business advice
You can beat those statistics...


Statistics show that 120 small businesses go bust every day and thousands more are on the brink of bankruptcy.

A major reason for this bleak outcome is a lack of funds to support small businesses through the down turn in the economy.

With help from our experienced team of financial business advisors, you can avoid insolvency, debt and the credit crunch.



Let us help you with:

Raising Finance
Cash flow
Credit control
Debt management
Debt recovery services
Life after Debt
If you're stressed about money and the state of your business finances

Claim your FREE financial check up now


We are offering you a no obligation opportunity to have your financial situation reviewed.

Your free check-up includes:

5 page Review of your finances including
Practical tips and advice.


For more information, please visit lunesdaleforbusiness


or call us on 0845 094 9450.




GOOD ADVICE.... JUST WHEN IT IS NEEDED THE MOST!

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------


I did a bit of a re-write

If you want help with emails and letters etc (in addition to this) let me know. ;) I can't do it all for free mind you.

Leah

ps. Note that in my version it's all

YOU, YOU, YOU as in referring to the client directly, rarely us, us, us.

Make all copy about them, they aren't interested in you ;)

[Ndi-mi]

Having read all the extremely interesting posts on this thread, may I throw in a curve ball? :p

As was mentioned, sending unsolicited email is spam and generally not appreciated. But jokes usually are - if they are short and funny! How about sending an email with a short joke, and including the "advert" (below) as your signature? The "learn more here" is actually a link to your ... website?

That way folks enjoy the joke, possibly forward on to other contacts, and the interested ones follow your link without feeling like they're being spammed.

Just an idea...




Is your Business at Risk ?

Every year 33% of

small businesses go bust


With our specialist small business advice
You can beat those statistics...

"Learn more here"

[Lunesdale]

An interesting idea Ndi-mi....

But I can't help but feel that by losing all the information in the body of the email we could potentially miss interested customers. We are relying solely on them clicking on the link to the website..

I have been advised not to try and be clever... However, I personally like the idea of a joke.. Did you have anything particular in mind?

I'm new to all this so happy to listen to advice from anyone willing to offer !


Thanks

[Lunesdale]

Thanks for all your help Leah- That definitely sounds better- Reading back over it I can see how before it was WE WE WE. I agree, it should definitely be YOU YOU YOU! Something which had gone totally un-noticed by me, yet VERY important! Thanks!

[Ndi-mi]

Have you ever noticed how you read hundreds of jokes, but whenever you actually want one, they all disappear into the ether? AND finding one that fit the prerequisites... :D

My excuse for taking so long to get back to you Lunesdale!

Anyway... joke....

A Blonde is sitting in the bar with two guys beside her.
The first guy says to the barman, "Johnnie Walker, single."
And the second adds, "Jack Daniels, single."
At that, the bartender approaches the blonde and asks, "And you ma'am?"
She answers: "Katryn van der Kamp, divorced"